But most of all I learned how not to be watched.
It was Dolana, at the salt farm, who first told me about the gaze of men: that look of temporary possession that some men pressed against female flesh. About its dangers and possibilities. I) can be
used to survive, Dolana had said softly showing me the power that lay in reflecting a man's desire. And even at twelve years old, the knowledge of it was already in the way I moved my head, my hands, my shoulders. But Dolana had whispered her secrets to a girl. And I had to become a boy I had to stop being alert to the turn of a man's head towards me. Stop glancing up to meet his gaze in fleeting connection. Stop falsely veiling my eyes from his momentary interest. It was hard to train out of my body, but I practised and learned to cloak myself in the skin and gaze of a boy
Now that boy had to become a lord.
I let my hair drop down around my face and turned my back on the mirror, carefully taking the first step into the pool. The water closed around my feet, shins, thighs, and then I lowered the rest of my body into its warmth. A sigh eased out of me. It would be hard to act the part of a lord, but at this time everyone would expect me to be ignorant and awkward. I would do as I did before — find someone to watch and copy And my master would help me. I remembered the feel of his thigh and hip pressed against mine, and skimmed my fingers across the water to break the sensation.
The warmth settled into my thoughts and body, softening my pain and unfocusing my mind. I sat on the low underwater ledge that had been built into the sides and leaned my head back until my neck rested on the tiled edge of the pool. The room was almost perfectly balanced; no heavy furniture to block the dragon energy, the pool shaped to enhance the circular flow of Hua, and the mirror to compensate for the shortened wall. No doubt a Dragoneye had been consulted on its design. I let the heat rise through me, easing open my mind's-eye. The dragons shimmered into being in a circle around the bath. They were almost all the same size, their energy flows unencumbered. It was strange. They seemed to fit the space they were in
— as big as buildings in the arena, but here only halfway to the ceiling. And the Mirror Dragon — my dragon — was always twice as big as the others.
I stood up, trying to see him through the steam. His dark eyes drew me closer, his head tilted to one side, questioning. I pushed slowly through the water towards him, but my view did not clear. It was not steam obscuring my eyes. It was a haze that hung over the dragon like a sheer curtain, "iet the other dragons were clear in my sight.
Behind me, the sound of a soft knock and the door opening jolted me out of my mind-sight. I turned, ducking down into the water.
Rilla bustled in with folded drying sheets draped over her arms.
'What's wrong?' she asked, pressing the door shut with her back.
'You startled me.' I waded to the steps. 'I thought you might have been someone else.'
'No, Lady Dela has made it very clear to the other servants that your living areas are never to be entered,' Rilla said.
She shook out the sheet and held it up.
'You shouldn't be doing that with your sore hands,' I said.
'I'm all right. Now come on, we've got to get you dry and dressed.'
I stepped into the dry warmth of the sheet, pulling the edges around my body.
'Has this been heated?' I asked, stroking the thick cotton.
'Of course,' Rilla said, rubbing my back dry through the cloth. 'Do you think I'd let the new Lord Dragoneye get a cold arse when he stepped out of the bath? For shame.'
We looked at each other and giggled.
After I was dry, Rilla wrapped a clean sheet around me and oiled my hair, deftly braiding it onto the crown of my head in a shortened version of the Dragoneye double loop.
'It's the best I can do with your length,' she said, stepping back to consider her work.
'How do you know how to do it?' I asked.
_
She smiled. 'I was the master's body servant when he was the Tiger Dragoneye. Quite a few years ago now, but I still remember the hairstyle.' She smoothed a stubborn kink near my ear, her smile widening. 'Of course, these days the master does not need a hairdresser.'
I smothered another giggle. Lords did not giggle. 'Still, he will be missing you,' I said.
Her eyes slid from mine, the light moment gone. 'Perhaps. But he saw a chance to protect you here. That is what is important. And Irsa has been waiting for her chance to move higher.' She picked up the wet bath sheet and shook it out roughly 'The master will not want for attention.'
