She also had to think long-term. The last thing she wanted was Xavier to think of her as a failure. But with everything that had happened and the fact that she was going to be fresh out of rehab, she wasn't so sure she could keep it a secret. Especially with cameras following her around twenty-four-seven.
"I don't need the added stress of an entire production crew with me all the time, Pam. Not right now. What I need to focus on is this tour. I’m already behind schedule because of the funeral and having to be in here."
Pam sighed. "Kristina, your fans are the most loyal out there. You know that. Maybe instead of trying to keep it a secret, you should just tell everyone. Before the production crew gets here. Because I know that's what you're worried about. Isn't it?"
Kristina rolled her eyes. Pam always thought she knew everything. Unfortunately, she was usually right.
"Get out in front of the story. Tell it yourself so you can control the spin. You might be surprised at the show of support you get."
Kristina snorted.
Support? Yeah, right. She'd be the butt of every late night talk show host’s opening joke. She'd be the gossip on the ticker tape running along the bottom of the screen on the E! Network. She was sure to get plenty of attention. Unwanted attention, at that. But support? Not likely.
It hurt to know that there were complete strangers making judgments about her on hundreds of forums, blogs and comments sections online. It was painful to hear daytime talk show hosts using her failures to make their audiences laugh. But it wasn’t as if it was her first time. She'd been through all of that and much more.
But things were different now. Now, every time she heard a cutting remark or biting judgment, all she could think about was Xavier and what his reaction might be.
In group, the therapist talked repeatedly about the harm of keeping secrets and the masks that addicts wore. About how each of them needed to confront their true selves.
It sounded good. The idea of coming out and telling her story, of not having to hide anymore, sounded wonderful. Keeping secrets was exhausting. Always trying to be the person people thought she was, was hard to do. But even though she knew her therapist was right, her thoughts kept returning to Xavier. If she was ever going to be a part of his life, could it really be as the person she was? Not Kristina Langston, the singer. But, Kristina Langston, the drug addict?
It was a decision she’d been teetering on the edge of for the entirety of her stay. It was time she made her choice.
Kristina exhaled and brought her feet up so she could lie down on her bed. "Okay. Tell them the show is back on. And I'll think about issuing a statement like you said."
She could hear Pam breathe a sigh of relief. "Okay, good. Good. I'll work on a rough draft so when you come home, you can look over it and tell me what you think."
"What time are you guys coming tomorrow?"
"I'll be there in the afternoon. But Tamia should be there today. Girl, I had to talk her out of busting you out of rehab more than once." Pam chuckled. "She really missed you. She left early so she could help you pack."
Tears slid down the side of Kristina’s face and soaked the fabric of her pillowcase. She didn’t know why her sisters loved her so much, but she sure was grateful they did.
“All right, then. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you."
"I love you, too."
Kristina reached over to the nightstand separating her and her roommate's bed and returned the phone to its cradle. She stretched out on her back and stared at the ceiling.
The group therapist was right. So was Pam. She needed to stop living behind a mask. But she couldn't bring herself to do that and still reach out to Xavier.
Up until this point in his life, he’d had a mother and father he could be proud of. A family anyone would want to belong to. She was the absolute opposite of that. She couldn’t imagine anyone ever being proud of being related to her. And once she issued the statement and put the truth out there for public consumption, that would be doubly true. Why should she burden him with that?
Kristina exhaled and covered her face with her forearm.
She had to stop hiding and make a commitment to living a life of honesty and integrity. It was the only way she was going to stay clean. And while she was ready and willing to do that, it meant sticking by her original decision to leave Xavier alone.
"Help me do this, God,” she whispered.
She had no doubt He would. But it still broke her heart to know that after the press release and the news of her rehab stay broke, she’d never be anything more to Xavier than the popstar he used to admire.
"Kristina!"
Kristina opened her eyes as her roommate, a country singer from Nashville named Savannah, bounced through the door.
"I thought you weren't leaving until tomorrow. I can't believe you weren’t going to say goodbye!” Savannah jumped on Kristina's bed. The twentysomething had hair the color of fire and a personality to match. She and Kristina had leaned on each other a lot during their stay. She was one of the two people Kristina would greatly miss.
“I’m not leaving till tomorrow."
Savannah shook her head. "Not according to the front desk. Your family is already here."
Kristina got up and headed toward the door. "It's just my sister. She's here to help me pack. I'll be right back. I want to introduce you.”
Kristina made her way to the front desk and leaned over the counter. Behind it was the other person she dreaded having to say goodbye to, a nurse named Barbara.
