"Did you really think you could steal him from us?" Her words are thunderous. "From the Faerie Realm? From me?"
"My Queen, please-"
Her blazing gaze slices to her son before she cuts him off with a snarl. "Silence! You are no better! You have no honor in regards to your station or this realm!"
His bruised, velvety brown eyes slide hopelessly to mine. He holds them regardless of the fact that there are at least two hundred faeries watching us. In that moment of instant connection, I feel everything we could have had together. An eternity of love. She may rob us of our future but she cannot steal that. She cannot steal the love we harbor for one another. That will live on no matter what she does to us. The energy of it will forever live within the confines of these palace walls. The shards of it will echo for eternity within the realm. Even with so many eyes watching, I feel the reassuring ebb and flow of it between us. It is the only thing that brings me any real comfort.
"I have embraced both you and your sister as if you were my very own and this is how I am repaid? By treachery and betrayal?" She eyes me as if I am completely beneath her regard. The nerves in my belly are churning uncomfortably and I am none to certain just how long I can keep standing in front of her without my knees giving out.
"Not to mention what you have tried stealing from your very own sister. Disgraceful! Your actions are completely reprehensible!" She spits the last word at me venomously and I cannot help but flinch at the accusation because it is absolutely true. I did try to steal her intended.
Worse still, I would do it all over again. I would defy anyone and anything to be with him. It does not matter if it is for one day or all of my days.
It is at that very moment that Shaylee steps out from behind the advisers and guards to stand at the side of the Faerie Queen. My eyes fasten onto her face but she refuses to meet my gaze. Instead her eyes are fixed upon some point in the distance past the crowds of ogling faerie folk.
"I am sorry, Shaylee."
I whisper the words hoping she will hear me even though I know they will do neither of us any good at this point. My love for her was not enough to stop me from coveting what was hers. Never could I imagine that our lives would become so hopelessly twisted that I would actually end up betraying her, my own flesh and blood. Finally her eyes focus on mine and my heart constricts painfully. There is nothing but misery filling her large gray eyes. She knows what is to come.
We all do.
I shan't escape this unscathed.
"My Queen..." I realize at this point there is nothing I can say that will sway her icy cold heart but I speak none the less because my words are meant for another. I need Ryland to understand that no matter what happens to me this night, I do not regret falling in love with him. I could never regret the all too brief love affair we shared.
"I know you speak the truth, my Queen. Never did I mean to betray you or my sister even though that is exactly what occurred. It was desperately that I tried turning away from the love I felt for your son." My eyes hold her unsympathetic ones. Fleetingly I wonder if there is a heart beating beneath her breast for I suspect there is not. She is unnaturally frigid.
"Even though I knew he was meant for Shaylee, that it was destined for them to rule the Faerie Realm, I could not turn away from the love that coursed through me. There was a magic that bound us instantly to one another. Once I saw him, I knew I could not live a single day without him."
My words hang silently in the air before a slow smile spreads across her exquisite features. For just a moment, I wonder if I have finally said something that has resonated deep within the dark depths of her frozen heart. Words that have somehow swayed her towards leniency. After all, it is love, the most powerful emotion of all that I harbor for her son, someone she must care for. Perhaps some small part within her can understand that, in the end, I am just a girl. A girl who has fallen hopelessly in love with a boy. A boy who just so happens to be the Faerie Prince. I never intended for any of this to happen. It was never my intention to betray or hurt anyone. Least of all my sister or the Faerie Realm.
"Well, my dear, you have nothing to fear for you shan't live a single day without him." She says the words conversationally as if they are of no great importance.
As if my very life does not hang precariously in the balance.
I watch her silvery lips twist maliciously and I feel a lightness fill my head. It is as if my entire body has become weightless. I hear my sister gasp, crying out sharply. From very far away I hear Ryland howl with fury as he struggles against the guards who still hold him so that he cannot interfere with my punishment.
Next to me I feel Kalen's body tighten like a plucked bow string although he does not say a single word nor does he move any closer to me. I remind myself that I cannot allow him to intercede on my behalf. He cannot be hurt anymore by the choices I have made.
Just as I begin to sway, two guards flank my sides. Each takes an arm so that I am still able to stand. Without their support I would crumble to the cold marble at the Queen's feet. Even though I suspected this was a possibility, I'd held out hope for compassion. Banishment perhaps. The blood roars so loudly in my ears that I cannot hear what is being said around me. The Queen rises slowly to her feet. She turns to an adviser at her side. I cannot remember his name but I have spoken with him on several different occasions. He carefully avoids my eyes before handing the Queen a golden dagger. A ripple of shock flows through the gathered crowd. My lips are frozen in silent horror. Numb with fear. My wide gaze slices to Ryland. He strains and struggles against the guards who hold him tight.
At the very least he will know I truly loved him.
The Queen's dazzling amethyst eyes bore into mine as she steps closer with the dagger held easily in her grasp. My eyes are fixated on the wicked looking blade in her hand. If she were not moving towards me in such a malevolent manner, I would have been impressed by the craftsmanship and detail of it. Solid gold with sparkling jewels embedded in the handle. Swirling patterns decorate the hilt making the knife a beautiful piece of artistry. I cannot help but watch how comfortably she handles it. My eyes touch upon hers briefly as the blood continues to drain away from my face. The guards strengthen their hold as if they expect me to struggle. But I will not. I refuse to give her the satisfaction. Nor will I allow this to become any more painful for Ryland.
