The Supervillainy Saga (Book 4): The Science of Supervillainy

by Phipps, C. T.

  “I can show you how to use this sort of magic,” Cloak said.

  “You can?” I asked.

  “Yes, I was a necromancer before I became a superhero,” Cloak reminded me. “Still, it will take time, as using that kind of magic untrained is dangerous.”

  “Really? Because I thought it was just like learning my ABCs,” I muttered.

  “I’d say sarcasm doesn’t suit you but I believe that ship has sailed.”

  Less than a minute later, the room was absolutely filled with white toxic gas, and anyone who hadn’t slipped on their mask was dead. Other Gary, despite how nice he’d made the city, clearly didn’t care about collateral damage in the pursuit of his goals. I shouldn’t have been surprised, as the population of Undertown had included his minions as well as the staff dedicated to maintaining it, and that hadn’t stopped him from blowing them all up.

  “There’s nothing for us down here,” Amanda said, her voice altered by the gas mask on her face. “We need to get to the elevators.”

  A cheesy patriotic tune started playing on the intercom before a white movie screen lowered in front of Merciful’s statue. A pair of spotlights rose from the ground in front of it and a film projector lowered itself in front of the doors. The projector then produced an image of Merciful on the screen. He was sitting behind a desk with a window overlooking the city, noticeably not the one he’d have from the Merciful Building.

  “This city is an idealized state,” Other Gary said, staring at me from the black and white video feed. It was deliberately grainy, a stylistic choice that made me think my doppelgänger had a weird sense of the dramatic. “A creation born from my desire to rebuild the world I’ve lost. Unlike other failed utopias, though, I leave nothing to chance. Everything is controlled by me and service is rewarded. The public is provided bread and circuses while all dissent is drowned out in the noise of propaganda. The people thrive because they don’t care about challenging the status quo. Indeed, they love hating those who don’t toe the line.”

  “For a superhero, you’re doing a supervillainous monologue,” I said, disgusted with my doppelgänger.

  “There is a price for peace. That price is freedom.” Other Gary looked down at Amanda. “Your Society of Superhero friends agreed. Although I phrased it far more delicately.”

  “Screw you, you sick murdering bastard!” Amanda said. “You killed my friends!”

  Other Gary wagged his pointer finger at her. “Tut-tut-tut, Amanda, language. You can still turn back. I am the master of life and death. I can restore your loved ones to you, or at least a semblance of them. You can have your fortune back as well. Like Caesar, I know the value of pardoning my enemies.”

  “The people Julius Caesar pardoned murdered him, dipshit,” I said, rolling my eyes.

  “Gary.” Mandy stared over at me. “You’re not helping.”

  “Gary is just demonstrating the difference between us,” Other Gary said. “How this world and all of its evils have warped him. How he’s been turned from a figure who could be productive to society into a brutal, vengeance-driven killer unable to accept paradise.”

  “Name one thing you’ve given these people after making yourself high dingy doo,” I snapped.

  “I’ve cured cancer,” Other Gary said.

  I blinked. “Really?”

  I thought of my father. He’d lived to a ripe old age of his seventies, only to pass away due to “natural causes.” Fuck natural causes.

  “Oh yes.” Other Gary nodded. “It’s amazing the kind of miracles I’ve been able to achieve once I began reconditioning the supervillains who entered the legal system and reverse-engineering their technology. The best scientists are mad scientists after all. Throw in making use of supers’ powers as alternatives to traditional machine-based technologies, and you have the beginnings of a greener, better world.”

  “Do people know this greener, better world came at the hands of your alliance with President Omega?” I asked. “I’m guessing no, Saruman.”

  “I thought President Omega was Saruman?” Cloak asked.

  “Shut up, I’m five years behind in references,” I muttered. “They could have made The Silmarillion into a Peter Jackson trilogy by now. God, did you see how he screwed up The Hobbit? Any book adaptation should be whimsical!”

  “Come down here and fight us like a man, you piece of crap!” Amanda growled, balling her fists.