"Hey, pretty girl!"
Barbara had called her that from the day she arrived. She wasn't sure why, since she’d spent most of her time there with dark circles under her eyes or her head over a toilet. It could've just been because there were so many patients, Barbara couldn't remember Kristina's name. Either way, it still made her smile.
"Savannah said my sister was here."
The phone rang and Barbara picked it up, whispering as she did, “In the visitor’s lounge, baby.”
Kristina turned the corner and continued down the hall, giddy over the fact she was going to finally see family. Although she’d only been gone a little over a month, it felt like forever.
She opened the double doors, then stopped dead in her tracks.
It was family, all right. But it wasn't Tamia.
Chapter 22
Xavier was holding a large bouquet of Gerber daisies. And although he was smiling, he approached her slowly and cautiously, as if he were afraid to scare her away.
"I read these were your favorite flowers.”
She opened her mouth to speak, but failed. She could only imagine what the look on her face must’ve been. But if Xavier's own expression was any indication, it had to be something between mortified and furious.
"Please don't be mad." Xavier's voice was almost a whisper. "And please, don't send me away. Again.”
Again…
The word brought tears to Kristina's eyes. She never wanted him to feel like she’d abandoned him. Not even once, much less twice.
"How?" It was the best she could do. The most she could get out, but even then, it was more like a breath than an actual word.
"Your mom. Mother Langston. She left me everything. Did you know that?"
Kristina nodded.
"There was also a letter. She said you were really young and had a hard life. She asked me to forgive her and to not blame you. Not that I ever would have anyway."
Kristina shook her head. Unbelievable. Even from her grave, Mahalia Marie Langston had to control things. It wasn't enough that she had kept the secret, she even had to be the one to decide how it was going to come out.
Kristina clenched her fists at her sides and started counting backwards. She’d learned all sorts of techniques to deal with her emotions rather than reach for a powder filled baggie. But at the moment, none of those techniques proved very useful.
"She shouldn't have done that. It wasn't her secret to share. She had no right to tell
you. Especially when she hadn't even told me."
"I understand." Xavier reached out to touch her, but pulled his hand back. "She explained that you and your sisters wouldn't know until after she’d died." He stopped and looked at the floor. "I know I probably shouldn't be here. I figured as much when I talked to Pam and—”
“Wait. Pam knew you were coming here?"
Why in the world would she not warn her? Especially since they had just been on the phone not ten minutes ago?
"No, no, no. She has no idea. I was just trying to get a feel for things. To find out what she knew. I tried to ask about you without being specific and she dodged me so much I eventually put two and two together. Your collapse at the hotel and then no one seeing or hearing from you, even a month later. I have this friend… Well," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "He likes to call himself an information archaeologist."
Kristina folded her arms and arched an eyebrow. “In other words, a hacker?"
Xavier gave her a lopsided grin. “Yeah, something like that. He helped me track you down."
Kristina stood there a moment, studying his face. She couldn't believe he had come all this way alone. And for her. Even after knowing what she was. Who she was.
She reached out and took the flowers from him. She held them close to her face and let the velvety soft pedals caress her cheek. "They're beautiful."
His face lit up like the sun. She took his hand and guided him to the bank of seats along the wall and both sat down.
"This isn't just some one-off incident. It's not like I'm one of those people who had a surgery and then got addicted to pain pills for a couple of months. This is cocaine and alcohol and…" She bit at her lip and looked down, unable to meet his eyes. "I'm not that woman you see on stage. She's just an image. I'm really just the girl that got knocked up at sixteen, then turned to drugs and partying to deal with the aftermath. My voice isn't what it used to be thanks to all that and the smoking. And now, there are more people who don't know who I am, than do. I can't fill stadiums like I used to. Lately, I can hardly even keep myself together."
Reluctantly, she looked back up at him, dreading the judgment she was certain she’d find in his face.
"I have an irregular heartbeat. I don't take my shirt off in front of people because I've got scars left over from surgery. I have an inexplicable addiction to pickles. I watch My Little Pony with my baby cousin and I like it. As Aaliyah once said, you got issues, I got issues…"
He stared back at Kristina, solemn and earnest. She kept a straight face for all of three seconds before she folded over laughing. He joined her.
"Look, you may think I’m just a kid, but I'm old enough to know that nobody's perfect. I don't need perfect. I just need my mom."
Kristina shrugged, nearly too overcome to get the words out.
“Here I am.”
