The dam burst and I snapped in time with it.
I threw a punch with my free hand, my fist cracking into Saint’s nose so hard that pain splintered through my knuckles. He released me with a roar of fury and blood spilled down over his mouth. I gazed at him with my veins singing my victory and my heart not beating for a full second. Then I realised with a horrifying clarity that I was now totally fucked.
As fast as I could, I scrambled backwards and hurried upstairs before he could recover.
“Blake, get her,” Saint growled and I gripped the railing of the balcony, watching as he stalked off in the direction of the other guys’ rooms, wiping his bloody nose on his hand. The tension in his shoulders was enough to send a lick of terror up my spine.
Kyan smirked up at me from below like he was happy I’d punched Saint and my mouth twitched at the corner, my breathing coming quicker as adrenaline sank into my veins. I’d hit that fucker. And it had felt so damn good.
Blake rushed up the stairs, grabbing my arm and I glared at him as he yanked me back towards the steps.
“You’ve really done it now, Cinders,” he said in a low tone and the victory flooding my limbs quickly gave way to fear once more.
“What’s he gonna do?” I breathed, looking up at him and seeing no fire in his eyes today. Only a blankness that scared me to my core. “Blake?” I pressed.
Kyan folded his arms, glancing between us as Blake guided me to the couch and shoved me onto it before dropping down beside me. I folded my legs up beneath me, flexing my hand as I relived the punch I’d landed on Saint. My knuckles were already bruised up from yesterday’s fight, but this was a bruise I wanted to tattoo onto my flesh forever. I might have been about to face my maker, but I couldn’t say I regretted it. Not for a second.
Saint eventually reappeared with the blood washed from his face and my backpack in his grip. My heart slowed to a halt as he tipped it up over the coffee table and all of my stuff fell out of it. I clenched my jaw, glowering at him as he gazed around at the mess of clothes and school books. Then he stuffed his hand in the bag and ripped out the wad of letters I kept in the secret pocket and tossed them down on the table for me to see.
Dread gripped my soul and made every part of my body scream.
“No!” I gasped, leaping out of my seat, intending to get them back no matter what I had to do. Blake snatched me around the waist, dragging me down into his lap and locking his arms around me so that I was forced to remain in place.
“Let me go!” I demanded, wriggling wildly as Kyan watched us all with mild intrigue on his face. My heart thrashed in my chest, my mouth was overly dry and the part of me they’d broken before was already coming unstitched.
Saint cocked his head to one side, surveying me with nothing but evil in his eyes. I’d made the devil bleed and he intended to repay the favour.
“Do you think we didn’t go through your whole bag when we first brought you here?” he asked, stepping toward me and leaning down into my face. The scent of sin washed from his skin, pure and clean and deadly. “Because that would have been a really fucking stupid thing to think, Plague.”
I bared my teeth, fighting viciously against Blake’s hold, but I couldn’t get free. Every part of my body was begging me to claw and tear my way to Saint. I couldn’t bear the look on his face, couldn’t stand the cruelty in his eyes.
He fished through the pile as if looking for a particular letter then smiled satisfactory as he lifted one up and read from it. “I miss you, Jess. Sometimes it hurts so much I can’t breathe. Knowing you’re gone, knowing you left me.”
His words cut into me and I roared my rage at him as he tossed the letter onto the fire burning in the grate behind him.
“No!” I screamed, my throat rubbing raw as I watched the page curl and turn to ash. It was a piece of my soul, lost, gone, destroyed.
Saint casually picked up another letter, reading another snippet just to make me bleed on the inside. “Sometimes I wonder if you’re still out there somewhere. I hope you’re somewhere happy, somewhere safe.” He sneered at me, enjoying my pain, his eyes electrified with it like it was the only thing that made his heart beat.
“What are they?” Kyan asked with a frown, but Saint only answered by tossing the letter onto the flames and snatching up another one. My heart felt like it was burning alive with those pages on the fire. Each word had poured from me, meant for her. But she’d never read any of them.
