Sydney snuggles right into me, her back to my front. I wrap an arm around her small shoulders and hold her against me all night.
Without a doubt I fucking love this girl.
“Sydney,” I whisper softly.
“Mmmmm.”
Not much of an answer, but after spending most of last night in bed and only half of that time asleep, she’s exhausted.
I chuckle. “I have to run home for an hour or two to do some work. I’ll be back after?”
Her eyes open a fraction and I see a small smile on her lips. “Where are you going?” She shifts a little to push against me and frowns when she realizes I’m no longer in bed.
Clearly, she wasn’t awake when I just told her where I was going. Sydney is so adorable all disheveled and half asleep, her long hair tangled around her. I grin, “I have to run to my place for an hour to do a little work. Plus I forgot a few things in my hurry to get here,” I say, feeling shitty about lying to her. “Bruce is waiting for me babe, I gotta go. I’ll be right back, you just sleep.”
“Okay,” she murmurs, already slipping back into deep sleep.
I brush my lips across her lightly freckled cheek and head out on an errand that may turn out to be a huge mistake. As I hustle across the busy sidewalk in front of Sydney’s building and climb into the car, I realize that she’s left me little choice in this matter. We can’t continue like this, with these secrets between us, and I can’t tell her about me until I know why she’s so freaked out by fame. I don’t want to make that leap of faith when it could cost me everything…it could cost me Sydney.
“We’re here,” Bruce says when he stops the car in front of the Village Coffee Bar.
“Great, you can go. I’ll walk back to Sydney’s.”
Bruce’s eyebrow quirks up in the rearview mirror. “Are you sure?” He puts and arm around the passenger seat and turns to face me, a questioning expression on his face.
It’s a busy Friday morning in New York and the streets are packed. He’s worried about me walking down the sidewalk alone.
“Yeah, it’s fine.” I get out and slam the door. I’ll most likely need the cold air to clear my head before I see Sydney again, so it’s better if I walk back even if it means getting accosted by overeager fans.
Not wanting to invite trouble, I tug my hat down, pull up my scarf, and head inside. I have a moment of déjà vu remembering the first time I came here. The day that changed my life. The scent of cinnamon and coffee fills the space and the warm air is inviting.
Almost immediately, I spot Leah wiping down a table and walk towards her. I have no idea what Sydney’s best friend thinks of me. All I know is that she hasn’t told Sydney anything about me and for that I’ll be forever grateful to the perky little blonde. But she might consider me to be a huge douchbag for deceiving the friend that she thinks of as a sister.
“Leah.”
“Shit!” she yelps, jerking upright and dropping her cloth rag. “You scared me.” Her sharp eyes look me up and down as she clutches her chest in surprise. “Nice disguise,” she says sarcastically, snatching the rag back up from the table and shoving it in her back pocket.
“Can we talk for a few minutes?”
I feel like an idiot. I’m standing in a busy coffee shop begging my girlfriend’s best friend to have a heart to heart with me. My man card has almost certainly been revoked.
Her sharp eyes narrow at me, as if contemplating my offer. “It’s about time,” she says, catching me completely off guard. She must notice the shock on my face, because she smirks and rubs it in, “Yeah, I’ve been waiting for you to corner me.”
Who is this chick?
“Let’s go to the back, it’s more private.” She spins on her heel and goes through a door behind the counter. I follow her through a clean, quiet kitchen area and into a small office. Leah shuts the office door and sits in the chair behind a cluttered desk.
“Sit.” She gestures to another chair. “What’s with the look on your face?” she asks as I unwind the scarf from my neck. It’s hot as hell in here.
“What look?” Not many people, especially women, can or will speak to me so bluntly. It’s actually very refreshing to find out that Sydney’s best friend is completely unimpressed by my fame.
She tilts her head to the side and smiles knowingly. “The look that says you’re surprised that I expected you to eventually come to see me.”
