Together Forever

by Siân O'Gorman

  *

  We had a long drive and it was already gone 11 a.m. and when we arrived at the caravan, Nora and Finty were still sitting outside, Nora wedged into the picnic chair, her legs propped up on another, bare toes waggling in the summer morning breeze. She looked exceedingly comfortable.

  ‘Flapjack, Tabitha?’ Finty gave Nora a wink. ‘I made them meself,’ he said, causing Nora to diffuse into giggles. And once she started, she didn’t seem able to stop and then she developed hiccups.

  ‘Mum,’ I said. ‘We’ve got to go. We’ve had some news and we just want to get back…’

  ‘Whatever for?’ she said, wiping her eyes and stifling her hiccups. ‘What’s the hurry?’

  Rosie and I looked desperately at each other.

  ‘Granny,’ said Rosie bravely. ‘It’s Dad. He’s in all the papers. The front page…’

  ‘He’s got himself caught up in something,’ I stepped in. ‘A scandal. And we need to be back. He’s flying home and we thought we’d like to be there as soon as possible.’

  ‘A scandal?’ Nora said, her eyes like saucers. ‘The only scandal he’d get into is if he couldn’t find his vest of a morning.’

  Now, it was Finty’s turn to begin crying with laughter, he was on his knees, slapping the ground and wheezing. Rosie and I looked at each other, puzzled. What was going on? Had they taken leave of their senses?

  ‘I’m sorry, Mum, but we’ve got to go,’ I said, feeling like the only grown-up in the field. ‘Michael’s flying back and we need to be at home. I’ll explain everything in the car.’

  Nora carefully lifted her legs, one by one, off the chair and on to the ground. ‘Chill Tab,’ she said, exploding into laughter. ‘Chill Tab!’ she said again, giggling and spluttering.

  Finty was now lying prone, convulsed by laughter, stuffing his filthy scarf into his mouth to stop the giggling.

  ‘Mum…’ I was cross now. ‘Michael’s had an affair. With Lucy. He loves Lucy.’

  And this made her laugh even more. She fell onto the ground and lay supine, slapping the earth, tears pouring out of her eyes, crying with laughter. Finty, meanwhile, had managed to stagger to his knees, holding his stomach, as though his sides might split, tears of laughter pouring from his face. He rolled over onto his back, legs kicking in the air. For a dying man, he was showing remarkable signs of life. ‘I love Lucy!’ he shouted.

  It dawned on me that there was something in the flapjacks that you might not give to children. Or sensible adults.

  ‘Mum…’

  Nora was now lying spread-eagled, gazing at the sky above her.

  ‘So beautiful,’ she said dreamily. ‘So beautiful.’

  ‘Come on,’ I said, holding out my hand to pull her up. ‘We’re going. You coming?’ She held my and Rosie’s hand and we hauled her to her feet.

  ‘Goodbye,’ she said to Finty. ‘Goodbye, bold Fintan.’

  ‘Goodbye, Nora, sweet, beautiful Nora.’

  ‘Thanks for the fun times.’

  ‘Oh they were!’ He smiled at her. ‘And we’ll have more of them.’

  ‘That we will.’

  ‘I’ll see you in the big yonder. I’ll see you in the Elysium Fields. And we’ll hold hands and sing songs.’

  ‘It’ll be just like the Peace Camp,’ said Nora, holding her face close to his. ‘Just like the glory days.’ She stood up and blew him a kiss.

  ‘Just like them. But better. This time I’ll bring the flapjacks.’

  *

  On the way home, Nora snoozed in the back of the car, me and Rosie in the front, talking quietly, as the black of the Irish countryside enveloped us. Eventually, from the back of the car, there was a voice. ‘I am very lucky to have you two.’

  ‘Hi Granny,’ said Rosie. ‘We’re nearly home. And we’re very lucky to have you.’

  ‘You’ve slept the whole way,’ I said drily.

  ‘And now I’m awake,’ she said. ‘And ready for chats. I’ve been thinking about Rosaleen and how much she would have loved to have met you, Rosie.’

  ‘She would,’ I agreed.

  ‘She was a very loving woman,’ said Nora. ‘One of those people who were happy out.’

  ‘Like you,’ I said.

  ‘Me?’

  ‘You’re always happy,’ I said. ‘Even when there is no reason to be.’

  ‘But isn’t that a good thing?’ said Rosie. ‘You’re making it sound like it isn’t.’

