by Linda Taylor
I decided to talk to Aunt and confide in her. She had always been a good listener as now I had grown to fear sleep and night. I had begun to anticipate the return of the dream and was anxious as to where it would lead. I was making mistakes at work and Gina had noticed dark circles beneath my eyes. I looked in the mirror in the ladies’ toilet, when she first made the comment. Surely she was wrong. But there they were.
What was going on? I couldn’t be ill. I was in love and happy, at least during the day.
If only I could be rid of this dream or find some meaning behind it. Maybe then it would dispel and I could happily get on with life, taking Aunt’s sound advice by grasping happiness and holding on to it for as long as it chose to stay.
I decided to treat Aunt to a meal out and talk then. She was always treating me and now it was her turn; especially as I was now back in work.
I rang her and we arranged to meet at The Spread Eagle, a favourite pub of hers that served good basic food, She was a plain eater and not keen on anything too ‘foreign and spicy’ as she described it.
She looked well again and gave me a big hug as if she hadn’t seen me for months instead of a mere week’s lapse.
‘You look tired, dear’ she observed,’ there are dark circles under your eyes again’.
‘Oh, I sleep alright. But I have some problems getting off to sleep,’ I began.
‘What’s bothering you, Lou?’
‘A dream. A recurring dream but it seems to be extending, like there’s a story emerging.’
I paused wondering if I should go on, not wanting to worry her.
‘Go on’ she encouraged.
‘ In the dream, Mr Robson, the man from the coach, has appeared. God knows why! I only met the man once. But in the dream he seems menacing.’
‘Do you see him as some kind of threat or coming between you and Daniel?’ Always reliably direct and sensible was my Aunt Grace.
‘Yes, maybe that’s it’ I left it at that.
We ordered our desserts and I poured her some more wine from the bottle.
‘I was thinking about our holiday. The photos came through in the post. I must show you them next time. Did I tell you, I had booked those seat numbers at the front originally? To think, we might have been the ones to get cut about when that poor driver had his seizure or whatever it was.’
‘Sorry, darling, whatever do you mean?’
‘Well, the tour company rang and asked if we would mind sitting further back. I said it was fine by me as long as we had a good window view and weren’t between panes… you know, where you can’t see the entire view from the window.’
‘Yes, I guess that was fate playing a hand’, I took another sip of the wine.
‘Fate. Yes’ she gazed ahead thoughtfully and then continued’ odd fate for that driver though. I’ve had a letter Lou. From some police department. They want a statement from me- no doubt you’ll get one too.’
I sat up at this’ A statement? What about?’
‘Well, it seems as it was such a sudden death they had to do an autopsy.’ She took another spoonful of banoffee pie- a local favourite dessert.
‘Go on, tease! Don’t stop there!’
Who else could I talk to so easily? I smiled inwardly but was becoming intrigued by her news.
‘It seems Lou, that they found some poisonous substance in the man. He didn’t die a natural death!’
A shiver ran down my spine. Was there a draught from the door? No, we were snug in a corner far from the exit. I couldn’t eat any more of my chocolate fudge cake and placed the spoon down. I didn’t want to alarm Aunt, but I had the strangest notion.
‘I suppose everyone on the tour will be asked for a statement?’
‘Probably. But what can we tell them? Most of us were either sleeping or looking out the window. They must be clutching at straws.’
‘My thoughts exactly,’ I said.
‘Peter’s coming down for a week with me!’
‘Oh good, you persuaded him then?’
Peter was my cousin and Aunt’s remaining offspring. He lived in Dorset and had been in the army for 25 years before taking retirement and a good pension. He still worked part time for the M.O.D. on the administrative side of technical advances with weaponry – the Challenger Tank for example. But he would not and could not divulge exactly what he did. He had recently been widowed, losing his third wife. Alison, who was a paraplegic. I had heard Peter say that she was the love of his life and how much he wished he had met her first.
My cousin Peter was also a firm favourite of mine. He grew to look more and more like Uncle but with a much less serious outlook on life. Maybe the army had taught him the important things and made him realise how suddenly life can end. He had a cheerful and optimistic outlook but was also realistic.
Peter had married twice before Alison and these women both already had families and he had not had any children of his own. Grace still treated these step children as her grandchildren but they proved troublesome and disappointing. Sadly Alison had not been able to give Peter a child.
‘So when is the cheeky monkey due?’
I had nicknamed him ‘cheeky monkey’ years before on account of his grin: it spread across his moon- shaped face after every prank he played. There were plenty of pranks in those days and according to him and some of his army chums, who I met at weddings and so on, still plenty of them when he was in the Army. He couldn’t resist having fun even when it landed him in ‘solitary’ and certainly held back chances of promotion. He was loveable though and in my eyes that counted for more than his gaining a successful career.
Uncle had described him as a wastrel and this was the main reason Peter signed up for the Army so young: to escape the criticism hurled at him. Uncle wanted Peter to gain all the skills and rewards he had failed to get. So many parents make the same mistake.
I hoped I never would, should I ever become a parent. Aunt Grace unfortunately was often away in the mental hospital and not able to step in or influence them to accept their differences. I know she missed Peter very much when he went away but no one blamed him for doing so. Uncle was not a likeable man and full of superstitions.
