by Lisa Hall
Shoving the paper back into the box, I square the corners neatly and put it back on the shelf, placing the mildewed box in front of it, before surveying the shed to make sure everything has been left as it was. A wave of tiredness washes over me, and for a moment I feel sick and dizzy, nausea making my mouth fill with saliva.
If Caro hasn’t been in the house, leaving dead animals on the doorstep and filling her wardrobe with her clothes then who has?
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Rupert is home early, catching me unawares as I stand at the stove, stirring a big pot of chilli, a glass of red wine in my hand. My mind is still ticking over everything that I uncovered today, and something isn’t sitting quite right, but I can’t put my finger on what it is.
‘Something smells good.’
I jump, a slosh of red wine jumping out of my glass and running over my fingers as Rupert enters the kitchen silently. I haven’t even heard the front door open, and I feel my shoulders tense. Anyone could have let themselves in and I wouldn’t have heard. I need to start putting the chain across.
‘Rupert, you made me jump. Good day?’
‘Eventful.’ He leans over and kisses me on the cheek. ‘Didn’t you get my message? I rang and said I’d take you out for dinner.’
‘No, sorry.’ I glance towards the telephone and hope he can’t see the cord that has been pulled from the wall. ‘I was outside in the garden for most of the day.’
‘I told you to just leave it. It looks fine for now.’ There is something snippy in his tone and he moves towards the wine bottle. ‘Do you mind if we stay at home after all?’
‘I don’t mind,’ I say, ever the peacemaker. Rupert seems to be in an odd mood, not his usual self. He hasn’t pulled me into his arms, or kissed me properly, just a dry peck on the cheek. There is an aura about him, something fizzing and volatile. ‘Why don’t you go up and have a shower? Dinner will be ready soon.’
I give him a winning smile and feel myself relax as he smiles back. Maybe I’m reading too much into things. It’s hard to know how to respond after being with Harry and his unpredictable reactions.
‘Emily, I think we need to talk.’ Rupert’s voice is grave, and I feel the smile slide right off my face as I pass him the rice. I look down at the tablecloth, straightening my knife and fork so they are the exact same distance apart.
‘Yes,’ I say eventually, ‘I think we probably do. Listen, Rupert, I’m sorry for what I said about Caro… about Caro still being here. I was wrong. I know I shouldn’t have but I—’
‘It’s not about Caro,’ Rupert says, talking over me before I can confess to rummaging through the paperwork in the shed.
I reach for my wine, my eyes never leaving his face as my pulse starts to increase, a steady beat I can feel in my temple.
‘I had a visitor today. Well, no, that’s not strictly right. I agreed to meet with someone today,’ Rupert says.
‘Who?’
‘A man called Henry Carpenter. Harry.’
Rupert waits for a moment, as I sit there unable to speak. A wave of dizziness washes over me and I swear I can feel the blood drain from my face.
‘Harry?’ I whisper. My hand goes to my throat and I massage the skin there, hoping to ease the lump that rises. ‘What did he say to you, Rupert?’
‘Some pretty vile stuff, to be honest.’ Rupert stalls, taking a sip of his wine. He watches me as I reach for the glass of water on the table next to me, my wedding ring spinning on my finger as I do so. I’ve lost so much weight without even trying, thanks to the stress I’ve been under.
‘Please, Rupert, don’t just look at me like that,’ hot tears burn my eyes, ‘will you just tell me what he said?’ I blink, and a fat tear slides over my bottom lashes.
‘He said that the two of you had an affair. That you worked for him, seduced him, and then when he told you he didn’t want you anymore you turned into a psychopath. Stalking him, breaking into his house.’
‘Oh my God.’ My heart is pounding fit to burst out of my chest, and that old familiar sick feeling that I will always associate with Harry makes my stomach roll. ‘Do you believe him?’
Rupert says nothing for a moment.
‘Rupert, do you believe him?’ My voice rises and Rupert leans forward, grasping both my hands in his. ‘Do you honestly believe that I am capable of that?’
‘I told him that that isn’t the Emily I know,’ Rupert says, squeezing my hands so tightly I can feel the sharp ridge of my diamond engagement ring cutting into my skin. ‘I didn’t even want to meet with him, but I wanted to tell him to back off, if it is him who has been hassling you.’ He pauses. ‘Do you want to tell me the full story? I think I deserve to know.’