  ‘Well,’ I said. ‘It is and it isn’t. You don’t have to be happy about everything.’

  ‘I’m not,’ said Nora. ‘There’s lots of things I’m not happy about. Like developers and nuns and the Catholic Church and female genital mutilation and people who don’t recycle and the fact that coffee is now a very complicated business altogether and all sorts. And selling school land. That kind of thing…’

  I groaned.

  ‘But,’ she went on, ‘caring about those things, waking up in the middle of the night worrying about those things, does not stop me being deep-down happy.’ She paused for a moment. ‘Promise me something, Rosie…’

  ‘What is it, Granny?’

  ‘That you’ll follow your dreams, your calling, that you won’t be bound up by convention or being normal, whatever that is. Just be you. That you will carry on caring about things, that you will be passionate and committed and stand up for what’s right.’

  Rosie nodded dutifully. ‘I will. I promise.’

  ‘Don’t be boring,’ went on Nora. ‘Whatever you do. Don’t be boring.’

  ‘Am I boring,’ I said, ‘because I didn’t hang out in fields or want a tattoo like the child you really wanted?’

  ‘No, you’re not boring, Tabitha,’ she said. ‘You’re brave like Rosaleen, strong. Interesting. Good-natured. Smart. You have her look. In your eyes. And you have it too, Rosie.’

  We were all silent for a moment. I was thinking of Rosaleen and Nora and me and Rosie, four generations of Thomas women. Life was nothing if not interesting. Life was fascinating, scary, frightening and wonderful, and I realised that I wouldn’t change a single thing about the two women I was driving home. And I wouldn’t change a single thing about my life if it meant that I wouldn’t be here, right now, in this car, with these two. None of it. Not a thing. It was all over with Michael. And I was free. And Red wanted to talk to me. And I would have to tell him about the baby. And I didn’t know what he’d say. But it was time for full disclosure. It was time to be honest.

  ‘Tabitha?’

  ‘Yes, Mum?’

  ‘Can we stop for a moment? There must be a garage or something. I’m absolutely starving.’

  Oh God. My mother had the munchies.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Once we were back in Dublin and we’d dropped Nora home (she was going straight, she said, for a lie-down), I’d just put the kettle on when we heard Michael’s key in the door. What did one say to one’s husband who has fallen in love with a (slightly) younger and (definitely) perkier woman?

  He came into the kitchen and stood there, grey with worry, his eyes red as though he’d been crying all night. There was no sign of Lucy.

  ‘Rosie?’ he said.

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘Are you still mad at me?’

  ‘Well I haven’t had much time to not get mad at you,’ she said. ‘So yes, I’m still mad at you.’

  ‘Cup of tea, Michael?’ I said. ‘We’ve just had such a long drive, I’m gasping. You?’

  ‘I can’t keep a thing down,’ he said. ‘Not even water. I had to sit next to a baby on the flight who cried the whole way from Charleroi. And I’ve got a splitting headache.’

  ‘Granny Nora’s got one of those,’ said Rosie, giving me a look.

  ‘Grown-ups really are not being the best role models lately to you, are they?’ I said to her, as Michael sat on a chair and massaged his temples. He did look pretty green. ‘You might be the only one among us who has behaved with dignity.’

  ‘You’re not doing too badly,
Mum,’ she said quietly, and gave my arm a squeeze. We waited for Michael to refocus on the room. I noticed he wasn’t begging for forgiveness or following any of the usual errant spouse scripts. Even with his career in danger, he’d obviously decided that Lucy was for him.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ he said, eventually. ‘Oh Tab, I didn’t mean this… any of this… it’s awful… I am just so sorry… oh Tab, I can’t believe I’ve done this… I didn’t think I’d ever be one of those... politicians…’

  ‘The sleazy kind?’ I suggested, helpfully.

