"Yes." Declan replies flatly also shooting his sister an evil look.
"Do you hug you fwiend when you done?" Delia asks with her hand on her hip. Her sassy side is showing.
"I did when I fought your Uncle Jeremy." He says surprising me. "Most the time I shake their hand and thank them for the opportunity to fight."
"You should color Uncle Jeremy a picture and tell him you're sorry, daddy." Delaney says turning back to her coloring book. "You want to pick him one out?" She asks and flips to the next page before holding it up.
"I'll color him a picture at home, princess."
"Does it scare y'all that your daddy does that?" I ask them.
"No, he's willy big and stwong and you said we can twust him and protect us." Delia says. I huff out a laugh. Declan turns to me feigning anguish.
"You don't think I'm willy big and stwong?" He asks mimicking his daughter.
"I think you're a willy big m-o-r-o-n." I tease as I spell out the last word.
"Daddy, you should teach mommy to fight so Brody doesn't hit her again and make her cry." Delaney blurts out casually. I tense in my seat and everyone freezes. I don't think Mac and Martha know about Brody. I'm sure they thought something was up by the tidbits thrown around outside, though.
"Brody is going to a place far away from here where he can't find your mom and hurt her again, that's my job." Hadley says as she pulls Delaney in her lap. "Plus, you see everyone in this room?" She points to everyone and Delaney nods. "We all love your mom so much we won't let it happen again or we will make Brody cry."
"Good." Both Delaney and Delia reply.
"Don't hug him when you done." Delia asks. My heart drops to the pit of my stomach. My kids are actually condoning violence.
I look up from my hands to see Mac and Martha still looking at me mystified. From the corner of my eyes I notice Declan is slowly shaking his head at them. When we leave Hadley and Giana stay behind and I know it's because Mac and Martha want answers. I tell them it's fine but I don't want to be asked or have it brought up again.
After we put the kids to bed and go to our room I sit on the edge of the bed and watch Declan change. When he realizes I'm not getting ready for bed he comes over to me and takes a seat.
"What's wrong?" He asks catching me fidget with my new ring. "Are you reconsidering?"
"No, absolutely not but I do need to know something." I say looking into his face now so he knows I'm serious.
"Ok, what do you need to know?"
"Earlier tonight your mom told me everything you went through when I left."
"What do you mean everything?" He asks, I turn away from him not want to look at him when I recant.
"The illegal fights, gambling, drugs, getting kicked out of school, and fired. Fighting with Kaseton because you thought he stole me back. Totaling your truck and... Lily." He places his fingers under my chin and forces me to look at him.
"I lost you and when I did I literally died inside. I know I probably should have told you about all that stuff but I didn't think it mattered because I got my life back together. I went through a rough patch and I wish I can take it all back but I can't."
"I feel like a hypocrite." I whisper. "I got mixed up in a bad relationship and put myself and our daughters in danger instead of staying here."
"What you did isn't quite the same as what I did. You were abused by someone else who should have known better. I got myself mixed up in several things I shouldn't have, my actions were all intentional. Yours weren't, you had no way of knowing he would do that to you when you met him. We're here now, that's what matters. Out of everything, I know I shouldn't have lied to you when I told you I had never been with Lily but I'm sick about it. I did it out of spite back then because you stopped talking to me and I knew it would hurt you if it got back to you. I wanted you to feel like I did and it was awful of me to do. That's why I didn't want to tell you about her because I'm ashamed of what I did. In my screwed up mind I thought you were doing it too but with Kaseton and in all actuality it was the drugs talking and I listened. I am so sorry for everything Amity but more so I'm sorry I didn't stop you back then and couldn't protect you when I should have."
"How did you total your truck?"
"I don't want to talk about it." He says disappointed in himself. I pick up my phone and search through the contacts until I find Kase. I pull his number up and turn the phone to Dex.
"I bet he knows." I smirk.
"Yes, he does, he's the only one." Dex smiles. ".... but I won't let you call him." I turn the phone back to me and pretend I'm going to hit the button. He huffs out a sigh and looks up at me.