She opened the door and led the way through the narrow corridor to a nearby dressing chamber. It was a small room, dominated by a large clothes press that had one sliding screen door open showing stacks of white underwear and folded hose. Next to it, a shabby basket was pushed against the wall. My old belongings from the master's house. Folded across the top were my best tunic and trousers, the faded dark cloth showing the neat patches.
Rilla's gaze followed mine. 'It came yesterday I did not know what you wanted to keep.'
I ran to it, propelled by a sudden need to touch my old things. 'Where are my ancestors' death plaques?' I asked, raking through the basket. 'I need to make an altar. I need to honour them.' I dug harder. 'I need their protection.'
Rilla crossed the room and stopped my frantic burrowing with a gentle hand. 'They are there, my lord. Safely wrapped at the bottom. I packed them myself. I'll prepare an altar for you.'
She eased me back. All right?'
I nodded, turning away from the tumbled basket to face a large mirror on a stand in the opposite corner. Ignoring my pale reflection, I focused on a wooden rack beside it, shaped like the torso of a man and hung with a magnificent three-quarter-length robe. The rich emerald silk had been woven thick with peacocks, butterflies, flowers and a large waterfall with gold fish jumping through it.
'Am I to wear this?' I asked, shocked.
Rilla nodded.
'But it's a Story Robe.'
I had seen them worn by nobles on their way to court celebrations; priceless works of art passed from father to son and often worth a whole estate.
'It was delivered while you were bathing,' Rilla said, closing the door. A gift from the Emperor. He chose it for you himself. It's called "A Summer Waterfall Brings Harmony to the Soul".' Her voice lowered in awe. 'It has even been re-tailored for you. Can you imagine the work?'
'It's from the Emperor?' Gingerly, I touched the edge of a wide silk sleeve. Something deep within me knew that it was both wonderful and dangerous to receive such a gift from the Heavenly Master.
Rilla turned to the clothes press and selected a pair of white undershorts. 'Here, put these on,'
she said, passing them to me. She pulled a rolled strip of cloth out of her pocket. 'I've brought extra breast-bands with me. I'll store them with my things. To be safe.'
I nodded and pulled up the shorts, tying off the silk drawstring. They were made from fine linen.
'Such beautiful cloth for underthings,' I murmured, rolling the delicate weave between my fingers.
'You should have seen the silk in storage for the court ladies. I've never seen such embroidery'
Rilla moved behind me. 'Hold up your arms.'
She wrapped the band around my chest firmly, flattening my breasts against the underlying ribs until there were no curves to be seen. I winced as she pulled hard on the last layer and tied the cloth under my arm. Too bad I could not be rid of my womanly shape. It only brought me danger and pain.
'Is it tight enough?' she asked.
I ran my hands over the unforgiving bandage and took a breath, feeling the familiar constriction in my chest. 'It's good.'
Dressing in court robes was a lengthy affair. By the time Rilla had positioned the sleeveless silk undertunics, fastened the matching emerald green trousers, secured the indoor slippers, and tied the intricate sash that finished the Harmony Robe, my back and hip were aching from the strain of standing still for so long.
&
nbsp; 'There, you're ready,' she finally said, twitching the hem into place.
'Let me look.'
I walked slowly to the mirror, the unaccustomed weight of all the layers dragging at my movements. A solemn boy looked back from the reflection, his fine features and slim body overwhelmed by the magnificence of his clothing.
'With any luck they will see the robe and not me,' I said, brushing my hand lightly over the silk.
Rilla tilted her head. 'I don't think you need to worry You have a stubborn chin and a way of moving that is male. And the robe is cunningly cut and woven — see how it makes you look taller and wider at the shoulder.'
It was true — the weaving and cut all contrived to make my figure seem manly. No wonder the Story weavers were so sought after and wooed with expensive gifts.
'The Council and court are not looking for a girl,' Rilla continued. 'They could not even imagine such a deception. Anyway, you are Moon Shadow. You are expected to keep the sweetness of childhood. Which reminds me…' She crossed over to the clothes press and slid the other door open with a snap. 'You will need to carry this.'