Saint snatched up another one, a nasty smile biting into his cheeks. “Today was your funeral. I had to say goodbye to my big sister. My guiding star. I love you, Jess. I don’t know what I’ll ever do without you.” He gave me a mocking stare and another piece of me shattered like glass.
A wave of pain crashed against my heart as I remembered that day, the way I’d poured over that letter as I unleashed my pain, letting it all out. And in the years since, I’d written to her whenever I needed to. Whenever I wished I could get her advice or tell her about my life. It had helped ease the grief, given me an outlet for the words I’d never gotten to say to her. For all the moments I’d never shared with her. And now they were all disappearing, one at a time, consumed in flame like they meant nothing. But they were everything, everything.
Saint sifted through the pile again and produced a letter that made my heart fracture into a million pieces. The paper was different. Crumpled, worn, a hundred tears soaked into its fibres.
Jess and I had written letters to each other all through my sophomore year. She’d stayed in California to study biomedical science, but I was too young to stay with her. I’d continued to travel with Dad. But that letter, the one the devil held between his fingers now, was the last one she’d ever given me. She’d come to surprise us in Chicago for Christmas. She’d delivered it to me in person.
“Dear Tatty,” Saint read in a mocking tone that made my bones ache. “I thought I’d give this one to you myself as we’re going to be spending the entire holiday season together. And guess what?! Dad says you’re coming to California with me in January. Now I’m eighteen I can look after you for a while. He’s gotta work in dull-ass Fort Wayne for a few months. So you’re gonna be free, bitch! You’re gonna love it, Tatty. The beaches are to die for and I swear you’re made for it already with that golden skin of yours. You know me with my pale-ass Dad complexion. At least Mom left you something when she abandoned us, right? Bitch didn’t leave me anything but her allergies. I can’t wait for you to meet everyone. You’ll never wanna leave, I swear. Maybe we can live there permanently one day? I’ll talk Dad around. Love you little sis. Your new roomie, Jess.”
I fought so hard against Blake that I managed to get free, terror driving my actions as I dove over the coffee table to snatch the letter from Saint’s fingers. My hand was outstretched, just grazing it when Blake caught me around the waist at the last second, pinning me down onto the table and slamming his weight on top of me.
“You shouldn’t have broken the rules,” Blake growled as he held me in place and my heart nearly gave out. Because I hadn’t broken the rules. I’d only done what Kyan had told me to. But saying that seemed worthless. Kyan wasn’t going to protect me from this. He’d had his fun and now I was paying the consequences. He was as heartless as them and I was a fool for ever thinking there was more to him than brutality.
“Make her watch,” Saint commanded and Blake fisted a hand in my hair to turn me to toward the fire.
“Please don’t,” I begged as tears washed over my skin. The other letters were my words, I could let them all go for that single one. I could face anything but losing that piece of my sister. “Not that one, please Saint.” My voice was raspy and dry, my desperation lacing the air around us.
Kyan cleared his throat before Saint made any move toward the fire. “Don’t you think this is going a bit far now, dude? I was the one who took her out.”
Saint glowered at him, a deadly glint in his gaze but a flicker of hope filled me.
Please don’t do
this. Please listen to him.
Saint moved out of sight, striding towards Kyan and I writhed against Blake’s firm hold on me, but it was no use.
“I decide when it goes too far,” Saint snarled, then he strode back into view, grabbing the entire pile of letters from the table and throwing them all into the flames. I screamed, but I couldn’t hear it. I was locked inside my head, a haze of hate and grief consuming me, taking everything with it. Jessica’s letters were amongst them, burning up with the rest. Her messages to me lost, devoured.
Blake released me, but I didn’t move. I sobbed, despising that they saw me fall apart as I curled my legs to my chest on the table and buried my face in my arms.
I heard them moving away and I gasped for air as I reached for Jess’s necklace around my throat and clutched it tight in my fist.
I’m so sorry, Jess.
A violent shudder ran through me as my heart broke and the world seemed to darken around me. There was a shadow in my soul now, a brand they’d left there, tainting me. Marking me with this hurt forever.