  “A very strange statement since it’s the women in your Gary’s life who are the dangerous ones,” Other Gary said, smiling with just a hint of sadness. “I’m not a fighter, but a trickster. Here, let me show you.”

  Other Gary reached over and pressed a button on the table in front of him before the feed cut.

  “We need to get to the penthouse!” Amanda hissed. “He’s going to get away!”

  “He’s not here,” I replied, growling. “That’s from across town.”

  “I can, however, access my power well here,” Other Gary said. “I’ve had years to master its intricacies and you’ve had a few minutes.”

  That was when I felt a ripple of energy pass through the room.

  “Ah crap,” I said.

  Behind us, barely visible in the fog, I felt a teleportation spell go off. As I mentioned, I was strictly low-key when it came to the intricacies of sorcery, but I recognized the essence of it. Other Gary had decided to bring in reinforcements, and we were screwed. Turning around, I saw who he’d brought and decided “screwed” was an understatement.

  I recognized three of them out of hand. They were members of the Extreme, although differently costumed. There was Captain Disaster, a hulking white-haired cyborg I’d killed twice before, now costumed in the attire of a general. Beside him was Ninjess, who’d traded in her somewhat skanky nineties-era thong costume for a more demure one-piece white bathing suit and mask that made her look like Kitana from Mortal Kombat. Standing behind them was Iron Cross, a metal-armored war machine that had shifted from Nazi red and black to red, white, and blue. There were a half-dozen identical square-headed robots accompanying them that I recognized as Mechanko, the rogue A.I. who generally worked for whichever fascist paid the most.

  The Extreme were super-heroes the way sewage was drinkable. Yes, it was technically so, but just thinking about it made me sick. Captain Disaster had sided with President Omega because he’d bought fully into what he believed was the man’s ideology of normal human supremacy. Seeing him working for Other Gary made me wonder if he was brainwashed or if his principles changed depending on who was signing his paycheck. Extremists could change ideologies on a dime since they tended not to be the most stable people in the world to begin with.

  There were two new members of the team, though, who didn’t look like anyone I’d seen before. The first one was a ridiculously cute Eurasian woman in her twenties with a sci-fi bob and a lithe swimmer’s build. She wore the miniskirt, boots, and cape combo that Gabrielle had popularized a decade ago. There was something curiously familiar about her features that put me on edge, almost as if she resembled someone I knew. The second was a figure all in black who looked like someone had poured ink on him, only for the ink to come alive.

  “Gary Karkofsky, the real one,” Captain Disaster said, chuckling. “I’ve been looking forward to a rematch for a long time.”

  “Five years, in fact, give or take a couple of weeks,” I said, not remotely intimidated by his presence despite the fact that he had a huge laser rifle on his back. “Amanda, who are the newcomers?”

  Amanda hesitated. “Those are Starlight Maiden and Shadowman. They’re bioroids Gary created from his tissue and his dead wife’s.”

  I stopped dead. “What?”

  Mandy stared at them in horror. “He made a fake family for himself?”

  Starlight Maiden, whom I now recognized as resembling Mandy, stepped forward and balled her fists. “We are not fake! Our father made us to protect his city.”

  “We are superior to humanity in every way.” Shadowman’s vo
ice dripped with venom. Literally, there was venom dripping out of his mouth.

  I tried to hide my disgust. “OK, Pinocchio, I get it. You’re a real girl. So is your brother. That doesn’t mean your father is not a complete asshole.”

  “Excuse me,” Captain Disaster snapped. “We’re having a discussion.”

  I shook my head. “No, we aren’t, General Disaster. Which is annoying because that’s your apparent rank now. I can’t even make a joke about it. You’re not my archenemies. You’re a bunch of idiots who show up to ruin my day occasionally.”

  “The Team Rocket of my life,” Amanda suggested.

  “Not a Pokémon fan, but go for it,” I said. “I’m also nearly all-powerful in this place, so I don’t know what Other Gary was thinking sending you here.”

  “No, you’re not,” Starlight Maiden said. “I know how my father’s towers work, and they require decades of study to use.”

  Ah crap.

