That didn’t solve Kaspar’s problem right now, though. He licked his lips and looked at Julian, who looked even more worried. He cleared his throat and had to force the words out. “I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? Because you don’t look fine. Is there something wrong? Is it something I said?”
Kaspar shook his head and decided just to throw himself off the cliff. He leaned even closer and pressed his lips against Julian’s, then jerked back as if they’d burned him. He knew his eyes were wide as he stared at Julian. Their expressions were probably similar, and Julian was shocked.
Julian touched his lips gently. “What did you do that for?” he asked.
Kaspar had wanted to avoid this conversation, but obviously, he wouldn’t be able to. “Because I wanted to. Because I’ve been wanting to do it since you arrived here.”
Julian frowned slightly. “You could have kissed anyone else. Why me?”
This was it. “Because I’m in love with you.” Kaspar looked away. He didn’t want to see the rejection if that was what would happen.
“You’re in love with me?” There was something in Julian’s voice, something vulnerable that felt like it might break if Kaspar gave him the wrong answer. Kaspar hoped he wouldn’t. He could only do what his heart wanted him to do and follow the path that was set for him.
“I am. I’ve been falling in love for a while. I’ve been watching you, and you’re perfect.”
Julian chuckled. “No one is perfect.”
“Then you’re perfect for me.” It sounded corny, but it was true.
“We’re both carriers.”
Kaspar had known that would be a snag. “So? We’re both human beings. We’re both guys. What does it matter? We’re free, remember? We can be with whoever we want, and no one can say anything about it. I love you, Julian. I’ve loved you for a while, and I’m sorry if I kissed you and you didn’t want me to, but I love you and—”
Julian pushed into Kaspar’s personal space, reaching for him. Their teeth bumped together, but Kaspar wouldn’t have stopped for anything. Instead, he wrapped his arms around Julian and held him close as they kissed.
Julian had kissed him. Instead of stopping him or telling him that there never could be anything between them, he had kissed him, and he was still kissing him. Kaspar didn’t know what it meant, if Julian shared his feelings or if he was feeling pity for him, but right now, he would take just about anything.
“We’re crazy,” Julian murmured.
“So?” Kaspar asked. He felt dizzy but in the best way. “We are free, remember? We can do this if we want.” And Kaspar wanted to.
Julian wrapped his arms around Kaspar’s neck. “I haven’t felt this way in... ever, I think.”
Kaspar wanted to protect Julian, even though Julian was older than him. But Kaspar’s life had been easy, while Julian’s hadn’t. Kaspar would do everything he could to make Julian happy from now on, and he would make sure Julian knew that. If they felt the same way, they deserved to be together, whatever others said or thought. Kaspar didn’t care, not as long as Julian wanted the same thing he did.
They kissed again, and Kaspar pushed all his thoughts away. Now wasn’t the time to think. It was the time to feel, and it was the best feeling ever.
Chapter Three
Things were fragile and delicate, but Kaspar was happy.
He sighed and pressed himself closer to Julian, who chuckled and rolled to his back.
A few days had passed since their first kiss on the couch, and they’d moved their making-out sessions to Julian’s bedroom. He had one of the few single rooms, because Kari had threatened to tear a few heads off if his father wasn’t given a single. Kaspar hadn’t understood why Julian should be privileged at the time, but now he was glad he was. Besides, he knew the other carriers in the house didn’t mind. They looked up to Julian, and so did Kari. Kaspar was pretty sure that Kari still snuck in every so often at night to sleep with his father, and he thought it was sweet. Kari and Julian had only had each other for so long that he wasn’t surprised they still needed each other that way.
But now Julian also had Kaspar, and Kaspar pushed closer to him again, wanting to kiss him some more. Julian laughed and shook his head. His cheeks were flushed and his hair was all over the place, and Kaspar felt smug that he’d been the one to do that. “Shouldn’t we do something else?” Julian asked. “Something that isn’t kissing?”
“Why? Kissing is good. I like kissing.”
Truth to be told, Kaspar was terrified. They hadn’t talked about this, but they’d been stealing moments since their first kiss. They had to talk. He knew that. They had to know what they wanted from each other and decide what the next step would be for them. It felt so good to be in the moment, though. Kaspar didn’t have to think or worry. He could be with Julian and enjoy his presence.
“We should talk about what we want the others to know,” Julian said. He didn’t move away when Kaspar kissed him again, but Kaspar knew he was right, so he kept the kiss light.
“I don’t want us to hide,” he said. He didn’t know a lot of things, but this, he was sure of. He had no idea what would happen between them, what their relationship would become, but he never wanted to hide Julian. After spending almost his entire life in hiding, Julian deserved to be shown off if that was what he wanted.
Julian’s cheeks flushed harder. “Good, because I don’t want to hide you, either. You’re right. What we do isn’t shameful, and we’re free to do it. We shouldn’t have to hide it.”
“Then we won’t.” Kaspar grinned. “Will you be my boyfriend?”
Julian’s smile could have lit up the sky. “I thought you’d never ask. Yes, I’ll be your boyfriend.”
Kaspar took one of Julian’s hands and linked their fingers together. “It’s official, then. You’re my boyfriend.”
