He swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing. "No. It's just that once I start talking about the cats, I lose track of time. And you're … you know…"
Pregnant, she added silently, wondering why he had trouble saying the word. Maybe it was the bachelor in him, the single, childless male. Jason had trouble with the word, too. And the image. The father of her baby didn't want to be a father.
"Why don't we have lunch and finish the tour afterward?" he suggested.
"Okay." In truth, she was actually ready for a break. Swollen feet and backaches came more regularly these days, the baby in her womb growing rapidly.
The picnic area was located just outside the rescue. Wooden benches provided rough-hewn seating and ancient oaks offered shelter from the dusty winds. She found the parklike setting appealing, especially since beyond the chain-link fence were endless miles of uncultivated land. Shane's property sat on a small hillside, overlooking the plains. The wide-open space gave her a sense of freedom.
"What's that building?" she asked, referring to a large tiki-type hut.
"It's going to be our gift shop. We just haven't had the chance to stock it yet. We plan on having some T-shirts made. Coffee cups, too. You know, things that promote the rescue. We survive on donations and membership support."
She took in her surroundings once again. "I really like it here."
He smiled and unpacked their food. "Yeah, me, too."
They had chosen to make a simple lunch: turkey sandwiches, cheese-flavored crackers, apples and bottled water. Everything in Duarte seemed simple to Kelly, at least all that she had seen so far. She hadn't been to town yet, but remembered that Grandpa had described it as a secluded corner of Texas, as old-fashioned as a blue-chip stamp, a place where time stood still.
Kelly reached for her water. Time was just what she needed. Time to be alone, to think and make decisions. Being far from home helped, knowing that she didn't have to argue with her mother or obsess about Jason's return from his business travels – a trip she believed he had scheduled to avoid her.
"So what's your hometown like?" Shane asked.
She glanced down at her sandwich. Strange how he always managed to tap into her thoughts. "It's a nice place. A small suburban town where most of us know each other." Kelly had been born in Tannery, Ohio, attended school there, sold Girl Scout cookies, landed her first and only job, buried Grandpa in the hilltop cemetery. It was home, yet she didn't want to be there. Not now.
"So you're a grocery checker, right?" he asked.
Kelly nodded. She had told him what she did for a living the previous evening over supper. "The pay is pretty good, and I've got excellent health benefits."
He studied his apple, then buffed it against his shirt. "Yeah, but it's not right for you."
She wasn't sure if she should take offense. No one had ever questioned her job before. "I like talking to the customers, seeing the people I grew up around."
He met her gaze, the polished apple gleaming in his hand. "Yeah, but there's more to you than that. There's something you have a passion for. I can feel it, even see it in your eyes."
A shiver worked its way up her spine. Being held within his stare was unnerving. Soul-piercing, she decided, like being stalked by a mountain lion. And she did have a passion. Nothing glamorous, just a quiet hobby. She liked to draw. Just for herself, pictures of plants and animals – her mother's garden, a neighbor's puppy, things that made her feel good. But even so, she wasn't foolhardy enough to believe her drawings would please anyone but herself.
"I'm fine with my job," she said, even though she wasn't. Nothing was fine in her life. Nothing. Rather than look forward to becoming a grandmother, Kelly's mother had turned the welfare of Kelly's child into a lawsuit. And Jason? His bitter feelings hurt most of all. One minute he insisted the baby wasn't his, and the next he accused Kelly of getting pregnant on purpose.
Shane continued to stare into her eyes, his voice gentle. "If you feel like talking about it, I want you to know I'm here. I'm a good listener."
Kelly tore at the crust on her sandwich. "Am I that obvious?"
"You're all alone in Texas a month before your baby is due. That in itself says something."
Suddenly she wanted to cry. She needed a friend, someone who wasn't close to her situation. But could she tell Shane about Jason? About how much his rejection hurt? Or how inadequate she had been as a lover?
"I'm happy about the baby," she said. A little scared about being a single parent, but grateful that God had given her a child. "I appreciate your concern. But I'm going to he fine." She couldn't imagine talking to Shane about Jason. Especially about all the awful things Jason had said to her. The personal, humiliating things.