"You were gone, and the only way I could keep you off my mind was to stay high. So I was, all the time. One night I was out of my mind messed up because no matter how much I took you were still there. I got in my truck and drove. I didn't know where I was going or what I was doing. The next thing I know I saw a tree I knew could take out my truck. You remember how big it was, it was going to take a lot of force at a high speed. I didn't even stop, I didn't think about it, I sped up and veered for the tree. Kase was a first responder. The only thing I remember was him asking why. I replied with, without her I'm already dead. I went home with him when I was released from the hospital, he sobered me up and got me back on track. I owe him my life. He saved me and kept my secret even after what I did to him." He pulls me to him and kisses me softly while mouthing, "I love you."
"I more than love you and if you ever do that again I will kill you." I frown realizing the irony.
August-10-2004
Declan grips my hips then lifts me out of his truck. It's been a week since his fight. We haven't talked about it much and probably won't again. He knows better. I look around to see all of our friends and their trucks backed into a large circle with their tailgates facing a massive roaring bonfire.
"Can I give you something before we go over there?" He asks a bit nervous.
"What is it?" I smile surprised. He pulls a small black box out of his pocket and hands it to me.
"Hope you like it." I slowly open the lid but he impatiently takes it from my hand. He pulls out a delicate looking white gold chain with an elephant charm on the end. He turns it around and engraved on the back is one single word. It wouldn't make sense to anyone else, except us. The word, shoes.
"Elephant shoes!" I smile brightly. "Dex, it's perfect. Thank you so much." He takes both ends and undoes the clasp then twirls his fingers gesturing for me to turn around so he can put it on me.
"It's kind of a thank you for being my best friend, good luck at college, and sorry for breaking your hand type of gift. All wrapped in one." He utters.
"I love it. Thank you." I say turning back around. He kisses me on the cheek and grabs my hand to pull me towards the back of the truck. He lowers the tailgate and helps me up. Jeremy comes over to greet us and lowers his eyes to my neon green and teal cast.
"How'd you do that, Amity?"
"I broke it when I hit Dex." I flush embarrassed.
"Y'all have issues." Jeremy laughed and shakes his head.
From over Jeremy's shoulder across the way Kaseton and Jason are sitting on his tailgate. Standing in front of Kaseton is Lily Tomlin. He's got his hand around her waist and she's hanging all over him. Well, if that's what floats his boat then more power to him. It upsets me a bit though because he was never so open with me like that. Maybe he was like Dex when it came to dating in the sense that I never became his girlfriend because he didn't really like me. Declan leans into me and nudges my shoulder with his.
"What are you looking at?" He asks curiously.
"Kaseton and Lily." I answer honestly. He looks across from us at them. They're now seriously making out and don't care who sees. I curl my lip at the disgusting sight.
"Does that bother you? They've been together since the night of my fight?" He informs me. I face him shocked and hurt.
"That's the same day we broke up." I point out. "He can do what he want
s but apparently him seeing me kiss you didn't bother him all that much either, did it?" I ask hurt.
"You still like him?" Dex asks. I shake my head no.
"I don't think I ever did, but he's still my friend...... I think." I reply. "When I told him to find someone better I didn't think he would pick her." I frown. Dex leans in and whispers, "that's because there is no one better." I smile over at him. That's so sweet. There's music playing from one of the trucks, I want to dance.
"Will you dance with me?" I ask. He jumps up in the bed of his truck and grabs my hand helping me in. He pulls me into him and places one hand at my lower back and then grabs my casted hand in his other. So I place my free hand on his bicep noticing the hard muscle beneath it. We sway back and forth to the slow song of the current country singer. Every so often he would spin me around closely in front of him then pull me back to him.
"I'm really going to miss you when I leave." I sullenly say into his chest.
"I'm going to miss you too." He mumbles.
The song ends but we don't sit down. He continues to shuffle me around the bed of his truck for a couple more songs. I can't help feeling sad that in just one week I'll be going 900 miles across the country. My heart is instantly heavy for the man in front of me. I'm going to miss him more than he'll ever know.
