I was just holding it out to him when suddenly I got an idea. If I were to place it gently on his nose like Becky did with the penny, would he stay still and not eat it?
Now, that would be a very impressive trick!
Chapter 16
Mrs Mayhew-Carter’s Suit and Rory MacAteer’s Finger
Mum had said she would buy a travel box for Dennis to take him to the pet parade, but what with running the business and doing Gran’s garden and having to cook all those winter vegetables, she forgot.
‘I feel terrible,’ she said. ‘How are you going to manage? I can’t even find a cardboard box.’
‘I’ll carry him. It’s not far. He’ll prefer it anyway.’
I held him against my shoulder with one hand and wrapped my fleecy scarf round him with the other. He was used to living indoors in the warm and it says in You and Your Rabbit that rabbits can catch a chill if you aren’t careful.
Dennis’s whiskers were in overdrive as we walked up the zig-zag path and both his ears were up. Mum was hovering round him like a clucky hen, worried her chick might run away. Dad, Matt and Primrose brought up the rear.
It was the first year Sam hadn’t been in the pet parade, which felt a bit sad, but Matt’s little brother was entering their other dog, Dasher. She was a liver-and-white Spaniel and completely nuts – her name said it all.
We arrived at the same time as Gran and Jane, who had walked up from the Happy Haddock together. As we were going in we heard a shout and turned to see Mr Kaminski huffing towards us.
Becky’s stall was in a prime spot just inside the door, and she had a queue of people waiting to buy raffle tickets. Her mum was helping on the tombola and her dad was handing out leaflets and freebies, and chatting to people about the RSPCA.
There was a great long trestle table all the way down one side for the pets and a show table at the far end in front of the stage. There was a rope barrier to keep people a few feet back from the pets so they wouldn’t be upset by everyone crowding round.
The long pet table was divided into sections with the cats first, then small pets, then unusual pets. There was an area cordoned off on the other side of the hall for dogs – you couldn’t expect them to sit in cages and travel boxes.
Dennis’s space was number 14, between a noisy white floor-mop of a guinea pig and Heavenly Honeybun. I couldn’t put him down because he didn’t have a box.
Sasha, Tammy and Abina said he was cute, though they obviously meant cute for a non-fancy rabbit. Heavenly Honeybun, all fluffed-up and gorgeous in her pink travel box, gave Dennis a super-snooty look.
‘Where’s Pookie?’ I said.
He was tethered to a coat-hook at the end of the hall, all on his own. The organisers had told Abina she couldn’t tie his lead to the table leg next to his space because the table wasn’t heavy enough to hold him if he got boisterous.
‘I told them he’s properly trained, he won’t get boisterous,’ Abina said. ‘Honestly, don’t they realise that pigs are the fourth cleverest animal in the world?’
Pookie sat down without anyone even asking him to, as if to say, See how clever I am! His skin looked shiny under his bristles, and his beady eyes were bright and alert.
‘Who’s a pretty boy?’ said Mrs Bolitho’s parrot from its tall cage in the middle of the unusual pets. I didn’t think he sounded quite as confident as usual.
Me and Dennis walked the whole length of the pets table. There were seven different kinds of cat, several guinea pigs and rats, six rabbits, some hamsters and gerbils, a ferret, a chinchilla, a budgie and a parrot, two snakes, a tarantula, a big lizard and lots more, all lined up in their cages, tanks and boxes.
Matt called me over to say hello to Dasher in the dogs’ corner. Dennis wasn’t at all bothered, even though some of those dogs would have had him for dinner.
He might jump and thump at sudden noises such as a knock on the door, he might do mad dashes and get territorial about his hutch, but he definitely wasn’t scared of dogs, he was so used to Sam.
He wasn’t scared of people milling around and being noisy either. Well, he wouldn’t be – there was plenty of that at home.
When I took him back to Space 14 and put him on the table, he sat there quite happily watching the world go by. I did keep one hand around his chest and stroke him with the other one though, just in case something should spook him.