Julian looked at their hands. His gaze had a touch of incredulity, as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing. “And you’re mine,” he said.
Kaspar’s smile widened, and he leaned closer to kiss Julian again, but a knock on the door interrupted them.
Kaspar fought the instinct to jump away—even though Kari had told him to take the first step, there was no telling how he would react at finding Kaspar in his father’s bed—but Julian kept him right where he was, not letting go of his hand. “Who is it?” he called out.
“There’s a meeting downstairs,” Burnell said.
Kaspar and Julian looked at each other. “What meeting?” Julian called out.
“No idea, but Thomas is there. So is Calder and your son. I’m gathering everyone. We’ll be in the living room.”
“Thank you.”
They waited until they heard Burnell’s footsteps fade away, then Kaspar asked, “What do you think this is about?”
“I don’t know. It wasn’t planned, that’s for sure.”
“Has something happened?”
“Maybe.” They were isolated in the Bishop House, no matter how much the cete worked at making them comfortable. It didn’t change the fact that they lived away from most of the cete and the other shifters in the forest, and that they were always the last ones to find out what was happening. It wasn’t always a bad thing, but Kaspar didn’t like feeling lost.
Julian sighed. “I suppose we should get up.”
Kaspar kissed him one last time, then rolled off the bed. “We might as well go see what’s happening.”
He was curious. Meetings didn’t often happen in the Bishop House, but especially not now that things were settling down in the forest. Maybe the alphas were here to retrieve their carriers. It was a possibility, and one Kaspar had expected to happen a while back. He’d thought that as soon as the council passed the new laws, alphas would start withdrawing the carriers from the house. Some had tried, but Kari had stepped in, and together, they’d all stood up so they would help the cete fight the coyotes.
But the danger had passe
d, and they’d settled back down into their lives. It was bound to change eventually, and sooner rather than later. That meant Kaspar would have to talk to Morris. He was Kaspar’s alpha, but Kaspar wasn’t worried, not the way Chris and a few others were.
Morris wouldn’t care if Kaspar wanted to stay with the cete. It wasn’t just because the sleuth and the cete had allied after the marriage between Levi and Demetri. Morris had always been a good alpha, and he would want Kaspar to choose his life. Still, the conversation wouldn’t be an easy one for Kaspar. He’d always seen Morris as an authoritative figure, and that hadn’t changed. The idea of talking to him made Kaspar slightly nervous.
“Ready to go?” Julian asked.
He was waiting at the door, and Kaspar moved toward him. He kissed him and opened the door, but to his surprise, Julian took one of his hands and twined their fingers together again as they stepped out in the hallway. Kaspar looked from their hands to Julian’s face, then nodded.
They were doing this. They were officially together, and Kaspar couldn’t have been happier.
They headed downstairs, and of course, everyone noticed their hands right away. They were teased a few times, but it wasn’t mean. They were a family, and everyone was happy for them.
Well, everyone but Chris, who took one look at them and stomped his way to the other side of the room.
Kaspar didn’t blame him. He might never have had his heart broken the way Chris had, but he could imagine how painful it was and that he didn’t want to be anywhere close to the newest couple in the house.
Kaspar and Julian settled toward the back of the room. Someone had brought in several chairs so that everyone would have a place to sit. Of course, Kaspar and Julian sat next to each other.
Calder, Kari, Thomas, and his son Joel were at the head of the room, talking. Kaspar didn’t miss the way Kari looked at him a few times, and he grinned when Kari winked at him. That was as much of a blessing as he would have.
Thomas cleared his throat as soon as everyone was in the room. “Thank you for coming,” he started.
“It’s not like we have anything better to do,” Calum muttered.
Everyone was used to his bad moods, so they ignored him.
“I wanted to have a meeting because the council has decided something,” Thomas said. “As you know, we now have the majority. We also have a few problems, though. The coyotes don’t have an alpha anymore, and the human team is coming. I know it’s a lot to digest, but it’s nothing you have to worry about. The council has all of this in hand, and you can go back to your homes if you want to. The Bishop House will always be open for you, but I know that some of your alphas want to get you back to your own territory. Of course, feel free to stay if you don’t want to go back.”
“Will you stand up to our alphas if we decide to stay?” Chris asked.
There was a pause, and Kaspar held his breath. He didn’t know how Thomas would answer, but it was important.
Thomas cleared his throat. “Obviously, I don’t want to fight with any of the other alphas. With a human team coming, we need to be united now more than ever. But yes. You’re an adult, as is everyone else here. If you want to stay and go against your alpha’s wishes, I will support you.”
The atmosphere in the room seemed to relax. Kaspar wasn’t sure what this meant for Chris, but Thomas had given them the best answer he could have.
“There’s something else,” Thomas said. He looked around, and Kaspar held his breath. “The council decided during their last meeting that there needs to be a carrier member added.”
Kaspar sat back. He hadn’t expected that, and he wasn’t sure what to make of it. “What do you think?” he asked Julian.
“That it’s a good thing. It’s about time carriers are represented. It’s about time someone fought for them.”