When she stands no more than a breath away, her glittering gaze holds my eyes. She smiles wickedly. My breath catches as she hands the golden hilt of the dagger to Kalen. Staring at it in revulsion, his face pales.
"I give you the honors, my dear, as you have been disgraced by her as well."
He has no other choice than to take the jewel encrusted handle. Upon closer inspection, I see the shine of the silver tipped blade glint in the candle light. It looks so sharp that a mere slice could slide right through my flesh as if it were water. He closes his eyes before swallowing thickly. "My Queen, please... I cannot." His eyes shift to mine. There is such an agonizing sorrow that fills his normally bright blue eyes. "I cannot kill her. I love her."
The Queen's white teeth flash with what should be a smile but it turns quickly into an ugly twist of her silvery lips. "You are nothing more than a fool, Kalen. I thought you were smarter than to be taken in by a lovely face and pretty manners. Obviously I was wrong."
With shaking fingers, he pushes the beautiful dagger back at her. She rips it from his hand. As if he cannot abide being so near to her, he takes a small step away. It is tragic that my selfish actions have now thrust him into such a precarious position. He deserves better than to love a girl who can never return the depth of his affection.
With the golden hilted dagger firmly in hand, the Faerie Queen spins towards me again. She is naught more than a heartbeat away. Her mint sweetened breath feathers across my face in nauseating waves. All I can do is square my shoulders as I silently wait for her to mete out my punishment.
A struggle breaks out at the back of the room. Ryland is ho
wling with impotent rage as if he is naught more than a wild creature locked in chains. I wish they would just take him away. I do not want him to see what is coming. I have made my peace with it. Our future was always tenuous at best but he must know that I have loved him totally and absolutely.
That is my gift to him now.
It is all I can afford to give.
"Do not do this! You cannot do this! I love her, damn you! Do not take her from me like this!"
His shouted words bring fresh tears of grief to my eyes. I cannot help but softly plead, "Please, take him away. Do not let him see you do this."
For a long moment she looks as though she might actually be considering my thickly whispered words and for one single heartbeat there is hope that Ryland will not have to endure what is sure to follow. That my death will not be his last image of me.
"No, I think not." She says the words quietly just as she presses the tip of the blade against my wildly beating heart. I gulp feeling the prick of it through my heavy cloak. My body trembles uncontrollably. Still I hear Ryland shouting in the background with unspent fury. My sister cries softly off to the side. The hundreds of faeries that have gathered in the ballroom are transfixed in silent horror. She presses the knife further. I know the tip has already pierced the material of my cloak. She leans closer until I can do nothing more than stare hypnotically into her amethyst colored orbs. They are mesmerizing in their shade and intensity. The guards continue to hold me steadily in front of her.
"You are a foolish girl, Lilianna, to think you could steal him away from us. You will die for your treachery and Ryland will unite with your sister just as it was foretold. In time, he will forget you ever existed. He will forget that some foolish slip of a faerie ever died for love of him. In the end, your death will be meaningless." Her silvery lips glisten in the candle light as her mouth twists into a grim smile. "Your death will be in vain."
Her harshly spoken words wash over me but I know they cannot possibly be true. I chanced all for love and I will die with that love still beating within my heart. She cannot steal that from me. Not even in death. In that moment, I decide if I am to die, it will be on my own terms just as I have loved. The guards are still holding my arms but since I have yet to struggle even once, their grip has slackened. In an instant my fingers curl around hers which hold the golden handle of the dagger before thrusting it into my own beating heart.
I gasp feeling the silver edged blade pierce my body, my heart, the very soul of my being. I had braced myself for the agonizing pain of it but it is strangely, surprisingly fleeting in its intensity. There is a numbness that is now stealing over me and I feel my body slump forward of its own accord within the guard's arms. The Queen merely stares down at me. She does not seem angry or displeased to have been cheated out of taking my life. After all, we both understand that the end result is still the same. Without a single parting word, she turns away as if I am nothing.
"Leave her on the floor," she calls callously over her shoulder before stalking away.
There is a stunned silence that fills the charged night air. No one dares to move as the Queen disappears from the ballroom. The guards carefully lower my body to the cold marble floor. It is becoming increasingly more difficult to breathe. I cannot manage a full breath anymore. The surprised faeries take their cue from their Queen and also begin filing quietly out of the candle lit room.
Lying on the pink and black checkered floor, I feel the life force slowly ebb from my body. There is a loud buzzing that fills my ears and I realize that I have started to lose sensation in my extremities. Closing my eyes, I try once more to take in breath. That is when I feel my head being tenderly lifted, cushioned carefully in someone's lap. I struggle to open my eyes but they are so very heavy that it feels impossible. Finally I manage to open them slightly only to find Ryland's lovely face hovering above mine. Tears fall from his eyes onto my cheeks. Sluggishly I reach up, wanting desperately to touch him one last time.