There were five prizes to be won – Best Dog, Best Cat, Best Small Pet, Best Unusual Pet and the top prize, Best in Show. It was obvious that Pookie would win Best Unusual Pet because he was up against spiders and snakes and stuff, and they couldn’t do tricks like sitting down or lying down when their owner gave the order. The only other pet in his category that could do anything interesting was Mrs Bolitho’s parrot, and he was looking even tattier than last year.
Heavenly Honeybun was definitely the most beautiful pet in the small pets section, but Dennis might be in with a chance if she won Best in Show because then Best Small Pet would still be up for grabs.
Toby’s little sister Leah came to say hello, with Toby and Jess close behind. They had a good luck card for Dennis. When I showed it to him he grabbed it in his teeth and started to nibble the corner.
‘He’s going to need all the luck he can get,’ I said, taking it off him.
There was a sudden hush in the hall and everyone turned expectantly towards the door. In walked the two judges. The organisers had somehow managed to get Rory MacAteer, the TV vet off ‘Mac’s Animals’, as well as Mrs Mayhew-Carter who Dad said had been judging everything in Polgotherick since the Stone Age.
‘She awarded me second prize in a fancydress competition when I was in primary school,’ he said. ‘Actually, I’m sure she was wearing that suit!’
It was a matching skirt and jacket with square shoulders, made of slippery material with a bright blue and green swirly pattern that made your eyes feel funny.
‘Good afternoon, everybody!’ said Mrs Mayhew-Carter, as soon as she was in position behind the judges’ table. Rory MacAteer fell in beside her with his hands in the pockets of his famous brown combats, smiling broadly.
Mrs Mayhew-Carter gave a short speech which everyone listened to politely except for a Dachshund in the dogs’ area that suddenly started barking and wouldn’t stop. That was one dog who wouldn’t be taking home any prizes!
They started with the cats. I don’t know much about cats so I hadn’t heard of any of the breeds except Burmese and Siamese.
Mrs Mayhew-Carter introduced each cat while its owner got it out of its travel box and brought it to the judges’ table.
‘Our first entry in this category is Gertie. She’s a British Longhair, aged three.’
The judges looked at each cat standing up and sitting down. They asked the owner some questions and made some notes on their clipboards. Some of the cats didn’t like it when the Dachshund started up again, but he was like a barking machine without a stop button.
The judges decided to do the dogs next. Maybe they were hoping the owner of the Dachshund might take him outside once he’d had his turn. The dog section was a bit different because as well as standing each dog on the table, asking questions and taking notes, the judges wanted to see the dogs walking to heel and obeying orders to sit and lie down.
After the dogs came the unusual pets. The boy with the tarantula dropped it before he got to the judges’ table, which caused a stir, but it just sat there and waited for him to pick it up again. Maybe it was old, or lazy, or maybe tarantulas are the sloths of the spider world.
Mrs Bolitho’s parrot refused to say ‘Who’s a pretty boy,’ even when she kept prompting him. He was probably bored with the pet parade. I don’t know where parrots come in the league table of cleverest animals, but I bet they’re quite high up.
‘Last but not least in this section, we have Pookie,’ said Mrs Mayhew-Carter. ‘He’s two years old and he’s a pot-bellied pig!’
Tammy unhitched his lead and led him towards the judges tabl
e. He couldn’t stand on it because he’d break it, so the judges came round in front of it to look at him. Tammy said ‘Sit!’ and Pookie sat. She said, ‘Lie down!’ and he lay down. Then she walked him up and down in front of the judges before telling him to sit again.
Pookie looked very pleased with himself. The judges asked Tammy how long she had had him and some general questions about pot-bellied pigs. They were obviously impressed.
Mrs Mayhew-Carter reached back to get her clip-board off the table and Pookie’s head shot up. His long snout got a whiff of something and he homed in like a sweet-seeking missile.
Gnash! Pookie sank his teeth into the bottom of Mrs Mayhew-Carter’s jacket and pulled a huge chunk of the shiny material clean away. A half-eaten packet of Polo mints dropped out and rolled across the floor.