  ‘Well…’ he spluttered, not wanting to accept sleaziness but knowing his moral standing was rocky. ‘I know how angry you must be…’

  ‘Michael, it’s…’

  ‘You’re probably fuming, wanting my guts for garters… you’ve probably got a little voodoo doll in a suit and you’re going to stick pins into it…’

  ‘Michael…’

  He was examining my face. ‘You look dreadful, so upset,’ he insisted. ‘It must have come as a terrible shock…’

  ‘I’m absolutely…’

  ‘Furious? Devastated? So you should be! What a thing to discover. Your husband having an affair with his secretary. Oh, Tabitha, I am so ashamed, so appalled, so horrified, to have put you through this. To have hurt you and Rosie so badly, to have destroyed your lives like this…’

  ‘Hold on a moment…’ I said. ‘Michael…’

  ‘You’ll forever be known as Michael Fogarty’s wronged wife. I can’t believe I have done this to you, Tabitha, it was so selfish of me. How will you ever get over it? And my constituents! They will be devastated. I’ll lose my seat, for sure.’ His eyes were almost gleaming at the thought of his great fall. ‘It’s just that when you fall in love, passion gets in the way of everything. People get hurt. But… but sometimes, that’s the way it has to be.’

  I’d heard enough. ‘Michael, please. Just listen. It’s fine. Believe me.’ I nodded, smiling, encouragingly. ‘I’m really pleased for you. Really pleased. I can’t talk for how Rosie feels about the matter, but for me, I can see that you and Lucy are meant for each other. I mean, she’s such a marvel. And your constituents will get over it. They’ll just go and vote for someone else. We’ll all be fine.’

  ‘What?’ He looked shocked and almost disappointed I was taking it so well. ‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ He looked at me sceptically, puzzled that I had taken his one chance to be a blackguard away from him. ‘Rosie?’ he said, the colour now fully drained from his face.

  ‘I’ll get over it,’ she said.

  ‘I just… we couldn’t help…’

  ‘Falling in love?’ I prompted.

  He nodded miserably.

  ‘Michael, we can talk about this in detail another time but we need to get divorced and you need to move out as soon as possible. Now, in fact. And you and Lucy have my full and complete blessing as long as you do this as swiftly and painlessly as possible. For all our sakes.’

  ‘Do I have your blessing as well, Rosie?’

  She nodded. ‘It kind of puts my messing up my Leaving Cert in the shade, so I’m not so disappointed. It’s nice when your parents behave worse than you do.’

  He gave her an agonised, tortured smile as though he had no idea if she was joking or not. She wasn’t.

  ‘Where is Lucy by the way?’ I said.

  ‘Outside. Waiting.’

  ‘You’d better bring her in.’

  *

  When he returned with Lucy, she grabbed my hand, her eyes full of tears. They’d obviously both had a good sob about my awful plight on the journey home. ‘I’m so sorry, Tabitha,’ she said. ‘I’m so sorry.’

  ‘Lucy, it’s fine,’ I said briskly. ‘Can we all stop saying sorry and be grown-up about this?’

  ‘Yes, yes,’ she said, sniffling and coughing ‘I’m sorry… I mean…’

  ‘Have you seen the headlines?’ Michael said, taking a pile of newspapers from Lucy and putting them on the kitchen table. Finally, he had achieved one of the great tenets of being a politician – a sex scandal. Maybe even conventional people like Michael craved being at the centre of a drama sometimes. We’re all human, we all need attention at times, I supposed. And you don’t go into politics not to be noticed. And Michael had finally done it, nationwide notoriety. This was political gold. ‘I’m notorious… I’ll never be known for anything else.’ He looked pretty pleased with himself, the rosy pinkness back in his cheeks.

  ‘What’s your mother going to say?’

  The colour drained out of him again. ‘Mammy… oh God.’

  ‘We’ll tell her together, Michael,’ said Lucy, back to her marvellous self and taking charge, brilliantly, as she always did. ‘She’ll come round.’ She smiled him a smile full of love and admiration and can-do while he looked at her with gratitude and I was reminded once more why they were so well suited. I had never looked at him like that. Ever.

  ‘There’s something else,’ he said. ‘Bigger than everything… this you won’t be so happy about. It’s something of a bombshell.’

  ‘What now?’ I imagined the worst. ‘You’ve embezzled money? You’re on the run?’

  ‘Out with it, Dad,’ said Rosie.

  Lucy went over and took his hand.

  ‘We’re pregnant,’ he said. ‘Well, Lucy is. We only found out this week… and…’

  ‘We’re going to have a baby,’ joined in Lucy. ‘Tabitha… I’m sorry… we’re really sorry…’

  I held up my hand. ‘Enough. Right… a baby,’ I stalled.

  ‘A baby!’ said Rosie, looking shocked.

  ‘You’re going to be a big sister,’ said Michael.

  ‘I hope you’re pleased for us,’ said Lucy. ‘It’s all been such a rush and I am sure there were far better ways of announcing things.’

  ‘Better out than in,’ said Michael.

