Kelly squared her shoulders, but didn't release his hand. "Jason is the only man I've been with. I didn't lie, and I'm not interested in his money. I want him to care about this baby."
"I understand." It was difficult not to raise their joined hands to his lips and brush his mouth over her knuckles, kiss the hurt away. "Come on, let's go sit down."
He led her to the front room and sat beside her on the couch. She took back her hand and placed it against her stomach. Comforting the baby, he thought
Shane fixed his gaze on her tummy and pictured the tiny life residing there, nesting snugly amid the feminine warmth. "Babies suck their thumbs in the womb," he said before he could think to stop himself.
Kelly gave him a startled glance. "How do you know that?"
Because he had watched Evan's ultrasound video with an expectant father's pride, marveling at the wonder of life. He shrugged, hating himself for the lie. "Read it somewhere, I guess."
"Me, too," she commented. "I've read every baby book imaginable. I even brought some of them with me."
He swallowed, envying what Jason had. "You're going to be a terrific mom."
"Thank you." The break in her voice hadn't quite mended. "That means a lot to me."
The rain had stopped. Stillness engulfed the cabin. He inhaled the scent from the smoldering sage. "I think you should consider a court-ordered paternity test. Jason probably won't come around until he knows for sure that the baby is his."
"But I don't want to sue him," she countered. "It's not money I'm after, it's love and acceptance I want. Dragging Jason into court won't give my baby emotional security. And it won't make things any easier on me, either. I hate that there are people in my hometown who believe that I got pregnant on purpose."
"Why does Jason think that?"
"He…" She exhaled a heavy breath. "When he discovered that he was out of condoms, he asked me if I was 'safe.' I thought he meant from disease, but that was his way of asking if I was on the Pill. I told him yes because I misunderstood." A rosy hue flooded her cheeks. "I thought he would … you know … before he…"
"I understand what you mean," Shane supplied since she was stumbling over the words. She had expected Jason to withdraw before he climaxed.
"I know that isn't a proper birth control method," she said, her tone not quite as shy as before. "And I probably sound like some sort of imbecile for not insisting that Jason use a condom. But in spite of our misunderstanding, we're both still responsible for this baby."
Shane agreed wholeheartedly, but apparently the father in question didn't. "You're not an imbecile."
Kelly brushed a lock of hair from her eye. "At least it happened in the dark. That made it a little easier to hide my nervousness. I don't think he knew it was my first time."
Shane tilted his head to study her, deciding Jason hadn't treated her the way a lover should. The guy must have been too caught up in his own pleasure to give Kelly the care she deserved. Shane wouldn't have made love to her in the dark. He would have left a low light burning. And he would have catered to her needs, touched and kissed and—
"Shane?"
He blinked. Twice, maybe three times. He couldn't be sure.
"Yeah?"
"So you really think I should consider a court-ordered paternity test?"
As guilt clawed its way into his mind, Shane ducked his head. He was supposed to be giving Kelly advice, not envisioning himself in bed with her, making a baby who belonged to someone else. "I'm not saying to sue Jason, just file a petition for the tests that will prove he fathered your child. He can't ignore you once he knows the truth."
"I hope he returns to Ohio before I have the baby. Not much can get accomplished until he comes back."
"Where is he?" Shane asked, upset that Jason was avoiding her to such a degree. Somebody needed to pound some sense into the guy and, at the moment, Shane wished it could be him.
"I don't know. On a business trip somewhere. His family owns a string of restaurants. He travels often, but I doubt he's ever been gone this long before."
Shane glanced down at Kelly's hands. She wore no jewelry, no bracelets or rings. No shining 14-karat gold bands or diamond promises.
If Jason had reacted more honorably, would Kelly have accepted a marriage proposal from him? Of course she would have, he decided. Kelly might be independent, but she wasn't like Shane's mother – a woman who didn't believe in marriage for the sake of a child.
