“Yes, we are. We’ll figure it out together. I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow if you want to go.”
“Of course I want to go.” Then I remember that I can’t just walk in the front door like a normal human being. “Do they have a back entrance?”
And so it begins. Sydney’s about to find out just how hard it is to be with Andrew Forrester, movie star.
CHAPTER 27
It turns out the doctor’s office doesn’t have a back entrance, so we have to make a special after-hours appointment. It’s so fucking frustrating sometimes. But now that I have Sydney back, and I know about her childhood, there’s no way I’m taking the chance that a fan will take photos of us in the waiting room and freak her the fuck out.
“Drew, can I ask you something?”
Sydney is sitting next to me in the Town Car as Bruce drives us over to Mount Sinai.
I turn so I can watch her as we talk. “Of course, Sydney.”
Are you kidding? After months of avoiding every single subject you could possibly think of, just the fact that she wants to ask me something has me thrilled.
“You’ll tell me the truth, right?”
Okay, now I’m worried. I always tell her the truth. Except for when I was hiding my job from her.
“Yes, just ask me and I’ll tell you.” Now I’m worried and intrigued. What could she possibly want to know?
Sydney pauses for a moment, carefully choosing her words before speaking. “Ok, well, when we were in St. Bart’s, I accidentally overheard you on the phone. You were upset and yelling at someone. I could tell you were mad because I notice that your accent comes back when you get emotional and you were totally Boston.”
Damn, I know that sometimes I can sound like I grew up in Boston, but apparently my accent is more pronounced than I realize. I’ve worked damn hard to get rid of it too.
“What was that?” she asks.
“Oh,” I reply, embarrassed to have been caught hiding shit from her. “I was making sure the crew on the boat didn’t say anything if they recognized me. I didn’t want any looks or weirdness that would freak you out.” I study her face intently, reading her reaction. “You’re not mad are you?”
Sydney laughs. “No, I’m not mad. It seems like so much trouble to go through just to date me though.”
Is she fucking kidding me?
“First, there’s nothing I wouldn’t have done to date you Sydney. Not knowing who I was when we met, that was a first for me, and I loved it. I could date like a real person, no preconceived notions about Andrew Forrester the public figure already in your head. I could just be Drew, a guy from Boston. I regretted letting you leave the gym that day without a way to contact you, so when you sat with me in the café and told me how repellant I was, I knew I had to get to know you.”
We laugh at the memory of her calling me repellant.
“Then you were so upset by that magazine, by a celebrity, I wanted to find out why, but I also didn’t want you walking home alone after having been so shaken up.”
Sydney reaches over and takes my hand, curling her delicate fingers in between mine.
“You do get a little caveman sometimes.”
“I know, sometimes I go overboard, but I want to keep you from getting hurt, Sydney. You make me that way.” I stare at our hands, afraid that maybe I’m telling her too much. I’m tired of the lies though, of holding back my feelings. I’d rather be honest and let the chips fall where they may. “I’ve never felt so protective of anyone else outside of my family. It’s because I love you. I probably loved you from the moment you called me repellant.”
I glance up at her and see her eyes glistening at my admission. Crap, I don’t want to make her cry, even if they are the good kind of tears, but she’s giving me this chance to get it all off of my chest so I’m taking it.
“And you think the sailboat thing was difficult?” I continue. “I had to hide so much stuff, and I hated having to do it Sydney. It made me feel so crappy, but I wanted you so desperately. I just didn’t want you to leave me without knowing the real me.”
“What else did you have to hide?”
Where to start?
I make a noise, somewhere between a laugh and a scoff. “A lot, I had to hide all of my awards and photos at my house, all of my scripts that are usually lying around, my assistant, Jane, couldn’t be around when you were. I had given her a weekend off since I was between projects anyway. You and I couldn’t do any dates in public. I was so glad that you were as happy staying in as I am. The pilots on the private jet almost blew it for me, I had to have Philippe clear out Chad’s awards and photos out of the villa and lock them in the office, I couldn’t shop with you in St. Bart’s, I had to wear my hat everywhere even though I knew you hated it … it was exhausting.”