Kristina opened her arms and he fell into them. Her laughter was mixed with tears, but for the first time in a long time, they were tears of joy.
Chapter 23
Omar Williams loosened the knot of his tie with one hand while working the tv remote with the other. He pressed the DOWN button repeatedly, flipping through channels, giving each no more than two seconds of his attention. But when he saw a face he recognized, he quickly flipped back to take another look.
"… confirmed Langston's recent stay in rehab when she issued a statement earlier this month."
The voice of the entertainment reporter covering the story was played over video footage of Kristina Langston leaving an apartment building in New York City, surrounded by a couple of bodyguards and a sea of paparazzi.
Omar sat on the couch, unwilling to take his eyes off the screen.
"But that's not what has everyone talking. The mystery currently blowing up Facebook and Twitter is the identity of the hot and decidedly younger "protégé" that she's been seen out and about with.”
Omar stood and came close to the tv to get a better look at the guy wearing sunglasses and a hoodie. In the video footage and pictures being shown, he was glued to Kristina’s side.
"The young man and Langston have been inseparable since her stay at rehab, according to sources. And although little is known as to how the couple met, it's apparent that Kristina's got her groove back."
Omar pushed the power button and turned off the TV.
Rehab?
That would explain the incident at the hotel last winter. The news footage of her being rushed out of that Dallas hotel was one of the most horrifying things he’d ever watched. People had speculated all sorts of causes, but he figured it was probably an overdose. After all Kristina had told him about life with their mother, he wasn’t surprised that she’d turned to substance abuse to deal.
What did surprise him was the twinge he felt at the mention of this new "protégé". It wasn’t as if he had any right to be jealous. What he and Kristina shared ended nearly twenty years ago. And it’s not like he’d been single all that time, either.
True, he was divorced now, but what difference did that make? He and Kristina Langston were worlds apart. And if this young man was the key to her happiness and getting clean, then more power to her.
He was truly happy for her. Just like he was every other time he heard about some new actor or singer she was seeing.
Omar went to the kitchen, grabbed the bag of takeout from the counter and shoved it into the fridge. Then he turned off all the lights and headed up the stairs to his bedroom.
All the while, he reassured himself that his sudden loss of appetite and instant exhaustion were due to the long day he’d had at work and not Kristina Langston’s love life.
He thought if he kept telling himself it was so, eventually, he’d be able to believe it.
The Langston Family Saga continues in…
Book 2: Then Sings My Soul
The weekend of Mahalia Langston’s funeral changed her daughters lives forever. And although still reeling from the earth shattering revelation that followed their mother's death, they must return to Atlanta and their day-to-day lives.
For Kristina, that means preparing for her upcoming tour. However, the repercussions of her mother's deception are still unfolding. And this time, it will lead Kristina to the last person she ever expected to see again, her first love.
Omar Williams has everything—money, looks, a daughter he adores and, most importantly, a relationship with Jesus. But that doesn't mean he isn't plagued with heartache over his past.
So when he gets a second chance at first love, he knows it's God answering his longtime prayer. What he didn't expect was the seemingly insurmountable obstacles that would come with that second chance.
As events unfold—amidst secrets, lies, revelations and betrayals—he's faced with a heartbreaking choice. A choice only God Himself can give Omar the strength to make.
Wanna Know More?
I hope you were blessed by the Langston Sisters’ story of restoration. But it’s only just beginning. Book 2 will lead to more changes in their lives. And Book 3? Y’all aren’t even ready for what goes down in that one!
But that's not the only thing happening at New Life Tabernacle Church.
In my upcoming release, Nobody's Child, you'll learn Robin’s story. Turns out the Langstons aren't the only ones with long buried secrets. And the one from Robin's past is about to make an appearance in her present.
In the book after that, Restoration Song, you’ll get the story behind the regrets Pastor Avery Thomas mentioned to Pam. I don't want to give too much away, so I'll only say this: more than just a family will be affected by the outcome of this story. In fact, all of New Life Tabernacle will be rocked!
And that's just the first two books about the members of New Life Tabernacle scheduled to be released this year. To make sure you don't miss any of them, submit your email address HERE and I'll let you know when each one comes out. Plus, you'll be one of the few to learn about early-bird discounts and subscriber-only giveaways.
Thank you
for reading. Every day that I sit down to write, I ask God to let someone be blessed as a result. I hope that someone was YOU! May God continue to bless and keep you.
Sincerely,
LaShonda
He Restores My Soul (The Langston Family Saga Book 1) Page 11