She pulled out a small red lacquer box and flipped open the lid, passing it to me. Inside was a slim silver cone about the length and size of a finger lying on a soft leather pouch.
'What is it?'
A horn of tears. The eunuchs use them to pass water.' She nodded at the look on my face. 'I know. It must be very painful. As a Moon Shadow you will be expected to have one.' She picked the cone up and slid it inside the pouch, pulling the drawstring closed. 'Carry it with you always. I think the eunuchs hang them from their sash.'
I looked down at the thick pleated sash around my waist. 'Surely not on a Story Robe?'
'I don't know,' Rilla said, frowning. 'Perhaps Lady Dela can advise you. If you are ready, I'll take you to the reception room and send for her.'
Rilla led me out of the private living areas to the formal reception room at the front of the apartment. Most of the outside wall was made of panelled sliding screens that opened up into an inner courtyard of the palace. Only two screens were open and I glimpsed a jade guardian lion set on a shallow platform that surrounded the rooms. Beyond it was a garden laid out in Tranquil View design with a small bridge and gnarled trees overhanging a pond. Even without using my mind-sight, I could tell that the restful energy of the garden was being cleverly directed towards the apartment.
The reception room was traditional: a straw-mat floor and a low dark-wood table surrounded by fiat cushions. There were two matching alcoves in the back wall, each one displaying a painted scroll. A long bureau of matching dark wood stood against the far wall with a single vase holding an arrangement of orchids. It was a place of quiet dignity. Rilla slid apart the remaining screens, opening up the courtyard view.
'Lady Dela has been summoned, my lord,' she said. 'Shall I prepare tea?'
Her sudden deference startled me. 'Yes. Please.'
I walked over to the left alcove, drawn to the vividly coloured scroll. It was a painting of a dragon, the swirling tail and elegantly
uplifted front claws creating a pleasing symmetry. I peered at the tiny name square and shivered. It was by the great Master Quidan. I crossed to its pair. A tiger, again by the master.
'They are very beautiful, are they not, my lord?'
I turned. Lady Dela was standing on the platform, flanked by her Shadow Man guard. In the daylight I could see he had the look of a Trang Islander about him. Perhaps he was one of the cattle-men. They both bowed, Lady Dela dropping to one knee and folding her hands in the bend of her hip, the pearl and gold hem of her cream robe pooling heavily at her feet.
'This, my lord, is the formal court bow of a lady to a lord. In response, the lord nods his head.'
I quickly nodded.
'Excellent,' she said, rising gracefully
Although her every move was that of a woman, I could now see the man beneath the careful paint and rich clothing. And yet she was not a man. She was Lady Dela. It was very confusing.
'Ryko here is on duty,' she continued, 'therefore his bow is from the waist and does not require him to lower his gaze. Off duty, of course, he is required to drop to both knees and bow until his forehead is a hand's width from the floor, eyes lowered.' She stepped to one side. 'Show him, Ryko.'
The big man bowed from the waist again. 'I beg pardon, my lord,' he said softly 'But I am on duty and unable to bow as my lady requests.'
Lady Dela clapped. 'See! He is a very good guard. Even if I order him, he will not do it.'
I saw the hint of a smile twitch at Ryko's lips.
'If you order me, lady, I will be in a grave dilemma,' he said.
'How so?' she demanded. Her sharp features had softened with amusement.
'To upset a lady or follow my orders. Both are terrible crimes.'
'Ha,' she said, the black pearl at her throat quivering. 'The terrible crime is your attempt at gallantry'
As you say, my lady' he said meekly
She turned away from him, her lips pressed together to stifle her own smile. 'May I enter, my lord?' she asked.
'Of course.'
She stepped out of her slippers and crossed the room, the Shadow Man taking his position at the doorway.
'Lord Eon,' she said, returning to business, 'all of lower rank are required to bow to you. That is everyone except the Imperial family and the other lords. You only need to acknowledge lower ranks with a brief nod. In a situation where you are of equal rank, say another Dragoneye lord, the younger lord nods to the elder. You will always bow to the Emperor or one of his family by dropping to both knees and bowing from the waist at the angle of the crescent moon.'