Shane loved his mom, but her free-spirited ways hadn't rubbed off on him. He valued commitment, especially for those raising children. Jason should have offered to marry Kelly. Maybe he still would. After the baby was born, the paternity test could change everything. Shane assumed Jason came from one of those rich, traditional, tight-knit families, which meant Kelly's baby would have society grandparents – the kind who found illegitimacy unacceptable. Surely they would encourage a wedding once they knew the truth.
Now why didn't that thought give him comfort?
"Eventually he might ask you to marry him," Shane said, forcing himself to accept the idea. Kelly deserved a marriage proposal, and she was already half in love with Jason.
She met his gaze with a disbelieving look. "Somehow I doubt that."
"It's possible. His family might encourage him to consider it."
She sighed. "That's what I had hoped for in the beginning. And then I started wishing for smaller things. Concerned phone calls, a ride to the doctor's office. Just the slightest indication that he cared."
"Don't worry. Your baby will have a father. I'm certain of it."
She smiled. "Is that one of your official nonpsychic feelings?"
"Yep." He grinned back at her, then stood and rolled his shoulders. "I should get going. It's late."
She came to her feet a little awkwardly, the way pregnant women sometimes did, clutching furniture for support. Shane noticed she appeared to be carrying the baby a tad lower. He searched his memories for the old wives' tale that accompanied that position. Girls were high in front, boys carried low through the hips. Or was it the other way around?
"Thank you," she said. "I really needed someone to talk to."
"No problem."
She walked him to the door. He turned to say goodbye and as he did, she leaned forward.
The hug was automatic. Gentle and right. She put her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. He stroked her hair and felt her breath stir against his neck.
"I'm glad you're my friend," she whispered.
He swallowed around the lump in his throat. "Me, too. Promise that when you go back to Ohio, you'll keep in touch?"
She lifted her head. "I'll call every week."
"Good." He drew her closer and held tight. On this rain-soaked Texas night Kelly Baxter was right where she belonged. In the willing arms of a friend.
* * *
Chapter 5
«^»
Although the prediction of another storm brewed, the rain had stopped, giving way to a pale-blue sky and thriving greenery. Kelly sat on a log stump near the side of Puma's containment, watching the cougar with an appreciative eye and an emotional heart. Concentrating on the cat soothed her tremulous spirit. At the cabin, she had spent the morning detailing her drawings, pulling strength from the creative force. For the first time in her life, her artwork came alive, giving her a deeper sense of self-worth.
Normally she thought of herself as average, but today she felt special. Today she absorbed the elements – the rain-soaked ground, the leaves glistening on the trees, the breeze blowing by. The one-eyed cougar. The half-Comanche man.
Yes, they were part of her, too. Puma was her inspiration and Shane her friend. On this windy afternoon, Kelly wasn't a simple girl from Ohio. Complexity pumped through her veins, giving her the power to face Jason as an equal.
She had already called her attorney about the paternity tests. Jason was her baby's father, and if it took DNA samples to prove it to him, then so be it.
Kelly smoothed her breeze-ravaged hair
. Did she love Jason Collier? She honestly didn't know. Time, she decided, would tell, especially now that she had discovered a slice of inner peace. When she returned to Ohio, she would hold her head high – explore herself and her feelings.
Don't worry. Your baby will have a father. I'm certain of it.
Those words, Shane's words, soothed her like a balm. Loving Jason or hurting from his criticism wasn't the issue. Encouraging him to take an active part in his child's life was key. Kelly's father had died many years before, but thanks to her grandpa she hadn't been forced to survive without paternal love. And if she could find a way to make it happen, her baby would know paternal love, too. Once the child was born and the tests proven, how could Jason ignore the truth?
He couldn't. Shane had said that as well.
The sound of footsteps caught her attention. A smile lit her face before she turned. She knew who it was.
"Hi." Shane returned her smile, his unbound hair lifting like dark, auburn-tipped wings. "My dad told me you were out here."
"I wanted to visit with Puma. I hope you don't mind."
"Of course not. I would have rather been here than cooped up in my office. The toughest part about running a rescue is organizing fund-raisers. I'm not very social, so planning these things are a nuisance."