I needed to get away from this place. These vile boys. I was done. So fucking done.
I lifted my head, drawing in a shaky breath. None of them were close by.
I turned my gaze to the door then pushed myself up and ran straight toward it, determined to get out of this place and never look back.
I yanked the door open just as Saint shouted, “Stop!”
I ignored him, kicking my feet into my sneakers and snatching someone’s trench coat from beside the door before throwing it shut behind me. I started running, hearing them shouting after me. I shot a glance back at them through teary eyes, spotting Kyan getting in their way to stop them.
They didn’t come for me but I upped my pace anyway, wiping my eyes on the sleeve of the coat, the apple scent of Saint hanging on it and making me want to hurl it into the lake. But it was freezing out and still dark; I couldn’t wander around campus in nothing but Kyan’s T-shirt.
I didn’t know where I was gonna go, I just knew I needed to be as far away from that church as I could get.
Tears continued to fall and my heart continued to break. He’d taken the most precious items in the world to me. And it felt like losing my sister all over again.
I made it all the way down to Sycamore Beach by the lake before I stopped running. Dawn was painting the sky in pale pink tones and I hated the beauty of it. I hated the peace of the world when it felt like it should have been falling to ruin around me.
Hate spilled out of me from every pore in my body as I glared at the sacred rock and the arrow markings of the Night Keepers at the top of it. I tipped my head to the sky and screamed my rage. At Saint, Blake, Kyan. I hated them all for owning me, taking everything I’d ever had and casting it aside like it was nothing. Making me bare my soul just so they could slice it up and laugh while they did it.
Despite my scream feeling like it could start an earthquake, nothing happened. The world continued to be quiet and still. The lake rippled darkly and the sky brightened with another coming day.
A hand suddenly grabbed me from behind and I lurched around in fear, my fists raising as I prepared to fight and kick and bite. But it wasn’t them. It was Monroe. His dark blue eyes widened as he took in my expression. He pulled his headphones off to hang around his neck and I suddenly came apart all over again.
I lurched forward, wrapping my arms around him, needing the comfort of his embrace more than anything in the world.
His arms slowly closed around me and I fell to pieces, my tears spilling onto his white T-shirt and soaking through. I let myself fall apart in his arms as he held me and I breathed in his fresh pine scent, his presence somehow making my heart slow and my world start to feel less shaky again.
He held me until I could draw breath, until I was strong enough to stand on my own two feet again. Then I pulled away and wiped at my eyes, spinning away from him as I wrapped my arms around myself. I didn’t want to need him. I wanted to need no one and nothing. I wanted to be strong enough to face the world alone. Like Dad had taught me. Like Jess had always said I could. But I was just a weak little girl again, except now my dreams were fragmented and my innocence gone.
“What did they do?” he asked and I shook my head, unable to say it. My voice felt trapped down in a deep, dark well inside me. He moved closer behind me and I felt the warmth radiating from his body like it was the heat of the sun.
“Fuck them,” he snarled as more tears spilled over my cheeks.
I nodded, but said nothing.
“Fuck them, Tatum.” He grabbed my arms, twisting me around to face him and there was so much passion in his eyes, I could feel it butting up against my ruptured heart and demanding I be strong. “They’re trying to break you. Are you gonna let them?”
I bit into my lower lip as another fat tear rolled down my cheek. He reached out to wipe it away and the action helped my voice resurface. “They went too far this time.”
His brows pulled together and he stepped closer, dropping his hand to cup my jaw. “If you’re done, that’s it. They win. Is that what you want?”
His tone was harsh, but I clung onto the strength in it, needing it to fuel my own. I shook my head, dropping his gaze but he forced my chin up again, refusing to let me crumble.
“Say it then,” he demanded. “Because it looks like you’re done to me.”
I opened my lips, taking in a long breath as I tried to draw on his mettle. “You don’t understand. What they did…what they took from me-” I choked on the last words and my heart crushed in my chest.
“What did they take?” he growled.