“You’re right, I am surprised. So if you’ve been expecting me, let’s not waste time. Why did you think I’d turn up here?”
Leah smirks again, loving the fact that she has the upper hand here. “Oh no, I don’t think so. You want something from me, you spill first.”
I smirk back in admiration. This girl has balls. I’m glad she’s the one looking out for Sydney.
“Alright.” I lean forward, my elbows on my knees, and rub my face with my hands. “I have no idea how much Sydney’s told you about us but I’m guessing it isn’t much.”
I look up and see Leah nod. “You would be correct, but I know a little. Continue.”
Damn, she’s tough and it makes me smile. “You’re not going to make this easy for me, are you?”
“Why should I?” she smiles back. “This is my best friend you’re here to discuss, if you want easy then go find someone I don’t give a shit about.”
I can’t help but grin. Leah’s protectiveness of Sydney is right on par with mine even if we could possibly be on opposing sides. I admire it.
Lean shifts in her chair and pushes some papers aside so she can lean her elbows on the messy desk. “Oh, and your lady-killing looks won’t help you here, so don’t bother trying to flatter me with your movie-star smile.”
“I’m not trying to flatter you, I’m impressed with you.”
Now it’s her turn to look surprised. Good.
“Not many people would defend their friend against me,” I continue. “In fact, most people would toss their friend under a bus then climb over their dead body to get a piece of the spotlight. Trust me, friends like you are rare. I’m happy that Sydney has you.”
Leah thinks about what I said for a moment. “Well, thanks. Now, cut the bullshit and start talking.”
“Can I ask you something first?”
“Sure, but you may not get an answer.”
“Fair enough. Why haven’t you told Sydney who I am?”
Again, she carefully thinks through her response before speaking. “Because Sydney doesn’t connect with a lot of people. Actually, she doesn’t connect with anyone. Ever. But I could tell she did with you. In fact, you’re her first relationship.”
I’m shocked at this knowledge, but it also makes sense. Sydney doesn’t get close to people easily. It would be a challenge for anyone to get through those thick walls she has around her.
“And how would Sydney knowing who I am change that?”
Leah glares at me. “I’m not going to give up her secrets, Drew, if that’s why you’re here.” She says my name harshly, probably at the fact that I don’t go by Andrew.
I take my hat off and run my hands through my hair in frustration, getting more and more upset as I formulate an argument that might get Leah to explain this shit to me.
“Listen, I don’t know how else to say this. She won’t let me in. I cahnt stahnd hiding this from her! I want her to know me, but will she leave me if I tell her?” Fuck, my accent is coming out.
“I don’t think so,” Leah says slowly. “She’s incredibly damaged, Drew.” She flicks her eyes up to mine. “If she hears it from anyone else or finds out some other way, she won’t trust you and yes, she’ll most likely freak out.”
“If I could just know why…” I begin.
“I’m not telling you that!” Leah snaps.
I grit my teeth in annoyance. “I fuckin’ love her Leah! I cahnt tell her and have her leave me! I refuse to lose her to something that I don’t even fuckin’ understahnd!” I yell. “Jesus.” I stand up and pace the tiny office, yanking o
ff my heavy winter coat and throwing it on the chair.
Leah stands and comes around the desk, stopping me with a hand on my arm. “Listen, I understand your position, I do. And I get that you love her,” she says sympathetically. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ve been encouraging her to tell you about her past.”
I look down at her warily, this tiny little female, one of the few people who has the balls to stand up to me, let alone get this close to me when I’m angry.
“I shouldn’t be telling you this, but I think she loves you. Possibly even enough to stick around and face her demons, but I’m telling you that when she finds about your identity, it has to come from you.”
“Just tell me this.” I squeeze my hands into tight fists, “What’s the deal with that asshat Reynolds? Is he after her?” I can barely contain my rage.