She stopped and looked closely at my robe, her thin eyebrows arcing upwards. 'My goodness.
Is that "A Summer Waterfall Brings Harmony to the Soul"?'
'It was a gift from the Emperor,' I said.
'Indeed,' she said, walking around me, her reddened lips pursed with thought. 'Indeed. A most interesting gift.' She flicked open a fan that hung from a ribbon around her wrist and waved it gently in front of her face. Above the finely painted edge, I saw shrewd calculation in her eyes. 'Now that the Harmony robe is yours, you should know its history Perhaps, if we have time, I will tell you at the end of our lesson.'The fan snapped shut. 'There is one thing, however, we must attend to before we resume.' She turned her head away politely, pointing the fan at the pouch hanging from my sash. 'Ryko, perhaps you could assist Lord Eon?'
The guard hurried over to me.
'My lord, may I suggest you fold that under the sash?' he said. "The Emperor has recently ruled that the court ladies should not look upon such a necessity. Allow me to help you.'
He untied the strings and rolled the leather around the horn, quickly working it under the edge of the stiffly pleated sash.
I couldn't help the rise of heat to my face. 'I did not know'
He bowed. 'My lord, it would be my honour if you felt free to come to me with any questions about…' He lowered his voice. About the way of the Shadow here at court.'
I could not meet the kindness in his eyes. 'Thank you,' I whispered.
Ryko nodded in salute and returned to his position at the door.
Lady Dela swirled around to face me again, her face overly bright. 'Now, my lord, what have you learned so far?'
I repeated her instructions back.
'Very good. I am so glad you are quick. The new Rat Dragoneye apprentice is too terrified to retain anything at the moment. Poor child.'
'You mean Dillon?' I stepped forwards. 'You've seen Dillon?'
'Of course, you would have studied together,' Lady Dela said smoothly 'I have been instructing him in court protocol. Is he a friend?'
I saw her note my hesitation.
'He is,' I finally said. 'Can I see him?'
It would be good to see Dillon and clear the air between us; his small betrayal meant nothing now. We had both won the prize. And I wanted to see his face when he saw
me in a Story Robe.
'He is at his Dragon Hall, my lord. But you will see him tonight at the banquet. It is as much a welcome to him as it is to you, and he will be officially third guest of honour. In fact, I may be able to arrange the places so that you can speak to one another during the feast. Would that be agreeable?'
'Yes. Very agreeable.'
'That is settled then,' she said, and I sensed I had entered a bargain without knowing the price.
'Now, let us continue. When you leave the presence of the Emperor or one of his family, you must never turn your back. It is an Insult of Death. "You must learn the way of backing out of a room. Come, we will practise.'
It was a long lesson. We stopped for the tea and moon-cakes that Rilla brought in, and Lady Dela made the refreshment part of my instruction. She showed me how to kneel in the Story Robe and take tea in the formal manner of the nobles; which guest drank from their porcelain bowl first, when to eat the tiny festival cakes, and what was said at each stage of the ritual.
Although I only ate two of the delicious cinnamon pastries as prescribed by the ceremony, they added their weight to my unsettled stomach.
Finally, after I had mastered the formal and informal greetings and the backward kowtow out of the Emperor's presence, Lady Dela nodded her approval.
'Enough for now, I think,' she said. 'You have done very well.'
I bowed slightly, relieved that the session was over. But I could foresee a very large problem ahead of me.
'Lady, you will think me very stupid,' I said, 'but I have only ever seen the Imperial family and the Dragoneye lords from a distance. I will not know which bow goes with which person.'
She shook her head, the gold hair ornaments chiming. 'Not stupid at all, my lord. When I first came to the court, I also did not know. It took a long time and many mistakes before I found my footing.' She smiled, leaning towards me, and I smelled the sweetness of frangipani. 'Don't worry, I will accompany you to the court banquets and gatherings for a while and whisper names in your ear. And also some pertinent information that will help you through the maze of personalities.'
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