  ‘Rosie?’ I said. ‘What do you think?’

  She shrugged. ‘I’m not sure,’ she said, truthfully. ‘I feel like we’re on a twenty four hour news channel and everything is moving so fast. But I could get used to it,’ she said. ‘It might be nice. A little brother or sister. Someone who might actually get to Trinity.’ She gave Michael a look.

  ‘Well, it’s a little soon for that, but perhaps, you never know, it wouldn’t be too far from the realm of possibility.’ Now he looked quite delighted with himself.

  ‘Lucy, you sit down here and I’ll make you some tea. You’ve been travelling all morning. There’s a biscuit here somewhere. Or you can have some of Clodagh’s Baileys,’ I joked. ‘She keeps a bottle here for medicinal purposes.’

  ‘Just the tea,’ said Lucy. ‘I think I’ll be off the drink for a while.’

  My phone beeped while I was digging out the mugs and the milk. It was Red.

  Are you home?

  I quickly texted back.

  Yes. Would you like to come round?

  ‘My headache’s gone, Mammy,’ said Michael.

  ‘Has it?’ I said, automatically, just as Lucy said, ‘That’s good news, Michael.’

  And then I realised that I was released by the horror of being called Mammy by someone who wasn’t my child. Every cloud…

  *

  The ring of the doorbell, gave me an excuse to leave the kitchen for a moment. Would Red have come so soon? Would he mind walking into a family drama? It was Red. We stood there for a moment, smiling.

  What a sight for sore eyes. Red looking beyond handsome, hair pushed to one side, his sleeves rolled up. For a moment, I didn’t move, didn’t know what to say. I was just so pleased and relieved to see him and wanted to put my arms around him and take a moment to remember what he felt like, to feel the heat of his body.

  We stood there, looking at each other.

  ‘Welcome to the house of fun,’ I said.

  He laughed. ‘Shall I go and leave you all to it?’

  ‘No. No, don’t go. It feels right, somehow.’

  ‘Listen,’ he said, eventually. ‘I just wanted to say, I
’m still your friend. Always was, always will be. And I’m sorry for acting like a drama queen.’

  ‘Drama king,’ I corrected him.

  ‘Drama king. How’s Rosie?’

  ‘A little bit dazed,’ I said. ‘But not doing too badly. Taking it in her stride.’

  ‘And you? Are you okay?’

  I nodded. ‘Never better. It’s like everything is the way it should be. Michael with Lucy. I’m glad for them. And they’re here,’ I nodded to the kitchen. ‘They are in the kitchen with Rosie.’

  ‘And you’re not angry with him?’

  I shook my head. ‘Not at all. I don’t even think I should be,’ I said. ‘I’m almost excited. Life just got interesting again.’

  He smiled at me. ‘And there was I thinking that I could swing in, my sword out and beat up paparazzi… or husbands…’

  ‘I didn’t know you were into physical violence,’ I said. ‘I thought you were a pacifist. I can see I’m going to have to change my good opinion of you.’

  ‘Well, when I say beating up, I mean a bit of teeth baring or even a shaken fist.’ He looked at me, one eyebrow raised, an amused expression on his face.

  I love you Red Power, I thought, a huge smile spread on my face.

  Behind me, in the hall, Rosie ran upstairs. ‘Hi Red,’ she said. And she gave me a special smile of encouragement and support, a quick nod, which gave me a lump in my throat. ‘Everything all right?’ I said to her.

  ‘It can’t get any worse,’ she said. ‘I’m going with the flow. Nobody’s died.’ She grinned. ‘Yet. I’m going upstairs to phone Alice.’

  ‘You know something, Red,’ I said, refocussing, once I heard Rosie’s bedroom door close. ‘I’m quite impressed. I didn’t think Michael had it in him. Adultery! And I thought he was a man who thought a sex scandal was only if you removed your vest and socks during sex.’

  Red laughed.

  ‘I’m…’ How was I feeling? ‘I’m actually delighted.’ Yes that was it. Delighted and happy. Giddy with new possibilities and new adventures to be had. Rosie was going to be all right, I knew that. I’d be there for her with everything she needed and now Michael, God bless him, had fallen in love with Lucy, it meant there was nothing stopping me. I had been determined to stay in the marriage for the simple reason that I wanted my daughter to have a mother and a father in the same house. I’d been wrong, it wasn’t any good having a mother and father who didn’t love each other, who weren’t even a team.