I nod, swiping at the tears on my cheeks. Maybe once I have told Rupert the full story we can move on, and Harry won’t hold any sort of threat anymore. ‘I should have told you before, I’m sorry. It was just too painful to talk about. Harry’s right – I did know he was married when I met him.’
‘OK,’ Rupert says, but I can see the look of disappointment on his face, and I feel a hot dart of shame.
‘He told me about Liv, his wife. He told me that they were getting a divorce, that he didn’t love her anymore. He was a gentleman at first. He took me to nice places, treated me well. I’d never really had that before, he dazzled me, I guess. He was the big boss, the man everyone in the company looked up to, and here he was, giving all his attention to me.
‘Everything changed after a few months. He became secretive, argumentative. I was walking on eggshells around him all the time. It started small, just harsh words and a light slap every now and again, but as time went on, it got worse, more violent. I had to hide the bruises at work, pretend that I had fallen over again… clumsy old Emily. The day I told him I was leaving him was the day it all came to a head properly. He accused me of taking everything from him – Liv, the kids… even though he hadn’t seen them at all in all the time we were together – and then he dragged me out of bed and put his hands around my throat, and he strangled me until I passed out.’ I let the tears run freely down my cheeks now, and Rupert’s face is filled with horror.
‘I got out as soon as I came round. I found a room with Mags and she helped me put myself back together again. And then I met you.’ I give him a watery smile, the emotion of telling him making me feel wrung out and drained.
‘Jesus, Emily. You should have told me before.’
‘Can you believe I didn’t want to tell you, because I knew Harry was married? I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea about me.’
‘The wrong idea? It’s not 1945, Emily. I’m not a complete tyrant. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me the truth.’
‘I know, I should have told you. Will you forgive me?’ I turn to him, my eyes wide and after a moment’s pause he finally nods.
‘Of course I will. It’s hardly your fault that you were in an abusive relationship. But I need you to be honest with me, always? After Caro…’
‘I don’t want to talk about Caro,’ I say, getting to my feet and moving to his side of the table. ‘I was wrong, the other day. I don’t want to talk about her anymore, this is just about you and me now.’
Rupert gets to his feet, and I wrap my arms around him, raising my mouth to his, moaning softly against his lips as he slides his tongue into my mouth. I can feel him hard against my thigh, and I fumble for his zip as he hikes up my skirt, pushing me back onto the table. I’ll make Rupert forget about Caro, and Harry, and anything that went before.
Later, I am curled up in my usual spot on the sofa reading a crime thriller, as Rupert sits across from me watching some inane TV show with lots of canned laughter. The blinds are closed, the lamp is lit, and for the first time in weeks I feel safe. No one can see in, there is no scent of nectarines hanging in the air. I snuggle into the sofa, rereading the page I’ve already read twice, when my phone buzzes next to me.
Glancing towards Rupert, whose eyes are still fixed on the televisio
n screen, I pick up my phone and see I have a message from an unknown number. Instantly, I go cold and any feeling of safety vanishes. I raise my eyes to the blinds, double-checking they are still tightly closed. I debate for a moment whether to just delete the message without reading, but the last time I did that the message was just resent a few minutes later. Rupert looks up in confusion as I get up from the sofa.
‘Just popping to the loo,’ I say, brightly. I hurry into the downstairs loo, flicking on every light as I go and lock the door, perching on the closed loo seat. Finally, I swipe to open the message. It’s a video. Against my better judgement I press play, the sharp metallic taste of fear in my mouth.
It’s a recording on a mobile phone by the looks of it, the angle of the screen showing that it has been propped against something, I think. I recognize it as Sadie’s house – her kitchen to be precise, and I hold my breath as two people come into view – Sadie and Rupert – Sadie leaning against the kitchen counter, Rupert standing close to her. She’s wearing the dress she wore to her garden party, and my breath sticks in my throat as I realize it is the night of Sadie and Miles’s Easter party. The night Rupert proposed to me. The night Rupert told me that he hadn’t seen anyone when he went downstairs.
