I lean up a little so I'm looking at him, he's staring at my mouth. Both of us at the same time try to test the waters and lean into the other not actually expecting to close the gap between us. When his mouth meets mine I run my hands up the back of his head through his thick brown hair. I tilt my head to the side, he opens his mouth, and I follow suite. His hand roams over my shoulder and down my side to my hip and squeezes the top of my thigh. I let out a little moan at the same time he slides his tongue in my mouth and begins to explore as I do him.
I bring one of my hands down from the back of his head to his side and place my hand under his shirt. Then run my fingers up his side across his chest. Jesus, he's so firm. We continue to kiss both of us nearly out of breath but we don't stop. He could have his way with me for all I care. I moan at the thought of having that kind of contact after such a long hiatus. He pulls back away from me and presses his forehead to mine.
"That was a hell of a way for you to say you missed me too." He grins. I kiss him once more quickly.
"You have no idea." I reply breathless. “...I'm not finished."
"I'm not having sex with you right now because..." I go to protest but he stops me. "...because I don't want to hurt you but trust me, it's not a no it's just a not now. Go to sleep."
"No."
He turns to me and grins. The moon light is shining through the window showing his gorgeous mouth. "I'm warning you Amity I brought some sleeping pills home." He says steel-faced.
"Good, then you can give me a couple after you set me at ease. It's either that or I'll just take what I want when you least expect it." I confide trailing my hand down his firm abs to the top of his boxers. He grabs my hand and moves it back up to his chest.
"I don't think so, baby girl." He grins. I lean up on my side fighting the protests of my aching ribs. I kiss his chest and then up to his collar bone. He groans and turns on his side. "Cut it out, I don't want to hurt you. You have sutures there." I kiss my way up his neck and behind his ear and nip at it.
Gently he grips the side of my face in both hands and makes me look him in the eyes. I do so pleadingly. Begging for the loving touch of a real man. I need him to show me that there are such people still out there after what I've been through.
"I need it. I need the intimacy and to know how you feel by showing me." He pulls me to him and kisses my lips roughly.
"I am. Every day you’ve been here and every day you remain here but that, has to wait." He whispers pained. He's worried about hurting me both physically and mentally, I can see it in his face. It doesn't stop me from still feeling rejected. I adjust myself back into his side unable to look at him anymore. He scrubs his hand down his face and let's out a deep sigh knowing it made me feel just as he hadn't wanted me to.
August-2004
I walk through the door to the big red barn behind Declan's house. It takes me a few minutes to find him but when I do he's laying up underneath his truck as it rests on jacks.
"What are you doing under there?" I ask. His arm appears when he lays down a wrench and rolls out from under it. He's shirtless, only wearing jeans and his boots. His arms are covered in grease up to his elbows and for some reason it makes him look incredibly sexy. Something about a take-charge-do-it-yourself kind of guy.
"Changing the oil, you come to help?" He asks.
"Uh, no! I'm not getting down there in this skirt and I wouldn't even know what I was doing. I'd probably just give you a bigger problem to fix." I grin. He looks me up and down and I'm suddenly aware of the fact that he's still laying on the ground and I'm standing right next to him.
"When did you become such a girl?" He jests.
"When I was born with all the girl parts." I retort.
"Will you hand me my shirt?" He asks pushing himself from the ground. I go in search of his shirt and find it on a bench a little off to the side. I hand it to him and freeze, he's standing right beside me and my arm brushes across his rock hard abs. I eye his waist line and trail them up his stomach to his chest stopping when I reach his eyes. God why does he have to be so good looking? He raises an eyebrow up at me.
"What?" I ask. He holds his hand out.
"You still haven't given me my shirt." He replies. I watch his lips as he forms the words but don't comprehend the meaning of them. I haven't been able to stop thinking about that kiss since the day he got back.
He smirks breaking me of my reverie.
"Amity, my shirt, please." He reaches out further for it, finally taking it from me.
"Sorry." I utter quietly. He's in the middle of pulling it over his head when I place my hand at the top of his jeans and pull him to me.