Leah flinches and takes a step back, finally having the sense to be afraid of the explosive temper that I’m capable of. “No Drew, I’ve never seen anything like that. Hell, I used to encourage her to…” Leah’s rambling stops dead when she sees my face as she discusses pushing Sydney into Adam Reynolds’ slimy arms.
She holds her hands up in a gesture meant to calm me down. “Drew, she was never interested in him. Let it go.”
I exhale and attempt to shake off the rage and frustration I feel building up inside me. “I guess I should go.” And I really need to fucking punch something so I don’t need to be here right now.
“Hey, I’ll drop by tomorrow with coffee,” Leah offers lamely. She turns around and scribbles something down on a scrap of paper before handing it to me. “Here’s my number, just in case you can’t reach Sydney.” She shrugs. “It’s good to have a friend.”
I can only manage a small smile. “Sure, and thanks.”
I pocket her number and put my ‘disguise’ back on so I can head out into the crowd on Bleecker Street. My only options appear to tell Sydney and hope she doesn’t flip out, or to wait for her to decide to explain her fucked up past to me and still hope she doesn’t flip out when I tell her about myself.
Two pretty crappy options.
Except for trying to get Sydney to hook up with that asshole Adam Reynolds, Leah seems to be on my side. I’m grateful that she thinks I’m good enough for Sydney, otherwise I’d be fucked.
“Andrew!” I hear a woman yell.
I turn around instinctively at the sound. Shit!
“It is you. Oh my God! I thought so!” The woman and her friend are hyperventilating in front of me. I guess my disguise isn’t as good as I thought.
“I’m not sure what you mean,” I say cryptically as I try to get away.
“Holy shit!”
“That’s Andrew Forrester!”
Within seconds, there’s a good-sized crowd circling around me and I can’t walk away without running into someone.
“Now’s really not a great time,” I try to explain.
“Just one picture for us! Please!”
“My sister is never gonna believe this!”
“You’re way hotter in real life, except that hat. Ewwww!”
I clench my teeth and try to calm down. I can hear Quentin, my agent, lecturing me about situations like this. “These are the people who made you a star. They can take it away at any moment.”
He’s right of course, but that doesn’t mean that people own every second of my life. Exhaling, I put on my Andrew Forrester mask and smile for the group of people that have gathered around me. I need a way to escape without pissing everyone off.
“Hi, I really am in a hurry, so I can’t take individual pictures with all of you. I’d be happy to let you snap a few right now if you like.” A compromise is always a good idea. People would rather get something than nothing.
There’s a flurry of activity as people pull out their camera phones and aim them at me. I feel like a complete idiot smiling on the sidewalk in the West Village in my ratty Red Sox hat and winter scarf, but if it will get me back to Sydney then I’ll do whatever it takes.
After a few dozen flashes go off I decide that they’ve gotten enough pictures. “Thanks for your support. I really appreciate it,” I tell the crowd.
I shake a few of the hands that are closest to me and rush down to the curb to hail a cab. I’m only going a few blocks, but I don’t want anyone following me on foot back to Sydney’s and finding out where she lives. I’ve had crazy fuckers trail me home and camp outside my house before. There’s no way I’m bringing that shit to Sydney’s front door. So much for my walk to clear my head.
“Syd?” I call out when she doesn’t answer the door.
Fuck, I should get a key. What if something happened? What if she fell in the shower or hurt herself? I pound louder on the door.
“Sydney!”
After an eternity she finally answers. She’s wearing tight little pants and a sports bra, her ear buds thrown over the back of her neck.
“Sorry, I had music on. Were you out here long?” She’s looking up at me with her big blue eyes and flushed cheeks.
“Jesus Syd, you scared the shit outta me,” I tell her as I close the door behind me. “I thought you were hurt or passed out in the shower or something.”
Her eyes grow wide. “I’m sorry Drew. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
I force my body to unclench some, not wanting to scare her or worse, send her into a panic by my over the top reaction to keeping her safe.