Sadie has her arms around Rupert’s neck, and they are talking, but the sound is muted. I turn up the volume on the phone as high as it will go, but it’s difficult to make out the words. It sounds as though Sadie says to Rupert, ‘It should have been me,’ but I can’t make out Rupert’s reply and his back is to the screen so I can’t even lip read. Adrenaline pumps through my veins as I watch them both on the screen, still talking quietly, before Rupert raises his voice and finally, I am able to hear what Rupert says.
‘Sadie, I love you.’ His words are clear, and I feel them as sharply as if Rupert had stabbed me himself. The video ends.
I lay in bed all night, stewing over the video. I replay it three times in the privacy of the downstairs toilet, until Rupert bangs on the door to check if I am OK. Now, in the darkest hours of the early morning, I slide out from under the covers to peer out into the street below, straining my eyes to see if there is a shadowy figure watching the house. Now I know that Caro is dead, I know she can’t have sent the video, so who did?
Rupert snuffles in his sleep, rolling over onto his back and I hold my breath for a moment, until I am sure he won’t wake up. The cold from the oak floor is seeping into my toes, and I shiver, although I don’t feel cold. I feel as though I am burning up from the inside out, the way you do when you have the flu. Clicking my phone onto silent, I replay the video again, the screen casting a blue glow across my features.
Without the sound, I can focus on their body language and I’m sure it’s not my imagination that Rupert doesn’t look entirely comfortable as Sadie latches her arms around his neck. She, on the other hand, looks as though she is enjoying it far too much, although her eyes are half closed and she looks as though she’s had far too much to drink. I am trying to be generous.
Sighing, I pad silently across the room and slip back into bed, the warmth from Rupert’s body raising goosebumps on my skin. He throws his arm over my waist and mumbles ‘love you’ into my ear. I close my eyes, the words he said to Sadie printed indelibly on my mind. I picture myself, standing at the bottom of the stairs that night, seeing the two of them together, and then Rupert telling me the next morning that he hadn’t seen anyone when he went downstairs. Lies by omission. I wriggle out from under his arm, my skin burning. I know what I need to do. I’ll go and see Sadie first thing tomorrow morning and find out exactly what the hell went on that night.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
It’s my turn to lie by omission as I don’t mention to Rupert the video sent to my phone, instead waiting until he has left for the office before I snatch up my keys and my bag and walk the twenty minutes to Sadie’s house. I could have taken the bus, but that intense heat still burns me from the inside out, so I try to walk it off before I arrive.
When I arrive at Sadie’s twenty minutes later, my anger has cooled ever so slightly, no longer white hot, but a fierce red that bubbles and rages in my veins. It’s been a long time since I felt this angry about anything, which tells me my relationship with Rupert is worth fighting for. We might have had our problems lately, but I’m certainly not ready to give up, not by a long shot.
‘Emily! What a surprise!’ Sadie looks immaculate in designer loungewear, her hair tied up in an artfully messy bun – the type that when I tried it before, I looked as though I’d just woken up, and not in a good way. I don’t bother with pleasantries, instead I shove my way into the house, the way Sadie has done to me so many times before. Sadie’s twins gawp at me from where they sit on the living room floor, surrounded by expensive toys.
‘Kids, out of here. Tallulah!’ Sadie shouts for the nanny to come and get the children. ‘Emily, is there a problem?’ Sadie’s porcelain white cheeks are stained with a red flush, and she looks nervous.
‘You could say that.’ I brandish the phone at Sadie. ‘I think you’ve got some explaining to do.’
Sadie is silent as she watches the video, the red flush on her cheeks creeping down to stain her neck in an ugly rash. Finally, with shaking hands, she hands the phone back to me. ‘Really, Emily, this isn’t what you think it is.’
‘Then what is it?’ A note of steel has crept into my voice, and I feel a flicker of the old Emily coming back to life. The Emily who wasn’t too afraid to go out and get what she wanted. The Emily who wasn’t scared of her own shadow. ‘Because from where I’m standing it looks as though you and Rupert were… getting close to each other on the day I accepted his proposal.’ My voice breaks on the last word, and I swallow hastily.