I think of the fun we had on the island, specifically the naked fun and give her a suggestive look. “But totally worth it.”
Sydney squirms on the seat next to me and I know that she’s remembering the same moments as I am. Then, as quickly as she was turned on, she becomes distant, angling away from me and staring out the window.
“Why go through all of that when you could have just dated someone you could just be yourself around?”
Is she serious?
“Sydney, look at me.” Now I’m pissed that she thinks I’m anything but myself when I’m with her. “I wanted to date you because I could be myself around you. Andrew Forrester isn’t real. You know this. Your parents had to have done the same thing. Be one person for the public, and someone else in private.”
Sydney nods as she thinks about what I’m saying, probably remembering how her parents acted around people they didn’t know.
“I can’t find anyone who doesn’t already know Andrew Forrester, and therefore, they think they know me. You know me. They don’t. They get the façade that I give them, and you get all of me. When Bruce brought you into my gym, bleeding and hurt…” I close my eyes at the memory of her shivering, cold and in pain that day, “I felt this overwhelming urge to protect you. When you didn’t know who I was, I couldn’t believe it. You have no idea how rare that is for me.” I reach out and touch her, desperate for the contact.
“Then I let you leave without a way to find you, unless I wanted to stalk your building, which I considered doing.” She looks at me warily. I shrug. “Bruce had your address from dropping you off. But when Bruce gave me the napkin that he took from you, it said Village Coffee Bar. You must go there a lot because you showed up the first day I went there to find you.”
Her eyes widen in surprise at my confession, then a wide smile crosses her beautiful face, lighting up the entire car.
“Your smile is so beautiful. I hate when I can’t put it there for you,” I admit.
I push the button to lower the glass partition, “Bruce, we’ll be back in about an hour.” We hop out of the car and go inside.
“What floor?” I ask Sydney as we approach the row of elevators.
“Tenth.”
“Excuse me, are you Andrew Forrester?”
Fuck! I knew I should have worn my hat! I don’t want Sydney to see this, not yet. She only just accepted who I am and what I do, I don’t want to ruin it by encountering over-enthusiastic fans our first day out.
“Yes. How are you?” I unconsciously morph into my Andrew Forrester persona for the excited woman.
“Oh, oh my. I love your movies! Especially Time Around, it was just so great,” the woman says excitedly. She keeps talking, but I’m watching Sydney’s reaction. I can tell that she’s beginning to freak out. Her face is drawn and the sound of the elevator arriving makes her jump in fear.
I turn to the woman and quickly dismiss her, “I’m sorry; we have to go, it’s nice to meet you.”
I follow Sydney into the elevator and watch as she smacks the button for our floor and retreats to the corner, looking pale and anxious.
“Syd, are you okay? You don’t look well.”
“I’m fine,
I’ll be okay. It’s just weird. I remember that with my parents.” She waves her hand in my direction. “I just can’t reconcile you with this huge star that everyone knows. It’s a little bizarre, that’s all.”
She’s taking deep breaths, probably to calm herself down. Fuck, I’m such an asshole. I should have remembered the damn hat.
The second the doors open, Sydney scampers out of the elevator and down the hall. I’m mad at myself for making her feel this way. This isn’t good for her, for her stress levels. Especially now that she’s pregnant.
I enter the doctor’s office and find Sydney already quietly talking to the girl at the front desk. When the girl’s eyes meet mine, they grow two sizes larger and her face turns bright red.
Great. Another one.
Afraid to another fan experience will shake Sydney’s confidence, I take a seat as far away from the desk as I can in the hopes that she won’t notice the girl’s reaction. When she comes to sit next to me, clipboard in hand, the scowl on her face lets me know that yes, she noticed.
Syd fills out the paperwork in silence, tension building between us.
“Sydney?” the doctor calls out.