She glanced over at Puma. The cat, peering through a crop of vegetation, observed them through that lone eye. "A necessary one, right?" Jungle Hill had plenty of feline mouths to feed.
"Yep. A necessary nuisance. It costs about $200 a month to feed each animal," he offered, supplying an answer to the question she had yet to pose.
He shifted his stance, sporting his usual attire – a soft cotton shirt tucked into the waistband of faded jeans. Shane often wore Western hats and boots, but he didn't resemble a crisp, Texas cowboy. His gait was more fluid, that of man who had lived his life among big cats, becoming one in the process. How else could he have shared the cabin with Puma? The cougar must have thought Shane was another mountain lion.
Kelly smiled and patted her belly. Puma probably thought she was a walking watermelon.
"I like this weather," he said, stretching his arms. "If feels good to be outside."
"Yes, is does."
Kelly scooted over, leaving him a portion of the stump. He sat beside her, aware of her silent invitation. Another small wind kicked up, blowing Kelly's hair across her cheek.
"It's like wheat growing wild," he said.
She knew he meant her hair. A compliment, she decided, unpretentious poetry in Shane's quiet drawl. Strange, but a few moments ago, she had been thinking metaphorically about his hair.
They fascinated each other, she realized. Mutual admiration. Male and female friends.
He leaned against her shoulder. "Why do you look so different today? So free?"
"Because I know everything is going to be all right," Kelly answered. "I called my attorney this morning. I decided to follow through on the paternity test."
"Good. I'm glad."
He caught a strand of her hair and held it. Suddenly their faces were only inches apart, close enough to inhale the same gust of air – and quite possibly the flavor of each other with it. Kelly could almost taste the peppermint candy in Shane's mouth.
"What about your mom?" he asked.
"What about her?" She tried not to focus on his lips, but he kept darting his tongue over them.
"Did you talk to her? Tell her what you decided?"
"Yes." Because Kelly wanted to kiss him, she froze. A pregnant woman shouldn't want a man who wasn't responsible for her condition. She studied the shape of his lips, the moisture his tongue had made. Why hadn't her baby kicked? Wasn't it time for a scolding?
Shane blinked. His eyes looked glazed, the flecks of gold a metallic sunburst. "What were we talking about?"
Using his sturdy shoulder for support, Kelly rose to her feet, wishing the baby would give her a healthy jab of reality. Since when did she look into a man's eyes and see the sun? "My mom, I think."
"Oh, yeah." He pulled a hand through his hair, settling the metaphoric wings. "Is she okay with your decision?"
"She would prefer I file a lawsuit. Make Jason pay, so to speak. But you know how I feel about that." Yes, he knew. Shane, her dear friend with the moist, sexy lips understood better than anyone. Forcing Jason into child support and court-ordered custody visits didn't work for her. "I'm glad we're so open with each other," she added, looking directly at Shane. "I don't know what I would do without you."
"You'd do just fine."
He turned his head, and for an instant Kelly wondered if he concealed his expression. Through the mass of hair that blew around his face, she thought she detected a frown – an uneasy slant to those sensuous lips.
* * *
The following day Shane invited Kelly to go for a drive with him. He had to. It was time to open up, become the kind of friend she assumed he already was – the kind who didn't keep secrets.
I'm glad we're so open with each other.
Her words chipped at his conscience like an imaginary pickax, making the headache he'd suffered through the night quite real.
Kelly pulled the seat belt across her body. She got prettier each day – a beauty that bloomed from the inside out. The type, in Shane's opinion, that mattered most.
He turned the key and gunned the engine. "It's supposed to start raining again tomorrow. Figured we should take advantage of the dry spell while we have the chance."
"I packed some sandwiches." She motioned to a plastic grocery bag she had brought along.
"That's fine." He wasn't the least bit hungry. His stomach was already full – with anxiety. A cheating wife served as an appetite suppressant, even five years after the fact.