* * *
Shane wondered what to do now. Kelly looked like a lost little girl, an urchin trying to act brave. "How old are you?" he asked.
"Twenty-four."
He took a deep breath. The same age he had been when Tami had become pregnant. "I'm thirty," he told her for lack of something better to say.
"Oh." She glanced down at her food.
Great, he thought, awkward conversation. His brilliant plan to help her wasn't working. Should he share something private, something from his past? Would that encourage her to open up?
Shane bit into the apple. He couldn't tell her about Tami. That was too personal. Admitting that his wife had found him lacking as a husband wasn't something he cared to admit. Tami wouldn't have slept with another man if Shane had satisfied her.
Pushing Tami out of his mind, he decided to test the waters, determine if Kelly's pain was centered around her baby's father. He knew firsthand about reluctant fathers. "I just got acquainted with my dad five years ago."
"Really?" She scooted forward.
"Yeah." He wondered how to tell this story without making Tom seem like the bad guy. Making fathers look bad wasn't the idea, especially if the guy who had made Kelly pregnant was shirking his responsibility. Although the fear of fatherhood hit some men harder than others, Shane believed most guys eventually came around.
"My parents had this sort of casual affair, I guess," he began. "They met in Oklahoma. My dad was from Texas, but he was in school at the time, attending the veterinary college in Stillwater." Shane could see that he'd captured Kelly's attention, so he continued. "Anyway, they ended up sleeping together, and my mom got pregnant."
This, he decided, was where the story got complicated. "But my mom didn't tell Tom about me. And she refused to tell my grandma where Tom could be found. She was afraid Grandma would try to force them into getting married."
"Your mother sounds like an independent woman."
"Yeah. She doesn't believe in loveless marriages, people getting together for the sake of a baby. Of course my traditional grandma saw things differently."
Kelly watched him through interested eyes. "So what happened?"
"By the time Grandma tracked down my dad, I was almost a year old. And Tom … well … he was married to someone else by then." Shane knew it was odd for a son to refer to his father by his given name, but Tom had been a stranger long before Shane had ever called him Dad. "Not only that, hut Tom's wife was pregnant. He was about to become a father for the second time."
"Oh, my." Kelly's jaw dropped a little. "It sounds like a soap opera."
"Yeah." He didn't watch daytime TV, but he'd heard how angst-ridden those shows were. "Tom told his wife, and they both agreed that he should take financial responsibility for me. So he sent my mom child support, even though he promised his wife he would never bring me into their lives in any other way."
"And your dad was okay with that?" she asked, uncertainty in her tone.
Apparently Kelly was thinking about the father of her own child. A man Shane had come to wonder about. Had he loved Kelly or had he used her? Had it been a serious relationship or a one-night stand? A hundred scenarios, he realized, were possible. And if Kelly didn't confide in him, he'd probably lay awake that night counting off each an
d every one.
He discarded his half-eaten apple and answered her question. "Tom felt guilty as hell, but he loved his wife and figured it was the only way to save his marriage."
"What about your mom?"
"She appreciated the child support, especially since she hadn't intended to tell Tom about me in the first place. My grandma was upset, though. Of course there wasn't much she could do about it." Nothing but argue with Shane's mother and insist that Tom had shamed his firstborn by excluding the boy from his life. Shane had been seven years old when he'd first stumbled upon one of those arguments, an innocent second-grader when he'd learned that he had a half brother. A white child his white daddy was raising. Shane's innocence had quickly shattered. He had hated Tom then, hated him with every fiber of his being – a burning that had grown with each passing year.
"You seem close to your dad now," Kelly observed. "He appears to care very deeply about you."
"Tom came to see me when I was eighteen," Shane admitted, "but I told him to go to hell. I didn't want to have anything to do with him." Shame welled in his throat. Shame for hating so deeply, for not recognizing Tom's grief. "His wife and son had just been killed in a plane crash. Emotionally he was a mess."