It’s our turn. Now I’m the one that’s anxious, the unwelcome feeling making my stomach roil with nerves that I can only deal with by shutting them down. Numb, I follow behind Syd and the doctor, too zoned out to even care that the receptionist is still blatantly gawking.
“Okay Sydney, take off your clothes from the waist down and put this on.” The doctor hands her a folded up piece of cloth and directs us into a room. “Then get up on the table. I’ll be right back.”
Before I can blink, Sydney strips and hops up on the exam table and the doctor is back. How did that happen so fast? It feels as though my mind is working in slow motion.
“Alright, let’s see what’s going on, shall we?” The doctor flicks on a machine and a grainy black and white screen comes on. She ducks her hand under Sydney’s gown and watches the screen intently.
“There, see this tiny shaded area? That’s the baby.”
Huh? I don’t see a thing. Just a fuzzy gray mess.
“The black hole?” Sydney asks.
“The black area is the gestational sac around the fetus. The baby is the very small spot on the edge of the sac.” She rapidly types something and an arrow appears on the screen with the word ‘baby’ pointing at the hole.
“Wow.”
I stare at Sydney after she says this, hoping she can help me see what is apparently supposed to be obvious. Her nose is scrunched up and her brows are pulled tightly together. She doesn’t have any more of a clue what we’re looking at than I do. I move closer to the little screen, still not able to figure out what exactly is the baby. Then the spot inside the black hole flutters and I flinch.
What the hell? “It moved, is that normal?”
“Perfectly normal,” the doctor chuckles. “It’s the baby’s heartbeat. I’d guess you’re about eight weeks pregnant with conception about six weeks ago?” Sydney nods. The doctor pushes a button and rips a piece of paper off of the machine. “Here, take this picture with you.”
Holy shit. A heartbeat. A baby. Inside Sydney. My baby. Our baby.
Another rush of unfamiliar emotions flood my brain like a tsunami, crashing in and sweeping everything else out with the tide. Fear, love, apprehension, excitement, and mostly an overwhelming need to protect what’s mine. My family.
How am I going to keep them safe?
“Thanks,” Sydney says as she takes the picture.
“You can get dressed and we’ll talk in my office when you’re ready.”
I vaguely register that the doctor has left the room and Sydney is dressed. I have no idea how I got to the doctor’s personal office or how I ended up in the big chair across from her desk, but here I am. Freaking the fuck out, probably gaping like an idiot.
I’m so confused. I’m so fucking happy, but I’m so fucking scared. For Sydney, for the baby. I don’t want to travel unless she’s with me either. Having her away from me would drive me fucking crazy with worry.
Even with all that shit to worry about, the paparazzi, the fans, the tabloids that are going to go nuts when Sydney shows up swollen and pregnant with my child… I can’t fucking wait to meet our kid.
I snap out of it and realize that the doctor is standing, waiting for me to shake her hand. “Thanks doctor. We appreciate your time.” I let Sydney leave the office first and follow dutifully behind her.
Once again, I’m lost in my thoughts until Sydney grabs my hand and yanks me out of my stupor, pulling me down the hall towards the elevators.
“Hey, are you okay with all of this?” she asks, peering up at me with her huge blue eyes.
I stare back down at her, this fragile yet strong woman that I love so much. “I can’t believe that my child is actually inside you,” I whisper.
“Yes, it is.”
Everything else is forgotten for the moment except us, our future. I grab her and hold her tightly against my chest. “I guess it just didn’t seem real until now. I’m so happy, thank you for giving this to me.”
“I thought you were in there freaking out, you know, trying to find a way out of this situation,” Sydney says once we’re in the elevator.
She still doesn’t think that I want her, all of her, forever.
I tug on her hand and the length of her warm body presses up against mine. “No way would I ever want out, Sydney.” I lean down and capture her mouth with mine, sliding a hand up to cup the back of her head. She responds immediately, wrapping her arms around my neck, nipping at my lips like she can’t get enough.