They drove in silence. He chose scenic roads for Kelly's benefit, passing cattle ranches and horse farms. She peered out the window, clearly enthralled with the grazing animals. When she oohed and aahed over a herd of mares with their foals, he couldn't help but smile.
"Sweet," he said, reaching over to touch her hair. She wore it loose, one side clipped away from her face with a butterfly-shaped barrette. How appropriate, he thought, studying the colorful ornament. Delicate, elusive Kelly. She would be gone in less than a week.
"I know. Aren't they adorable?" she responded as he drove forward, her gaze still fixed on the horses.
He withdrew his hand. She hadn't realized that his "sweet" had been meant for her.
The next ten miles led to narrower dirt roads, distant hills and scattered brush. Kelly shifted beside him. "It's hard to believe it's going to rain again. It's so peaceful now. Barely even a breeze."
He pulled the four-wheel-drive off the road and parked near a gnarled old tree. "The calm before the storm, as they say."
Shane studied his hands while Kelly turned his way. Suddenly the truck seemed stuffy. He could barely breathe.
"Do you want to sit outside for a while?" he asked "I can pad the tailgate with a blanket."
"Okay."
She brought the lunch sack, and he folded the blanket. When she handed him a small bottle of mountain springwater, he accepted it gratefully. Not only was his breath clogged, but his mouth had gone dry.
He twisted the cap and raised the plastic to his lips, then guzzled the cool liquid. Afterward, he helped Kelly onto the cushioned tailgate.
Silent, they sat side by side. She looked his way, but rather than turn, he stared straight ahead. He hated talking about the past, thinking about it. Reliving it through words and painful memories.
Kelly touched his shoulder. "What's wrong, Shane? You're not acting like yourself. You seem a little uneasy. I noticed it yesterday, too."
Not himself. It struck him an odd thing for her to say, even if it was true. They had known each other for such a short time, yet she had determined his mood. "Maybe this is just one side of me you've never seen," he responded in a tight voice.
She removed her hand from his shoulder. "Are you mad at me? Did I do someth
ing to upset you?"
"No, of course not." Feeling like a first-rate heel, he met her wounded gaze. "What's on my mind happened years ago." He brushed her cheek with the back of his hand, offering a physical apology. "But it's something I should have told you about before now. I haven't always been a bachelor. I was married once, and I had a child, too."
Stunned by Shane's words, Kelly looked into his eyes and noticed the absence of gold. They were dark, as lonely as the impending storm.
He'd spoken in past tense. Why would someone talk about their family in past tense? "Dear, God," she whispered. "You lost them."
"Yes, but not in the way you think." He pulled a hand through his hair. "They didn't die. It wasn't like that. It was a different kind of loss."
One he still struggled to overcome, she realized. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No." He gave her a sad smile. "But I'm going to, anyway. I owe you this, Kelly. As a friend you have the right to know."
Suddenly his despair seemed connected to her somehow. The thought made her uneasy, but she kept the discomfort to herself. Shane seemed anxiety-ridden enough for both of them. "I'm listening."
"I met Tami in high school. Like you and Jason."
Kelly toyed with her water bottle. The parallel had already begun. "What's she like?"
"Different than me. She comes from more of everything – money, education, ambition. Her family is successful and sort of … uppity, I guess."
Like Jason's family. Kelly nodded. "I understand."
"They didn't like me much," Shane admitted. "But I pursued her anyway. And I think she was attracted to me at first because it was exciting to defy her family. I was a novelty, I suppose. The illegitimate mixed-blood who'd been raised by a free-spirited mother and an overly traditional grandmother."
"What does Tami look like?" she asked. It was a woman's question, but she couldn't help it. Was Tami Comanche or white? Tall or petite? Lean or curvaceous? What sort of girl had Shane Night Wind fallen in love with?
"I haven't seen her in years, but I suppose she looks much the same. Willowy. Long black hair, long legs, dark eyes."
Willowy. Jealousy nipped like a snapping turtle. Even the word in itself was beautiful. "She's Comanche, then?" The descendent of an Indian princess, no doubt.
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