  “We’re going to bring you in,” Starlight Maiden said, striking a heroic pose as her cape fluttered in a nonexistent wind. “Then the people of Falconcrest City will know its heroes are on the job!”

  Oh brother.

  “Father said we needed to keep Merciless alive,” Shadowman said, his voice a low growl. “Also, Mandy Karkofsky. That means we can kill Nightwoman.”

  “You heard the boy,” Captain Disaster said, pulling out his laser rifle. “Let’s pay them back for killing us.”

  “With pleasure,” Ninjess said, conjuring two glowing electrical fans.

  Iron Cross charged up his laser gauntlets. “I’m not racist, but I’m really going to enjoy killing that Jewish guy and the Asian girls.”

  That was when the ground between us exploded as an apartment-sized drilling machine rose up through. The thing was a single metal tube with a buzzing series of saws surrounding the conical drill in the center. There was a hatch on the side of the tube that popped up to reveal Cindy, Diabloman, and a black man in a trench coat and fedora with a domino mask.

  “All right, this is a robbery!” Cindy shouted, firing a laser pistol in the air.

  Huh, that was unexpected.

  Chapter Seven

  WHERE THE GANG REUNITES LIKE IN RETURN OF THE JEDI

  I stared at the sight of my friends and was nearly knocked down by their presence. I hadn’t expected to see any of them ever again—had given up hope, really—so it was like a bucket of cold water. I loved each of them—well, Diabloman and Cindy. I didn’t know who the other guy was.

  “Cindy?” I said, walking forward in disbelief.

  “Gary!” Mandy said behind me.

  “What?” I said, turning around and thus barely avoiding being shot by Cindy’s laser pistol. Spinning around, I spread out my arms. “What the hell! Black cloak! Not white cloak! Gary, not Other Gary!”

  “Madre de diablo!” Diabloman said, staring at me. “Could it be true?”

  “It’s a trick!” Cindy hissed, the gun aimed at me. “Other Gary has no sense of shame!”

  Starlight Maiden looked over at her brother Shadowman before turning back to us. “Uh, excuse me, but you’re all under arrest. Because you’re bad and chaotic.”

  “Arrest?” Captain Disaster said. “Oh, that’s just adorable, Mindy.”

  “Mindy?” I said, my mouth hanging open. “My doppelgänger named his daughter Mindy? What’s his son’s name? Dare Ablo?”

  “Gabriel,” Shadowman said. “My name is Gabriel, defacer of my father’s name!”

  I completely ignored his anger. “He named you both after my ex-girlfriend and wife? What the hell is wrong with that guy?”

  “He’s a nastier version of you?” Amanda said.

  “Ouch. That was cold Amanda. Cold.”

  “Gary, focus,” Mandy said. “Also, Mindy is an adorable name.”

  “Ma’am,” Captain Disaster said to Starlight Maiden. Somehow, he’d picked up a Southern accent he hadn’t possessed before. “We should really get to executing these evil-doers.”

  Starlight Maiden seemed unsure, though. It seemed like she wasn’t quite able to order an attack on someone who looked exactly like her father. Of course, given she was an android, it was entirely possible she had programming that prevented that as well. Wait, was that racist? Was I robophobic?

  Probably not a topic to focus on now.

  “Tell us something only the Real Gary would know!” Cindy shouted, ignoring the others. I could see just how desperate she was to believe I was me.

  “Your mother was an abusive alcoholic, while your father was never around.”

  “Everyone knows that!” Cindy snapped.

  “We promised, however, we would get out of this place if it was the last thing ever did.” I looked around the bank. “It looks like both of us failed.”

  Cindy frowned, clearly not certain.

  “Do you remember what I said to you when you came to me crying on my wedding day?” I looked at her. “Because I do, and I think it’s something you’ve taken to heart, and that makes me happy.”

  “You are worth more than you think,” Cindy said, her voice ready to break. “Gary, is that really you? Mandy?”

  “In the flesh,” Mandy said, giving a half-smile. “The cold, hard, marble-esque flesh. At least I get horribly sunburned in daytime versus sparkling.”