And Shane's kindhearted, free-spirited mother had reached out to Tom, offering friendship and compassion, something Shane wasn't capable of doing at the time. "I just wanted him to go away. I didn't want to be his instant son, a replacement for the one he had raised – fair-haired, fair-skinned Danny – the boy he had really loved."
Kelly flinched, and Shane realized his voice had taken on the hurt from his youth. "I spent over half my life comparing myself to Danny. Wondering why Tom wanted him over me. I was bitter and rebellious, but I swear, Kelly, I've come a long way since then. I don't blame my dad anymore." And he found himself mourning Danny, the brother he had never known.
"I believe you." Her smile was faint but sincere. "It couldn't have been easy."
"No, it wasn't. But neither was Tom losing his wife and son. Regardless, I avoided my dad for the next seven years. I didn't see him again until I was twenty-five."
"Five years ago," she remarked, pushing her flyaway hair out of her eyes.
"Yeah, five years ago." Right after he had left Evan behind, the baby he couldn't keep, the child who wasn't really his.
"What made you decide to get to know your dad then?" she asked.
"Just some stuff going on in my own life." A paternity test he didn't want to take, a divorce he had tried to stop. Sheer and utter hell. "It's over now."
It had been, he realized, until Kelly Baxter had showed up at his door. Pregnant, lost little Kelly. He looked across the table at her. The wind had made a beautiful mess of her hair, and the sun peeking through the trees highlighted the scatter of freckles dusting her nose. "Do you want to finish the tour?"
"Yes."
Her voice was as quiet as his, and he decided she wasn't going to open up, not even after what he'd just told her. But then, he'd only revealed half of his story. The other half involved his wife and child, the family he had struggled to keep.
* * *
Although Kelly and Shane agreed to finish the tour, neither made a move to leave the bench. They sat silent for a time, picking at the remainder of their food, each absorbed in their own thoughts. Kelly's strayed to Jason. The story about Shane's parents had triggered an emotional response inside her. Shane's mother hadn't been in love with Tom, but Kelly still had feelings for the father of her child. And now she believed that Jason had only dated her because he enjoyed being admired. Her long-running affection for him was no secret. She had been attracted to Jason since she was a sophomore at Tannery High, and he seemed to thrive on female attention.
And yes, she still had the deep and painful hope that he would take responsibility for his child. Not with money, but with love. She wanted her baby to know its father. If she refused to file the paternity suit her mother was pushing for, would Jason feel less threatened? Less pressured? Would he return from his so-called extended business trip to discuss the welfare of their child?
"Are you ready?" Shane asked.
"Oh, yes. Of course." She discarded her trash in a nearby can. She didn't want to dwell on heartache, especially this afternoon. Shane offered what appeared to be genuine friendship, and she hadn't spent quality time with a friend in ages. Everyone back home was too caught up in the gossip surrounding her and Jason. Would there be a lawsuit? Was she after Jason's money? Had she gotten pregnant on purpose? After all, he was a wealthy young heir and she was just an average middle-class girl.
Kelly placed her hands on her tummy and found herself rewarded with a hearty kick. Comforted by the tiny foot, she smiled. She still had two weeks before she returned to the turmoil surrounding her life. Today she would clear her mind and enjoy the beauty of Texas.
Fifteen minutes later Kelly and Shane stood about four feet from an enclosure that incorporated water, a variety of vegetation and a rocky terrain – a natural habitat. Or as natural as a confined area could be, Shane explained.
The resident was a cougar, an alert, tawny-colored cat. They had looked in on several cougars, but this one, Kelly decided. was different from the rest.
"I wish I could get closer," she said.
Shane unhooked the rope barrier. "With this boy, you can."
As Kelly moved forward, she felt an odd pull toward the animal, a strange affection. Maybe it was the way the big cat moved, the interest he appeared to show. He moved toward the wire fence, then stopped as though anxious for human interaction. Kelly noticed all of the habitats had secondary enclosures attached, a safety precaution, she supposed – a lockdown while the primary pens were being tended.
