by Linda Taylor
He continued.
‘No. But my Uncle saw a figure as well.’
‘So, is this figure conjured up by knowing your Uncle saw one?’
‘Oh, no because I have only recently found out that he did. My Aunt also died recently, as you know.’
‘And were you very close?’
‘Very. She was like a mother to me. Now don’t say you are going to go all Freudian on me…’
‘Well I could, if you wanted me to. But what is the point? If one can hazard a guess as to what or why you chose to see the figure, or what it represents, how does that get us anywhere? Do we want it to, if the figure seems harmless?’ He sat back in his chair and folded his arms across his stomach.
‘She’s there for a reason but I don’t know what reason. She might be guarding me somehow?’ I suggested.
‘Interesting,’ nodded John encouraging me.
‘Is she an angel then?’ he asked.
I laughed mockingly.
‘Lots of people believe they have an angel guarding them, Louisa. And who are we to doubt it? If they have conjured them up from within themselves, maybe they need to? Who’s to say? Maybe they are a projection of some inner need or conflict. Maybe they are spirits. Or they are our own spirits from a previous life? There are that many possibilities, answers. But do you want her to go or stay? What should we work towards doing?’
‘John, the dream- that gets me down.’
‘ The rhyme of course is telling you, that bells are ringing, bells represent warning or are to announce something. We often dream literarily. Tell me the dream again and has it extended further?’
So I told him the dream again and how it now ended with Mr Robson maliciously standing there and saying; ‘you just had to come didn’t you, Louisa.’
‘He is a threat to me. But I don’t know why. I’ve met him in waking life and he guessed at this pregnancy. I hate him more for that. As if he willed it and he couldn’t have, could he?’
‘Fear manifests itself in all manner of ways. You have placed him in your unconscious as a threat to be dealt with. Maybe you think if you can deal with him there, somehow you can deal with him on the conscious level as well. I could talk to you about where the conscious level begins and where the unconscious ends, but it usually makes people more wary of dream work. You have a drama in your sleep and it is growing more dark and threatening.
You need to take control, Louisa. But to do that , you must learn to relax. So let’s try some exercises.’
We duly sat and did breathing exercises and John massaged my head and shoulders. He had a good touch and I could have fallen asleep under his hands.
‘How do you feel , Louisa? His voice now sounded far off.
‘I feel sleepy,’ I replied.
‘So now I want you to remember the dream. I am here. Nothing can harm you. Do you believe that of me?’
‘Yes’ I yawned.
‘Stretch out in the chair, if you wish,’ he said and I did so.
His hands continued their rhythmic movements on my head and shoulders.
‘Close your eyes and go back into the drama you have created. Go safely into it Louisa and when you see Mr Robson tell him what you want to tell him.’
I felt my heart had slowed its pace and that I was falling gently, willingly into sleep and yet a lighter sleep than usual. Then I was there: I walked through the pine forest but this time I was light of foot and heart. I entered the chalet and took in the furnishing and the two familiar, dragon candelabra as before.
Mr Robson appeared and I heard the same words. My heart began to pound. Drums were beating all around me. Drums were deafening me. Nothing more did I hear, no song distant or far.
‘Wake up now.’ It was John’s voice and he held my wrists in his broad hands. He began to rub them soothingly.
‘How was it? Tell me what happened in your drama just then?’
‘It was the same John, but better. I was lighter on going into the pine forest and the chalet, but it was him. He was just the same, just as menacing as before.’
‘Did he say anything more than he usually would say?’
‘No.’
‘Was it easier?’
‘Yes. Yes, I do believe it was’.
‘We have made good progress and I think you will be a star pupil, Louisa. Well done. But it doesn’t work in one journey. We may need a few yet to get to the right place.’
I left the session feeling hopeful and promising John I would keep in touch and let him know about my dream and if it had changed.
Chapter 12
Islept well at nights for the next week or so and I didn’t have the dream. I awoke just once to see the grey lady at the end of my bed and I asked her out loud if she wanted something but she just floated away.
Peter rang and asked if he could come around for the evening. He admitted to feeling low which was unusual for him and of course I said yes.
‘Pete. Come on in.’
He didn’t hug me, just walked past me and into my front room.
‘Is there something wrong or are you just feeling low?’
‘Bit of both, Lulabell.’ he sat down on the settee.
‘How are you then?’ he enquired.
‘I didn’t want to tell anyone else before Daniel, but I’m pregnant Pete.’ I smiled gleefully.
‘So you’re obviously pleased as punch about it. Come here and let me hug you, clever girl!’ he stood up and hugged me but it wasn’t the usual spontaneous Peter.
‘There’s something else wrong, isn’t there?’ I said anxiously.
‘Maybe I shouldn’t load you with it now you’re preggers,’ he began.
‘Peter, don’t leave me out on any account. What has happened?’ I sat next to him and rubbed his knee to comfort him.
‘It isn’t what has happened so much as what I keep uncovering. It’s all too coincidental. I swear I don’t believe in all that mumbo jumbo stuff that Dad got hooked into, but I don’t know. It’s all too much to take in.’