"What are you doing?" He asks as it falls down around his body. I lean up onto my tip toes and gaze up at him from under my lashes. I don't really know what I'm doing but I can't help myself. He shakes his head at me, I nod. Moving one hand to the back of his neck I guiding his face down to mine.
"Yes." I mumble.
"Amity." He tries to protest looking past me.
"Shut up." I whisper. He caves and leans into me the rest of the way careful not to touch me with his dirty arms. I press my lips to his kissing him long and hard. We both pull away breathless.
He looks over my head in the direction of the door, I turn to see what he's staring at to find Jason, Jeremy, and Kaseton all standing in the doorway to the barn. All three of them bare the same shocked expression.
"Are you kidding me, Amity?" Kaseton shouts. I don't say anything, there's nothing to say. Of course now he cares.
"Kaseton." Dex calls out apologetically.
"Fucking spare me, Xylander!" Kaseton barks angrily. "It didn't look like it bothered you enough to stop on my account." Kaseton turns around and storms out of the barn. I glance back at Dex who's upset, I don't blame him. I possibly just cost him a friend.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."
I walk out of his barn without looking at Jason or Jeremy, across the street, and to my house. My dad is in the living room sitting on the couch and my mom is in her reading chair. They both try and catch my attention seeing I'm upset but I ignore them. Instead I go straight to my room.
Out of everything I just did I can only hope Kaseton doesn't stay mad at Declan. He didn't do anything. It was only me. I pick up my phone and text Kaseton.
Amity- Don't be mad at Dex. I kissed him.
Kaseton- Spare me. I should have known better than to mess with Declan's girl.
Amity- I'm not his girl!
Kaseton- If you really believe that, then you need a reality check. From the outside looking in you've only ever been, Declan's girl. I was just the only guy stupid enough to try.
Amity- I'm sorry for hurting you.
Kaseton- Are you sure about that?
Amity- I didn't mean to hurt you.
Kaseton- You didn't mean to get caught.
I curled up under the covers in my room for the next hour at the very least. There was nothing else I could say or do that would make any of this better. Not only is Kaseton mad at me I'm sure Dex is too. I just caused two friends to break up, screwed over Kaseton, and possibly lost Declan as well. I can't blame either of them if they are. God, I'm so stupid.
A ruffling noise behind me and the bed jostling around wakes me. Groggily I turn over to see Jeremy sitting near my feet and Dex laying behind me with his hands clasped under his head.
"I don't know what I was thinking." I mumble. "Are y'all all mad?"
"We'll meet you outside, Jer." Dex says calmly. "Let Jason know we're all going." he adds.
Without a word Jeremy gets up and walks out. Once he's out of sight and I'm sure earshot, I sit up and lean against the headboard.
"Please don't be mad."
"I'm not mad. I'm sure Kaseton is pissed. I saw him before we did it and I don't know if you've noticed but I'm a good foot taller than you, if I don't bend down you can't kiss me."
"You wanted him to catch us? Why would you do that, you big jerk? It wou
ld have spared us all this..."
I pull up mine and Kaseton's texts and hand my phone over to him. He reads through them expressionless and goes to hand me my phone but pulls it back across his body out of my reach.
"Give it here." I demand holding my hand out.
"Come and get it, it's right here." He grins waving it around on the other side of him. I reach across him putting myself far to close to his mouth than I intended. He grabs the back of my head with his free hand and pulls me to him kissing me again. His lips contort into a smile and I pull back surprised, he did that on purpose.
"I did it so I could do that, plus, he knew I liked you first so he shouldn't have gone after you. He got what he deserved." He grins.
"You should have just told me you liked me. All those emails and phone calls you never mentioned anything. I would have broken it off if you had told me when you kissed me."
"Then me and you would have had to sneak around behind his back. He needed to see it so we wouldn't have anything to hid. Don't worry, he'll get over it, like I said he knew I liked you first." He stands from my bed and tosses my phone next to me. "Now get dressed, we're leaving."
"Where are we going?" I ask. He gives me a does-it-matter type of look. "I need to know what to wear!"