“Everything,” I groaned.
I tried to turn away, but he wouldn’t let me, forcing me to remain in his hardened stare.
When Jessica had died, I’d fallen apart. It had cut a gaping hole in my chest which had never healed. One second she’d been sick with a cough, the next she’d been in intensive care fighting for her life. It had all happened so fast. The blinding lights of the ambulance at two am. My dad climbing in with her. My neighbour resting her wrinkled fingers on my shoulder promising me everything would be okay. But it hadn’t been okay. Nothing had ever been okay since.
“Well then there’s nothing left for them to take now, is there princess?” Monroe’s words were softer and my lips parted as I realised he was right. How could they hurt me now when they’d already ripped me to shreds? Literally burned the only items in the world that mattered to me? They were gone, destroyed, ruined. But now that they were, they could never be used against me again.
There was nothing left to destroy, barring one thing. I lifted a hand to my necklace, caressing the pendant of the Celtic knot before reaching behind my neck, taking it off and holding it out to Monroe.
“Will you take this for me?” I asked, my voice rubbed raw from screaming.
His brow creased and he didn’t reach from it, his lips pressing tightly together. “Are you going to give up?”
I chewed on my lip before shaking my head, finding another ounce of resilience to hold onto. He took the necklace into his palm then tucked it into his pocket and my shoulders dropped in relief.
I turned to face the lake, lowering down to the ground and using Saint’s coat to cover my ass from the damp sand with a sweet satisfaction running through me as I got it dirty. Monroe dropped down beside me and I glanced at him, unbelievably grateful that he’d found me here.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“I’m gonna stay right here until you’re ready to face those assholes again. Then, we’re going to get your uniform and you’re gonna show them what you’re made of by making it through the entire day, princess.”
I stared at him for a long moment as my heart thumped wildly against the base of my throat. He was a dark prince, not a valiant one. I knew there was a malice in him that almost matched that of the Night Keepers’ at times. But there was a goodness in him too. And even if he was just doing this for the sake
of his own revenge, I was still grateful for it.
“Thank you,” I breathed.
He shrugged and I turned my gaze to the water, trying to let the calm of the world seep into my skin. And as the minutes ticked on, my pain numbed and my heart turned to iron.
I wanted to destroy those bastards more than I’d ever wanted anything. I wanted to do it for Jess, for Dad, for Monroe. But most of all, I wanted to do it for me.
The only thing I feared was what I was going to look like at the end of this battle. Because how could I destroy three monsters without becoming one myself?
Even Beethoven couldn’t lighten my mood. Or Mozart or Vivaldi or Stravinsky or Wagner or Tchaikovsky or even fucking Debussy.
My skin was coated in sweat and my muscles were burning with fatigue from pushing so goddamn hard in my workout to try and make up for the time I’d missed from my ritual, but it was no good. No fucking good.
My grip tightened on the weight I was holding and with a roar of rage, I launched it across the room where it hit the grey bricks and knocked a chunk out of them before it fell and slammed into the ground beneath in a scattering of dust.
I whirled around and took the stairs back up to the main room of The Temple two at a time as my pulse pounded in my ears.
I hadn’t slept. I never did much anyway, but last night I’d been awake all night ringing and ringing Kyan as I climbed the fucking walls, not knowing where the fuck he was. Where the fuck she was.
I didn’t even know what time it was now which was fucking unthinkable. My ritual was the only thing which kept me sane and it had blown up in my face this morning. And it felt like…like…my motherfucking head was about to explode.
I stormed through the living room and up the stairs to the balcony as I tried to get my mind straight. The clock on the wall was waiting for me, offering the answers that could get me back on track if I just-
Seven, thirteen. Thirteen fucking minutes past seven. What the fuck was that? Nothing happened at thirteen minutes past anything. It was a void time, a time when I should have been deep into the cathartic part of my workout not wandering the church like a fucking wraith.
Kings of Quarantine: A Dark High School Bully Romance (Brutal Boys of Everlake Prep Book 1) Page 43