‘For heaven sake, tell me, man! What have you discovered now?’
‘I have this mate in the police records office. He’s done some research for me. That Home…’ he hesitated.
‘The one in that photo? Go on.’ I was feeling impatient with him now.
‘Ma was in there ten years ago. The boy in the photo. He has been identified and was called Jacques. He came from an Italian family. Posh background, plenty of money apparently.’
I felt suddenly rather cold.
‘Hang on Pete. I think I’ll make us some strong coffee and then you can continue.’ I needed some space and to get my head around all this.
‘I knew I should keep quiet. You and those dreams. And now with the baby...’
I got up and started the filter with the coffee granules.
It was going to be a long talk, I could tell.
Peter continued telling me what had been uncovered so far.
‘Ma was in there and had some ECT in the end, as they couldn’t get any result with anti –depressants. Then she stayed for some therapy groups and for a good rest. We managed to find an old brochure in the library section, not on the internet of course. It was an expensive place but known for its caring and gentle treatments.
They believed in taking time with people, in fact as long as it was necessary. You could argue that attitude meant longer stays and bigger fees. I’m in no position to judge. I don’t know anything about all that psychobabble stuff.
The lad in the photograph, who was sitting with Ma, well, to be blunt, he was found hanging in his room. My source went to the investigating files and there was some doubt as to how he could have got himself up there, hanging from the light fitting. Plus the fact that he was still a child and had shown no tendencies. The place had had a good reputation up until then.’
I now felt quite sick and it wasn’t due to my condition. I must have lost some facial colour.
‘Are you sure you are up to hearing about all this, Lulab
ell?’ Peter paused.
‘‘Yes. Go on. Poor lad. What a way to go.’
‘Anyway, the case was left open and unsolved.’
I got up to fetch myself a dry biscuit.
‘That isn’t all, unfortunately,’ Peter looked more serious than ever.
‘I’ll be back with you presently,’ I said.
When I joined him on the settee and was nibbling at a cracker, he continued.
‘Then I gave this chap of mine a copy of that photo- the one of the line of what looked like nurses. We came up with an identikit and we think Robson is using a false name and is in fact a chap called De Vere.’
‘I knew there was something odd about him, that first time I saw him,’ I felt quite excited at this discovery, justified in my feeling towards him.
‘Hang on there. Let me finish. De Vere was involved in some dodgy financial dealings in France. De Vere might be yet another psydonym. Did you say Daniel’s surname was De Costa?’
‘Yes, why?’
‘Well, the fraud squad have a case, on- going, according to my source, and the medics on that one think the father De Costa killed himself as a way out. He had got himself into something nasty and couldn’t extricate himself. He was thought to be one of the good guys and his death was one hell of a shock to the financial world.’
‘Daniel did tell me his Father had died. But if this Robson, De Vere, whatever he chooses to call himself, was to blame for Daniel’s father’s death, surely we need to let him know.’
‘Lou. There’s even more to this. I gave the photo to my source as it could prove useful. What the hell Ma was doing with it I don’t know. I can only think that that piece of garbage called my Father was involved in all this somehow. She might have been protecting his memory. She was so blind at times to that man. Yet she obviously couldn’t just leave it at that. She didn’t destroy that photo. She made a point of telling me, oh some time back now, that there was a cash box with no money in it and where to find it when she died. She wants me to do something with all this.’ I had not seen him look so serious and worried.
‘I’m with you Pete. Anything I can do?’
‘Then there’s the list. That came out of a register. The sort you have to have in any home or institution. Jacques De Costa. When are you seeing Daniel again? Can you get him to talk about his brother, so that we can be sure?’
‘I will try Pete. I’ll do my best.
‘Was there money somewhere to pay for the boy’s continued care or did someone else pay it? We’re trying to get hold of some more details on that score. Should prove interesting.’
‘Why was the boy in there? What was he suffering from?’
‘That’s another thing. We found some medical info, like Ma’s but we could find no registration form for the lad or anything signed by doctors to have him put in there or anything to say for what reason.’
‘God. This gets worse. What are we getting ourselves into I wonder?’ And I also quietly wondered what Daniel was involved in without knowing. I recalled that scene on the sea shore, with him kneeling to Robson as if he revered him or did he in fact fear him?
I would have to take a chance and see what I could find out from him. He had been vague and secretive enough. I was carrying his child after all: surely that meant I had some entitlement to know more of my un-born child’s father.
Daniel phoned me a day later. He sounded very concerned as to how I was feeling and I told him over the telephone that we were to have a child. I would have preferred to have broken this news during a cosy meal or even in bed, but I was not sure when I would next see him and since hearing the outcome of Peter’s investigating, I was feeling unsure again.
‘Oh, that’s just wonderful! But I thought you had taken care of that. I never imagined!’ he sounded genuinely excited at the news.
‘I was between birth pills, darling, and that was how it happened. I calculated that it must have been when I came to you in the hotel in Wales. Little huzzy, that I am,’ I added this to see what, if any, further reaction I would get from him. Did he see me as just another passing fancy or did he really love me?