  “Dated joke, Mandy,” Amanda said, chuckling. “The current vampire trends are they’re all flying rappers.”

  “That’s both monstrous as well as intriguing,” Mandy said. “Did they make a Straight Outta Fangton movie?”

  “Three,” Amanda said.

  “We’ve missed you guys so much—” I started to say.

  “Shut up and die!” Captain Disaster shouted before pulling out a grenade and hurling it.

  “No!” Starlight Maiden shouted, grabbing the grenade with a Ultraforce catcher’s mitt and suppressing the explosion. “There are innocents present!”

  “Casualties of war!” Shadowman shouted, charging forward as the rest of the Extreme followed suit. “Kill them for Father!”

  “No, we should arrest them!” Starlight Maiden said. “Why am I always the one to have to say that?”

  “Because you’re an idiot!” Shadowman hissed.

  Yeah, that nicely summarized the twins’ personalities. There was the good one and the bad one. Too bad I’d have to kill them both.

  Shadowman interrupted my thoughts by slamming into me. He then smashed me into the bank’s statue of Other Gary. He moved like lightning and hit like a train. The hideous tendrils on his inky-black uniform stretched out before producing toothy maws. It was like being grabbed by a humanoid-shaped shoggoth.

  That was when one of the monstrous mouths bit down on my shoulders, arms, and legs. It was like getting six dog bites at once.

  “Shit! Fuck! Ow!” I said. “That hurts!”

  “That’s the point,” the Shadowman shouted. “Die!”

  Growling in pain, I generated a wave of flame around myself, causing Shadowman to jump backward before I generated a block of ice around my fist and smashed it against his face.

  “My father will remake the world!” Shadowman hissed, his jaw looking busted before it sloshed back into place.

  “You’ve got daddy issues,” I said, amused. “Seriously, be your own man.”

  “I’m going to pay you back for killing me,” Captain Disaster screamed, aiming his cannon at me. I immediately grabbed Shadowman by his tendrils then used him as a shield. The blast caused Shadowman to scream and Captain Disaster to look horrified.

  Mostly because Captain Disaster’s head promptly exploded.

  My eyes widened.

  “The Extreme are not allowed to attack the First Family,” Shadowman chuckled nightmarishly as he regenerated from the blast. “That tickled.”

  I proceeded to hurl Shadowman across the room into the way of one of Iron Cross’s blasts, causing him to explode.

  “That’s cheating!” Shadowman said, sloshing into a puddle on the groun
d with multiple mouths.

  “First, eww,” I said. “Second, please let any child of mine never be this lame.”

  Cindy looked over at me, using what appeared to be a double-bladed lightsaber to block Ninjess’s attacks. “Gary, we need to talk.”

  “Fighting first!” I said, turning insubstantial right before Starlight Maiden flew through me. She’d been preparing to deliver a huge Ultra-Force punch, which would have knocked my block off, but she apparently couldn’t use it in multiple manners simultaneously. That meant she was less powerful than Gabrielle, thank God.

  “Murderer!” Starlight Maiden screamed. “Those were heroes you killed! Sort of!”

  “Lady, they’ll be back,” I said, shaking my head. “Also, they’re assholes.”

  I promptly blasted her with ice only for her to ignore it and start walking back toward me, her hands glowing. “The First Family are the defenders of Falconcrest City against all threats. That includes imposters of our father who want to bring chaos and anarchy to our home.”

  “Well, that’s true,” I said, throwing fire at her and watching it bounce off too. “But I don’t think your brother agrees.”

  “Do not insult Gabriel!” Starlight Maiden said, lifting me up by my cloak lapel and pulling her fist back. “He is a good man.”

  “I will rip your skull out!” Shadowman shouted. “Then your wife, then your girlfriend, and then your friends!”

  Starlight Maiden grimaced, only to start shaking violently as if struck by a bolt of lightning. I turned insubstantial and passed through her hand before a second and third bolt of electricity struck her. That was when I saw Amanda behind her, using her Death-granted powers. They weren’t working against her.

  Starlight Maiden laughed. “It will take more than that to put me down, terrorist.”