‘I was drunk…’ Sadie says, rubbing her hands over her face. ‘I know it’s no excuse, but I was upset about Caro and I said some things I probably shouldn’t.’
‘So did Rupert from what I can see.’ Steely Emily is back, and I eye Sadie closely, scrutinising her face as if to check for clues that she is lying. ‘I want to know the whole conversation.’
‘I told you, this isn’t what you think. Rupert loves you. This is just…’ Sadie waves a hand towards the phone, before she turns and walks into the kitchen. ‘Emily, please listen to me. This is not what you think. You said yourself that someone has it in for you and Rupert.’
‘And I seem to recall both of you telling me that I was overreacting, that I was just being ridiculous.’
‘Well, I was wrong, I’m sorry,’ Sadie says, sharply. ‘Someone clearly does have it in for the two of you. Clearly, someone doesn’t think that you and Rupert should be together.’ Sadie lets her eyes fill with tears and takes a huge gulp from the glass in front of her. It looks like a Bloody Mary, and I watch as she swallows it down, before going to the fridge and pouring herself another one.
‘I think it’s pretty obvious that they do. And neither you nor Rupert would believe me when I told you that. You told me I was overreacting, that I was mad. This is real—’ I wave the mobile phone, ‘I know what I saw and what I heard.’
‘Taken out of context,’ Sadie says, ‘Emily, I am your friend. I’ve known Rupert for years, of course we love each other – as friends. Someone is trying to cause trouble, that’s all this is, and by reacting this way you’ve given them exactly what they want.’
I pause for a moment. Sadie does have a point – reacting this way gives whoever sent the video the response they were after – but I can still hear Rupert’s voice telling Sadie he loves her.
‘Maybe if you find it so easy to believe that Rupert would cheat on you, then perhaps your relationship isn’t as secure as you believe it to be,’ Sadie says gently, and I begin to feel the fight go out of me.
‘I don’t believe that for a second. Rupert and I are strong together, we love each other, but whoever is doing this…’ I break off, distracted by a shriek from upstairs.
‘Excuse me a moment.’ Sadie strides from the room, shouti
ng the nanny’s name. I wait, sniffing at Sadie’s glass – it definitely is a Bloody Mary – and running my fingers over the shiny, black marble counter tops. I pause as I look over the vast American-style fridge, with magnets stuck all over it. I never would have put Sadie down as a woman who would stick magnets all over her fridge. There are pictures drawn by the children stuck on with magnetic letters, scribbles all showing ‘my family’, ‘my house’, ‘my dog’ – wishful thinking on someone’s part, as Sadie would never have a dog – and a shopping list, written in familiar handwriting.
I peer at the slip of paper, an unsettling feeling resting on my shoulders. The writing is familiar, but I just can’t place it; all I know is that it has awoken a creeping sense of dread. I close my eyes and breathe deeply, letting the scrawl sit in my mind’s eye, and then it comes to me.
The Christmas gift. The one that was left on the doorstep, the photograph of Rupert and Caro on their wedding day. Mags had come over to deliver my post, but Sadie had been there that day too. My name was written in gold pen across the top of the gift in this very handwriting, I am sure of it.
Shock makes my eyes ping open, and my heart starts to race. I slide my gaze across to the key hooks that are fixed to the wall next to the fridge. I step closer, reaching out, looping my fingers around the one at the very end. It’s my key – the spare key to my (our) house. I tug it from the hook, as things start to slowly, gradually click into place. The handwriting. The key. All this time Sadie has had access to our house. She knows what perfume Caro wore; what’s to stop her from walking in when no one is home and spritzing it around the bedroom, making me think that someone – Caro, even – had been in there? I think of the day I had found Lola lying broken in the driveway, my heart twisting as I picture her tiny face. That was the day we’d been invited to Amanda’s for lunch, the day she announced her pregnancy. Sadie had arrived late to the lunch, making some bitchy comment about how I had been early. Couldn’t she have waited for me to leave before hurting Lola, and then coming to lunch as if nothing had happened? I want to kick myself – she practically told me herself in the video, her arms looped around Rupert’s neck – ‘it should have been me’. I feel sick, hot, the room starting to spin a little and I sink into the nearest chair.