‘If you hadn’t come to me, just how long do you think I would have taken to come to you? I was planning to come to you that night. I even found out your room number.’
I laughed. ‘I bet you didn’t find out I was sharing with Aunty though!’
He laughed that gurgling laugh, contagious and not heard enough as far as I was concerned.
‘Oh no! Imagine! I had no idea you were sharing a room! What would she have said?’
‘Daniel, knowing my devious Aunt, she would have found some excuse to give up her own bed!’
He laughed some more.
‘Listen. I rang to see how you were of course and to say I wanted to come around and watch some Truffaut that you once offered me, remember?’
‘Truffaut is it? So that’s the attraction.’
‘Truffaut wouldn’t take ALL night, my love.’
‘When can you come?’
I had a bath and used my best scent. I put on some cotton trousers that used to be too big for me and a smock top that was in fashion.
He came with a big bunch of white lilies for me and a parcel wrapped in brown paper.
We didn’t eat or watch Truffaut . As soon as the flowers had been put into water we went to bed.
I ached for him as much as he did for me.
At first he held his passion back, fearing he could hurt our unborn child but I soon convinced him I was ready for him and that there was nothing to fear.
Daniel climbed nimbly out of bed and walked across to make some coffee. His body was slim but muscular. His buttocks were small but firm. I loved him even more naked.
‘Open this now, darling,’ he said, handing me the brown parcel.
I opened it excitedly and he went on to say’ this is the most precious gift I can give you, other than the child.’ I kissed him on the lips for that.
It was an antique, a musical box, inlaid with mother of pearl shaped into flowers. I opened it up and a figure with wings like an angel danced in the middle.
He took it from me so that he could wind it for me.
I must have shown shock in my face, my eyes maybe gave me away.
For the tune it played was oh so familiar now to me. It was the French nursery rhyme’ Frere Jacques’.
‘Is something wrong? Don’t you like it, love?’
‘No, I love it. It’s just that the tune… oh, never mind. You must make allowances for me now. My hormones will be all over the place.’
I began to cry. He took me in his arms and held me close.
‘It belonged to my little brother. We lost him two years since, before Pa..’
‘Lost him? Is he dead then too?’ I interrupted him.
He let go of me and sat back against the cushioned headboard.
His expression was sad and serious.
‘Louisa. We, that is I, I don’t know where he is. I don’t know if he is alive or dead.’
‘We? Is Mr Robson helping you look for him? Is that what you mean by we?’
‘I have to get dressed and leave you rather early. I must get back.’ he suddenly got out of bed again and was picking up his clothes from off the floor to dress.
‘Get back? Back for what? For that man Robson?’ I began.
‘Please, Louisa. Don’t’ ask me too much. Not now. I told you before, you must trust me.’
‘How? How can I trust you when I am being left out all the time? You now mean more to me than ever before. This child…’ I held my swelling belly.
‘I love you to distraction!’ he leant over and kissed me, a long, lingering kiss that made me want him all over again.
‘Trust me, darling. I beg you. Nothing, Louisa, is as it seems. That is all I can tell you for now. I WILL tell you everything one day. I promise you that. I want you kept safe and the less you know for now the better. Here…’
He sat down beside me and taking my left ha
nd into his he pushed a gold, signet ring, taken from his small finger, onto my middle finger.
‘This was the Count’s, my father’s. It has his emblem imprinted on it and was used countless years ago to seal letters. This is my pledge. My promise. What else can I do to convince you?’
What could I say? He left me and I cried until I slept.
Chapter 13
Peter rang the next day. He was returning to work having stretched out his compassionate leave as much as he could. I was in the same boat and would have to make up my mind too if I was going to continue with the temporary job or not work at all and just sign on the dole.
‘Have you seen him? He isn’t there, is he? Can we talk?’
‘Daniel’s been here, yes. He left this morning.’
‘How did you get on? Did you find anything out?’ Peter asked.
‘Are you sure the boy with aunt in that photo is definitely Jacques De Costa ?’
‘Why?’ Peter queried.
‘Daniel implied he and someone else, probably that Robson, De Vere creature, are looking for his brother and that he doesn’t know what has happened. I believe him Pete. He was that distressed at telling me.’
‘It sounds like you and he need to do some proper talking and less bonking, girl.’ I could visualise that grin of his at the end of the mobile phone. ‘Seriously Lou, he needs to be told a thing or two.’
I easily spoke my thoughts out loud to him. ‘Why did Aunt Grace go on that coach trip? Could she have known he was on it? Or did they know she was on it? There’s too much coincidence in all of this, surely,’ I suggested.
‘Anyone can get access to who is booked on what these days, girlie. Did you tell me, and the police come to that, that she was asked to change seats or something?’
‘Yes. Yes she was asked to but thought nothing of it at the time. Have the police found out anything else about the driver’s death?’
‘Well, it’s suspicious certainly and that’s all they’ll tell me. Lou, can you get to see a photo of the brother? Would he have one do you reckon?’
‘He might do. He seems to travel light and carry precious things on him.’ I looked down and fiddled with the signet ring on my finger.