‘He’ll be here for next Tuesday, when you visit.’ She positively beamed at the thought.
‘I’ll look forward to it!’ I said.
Chapter 6
Just over two weeks later, Daniel came to me and he stayed the night and it was wonderful to be in his arms again.
He had ordered a taxi for midnight. It was a warm night, and with a bottle of champagne under his jacket, he whisked me off to the seaside. I live a mere 15 minutes’ drive to the sea anyway.
We raced along the pebbled seashore. The tide was out still and we dipped our feet in the cold sea water just for the sheer fun of it. We were like two crazy teenagers high on love.
He opened the champagne and we laughed and laughed as the cork went flying, never to be found. Two plastic cups in hand, we sat, legs entwined, just gazing at each other.
Despite the warmth of the alcohol, most of which I seemed to be drinking, we soon grew too chill and snuggled up together, walked our way back to my flat. The sex was the best I have ever experienced. Daniel knew all the moves. His foreplay and love making made me cry out with joy. I have never felt so good with anyone before.
In the morning, I cooked him bacon and egg with coffee and toast.
‘I have to go away for a few more weeks, darling,’ he began to explain and then on seeing the disappointment on my face, which I couldn’t hide, ‘but I want you to join us, if you can.’
‘Us?’
‘Mr Robson has a house in Cromer, Norfolk. It’s a lovely place and Cromer is quaint: a time- capsule of a place but so peaceful for that. You’ll like it. Or have you been there before?’
‘No, I can’t say I have. I might have passed through it,’ I said taking a sip of black coffee- my head aching from the champagne of last evening. I couldn’t eat. I have never been able to eat when I
am feeling too happy or too sad.
‘You will come? I feel sure he’ll love to have you.’ He’s an odd man but I couldn’t have done without being with him these last two years. I’ve gained much,’ he smiled to himself at this.
‘He knows I am coming?’
‘He will when I get your consent! Do say you’ll come.’
‘Of course I will. I can easily take some time off- I only temp. Where is this place and when am I to join you?’
‘We’ll send a car. Just pack a few things. Mrs Brown keeps house – she doesn’t live in but she is the kindest soul and will willingly wash, iron, do anything for you. You could perhaps stay a long weekend or longer if you like it?’
‘Send a car? Don’t either of you drive? Is that why you take coach holidays? ‘I asked bravely, trying to delve a bit deeper into this relationship of his with Mr Robson. It was always Mr and never the use of a Christian name. It did seem odd, in this day and age.
‘I do drive, but not any more. Mr Robson prefers a chauffeur. As to coach holidays- he often wants for company and likes to meet people. It also means all his needs are taken care of and I happily go along with him. He is a bit eccentric, I guess that’s the best word to use, and I tend to humour him. It suits me well.’
‘Okay. You’ll ring me, well in advance?’
‘Of course. I’ll have to get a move on soon. There should be a train within the hour. I am due to meet him in his office this afternoon.’ He stood up, drank back his coffee hurriedly and made for the hallway to collect his jacket.
We kissed goodbye and I was flattered to be asked and yet anxious at the same time at there being the three of us. But perhaps it would dispel this crazy dream I kept having?
However, I couldn’t help thinking how much nicer it would have been to go there with only Daniel. I also wondered if Daniel was right. Would Mr Robson really want me there? And if so, why? Was he prepared to act as gooseberry? Did he know how intimate we two had become? I was unsure of his approval and yet Daniel seemed confident enough. I would wait and see and not let myself be too disappointed if the event never occurred.
That night and the following, I slept well. But the third night I had the dream. It ended at the same point, with Mr Robson looking menacingly at me as I entered the chaletlike building. Plus those words again:’ you just had to come, Louisa, didn’t you?’
Maybe my going away and stopping with the two of them would be the end of the dream. Just maybe, I told myself hopefully.
But what was the dream really about? I was fearful of losing Daniel. That much I knew. I decided then and there to ring Peter and make an appointment to see the guy he had recently told me about. We were discussing the war and the politics that lay behind it. Peter had met this guy who helped out post-traumatic stress sufferers, ex- army especially and also ordinary civilians with their nightmares and troubles. It was worth a try and I had just enough time to see someone and talk about what was going on in my head- my unconscious- before the long weekend away. I didn’t want to blow it. I wanted Daniel and I wanted him for good. I didn’t want anything or anyone to stand in my way, be it my own nightmare or someone else’s.
A couple of days later, Daniel rang and we talked for over an hour together on the phone. He was stopping with Mr Robson on ‘business’ he said and couldn’t avoid it. I asked him if he had had a letter from the police about the coach driver and his untimely death.
He didn’t answer me properly, dismissing the whole event as not important and moving on to lovers’ talk. I let him of course, wallowing in the joy it brought me. But I was uncertain still and needed to know more.
Chapter 7
‘Peter, you cheeky monkey! How are you?’ I said opening my Aunt’s door to my cousin.
‘Why, I’m over six foot tall and as slim as ever, never gaining an extra pound!’ Peter scooped me up in his usual fashion and swung me round in his arms.