The next song that comes along he hums to it and eventually I start singing along. He looks at me amazed with an adoring smile.
It's a sweet love song about a boy who's lonely until he meets a girl and considers her more than someone he loves but also his best friend. The lyrics are so perfectly us, it's indescribable. I push both my hands through Dex's and grip my wrists behind his back. He drapes both his over my shoulders and squeezes me tight. It makes my heart hurt knowing I'm going to be so far away from him. We both finish dancing and sit on the tailgate.
Someone passes me a drink but Dex takes it from me before I could get a sip. He shakes his head at me. He has a beer in his hand why can't I have some. Michelle a girl across the way motions me over to her. I tell him I'll be right back and go see what she wants. She passes me a shot of some watermelon flavored something or other. I grab it and turn to Dex who's glaring over at me disapproving. I raise my glass up at him and down it quickly.
He comes over to where I am and places his hand on my back before leaning in to whisper, "your mom will kill me if she knows I let you drink." Michelle passes me another and before he can grab it I down that one too. I grab the front of his shirt pulling him down to me and lick his bottom lip making sure to leave a trace of watermelon on it.
"Then don't tell her." I say. We stay and talk to Michelle for a few minutes before returning to his truck. I catch him sucking in his lip and raking it out between his teeth before he let's it go.
"There's always more where that came from." I remind him. One of mine and Hadley's favorite songs come on the radio. I'm feeling brave when she climbs up into the bed up the truck with me. She pulls me to my feet and together we start singing the sing as loud as we can. I laugh and point to Dex singing, "So God made girls, God made girls he stood back and told the boys, I'm bout to rock your world....And God made girls...... Somebody's got to wear the pretty skirts, somebody's got the be the one to flirt, somebody's got to be the one to hold his hand...." I grab Hadley's hand and spin her around. We keep dancing until the end of the song drawing in more attention than we intended but we were feeling good and didn't care. Dex watches on laughing and shaking his head the entire time. The smile on his face meets his eyes, it's one of my favorites things in all the world.
"You should sing more often." Hadley grins.
Jason, Kaseton, and Lily eventually make their way over to us. Kaseton has his arm across Lily's shoulders and she's looking at me smug, like she actually won a prize.
"Hey guys," I smile at the three of them. I couldn't care less about Kaseton and Lily right now. For some reason Dex steps in front of me between my legs. Almost as if he's worried I'll jump down and say or do something to Lily or Kaseton. Instead I push my hands through his arms and up onto his shoulders before resting my chin on one of my hands.
"Hey yourself." Kaseton replies. Lily glares at me and opens her mouth to sound as stupid as she looks.
"You really do just jump from one guy to another don't you?" She smiles. I try to pull my arms out from Declan's and move away from him because I planned on ripping her face off. He forces my arms into his sides with his elbows keeping me from doing what I want.
"Kaseton, I think you need to take Lily somewhere else before I move Dex out from in front of my pissed off little friend there." Jason says angrily to Kaseton.
"Lily, you have something right here." I tell her and point to my bottom lip.
"What is it?" She asks wiping at her mouth.
"Bullshit." I grin and the guys irrupt with laughter, even Kaseton cracks a smile. She turns red and becomes embarrassed.
"What's it's like, being bed hopping trash?" Lily asks as she whips herself around and goes to walk away. In a flash I reach out from under Declan's arm and grip the middle of her long pony tail yanking it back as hard as I could forcing her to fall back on her butt.
"Oh, Lily, I'm so sorry. You're over processed bleached hair got caught in my hand." I smile.
"It's time to go, Lily. I think you've had too much to drink." Kaseton says helping her up off the ground.
"Kaseton neither Dex or I, have or will say anything about you and your girlfriend so you need to tell her keep her mouth shut." He opens his mouth to say something but I cut him off. "Especially since I don't care you ran to her house and jumped in her bed as soon as you saw me kiss Declan." I lash out at him. Kaseton swallows hard and walks away defeated. He knows I'm right.