"I love you. I will always love you."
He nods, sucking in a ragged breath. "I love you, too. Always. For me, there is only you."
Leaning down, he captures my lips with his own.
I wrap my mind around the realization that this is our last kiss.
As he presses his trembling lips against mine, the buzzing in my ears grows louder. There is a strange dimness that had settled over my vision. Not wanting to upset him further, I do not say a word. My time, our time together, is quickly running out. I hear him chanting fervently against my cold lips. I feel his hot tears course down my face, becoming one with my own. He presses his shaking hand against the wound over my heart. Warm blood stains his fingers. He clenches his hand into a tightened fist before continuing his soft chant but I can no longer make out the words over the roar of the ocean that fills my ears.
"I love you..."
My words are faintly murmured. I'm not even sure if I am able to say them before everything is smothered in darkness. It feels as if a giant wave has dragged me to the very bottom of the ocean where there is only peace. The last sounds I hear are of my beloveds as he howls with grief and rage as I pass silently from this world.
Part III
Chapter Fifteen
Memories of a different life flood through me, overpowering me like a massive wave. My mind, my entire being for that matter, feels battered and bruised as I reconcile all these memories with the person I am today. With the person I always thought myself to be. I sit very still in his arms feeling stunned and bewildered. I don't understand how any of these memories can be... authentic.
But they have to be, right?
How else could all these images flash through my mind like a movie? It all seemed so real. Like I was right there, living it. Like it happened to me! My hand goes to the place over my heart where the knife pierced my flesh. I can still feel the pain of it. The throb of the entry wound. It suddenly occurs to me that I have always felt a strange throb over my heart. A shiver runs the length of my body.
Is it merely a coincidence?
"I remember..." I rasp, "I remember everything."
Whispering the words hoarsely, I search his face. My eyes feel wild as they do so. Then, unable to stop myself, I reach a shaking hand out needing to trace my thumb from the side of his nose before sweeping it slowly across his cheek as if to test whether he is truly flesh and blood.
"Tell me how this is possible."
With new understanding, I stare at the perfect meadow we sit in. Colors so unnaturally bright they dazzle the eye. Gorgeous flowers with their heads bobbing in the soft breeze. Brilliantly hued birds and butterflies that float lazily through the air. Everything is so overwhelmingly lush and vibrant. This is not the world I come from.
This is not my world.
The thought staggers me.
Ryland holds me tight, his arms wrapped protectively around me, as I continue to take in my surroundings. "I don't understand any of this." I say the words hoping that everything will suddenly become clear because right now... nothing makes sense. The feeling that I am somehow straddling two different worlds fills me and is so unnatural and inconceivable that I begin to feel dizzy. I gaze dazedly around the meadow, realizing that I have seen all this before. This was where I was supposed to meet Ryland when we were going to flee from the Faerie Realm.
I say the words out loud because in my head, they sound much too implausible to be true. "We were going to run away." Nope, it still sounds crazy. I sound crazy. Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I've finally lost my mind. Some kind of strange psychotic break from reality.
"Lili-" I hear his roughened voice trying to penetrate my stunned thoughts.
My wide eyes return to his as I search them for the truth. "I died," I say in bewilderment, "I died in your arms."
Oh that can't possibly be true.
He squeezes me in a tight embrace as if that alone will take away the pain of our past, the confusion of our future. He takes a deep breath as if he needs to steady himself ju
st as much, if not more, than I do. I know I should pull away, put some distance between us, but I can't bear the separation. His arms are wrapped securely around me and all I want is to burrow into their comforting strength. I've waited so very long to feel them around me that I cannot bear to be without them again.
How can I want that?
I don't even know him. So how is it that I feel as though I do? In my heart, it feels as if we are one.
"You did."
I can't help but repeat these new memories, needing him to confirm that they're the truth. That this really happened to me.
To him.
To us.
"The Queen-" I break off because she just wasn't the Queen of the Faeries, "your mother was going to kill me!"
"Lili-" his voice thickens with unspent emotion.
Remorse fills his eyes as I force out the words. Even to my own ears, they sound like a harsh accusation. I push onward though, unable to stop myself. The image of what I did keeps looping through my head. I rub my fingers softly over my heart as if that alone can stave off the painful memories. If I felt like I was losing my mind before, it is nothing compared to what I feel at this very moment trying to reconcile a past life.
"But I did it myself, didn't I?" The words are nothing more than a strangled whisper as I finally choke them out.
No longer do I see Ryland's face in front of me. Instead I see the Faerie Queen. So close that I am able to see her flashing amethyst eyes glowering at me. Her silvery lips pulled back into a cruelly twisted smile. I feel the prick of her silver tipped dagger press against my pounding heart. I feel it all. Even though my eyes are wide open and I am staring sightlessly at the gnarled old oak tree, it is her image that wavers ominously before me.
"I grabbed that wicked looking knife and stabbed myself. I took my own life. Oh my God, I committed suicide!" My eyes feel wild when they finally fasten onto his. There is a terrible anguish brewing deep within me. I feel as if I'm about to shatter into a million pieces in a world I don't understand.
Forgotten Page 14