Mrs Mayhew-Carter screamed. Pookie lurched after the Polo mints, pulling Tammy right off her feet. The crowd edged two steps back, not knowing whether he was about to go on the rampage.
Rory MacAteer laughed and then got really embarrassed about it.
‘It’s not funny, young man,’ snapped Mrs Mayhew-Carter. ‘I’ve had this suit for twenty-five years!’
‘I’m so sorry,’ he mumbled, picking up the chunk of jacket Pookie had flung on the floor. ‘Of course it’s not funny. It was just a surprise.’
Pookie chewed up his Polo mints, wrapping and all, and then trotted back to his corner by the coat-pegs, dragging Tammy after him.
Mrs Mayhew-Carter patted her hair down and pursed her lips. She took a deep breath, and made some notes about Pookie on her clip-board. I don’t suppose they were very positive.
The small pets were all a bit agitated by the commotion, shuffling and squeaking in their cages and travel boxes. Dennis didn’t bat an eyelid at the screams and drama. He lives in the same house as Primrose, enough said.
The first small pet was a hamster called Gilligan. His owner was a very small girl with blonde fluffy hair and a lisp. When the judges asked her questions, she whispered her answers. ‘He’th very nithe but he thleepth all day.’
When it was Heavenly Honeybun’s turn the crowd oohed and aahed with admiration. Tammy put her carefully down on the judges’ table. She was wearing cream-coloured leather gloves but they were much smaller than the gardening gloves so you hardly noticed them.
Heavenly Honeybun wouldn’t sit still. She hopped to the front of the table and looked down. Rory MacAteer, seeing she was about to jump, reached out to stop her. She spun round and bit his finger.
‘Ouch!’ cried Rory MacAteer.
Thump! Heavenly Honeybun hit the floor running and raced for the door.
Becky pushed her sign-board across it just in time, so she had to divert. She whizzed round the edge of the hall. Tammy made a grab for her, hoiked her up into the air and carried her back to her travel-box, kicking like a kangaroo.
The audience were having a brilliant time but Mrs Mayhew-Carter and Rory MacAteer seemed to be going off the whole thing. She looked as if she was sucking a lemon as she announced that Dennis was next.
I carried him up to the front and put him gently on the judges’ table.
I explained that he was a house rabbit, so he was used to being around people.
‘He’s very tame,’ said Mrs Mayhew-Carter, stroking his ears.
Rory MacAteer hesitated, but then he reached out and stroked Dennis too. I could see that they liked him but they didn’t say how beautiful he was or anything like that, so I decided to take a chance.
‘He can do tricks,’ I said. They didn’t look convinced.
I had some rabbit treats in my pocket. They were in a tin so Pookie wouldn’t be able to smell them. I gave one to Dennis and he gobbled it up. Then I took out another one and placed it gently on his nose. He sat completely still. He didn’t try to eat it.
Way to show up poor old Pookie the pig!
Chapter 17
The First Cabbage Cake and the Friends you Want
You know when something so incredible happens that you actually can’t believe it’s true?
But then your family and friends come round your house for a celebration tea and, sitting down to eat the world’s first cabbage cake, you suddenly realise it is?
Well that’s what happened to me when Dennis won Best in Show at the Polgotherick Pet Parade.
I thought the game was up when the judges awarded Best Small Pet to Gilligan the hamster but I didn’t mind. Dennis had done his best and I was proud of him.
But then Mrs Mayhew-Carter said, ‘So now we come to the top prize, Best in Show, and we have decided to award it to Dennis the rabbit, who we feel could teach certain other animals rather a lot about nice manners!’
She shot Pookie a dirty look and Rory MacAteer glared at Heavenly Honeybun.
‘Dennis is also the only rabbit we have ever seen who can do tricks, so we find him a most intelligent rabbit.’
It was nothing to do with intelligence, of course, it was just his rabbit nature, but I wasn’t going to point that out. We went up to collect our prize. It was a silver cup with ‘Polgotherick Pet Parade – Best in Show’ engraved on it and a red rosette.
