by C. A. Rene
Right, my acting. The thing my mother absolutely loved watching me do. She hated the fighting but took on an extra part time job so we could afford summer acting camp and extra acting classes.
“Come here kid,” Juan pulls me in for a hug. “This is for the best, think of your mother and how much she’d want this for you.”
I nod and return his hug. I know he’s right, but deep down I can’t help but think, if my mother could provide this life with her family, why didn’t she? I can’t dwell on that thought because the anger starts to swell and I have done so well controlling it.
I head to the back showers passing by people congratulating and professing sympathies all in one. My fight will be here tomorrow night, it’s not some star-studded event. My opponent Carly Hader has heard some rumblings about me through the circles and has said she wants to 'practice with me.' Whatever, I’m not too bothered since I will kick her ass. At least this way Juan can charge admission and yeah, we may be some ghetto Bronx gym with some ratty no good patrons but we support our own. There will be a lot of people here tomorrow night.
I meet the guardians outside by their parked car, some kind of Mercedes. I’m not good with cars, we couldn’t afford one and public transit is readily available here.
“There’s Blurry! The current undefeated champ!” My uncle screams out, his hands in the air. This pulls a chuckle from me. Juan of course told them that. “Let’s get some chow! You must be hungry after all that.”
“Oh God,” I moan, “its Blur! I can take you to some pretty sweet Chinese take outs if that’s something you like?”
“Is it all you can eat?”
“He’s a machine,” my aunt says with obvious affection, “you’ll learn soon enough.”
“Yeah, there is one around here. I gotta keep it light though, can’t over carb it before a fight.”
“That’s all good, you eat the veggies and I’ll take care of the rest.” He says patting his flat stomach.
My uncle is on his third plate when I decide to broach the subject of where I’ll be living.
“So, I know you now have custody of a sixteen-year-old, congrats. Where will I be going? Do I have cousins?”
“Right, we were trying to figure out when the best time to talk about that would be.” My aunt begins, “we actually live in Ontario, Canada.”
Shock settles over me, Canada? I know it’s not on the other side of the world but that’s a whole other country!
“I know, it will be an adjustment. We live in a town called Whitsborough which is about forty-five minutes outside of Toronto.” She continues. “So, all great shopping and city living is close by!”
Shopping? I don’t give a fuck about shopping. I’m going to be a Canadian. Forty-five minutes from the city? So, like in the country? Will I live in a log cabin?! I’m starting to hyper ventilate again.
“In through the nose, Blurry and out through your mouth,” my uncle soothes, “there you go.”
“Ember, it’ll be okay. Your coach told us about your acting. And he says you are good, the high school near us is focused on the arts. You could go there and get extra training.” My aunt says.
I know everything they are saying is true, Mom and I lived in a rough neighbourhood and I didn’t get all the things I wanted. Yes, more than fighting I wanted to be an actor. It was the one thing that put pride in my mother’s eye when she spoke about me. The fighting made her anxious but she never took it away for the simple fact that it calmed the constant hurricane inside me.
“It’s not… like a log cabin in the middle of the woods though, right?” I ask with trepidation.
“No, no!” My uncle laughs, “it’s actually an igloo.”
“Is it snowy all year?” I nearly choke on my food.
Both starts laughing heartily at my ignorance. I have never been out of New York; how would I know what it’s like in fucking Canada?
“The weather is pretty much how it is here. We’re only like eight hours drive away.” Aunt Debra says, still chuckling.
“Oh, okay that’s not so bad.”
“No, you could still come visit friends on some weekends.”
“You spoke to Juan and I know he told you what I’ve been messed up with here. The only friend I have is Tommy.”
“He also runs with this bad crowd?” My uncle interjects.
I just nod and continue to finish my meal. I’m not going to speak any further on Tommy’s gang affiliation, it’s not my place and these are not his guardians. Tommy’s only family has been the East Rampage, me, and his younger foster brother. His mother was a crackhead who overdosed when he was twelve and he doesn’t know his father. I have to make sure him and I keep in touch. I make a mental note to text him to confirm he’s coming to my fight. I may not get another chance to see him before I leave the country.
When we get back to the hotel I send the text to Tommy. I also remind myself to talk to the new guardians about cousins, that seemed to be skipped over during dinner. Then I crawl up into bed try to sleep thinking of my mother and how much my life is about to change.
Before I know it, it’s time to load up the car with some clothing my aunt bought me and a few pictures of my mom and I that wasn’t destroyed in the fire. The day and night flew by, I stretched most of the morning and did a quick run through of routines with Juan before the fight. He also let me in on the fact that he signed an agreement that guaranteed I wouldn’t knock Carly out and not to hit her face, something to do with public image.
Bullshit, I know.
I did end up getting her in the toe hold fairly early and she tapped out but not before she left me with a shiner. Which pisses me off to no end but I did leave three grand richer.
Tommy assured me after my fight that he would keep in touch with Skype sessions. I would miss him, just not his lifestyle. He told me the gang was already trying to figure out who their next “collector” would be. I wasn’t sad to be leaving that behind.
I’m looking around soaking in the last of New York I’ll see in a while. I have my mother’s ashes with me, my aunt picked them up this morning. We are foregoing a funeral because there’s no one here worth celebrating her life with. My new guardians have assured me if I want a funeral, there are many people back in Whitsborough who loved her. Even though I have an urn full of ashes, I still feel like I’m leaving her spirit behind.
“Hey Ember?” I turn to look at my uncle, “she’s with you always, she is watching us now, and I bet she’s wanting to kick my ass right now for letting you get that black eye.”
I laugh out loud at that, he sure does know how to brighten up a mood.
“Bro, I’ve had worse.”
“Bro? Naaaaaah B! I’m Unc to you!” He says while throwing up some weird ass hand signs. “Wait… what do you mean by worse?”
I snort and get into the car. My aunt is sitting at the front, she turns to give me a small smile and I can also see the unshed tears in her eyes. She feels it, too.
I end up dozing off and wake up about three hours later. My aunt is now driving while my uncle snores softly beside her.
“Need a restroom?” She whispers from the front.
“Sure,” I reply. “I’m also a bit hungry.”
“Burgers it is.” She says. “We’ll let him nap while we go inside for a bite.”
We find a 24-hour burger joint and I use the restroom while she orders my chicken burger combo. We find a table in the back of the empty restaurant and eat in comfortable silence.
“I know you asked about cousins and we really didn’t settle on that topic.”
Oh, thank God I didn’t have to bring it up again.
“The thing is, there are no cousins.” She looks off to her right, sadness clouding her features. “I’m unable to have children.”
“Oh.”
“We were planning to try medical measures but I have a volatile uterus and would require a few procedures ahead of time. Scott just didn’t like the risks involved. So, now we have started
discussing adoption.” She starts ripping apart the napkin on her tray. “I know what happened to my sister was a tragedy and my heart will never be the same, but I’m glad you’re here. I’m not replacing your mom but I will mother you to the best of my ability.”
“Yeah, sixteen is a little bit older than what I imagine you were thinking of adopting.”
“True, but I’m totally in sync with angst and puberty.” She laughs. I join her until I feel a tear slip down my cheek. That’s been happening too much in front of people lately.
“I’m glad you showed up.” I tell her honestly.
“I’m glad you exist.”