Calder stepped forward. “I know not every carrier lives here, but since the majority of you are in this room right now, we’d like to have a quick vote. You know each other better than anyone else. You know who you want to be on the council to represent you. So I’m asking for a name. We can vote and discuss this later if we need to, but this is where we start.”
There was a moment of silence, then someone—Kaspar was pretty sure it was Chris—said, “Julian.”
* * * *
Julian had heard that wrong. He had to have, because he couldn’t believe that someone wanted him to be a council member.
He looked around. Everyone was staring at him, which meant he probably had heard it right. He cleared his throat and opened his mouth to say something, but what? He had no idea what to say, what he was feeling, or even if he wanted the job.
Because that was what it was—a job, and an important one at that.
“Julian?” Kaspar asked softly.
Julian forced himself to look at him. “Yes?”
“What do you think of the idea? Chris thinks you would be the perfect council member to represent us in the council. Is it something you want to consider?”
“Why don’t we take a vote?” Calder suggested.
Julian could have kissed him for taking the heat away from him for a few minutes. Instead, he stayed right where he was. He wasn’t sure he could have moved even if he’d tried.
“Everyone here who wants Julian to represent them on the council, please raise your hand,” Calder said.
Of course, everyone did. Julian looked at Kaspar again, and sure enough, his hand was up, too. Kaspar shrugged and gave Julian a little smile. “If you don’t want the job, you can say no, but I do think you would be good at it,” he explained.
Julian wanted to say no. He was pretty sure he wasn’t the perfect person to take the job like everyone seemed to think. He’d spent most of his life alone in the woods with only his son for company. Why did the carriers expect him to stand up for them in front of people who would no doubt hate him and would make it known what they thought about him being a carrier? They would see him as less than human, like someone who didn’t belong, and they wouldn’t be wrong about that last part. Julian didn’t belong anywhere but with the other carriers.
“Julian?” Thomas asked. Julian blinked, surprised to see the alpha so close to him. Thomas crouched next to Julian’s chair. He looked at Julian’s hand, which was still linked with Kaspar’s, but he didn’t say anything about it. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” he murmured. “I understand how big a responsibility it is. It was just a suggestion, and if you say no, we’ll find someone else.”
“Do you think I would be good at it?” Julian couldn’t help but ask.
“Honestly? I think that once you get used to it and to the number of people you’ll have to meet, you’ll be great at it. You’re a good man, and you know firsthand what happened to carriers in the past. But you’re still standing, and you’re strong. Besides, don’t think I haven’t noticed how you take care of the carriers in the house. You’re behaving like an alpha, and that’s why you will be a good council member. You want the best for them, and you’ll work for that. You also won’t be alone. Calder will be there, as well as other council members on our side. If you want, you can meet all of them before accepting. But the carriers seem to want you, and unless you’re against this, I think it would be a good idea for you to accept the job. Also, the other carriers we know about are much younger than you.”
Julian wasn’t offended. He was the oldest in the house, and he didn’t see it as a problem, even though sometimes, doubts poked at his mind. They were fairly easy to ignore most of the time, though. “But I’m old enough that the council members will respect me, at least for that. It will be one less strike against me.” He already had a huge one since he was a carrier, and no matter how nice Thomas and the others were, not everyone would be.
Julian could imagine that some council members wouldn’t be happy at having a carrier being their equal, not when they thought carriers were inferior—except when they bore children. They believ
ed that was the only good thing a carrier could do, and it made Julian angry. He’d seen a lot of behavior like that when he’d lived with the weasel gang, and he knew it would never change until someone pushed.
He sighed. He wanted to say no, but he felt like he had to give back after everything Thomas and the cete had done for him and his son. Besides, he also wanted to protect the younger carriers. They were starting their lives, and they were starting it at a disadvantage because they could have children. Some of them had been horribly abused. Some already had children because they’d been raped. There wasn’t much Julian could do for them, but this, he could.
He looked around. They were all looking at him, their faces so full of hope and trust. How was he supposed to say no? He’d thought he would spend the rest of his life here, taking care of Kari and his son or daughter, hopefully along with Kaspar, but it looked like fate had something different waiting for him.
“All right. I’ll do it.” The words spilled out, and he prayed he wouldn’t regret them.
Thomas beamed and rose from his crouch. He offered Julian his hand, and Julian shook it with trembling fingers. “You won’t regret it,” he said. He paused and cocked his head. “Well, maybe you will. I know that some days I regret being the alpha, and I’m sure Calder feels the same way about being a council member. But whatever you need, we’ll be here for you. Why don’t you come with Calder and me to the office? We can have a private meeting about what the council will expect from you, what your duties will be, and about your bodyguard. You can bring Kaspar or Kari with you, of course.”
Julian blinked. “Bodyguard?”
Thomas grimaced. “I think it’s necessary. We all do. I’m not saying you’re weak, but—”
“But I’m vulnerable. I don’t know much about how things work out there. I’ve been alone most of my life, and I’m a carrier to boot, and people are bound to hold that against me. I understand.” Julian wasn’t sure what he would do with a bodyguard, but he wouldn’t resist. He had no intention of putting his life in danger, not when he was finally living it.
In Spite of Everything Page 4