Naughty Sydney, making my dick hard in the elevator.
Unexpectedly, the elevator doors open and Sydney jumps away from me, embarrassed. Me? I could care less who sees me kissing her. A young man enters the elevator, so engrossed in his phone that he steps right on my foot.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t expect anyone…” He backs away and glances up and I watch as his eyes widen significantly. Shit, he knows me. “I, I’m s-s-sorry,” he stammers, turning bright red and spinning to face the front of the elevator.
Sydney looks at me and it’s just about impossible not to crack up.
CHAPTER 28
“No! No fuckin’ way Sydney!”
“Drew, I’m doing this,” she says calmly.
Jesus Christ! She can be so fucking stubborn sometimes.
“No, I don’t like it. It’s not a good idea.” The uneasiness makes it impossible to stand still. The instinctive urge to strike out and hit something is winning the war against my very small rational side. My hands itch so badly that I have to curl them up and stuff them in my pockets. “It’s bullshit!” I yell.
“Stop being so dramatic, Drew. I promised my mother I would do this for her. After everything she did for me, I want to be there.”
She gets up from the couch and walks over to where I’m pacing in front of the bookshelves in her loft and grips the front of my shirt in her hands. “Drew.” I keep my chin up, unable to look at her. I don’t want her to see the blinding fury in my eyes. “Drew.”
“What!” I snap, still refusing to meet her gaze.
“Look at me,” she begs.
Grudgingly, I force my eyes down and find hers wide and shimmering with tears. Fuck!
“My mom is going to be back in the spotlight, there’s nothing we can do about it. Once that happens, they’re going to dig and dig until they find me. It’s easier this way. To do it on my terms, without someone popping out of the bushes with a giant camera.”
My whole body tenses at the thought of Sydney exposing herself to the world, inviting that shit back into her life after the damage it caused. I need to get to the gym, to punch the shit out of something, to regain some control over a situation I have no control over.
“I hate this, Sydney. This is how it starts, the frenzy. I can’t protect you and the baby from all that shit.” I’m able to calm myself enough
to speak without shouting, barely.
“I don’t need you to protect me, Drew.”
I give her a look of incredulity. Is she fucking joking?
“Of course I’m going to protect you Sydney. That’s my job. It’s something I have to do.” She starts to argue with me and I cut her off, unwilling to compromise on this. “No, Syd. Don’t bother trying to change my mind about it. This is how I am and it’s not going to change.”
“Alright,” she says, looking up at me with those fucking puppy dog eyes. They kill me. Every single time. “I know you aren’t comfortable with me appearing on Late Night Report. Just understand where I’m coming from, please.”
I grind my teeth together in aggravation. Obviously, she’s going to do this no matter what I say. As much as I want to, I can’t lock her up and keep her here forever.
“Fine,” I relent. “But know that I hate it, and I’m going with you.”
Her arms wrap around my waist and she puts her cheek against my chest. Too tempting to pass up, I lower my head, burying my nose in her hair to take a hit of my favorite drug. Shit. This interview is going to kill me.
If I have to watch her pace this room one more time, I’m going to lose my shit. We shouldn’t even be here. This idea is so awful there aren’t even words to explain how awful it is.
“Sydney, please stop. You’re going to be a sweaty mess if you keep running around like that.” Sydney’s mom is as calm as a cucumber. Of course she is, she’s Evangeline Allen. She’s been making movies since before Sydney was born. She’s as calm as I would be if it weren’t the woman I love about to expose herself to the entire world.
This is too stressful to let continue, I can’t take it. I get up and stop Sydney from pacing. I have to try to make her feel better, no matter how shitty of an idea I think this is, it’s my job to support her in this. “Syd, it’s going to be okay. I’ll be right off to the side where you can see me the entire time. They’ll love you, but you can still back out if you want to.”
I couldn’t help but give her the chance to change her mind. But she’s so fucking stubborn. There’s no way she’ll back out now.
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