"When did you become such and angry little tyrant?" Jeremy laughs as he comes over with Michelle on his arm and I resume my previous position of resting my hands on Dex's shoulders.
I shrug to Jeremy's question, "Lily deserved it." Dex adds. Michelle hands me another shot, I turn my face to Dex and he does the same looking back at me. Our mouths are mere centimeters from each other.
"I think you earned it, tiny tyrant."
I throw back the shot and hold it out for Michelle who instead of taking the glass fills it again. I'm already feeling good from the previous ones so I don't know if it's really a good idea.
"I don't think so. You earned one, not two." He glares.
"Kiss me like you mean it and I'll think about not drinking it." I challenge him. He places his hand behind my head and pulls my lips to his. I open my mouth and he follows suit. I smile when there's lots of cheers, whooping, and hollering.
"Getcha some!" Jeremy cheers.
"It's about damn time." Jason laughs.
"Yea baby!" Michelle laughs and whistles loudly. Dex pushes his tongue further into my mouth and pulls me in closer to him. After a long moment he releases me and kisses me again. I throw back the shot anyways and smile at him before kissing his neck.
"I couldn't let it go to waste." I smirk. He pulls away from me and turns between my legs. I wrap them around him and clasp my hands behind his neck. He grips me at the top of my thighs and pulls me off the truck.
"Where are we going?" I ask as he walks away from the truck down a dirt path towards the river.
"I'm going to throw you into the pond so you'll sober up." He teases.
"What!" I shout. He starts laughing.
"I'm just joking." He says putting me down when we reach a dock. We're far from the party but I'm sure they could still see us as we can see them. I jump up on the rail and he moves close to me placing his hands around my lower back. He loops his fingers through my belt loops and rubs my flesh with his thumbs under my shirt. I clasp my hands behind his neck and smile at him taking in all his soft yet somehow rugged features.
"Please don't go." He mutters pleadingly. I suddenly don't want to but know I have to. I don't want to leave him but I can't stay with him. I feel like my heart is being pulled in a million
directions.
"I wish I didn't have to." I place my forehead on his chest, he rests his chin on the top of my head. I feel my eyes gloss over and a sniffle rats me out. He pulls my face up to his and studies the struggle in my eyes. I lean into him and kiss him softly wishing this moment didn't have to come to an end. "You don't know how hard this is for me all the sudden. It seemed like such an easy decision at the beginning of the summer."
"What changed it?" He asks knowing the answer. I think he just needed to hear it.
"You."
We return to the truck and for the next couple hours talk, laugh and have a good time with our friends. Once everyone has left Declan stays behind to put out the fire. I'm sitting in the driver seat. I'm not going to drive anywhere, not after four shots but I want to joke with him. He takes me by surprise and sits in the passenger seat.
"You want me to drive?" I stare at him stunned. He laughs and shakes his head.
"I don't think so. I have my keys and I'm definitely not giving them to you. So don't even think about it." He reclines his seat back, pulls the brim of his hat down over his eyes, and clasps his fingers behind his head.
"What are you doing?" I pout.
"Giving you time to sober up before I take your trouble causing, little, drunk ass home." He smiles from under his hat. I scoot into the middle and pull his hat off.
"I know what we can do to pass the time away." I smile. He raises an eyebrow and stares at me questioningly.
"What would that be?"
"I'd rather show you." I lean into him and kiss him for a long while. My hands roam down his chest and snakes under his shirt.
"What are you doing?" He asks surprised.
"Making sure I give you a memorable goodbye." I whisper kissing him again.
"Amity." He tries to protest.
"I know what I want and I want all my firsts with you." I whisper. Beneath my hand I feel his chest hitch and his heart begin to pound. He knows what I'm referring too. He reaches over and locks the doors to the truck, then blindly puts the key in the ignition so just the radio comes on. No one else is out here aside from us. He wraps his hand in my hair and places it at the base of my neck then pulls me to him again. I run my hands down his chest, across his stomach to the button of his jeans and pull it open. He grips my wrist to stop me from doing anything further.
Insufferable Weight of Silence Page 15