And to be honest, they've never fully gone away. They're still there, buried deep down where I can't examine them on a daily basis. Okay- more like obsess about them on a daily basis.
I remind myself sharply, as those familiar emotions once again begin to claw their way to the surface that everything is behind me now and that's exactly where it needs to stay. I can't go back to feeling like that again.
Depressed.
Crazy.
Out of control.
"Well, I'm sure getting your relationship straightened out with Callen has helped settle everything down. It was nice to see him over here the other day. I'm glad you two are still friends. It's not always easy to maintain a friendship after a break up."
"Yeah." Shoving all those strange bubbling feelings back down again, I focus on what my mom is saying. I focus on my ex-boyfriend, on the here and now. I can't afford to get tangled up in the past again.
Feeling suddenly suffocated by our conversation, I say, "Alright, I'm heading out. I'll see you later."
I'm just walking out the door when she murmurs, "Just be careful. No more accidents." Lifting the cup to her lips, her eyes lock on mine before she takes a small sip. She says this every time I go out running now.
A little shiver threads its way through me as I glance down at the jagged scar that bisects my palm. It's weird that I can't remember falling and hurting myself. My mom attributes it to shock or something... but I still think it's strange.
Shaking off the odd feelings that have settled over me this morning, I step out into the bright sunlight. The sky is a deep cornflower blue color with a few wispy clouds swirling across the horizon. There's a cool crisp bite to the autumn air. It stings my lungs just a bit as I inhale a deep breath before slowly releasing it. It's the perfect weather for a nice long run.
And I need this.
All of a sudden I need to clear my head.
The conversation with my mom has dredged up feelings that are better left buried deep within my subconscious. Sometimes the smallest, most insignificant thing can bring all those strangely aching feelings hurtling back up to the surface. And then I have to stomp everything back down all over again. I hate when that happens. I just want it to all go away. I can't allow these thoughts and feelings to drag me under with their sharp claws and teeth like they did once before. Sometimes it feels as if I barely escaped with my sanity intact the first time.
I can't go through that again.
I just can’t.
As my feet finally hit the concrete, I focus on the song blasting from my iPod. Pushing everything else away, I concentrate on my breathing. After about half a mile, I see the path that cuts through the woods. For some reason I feel drawn to the forest today and so I veer right, keeping to the trail as the still sleeping neighborhood gives way to tall trees that spear up towards the bright morning sky. Most of the leaves that used to decorate the tree branches now litter the forest floor in brilliant hues of red, orange, and yellow. I can feel the warmth of the sun cutting through the chill as I continue.
Keeping up the brisk pace, I finally feel everything within me begin to loosen. Running has always been my drug of choice. It never fails to lift my spirits and put everything back into sharp focus. And then, like a bird released from its cage, my mind begins to wander. That's what I like best about running- the losing yourself part.
Just as I'm about midway through the forest, a streak of shape and color catches the corner of my eye. Startled, I yank out my ear buds as my heart rate spikes before quickly searching the surrounding area. But there's nothing. No sign of movement. The birds continue to chirp and sing in the trees. Looking around, I realize that I'm standing in the exact same place where I had my unfortunate break down after finding Callen and Shay together after homecoming.
My chest heaves as I survey the area. That's when I spot the thin deer trail buried deep in the wood. Before I've even fully made a conscious decision to follow the trail, I'm already on it. Already following it to... the cottage. Yes, the cottage that stood in the middle of the small clearing. Somehow I know that if I can find the cottage again, I might just be able to figure out what happened to me.
The trail is thin, a little overgrown with tall grass and brush in some places, but I'm still able to see it, still able to follow it as it winds its way deep through the forest. My breath hitches at the strange memories trying to take form within my head.
There was a voice calling to me.
How could I have ever forgotten about that?
There's more... I know there is but for the life of me I can't remember...
Frustration pounds through me like a drumbeat until I can't see or feel or hear anything but the memories that are trying to take shape. Something pushes at the far edges of my mind as I try piecing it all together.
For some reason, it's all rising to the surface now.
It takes about twenty minutes before I finally break through the trees into a small sunny clearing. Tall pines and oaks surround the area as my eyes fly around it. All too swiftly disappointment knifes through me because the clearing is completely empty. Am I in the wrong place? Did I somehow became disorientated and wind up somewhere else? Did I veer off onto the wrong trail? But then I see the shallow stream as it flows slowly over its rocky bed.
No, this is the right place. I know it is. There’s something so familiar about it but something’s not right. I know there was a cottage sitting right over there and yet, by the looks of the ground, nothing has ever stood there.
Feeling confused, I slowly lower myself onto a large boulder as my eyes survey the empty clearing. This is the same spot I ended up in that Sunday morning after homecoming. And I realize with a small shudder that this is the same clearing I left behind Monday night- dirty, bloody, and wounded. Not to mention babbling a whole lot of nonsense about faeries, castles, a hunt, and a boy with soft brown curls.