‘Lulabelll! My Little Lulabelll!’ he exclaimed.
He finally put me down so that I could catch my breath and kiss him.
‘So, how are you really, Pete? You must miss her so. She was the loveliest of them all.’
‘You’re right there, love,’ his voice lowered as he let the usual happy mask slip momentarily ‘still, life goes on and keep on running when you hear the guns!’ he began, determined to keep the mood light for us as well as for himself.
‘Ma! Where’s my rabbit stew!?’ he demanded.
‘Rabbit stew! Rabbit stew! Peter Bishop I despair of you! You get no better. No more sensible. A Peter Pan , that’s you!’
‘You wouldn’t want me any other way! Anyhow Ma, I have that daughter to worry about.
‘Who, Cindy?’
‘Yes!’
It was tea time and our regular Tuesday. Aunt was cutting the cake and I stood to pour the tea. This was her favourite time of day and the best for talking together like a family should. I never experienced this kind of closeness with my own parents. Tea time for them was yet another job in the Guest House. All meals were ‘business’ orientated and not for enjoying or taking sitting down to as a family.
‘She’s pregnant and just 17! What did we do wrong? Alison tried so hard with her. She was just like a true blood mother to her. But she is ever drifting here and there. Some pub owner in Hastings is the father and she’s working down there with him. Hey! Lulabell- Pete’s gonna be a granddad! Is it possible?’ his voice boomed out as if he was on parade.
‘No’ I laughed’ You’ll be its playmate!’ I teased.
‘Peter, love. I’ve got to go down to the police station and give a statement.’ Aunt put down her tea cup and looked seriously at her son.
‘Bag snatching again, Ma!?’ he joked.
‘No. Try and be serious for once. Lou and I were on this coach trip and the driver died at the wheel.’
Peter now put down his tea cup and sat forward in his chair to listen and with a serious expression on his face for once.
‘Well,’ she continued conspiratorially, ‘seems the autopsy, they have to have them under suspicious circumstances or sudden deaths…’she paused.
‘Go on, Ma,’ he encouraged her.
‘It seems they found some kind of poisonous substance. I only know this much because of Betty’s boy. He told her in confidence and she told me when I asked her why they wanted statements. You know, Ted, he works in their lab.’
‘Naughty boy! He wouldn’t do in the Army, he’d be drummed out in no time with that attitude!’
‘Yes, but it’s all hush- hush and his ma knows all sorts that he has told her. She wouldn’t breathe a word normally. It was me pushing her and we have known each other for years now.’
‘Go on,’ he repeated, shaking his head in disapproval. Breaking rules like this was about the only time Peter would disapprove of someone else.
‘Would you come with us? Lou found a letter on her door mat soon after I got mine. It’s good to have a man about at such times. I get nervous with officials, as you know. It’s the uniform. Reminds me too much of my days in hospital.’
Peter hated her talking about her stays away in the mental homes and hospitals and discouraged all such confidences, even in front of me.
‘Yes, yes, old girl. You can stop there. I am coming with you. You are not to start your worrying ,’ he agreed abruptly.
‘Thank you, son’. She sounded relieved.
As agreed, Peter came with us. This was a few days later as we had been invited to go at a time that suited us.
They asked us the same questions and we were allowed to be interviewed together with Peter present. It seemed routine, informal and brief.
We replied to the police questions saying we had not seen anything unusual. Aunt mentioned Daniel and Mr Robson coming to the rescue of the two ladies who had cuts and bruises due to the sudden braking of the coach. They asked for full descriptions. The police woman noted it all down and admitted that this concurred with other statements given. She then asked if we knew the wh
ereabouts of either of the two men namely Daniel and one Mr Robson. Aunt looked at me but I kept my cool and answering for her, I lied, saying ‘no. I’m afraid we don’t.’
Peter however had seen the look exchanged between us and so it didn’t end there.
As soon as we had returned after some shopping, he sat us down and wanted to know more.
I let Aunt do the talking and then he turned to me knowingly and directly asked me,’ you know something more Lou, don’t you? I know you too well, girl. I can tell when you are uncomfortable and trying to hide something. That’s why you always lost at card games. Those blue eyes give you away every time.’
‘Daniel and I… well, we got close. I don’t get to see him much Peter. But I am…’
He butted in’ you’re involved with him, is that it? He isn’t trouble is he? I don’t want you hurt anymore.’
I could feel the colour rise in my cheeks.
Peter leant forward and gently brushed my hair away from my face.
‘Out with it! You know I can listen. I get it from Ma. But I might be able to help more than she can.’
‘I think I’ll get ready for bed now, children,’ declared Aunt Grace, getting up and making a move towards her bathroom. ‘You two can talk on.’
‘Night, love,’ I said, giving her a kiss.
‘See you switch the lights out, Pete, on your return,’ she said.
Peter fetched my jacket as he got ready to walk me home.
As we strolled together, arm in arm, through the darkening streets, I told him a little of my love for Daniel. The lights were coming on. It was a clear evening with a cool freshness about it, similar to those summer evenings after a shower of rain.
I also told him about the dreams. He didn’t tease or try to make light of them.