"Jeans and something other than flip flops. Put on some tennis shoes or boots." He replies.
He walks out of the room and I quickly change from my skirt to my best butt-showcasing jeans, a sheer racer back lace tank over a bandeau top, and my knee high boots. I have no idea where we're going but I'll be damned if I don't look cute.
"Be back later!" I call out to my mom on the way down the stairs. She waves me off and I go out to find the guys at Dex's truck waiting for me.
"Go change!" He demands.
"No." I say firmly.
"You really should." Jeremy adds.
"No." I reply adamant.
"You're going to get Dex killed."
"I seriously doubt it." I retort. What is it with everyone saying my choice of clothes are going to affect Dex?
"Whatever, hurry up. I'm going to be late." Dex says somewhat annoyed. I climb into the cab and take the front since Jeremy was already in the back.
"Where are we going?" I ask.
"You'll see." Jeremy smirks.
After a few minutes I turn to Jeremy who is already looking at me, he shakes his head either disbelieving or disappointed, maybe both. "I swear I don't do stuff like that. I didn't mean to hurt Kaseton. I'm-I...."
"Amity, everybody knows you're a prude. Even Kaseton was complaining you hadn't kissed him yet and y'all have been 'dating' all summer or whatever. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it's because of sweet lips here and he's the one you were grumping over of couple days ago." He laughs and pats Declan on the shoulder, it's no laughing matter. "Way to ruin a girl’s first kiss."
“Shut up.”
"I'm not a prude!" I protest. Both of them burst into fits of laughter, I smack Dex on the arm. "It's not funny. I'm sorry I don't run around kissing boys and having sex with everyone like y'all's usual slutty girlfriends."
"Hey, I happen to like sluts. They're preconditioned in the sack." Jeremy says grasping at his chest in mock horror at my comment.
"You're a pig."
We pull up to an old warehouse out in the middle of nowhere. There's cars lined up along the road and in an adjacent field. When Dex pulls in he passes them all up and goes through a chain link fence where hardly any cars are.
"Stay right by my side. Do not wander off, do not do anything stupid, and when it starts, don't fucking freak out or Jeremy is going to pull you out so fast you won't know what happened. You got it?" He says sternly.
"What are we doing here? What do you mean?"
"Do. You. Understand?" He repeats slowly.
"Yes. I understand." I say looking back at Jeremy who seems insanely pumped and ready to go. It bothers me he is all excited but I'm getting the lecture of a lifetime by Dex who looks worried.
"Do NOT leave my side. When I hand you off to someone else do NOT leave his side." Declan demands.
"Okay I won't! You're freaking me out!"
We get out of the truck Dex is at my side within seconds and grabs onto my hand. Jeremy is at my other side and out of nowhere Jason and Kaseton are behind me. I turn back to look at Kaseton to see how angry he is. I pull my hand from Declan's when I see his eyes trail down my arm to our hands.
"Don't. Whatever you do don't let go for anything." Kaseton says. I furrow my brows at him more worried than before. After what happened earlier why is he saying this to me? Dex grips my hand again and squeezes. The closer we get I start to hear loud rumbles from inside the building.
"Why did you bring her and allow her to come to a place like this dressed like that?" Jason asks. He didn't sound mad or annoyed in the slightest. He actually seemed worried for my safety like the others.
I look up at Dex beside me who has suddenly become stone faced. What the heck are we doing here and why is everyone so paranoid about my wellbeing?
"She wanted to come, apparently Declan's girl does whatever she fucking wants." He growls angrily. I tense into his side. He tries to ease my nervousness by rubbing his thumb across the back of my knuckles, it doesn't help. He's mad at me for being here but he's the one who told me to come.
Anxiously I begin to tremble as a large man standing at the door slowly steps aside pulling it open. Jeremy moves in closer, Dex pulls my arm up to his stomach, and Kaseton and Jason are so close to my backside I can feel their body heat radiating off mine. Someone behind me has a hand on my hip and Jeremy puts his arm around my waist. What in the world is going on? I peek up at Dex whose jaw is so taught I'm worried he may break his teeth.