This must be what it feels like to lose your mind. Holding my head between my hands I close my eyes all the while muttering to myself, "I am not crazy. I am not crazy."
But, yeah, I think it's entirely possible that I might be going crazy. What other possible explanation is there?
As I sit on the large gray boulder, I wait for my heartbeat to slow and settle. I wait until my sides don't heave and ache with exertion. I sit there gathering my fragmented thoughts. And that's when I realize I was wrong.
Wrong to come here.
Wrong to get my hopes up because there are no answers.
I will never find any answers.
And it's time to stop searching for them. I can't keep doing this to myself. I can't allow myself to get sucked back into this again. I just can't. I have to keep moving forward. Whatever happened to me, it's over and it's time to move on.
It's time to go home.
Lifting my head from my hands, I can't help the gasp that falls from my lips. Even after I rub my eyes, the cottage still sits in front of me. Looking old and worn as if it's been there for hundreds of years.
Oh yeah, I've lost my mind alright.
It's not even a question anymore.
Gingerly I stand up. Even though I'm frightened, something besides fear pounds through my veins as I move towards the structure. Reaching out, I need to touch the stone beneath my shaking fingers.
It feels rough and solid.
This isn't some bizarre illusion.
Not some trick of my imagination.
It's real.
Circling the cottage slowly, I notice the door. As my fingers grip the golden knob, it occurs to me that I've done this before. I remember. I remember the golden handle and how shiny it looked, how out of place it seemed. I remember turning it, opening it. But what was inside the cottage?
I turn the handle and just like before, it opens easily.
As I step across the threshold, it all comes flooding back. It rushes up at me, through me, over me just like a giant wave. It pummels my senses with a thousand new- no, old memories. Sucking in a sharp bre
ath, my legs give out and I find myself sinking to the ground.
But one question surfaces, breaking free from everything swirling madly through my brain.
Where is he?
Where is Ryland?
Before I ever touch the ground, strong arms surround me, engulfing me. Cradling me in a warm, tender embrace. Looking up, my eyes lock onto his soft velvety brown ones. Seeing him again has so much emotion rushing through me that I instantly feel the sting of tears prick my eyes as they frantically search his face.
"I've got you now."
"I don't think you ever let go," I whisper. And I realize that he was always there, always pushing at the edges of my mind.
Pushing me to remember.
To remember him.
To remember us.
"No," he shakes his head slowly, his eyes never once releasing mine, "never. I could never let you go. For me there is only you."
The feel of his body wrapped protectively around mine overwhelms me. And I find myself burrowing closer to him. "But I did, I was forgetting." I rest my head against the solid strength of his chest. Closing my eyes I hear the strong steady beat of his heart. And I realize just how close I came to never hearing that beautiful sound again.
The memories are still pouring through me, filling me up to the very brim. And then I remember how we parted. How he pushed me through the cottage door but stayed behind to face them alone. How the faerie guard had found us, were charging towards us on great big white stallions. Their hooves shaking the ground. So many of them. Golden arrows poised for flight. I shudder recalling just how I'd screamed before tumbling through the door back into my world.
My eyes fly open as I reach shaking fingers to his cheek before stroking it carefully. "I saw you get hit." And yet here he is, holding me in his arms. How is it possible that he survived the faerie guard?
He kisses the tip of my nose and the look in his eyes has something uncurling within the pit of my belly. "I told you that I would never let anything happen to you ever again." He kisses my lips softly this time. Just a gentle stroke across mine. The hum of energy that is always present between us slides through me, awakening my senses as if from a long slumber. He deepens the kiss and the energy grows and brightens like a beautiful incandescent light illuminating the darkness.
How could I have forgotten this? How could I have ever forgotten him?
Finally, when my lips feel swollen and my eyes glazed, he pulls away. But not before swooping in for one last kiss. He sighs, a small smile tipping his lovely lips upwards. "I was shot. But the arrow only pierced the upper portion of my arm. It was nothing more than a flesh wound."
As if unable to resist, he leans in for yet another kiss. And I smile, unable to help myself. There are a thousand questions on the tip of my tongue but I would much rather feel Ryland's lips stroking tenderly over mine. As he does, I wonder if it will ever be enough.
Will I ever get enough of him to make up for all the time that was stolen from us?
As he pulls away, a smug little smile curves his lips upwards. I can only imagine how dazed I must look. My cheeks heat with embarrassment but I don't care because this boy is mine. Has always been mine. And to know that he feels exactly the same way has so much love rushing through me that it's dizzying.
I'm stroking his face with my hands and he feels so wonderfully real. I can't bear to stop touching him. Not ever. But one question keeps pounding away at me. "How did you escape the faerie guard?"
"If not for the loyalty of a small group of guards, I would have been killed instantly. When I turned my back on the Faerie Realm all those years ago, I did not realize that it caused a great division among the Fey. Out of the Queen's cruelty was born a new faction of supporters. Even in my absence, they have remained ever loyal to me, to my inevitable succession to the throne. Luckily the hunting party was mostly made up of guards who supported me."