"Oh." She brought her hand to her heart. The cougar's striking face displayed only one eye.
"Hey, Puma." Shane greeted the cat and received a friendly-sounding "yaooow" in return.
Kelly smiled. She assumed the enthusiastic call meant "What's up?" or "How's it going?" in cougar talk. And when Shane mimicked the sound to near perfection, she found herself even more intrigued. A conversation was definitely taking place. But rather than ask what was being said, she posed a more generic question.
"Puma is another word for cougar, isn't it?"
He nodded. "They're considered the cat of many names. Panther, painter, mountain lion, catamount, night screamer, just to name a few."
A small wind kicked up a cloud of dust. "Night screamer?"
"The early explorers used to tell stories about the unearthly screams that came from the mountains." He smiled at Puma. The cat remained at the fence, watching the humans curiously. "Cougars are vocal animals. Besides caterwaul, they hiss and growl. And make mewling sounds. But they don't roar. That's why their babies are referred to as kittens instead of cubs. They're not considered a member of the Panthera species, the big cats that have the ability to roar."
"What happened to Puma's eye?"
"It ruptured from something similar to glaucoma. A result of poor nutrition. He was bottle-fed as a kitten, but the formula was lacking."
"He's still gorgeous." Kelly wanted to sketch the tawny cat, draw the muscular formation of his body, shape of his face, curve of his ears, the exotic flare of his nostrils. She wanted to capture the essence of his nature. What would he feel like? she wondered. "Do cougars pun?"
Shane's voice took on a slow drawl – a husky, almost lazy quality. "Yeah, and if you get much closer to the compound, Puma's going to be rumbling up a storm. Salivating, too."
She took a step back. "He likes women?"
Shane lowered his head, bringing his mouth close to her ear. His breath was warm, she noticed, as it stirred against her hair.
"Watermelon, Kelly. Puma likes watermelon. Drools all over it before he eats it."
"Oh." A shiver shot up her spine. She had applied her scented body mist liberally that morning, and from the way Shane breathed it in, she assumed he enjoyed watermelon, too.
As he move
d back, she decided Shane and Puma seemed like one and the same – two primal creatures. Striking and exotic.
Kelly chewed her bottom lip. Now she wondered if Shane could purr. She studied his profile and noticed the wind seemed to favor his hair. The sun, too. The glossy strands shone with faint auburn highlights. Maybe he could mimic a cougar's rumbling purr. But since her heartbeat had accelerated to a furious pounding, she decided she was better off not
* * *
Chapter 3
«^»
The cabin had begun to feel like a home. Or a home away from home, Kelly thought. The cleaning crew had done a wonderful job. The rooms reflected pure Western charm. She loved the rough-hewn detail: the beamed ceilings, the stone mantel over the fireplace, the cedar chest filled with Texas trinkets. Since the cabin was so different from her suburban dwelling, she enjoyed the therapy it provided. An old place that felt new – the perfect getaway.
A part of Kelly never wanted to return to Ohio. Of course her home state wasn't the problem. She was still hiding from the decisions that awaited her there. Four days had passed since she'd arrived in Texas, and she wasn't any closer to settling her life.
She sat at the battered dining table, stealing light from a small window. The spring weather had turned gloomy, but that hadn't stopped Kelly from pursuing her current subject Puma, the one-eyed cougar. She had been sketching pictures of him every morning since she had moved into the cabin.
She couldn't explain her affection for Puma, couldn't quite understand it. Being in the cabin made her feel closer to the tawny-colored cat, something that didn't make much sense.
Drawing from memory wasn't easy for Kelly, in fact she had never done it before. Yet Puma's image filled her mind, even the smallest detail.
A loud knock sounded. Kelly jumped to her feet. She had a pretty good idea who her visitor was. Shane stopped by daily, her gentlemanly neighbor with the slow drawl and worn leather boots. She closed her sketchbook and covered it with a magazine she had found in the cedar chest, then went to open the door.
NIGHT WIND'S WOMAN Page 3