Mrs Mayhew-Carter handed me the cup and Rory MacAteer tried to rest the rosette on Dennis’s front paws for the photographer. Dennis grabbed it in his teeth and started to eat it. I tried to get it off him, but he wasn’t going to lose it like he did his good luck card. The photo in the Three Towns Gazette later in the week was of me trying to wrestle it off him.
Sasha, Tammy and Abina came up to congratulate me.
‘Everyone’s coming back to my house for tea,’ I said. ‘Would you like to come?’
They looked at each other in embarrassment.
‘We’ve got tickets for the new Vampire Girl movie,’ Sasha said. ‘Sorry we forgot to tell you.’
I didn’t mind – I was really glad! I didn’t want to see Vampire Girl 2. I wanted to take Dennis home and make a fuss of him. I wanted to talk about the day with Toby and Jess, and find out how much money Becky had made for the RSPCA on her stall.
Mum said she had already made a special celebration cake because she had always been sure Dennis was going to win. It was a cabbage cake.
Gran remarked that she had never heard of cabbage cake and Mum said it was her own recipe, like carrot cake, but with cabbage.
‘I’ve got three more cabbages to use up,’ she said. ‘You can take one home if you like.’
‘Ooh, lovely!’ goes Gran, but you could tell she didn’t share Mum’s enthusiasm for winter vegetables.
So there we all were, squashed in around the kitchen table, me, Becky, Jess and Toby, Mum and Dad, Primrose and Matt, Gran, Jane and Mr Kaminski, eating cabbage cake and toasting Dennis’s victory with fizzy lemonade.
And it suddenly hit me that this wasn’t just a wonderful dream. Dennis really had won the top prize, we really were eating a cake made with cabbage, and I really had somehow managed to get all the friends I had offended back again.
‘Have you missed your conference call with the agony aunts now, or are you doing it later?’ Gran asked Dad. He shook his head.
‘I don’t think I’ll be doing any more conference calls,’ he said. ‘The agony aunts are lovely, but they’ve got people skills and stuff, which I can’t do at all, so we just don’t really fit as friends.’
Dad said he reckoned friends were like shoes. You could have lots of pairs in the cupboard – your favourite trainers you wore most days and all the other ones you only wore sometimes like suit shoes, deck shoes or sandals.
But the point was, all your shoes had to fit. The ones you bought by mistake thinking they might stretch or your feet might get used to them – you always ended up taking them down to the charity shop.
Dad said he thought he had worked out how to get the friends who fit. Just be yourself, and then you would attract people who liked you the way you were and enjoyed the same sort of things.
We stared at him in astonishment, and then Gran said what
we were all thinking.
‘It looks like some of those people skills might have rubbed off!’
Will Primrose manage to squeeze into her
dress? Will Dad cope when Ed tells him he’s got
to write a book? And will Peony get fit enough to
go on a big adventure with Toby and Jess?
Find out what happens next in:
How to Get the Body you Want by Peony Pinker
And don’t miss Peony’s first two stories:
First published 2011 by
A & C Black
Bloomsbury Publishing Plc
50 Bedford Square, London, WC1B 3DP
www.acblack.com
This electronic edition published October 2011 by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc
Text copyright © 2011 Jenny Alexander Illustrations copyright © 2011 Ella Okstad
The right of Jenny Alexander and Ella Okstad to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work respectively has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyrights, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
ISBN 978-1-4081-6589-8
A CIP catalogue for this book is available from the British Library.
All rights reserved.You may not copy, distribute, transmit, reproduce or otherwise make available this publication (or any part of it) in any form, or by any means (including without limitation electronic, digital, optical, mechanical, photocopying, printing, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any person who does any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.
Visit www.acblack.com to find out more about our authors and their books. You will find extracts, author interviews, author events and you can sign up for newsletters to be the first to hear about our latest releases and special offers
How to Get the Friends You Want Page 8