"Good to see you again Xylander. We have fresh meat tonight." The large man grins at Declan.
"Thanks, Cooper. I'm starving." He replies with a Cheshire grin. The wide open warehouse is packed to the gills with people in standing room only. It's so loud I can't hear myself think.
I pull on his arm to get his attention, when he turns to me I sign. Is this what I think it is? I only know because there's a large open space in the middle of the room and this is obviously one of his favorite sports.
He replies, yes, but it's illegal. So don't do anything stupid. I'm serious, I'm worried about you being here.
I go pale thinking I'm actually about to see a real live fight and not like any other I've ever been to before. One without rules and regulations where anything goes. The people here are animalistic and relentless. It's not a televised event and as a matter of fact if the cops showed up, we'd all go to jail.
We push and work our way through the crowd to the front as people give him pats on the back and shake his hand. They know him or know of him. Does he come here a lot? Does he gamble off this stuff to make money?
Why did you bring me here?
We're finally at the front where I can see two men already going at it. Both of them soaked in god knows whose blood. There's a waist high make shift barrier in the very middle, which is the only thing keeping the two in the center from becoming over crowded. He pulls me in front of him placing both hands firmly on the bars in front of me. Someone bumps him but he doesn't budge, he put me in my own personal Declan bubble. He leans down close to my ear and whispers, "because I need you with me always." Then he chastely kisses my temple and straightens back up.
Jeremy makes his way to one side of me, and Kaseton and Jason are at the other. I lean back into Dex and press my body up against his. He wraps one hand around my waist and settles it across my stomach. From the corner of my eye I catch Kaseton looking over at us filled with hurt.
Not soon after we enter and are ringside one of the men in the middle is knocked unconscious. Someone opens the barrier and a couple people rush in and remove his limp body. Boos and cheers so loud I feel my eardrums may rupture, reverberate off the metal walls. I cover my ears to keep the vibrations at a minimum and shiver at the eerie feeling de
ep down in my gut.
"Not so gentle men and the lovely lady ringside." My head snaps to where I hear the voice coming from. Am I the only girl here? I peek around the arena to discover I am. This was such a bad idea. I look up at Dex when he tightens his grip on my waist and gives me a quick emotionless glance. The huge power house of a man almost as big a Dex is standing in the middle of the ring with a megaphone speaks again.
"The next winning fighter of the evening will receive $50,000 cash. May I introduce our latest fresh meat for the main course of the evening. I promise it won't disappoint. He's 21 years old, standing in at 6 foot even, weighing 225 pounds with an arm span of 71 inches. He has 1 win and 0 losses. Please welcome Slade the Slayer!" He draws out the mans last name for emphasis. Holy crap he's a big dude! The crowd cheers loudly for him and some even boo.
"Settle down, settle down." The man calls from the center. "I have a special treat for you guys. Coming back for the third year in a row to protect his title. He's 21 years old, standing in at 6 foot 4 inches, and weighs 230 pounds. With an arm span of 79 inches he has 6 wins and zero losses. Give it up for the new and improved, returning champion. Declan 'The American Psycho' Xylander!"
"WHAT?" I scream but it's lost amongst the crowd as they become more boisterous than before. I feel his arm slip away from my stomach as he starts to move around behind me.
"NO! Dex what are you doing?" I'm panicking, grasping, and clawing for anything and everything. Once I'm able to turn around, I search for his face but he's taking his shirt off. Oh god, he's really going in there! I can't say or do anything now, my voice escaping me in sheer panic.
He said don't freak out, I chant inwardly again and again. I stand frozen, terrified in my spot, and my legs go numb. He winks at me and passes me his shirt.
Wish me luck. He signs. I pale again and become sick to my stomach. My breathing quickens and my heart pounds in my chest. He quickly looks over to Kaseton and nods in my direction who steps between Dex and I taking Dex's place around me. Jason pulls in tighter and Jeremy grips me around my waist from my other side. I feel like I'm about to pass out.
Insufferable Weight of Silence Page 11