He searches my eyes as a sudden shadow falls over his. "Unfortunately not all the guards had switched allegiances. The ones who remained devoted to the Queen were executed before returning to the palace. She was told that we both died in the stream and that our bodies were unable to be recovered. She had no reason to doubt their word." He searches my eyes carefully. "I've been in hiding ever since. For the time being, I must stay in hiding. It isn't safe. The entire Faerie Realm rests upon what will happen next."
I've read about stuff like this in my history books. "You're planning to overthrow her." It really isn't a question for I can see no other way for Ryland to ever be safe within the realm.
His fingers find my lips before tracing them gently. "Yes, that's the plan. There are those who believe her time has passed. She has grown unusually cruel in her reign. A growing number of the Fey are disturbed by her unquenchable thirst for power. They want to see the Faerie Prince and his Queen descend to the throne. Just as it should have been so many years ago."
My mind swirls with the implications. "But... Shaylee." Then I shake my head. "Shay." She's the true Queen, the one who'd been foretold.
He acknowledges my words softly and yet I can hear the defiance within them. "You are my chosen queen, Lili. You always have been."
I struggle out of his embrace so that I am on my knees facing him. My hands go to his cheeks, stroking gently. Closing his eyes, he leans into my caress, sinking into it.
Into me.
No longer am I able to bear the distance separating us. And so I draw his face close to mine before my lips once again find his. And then I am lost. Lost to all thoughts of what will unfold within the Faerie Realm. Lost to everything but the slide of his gently roving mouth. Lost to the feel of his heart as it beats in tandem with mine as if we are one. My hands caress his cheeks until they’re sliding through his unruly waves, pulling his face closer to mine.
Again I’m bowled over by the enormity of my feelings for him. He means absolutely everything to me. And there’s nothing I wouldn't do for him.
Once upon a time I found the love of my life and lost him in death. But our love was too great to be confined within one world, one realm, and so we found a way back to one another. Holding Ryland to me, I can no longer imagine a life without him filling it.
I don't know what the future holds for us but I know there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that will ever tear us apart again.
The End of Book One
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Sneak Peek
King of Campus
Available Now!
Chapter One
Ladies, and a few guys as well, ;) keep those Roan King sightings pouring in. Especially the ones of him at football practice. Hot, sweaty, with an extra shot of gorgeous is exactly how I take my Roan King. Don’t mind me while I type away with one hand… KingOfCampus.com
“Honey,” I holler at the top of my lungs before kicking the door shut, “I’mmmm home!”
Those words are met with a loud shriek as Lexie flies around the corner before hurtling her small curvy body at me. I’m given roughly two seconds to drop my bags in anticipation of impact. She’s lucky I have fairly decent-
The breath gets knocked right out of me as we both go crashing to the floor.
Apparently reflexes are no match when that much force and weight are careening towards you at the speed of light. Physics, I’m guessing, is exactly how I end up sprawled on my back with my best friend and roommate spread out on top of me in our brand-spanking-new apartment. There’s a completely manic light filling her big brown eyes. Matching the look, I can’t help but beam right back up at her because it is so freaking good to see her gorgeous face.
It’s been precisely fifteen months since we’ve been in the same room together. Actually, it’s been fifteen months since we’ve been on the same continent. I spent my sophomore year of college studying abroad in Paris.
Needless to say, it was just as amazing and spectacular as you’d i
magine it would be. Even thinking about it leaves me with a tiny little pang of nostalgia for the life I’d just left behind.
“Damn, now that’s hot! Can I snap a shot for my wallpaper?”
We both turn to stare at the tall, good looking male grinning… or maybe the correct term would be- leering down at us. His eyes slide oh-so-slowly over our entwined bodies as if he’s trying to singe this moment into his memory… for all eternity. But it’s not in a pervy way… what the heck am I saying? Of course it’s in a pervy way. Which is precisely when I realize that my dear friend, Lexie, seems to be missing the lower half of her outfit.
Yep… she’s only wearing panties.
Smothering a giggle, she clears her throat. Rather impressively, her voice whips out in a perfect imitation of a mother scolding her three year old toddler. “You damn well better not snap a picture or you won’t be seeing this ass for a very long time.” To emphasize this point, she gives it a little shake and her boyfriend groans in response.
“Please?” There’s a whole lot of a whine filling his deep masculine voice. Which is kind of hilarious because he’s well over six feet tall and is seriously broad in the chest and shoulders. This one is definitely all man. Lexie, of course, filled me in via Skype on the football playing boyfriend she acquired about seven months ago. Needless to say, she wasn’t exaggerating.
He’s pretty damn hot.
If you’re into big and muscly…
Which I’m not going to lie… I am.
“The mental snap shot you’re burning into your brain right now will have to suffice.”
Folding his muscular arms in front of an equally solid looking chest, he grumbles under his breath, “You always have to be such a hard ass.”
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