“It’s okay babe, I guess I overreacted.” I grab her wrist and pull her into an my arms. “Hungry?”
“A little,” she answers, looking up at me and smiling.
We spend the rest of the day holed up in her loft. I can’t take her out anywhere and honestly, I’d rather be here alone, just me and her. We barely bother to put clothes on, spending most of our time in bed, wrapped around each other. The sex is great but really, it’s just a diversion so we don’t have to talk about the giant elephant in the room. The fact that we still hardly know anything about each other.
Leah stays true to her word and stops by the next morning with coffee and croissants. She’s actually quite nice to me. I had convinced myself that she’d be mad I tried to get information about Sydney from her, but she seems to respect me more now that I’ve admitted my feelings for her best friend.
Sunday afternoon comes too quickly and I’m in a foul mood. I don’t want to leave Sydney here. She’s lost weight since I’ve been gone, clearly not taking care of herself, and emotionally she’s a train wreck. She got pissed when I asked what the fuck was going on with her job that has her so stressed out, especially when I asked if it had anything to do with that jackhole Adam Reynolds.
“What are you doing?” Sydney asks as she comes into the bedroom.
“Packing,” I snap harshly. You’re such a dick, Forrester. “Sorry,” I say to her as she sits on the bed and tucks her legs underneath her too-lean body.
I grab another pile of clothes and stuff them in my bag, not caring how wrinkled or messed up they get. I’ll probably just end up buying more in California anyway. Whenever I send my clothes to the cleaners, stuff always goes missing. Just like at airport security. Fucking weirdoes.
“It’s okay,” Sydney says softly.
I watch her as I finish packing. She looks sad, withdrawn. Several times I start to give in and tell her who I am, but each time I think about how she might never want to see me again and I can’t. Not when I’m headed back out of town for who knows how long. When I finally tell her, I want it to be when I can spend time with her, convince her that I’m the same guy she met at the gym. Not drop this giant bomb on her and then put three-thousand miles between us.
My phone chirps from my pocket. I don’t need to look to know that it’s Bruce telling me he’s out front waiting.
“That’s my ride,” I tell her, sitting next to her on the bed and pulling her onto my lap.
“I know,” she whispers.
“I’ll find out when I can come back.” I press several soft kisses on
her lips.
“Okay.”
“Please Sydney, take better care of yourself. It’ll kill me to know you’re here withering away.”
“I will Drew,” she responds automatically, telling me whatever it is that I want to hear.
I sigh, she’s so fucking stubborn, but I can’t let her go yet. I slant my mouth over hers and memorize the taste of her on my tongue, sweet and sinful at the same time. Sydney grips the back of my hair and threads her fingers through it, tugging gently and scratching my scalp.
“Shit,” I pant, breaking off the kiss. “I have to stop or else I won’t be able to stop. My control around you is crap.”
Pouting, she slides off of my lap back onto the bed.
“I’ll call you tomorrow. It’ll be too late tonight when I land.”
She walks with me to the door.
“Alright,” she says in a quiet voice.
“I’ll miss you Syd, so much.” I reach up and trace her cheek with my thumb.
“Me too.”
I press one final kiss on her lips and leave.
As I take the elevator down to the lobby, a sense of dread overcomes me. I can’t explain it, but I get the worst feeling that if I don’t turn around and go back upstairs and tell her everything, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.
CHAPTER 23
“You’ve been a real bastard this past week,” Chad says as we sit on the terrace of his enormous Brentwood mansion.
“Yeah,” I reply as I take a huge swig of beer.
“Not even an argument from you? You are fucked up in the head my friend. This girl must be something else to have you all knotted up like this.”
I ignore him and stare out at the trees that dot his property, not looking at anything in particular. I was supposed to fly home this weekend but there was some fuck up at the hotel and Sydney had to work. Fuck, I should be with her right now.
“Jesus, I hate to get all touchy feely with you man, but are you okay?”
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