I leaned into the back seat and unzipped my backpack, pretending to look for something, peering out the back window. Then relief flooded through me when I saw Allison, Aly’s older sister, step from the driver’s side.
I backed out the truck and looked over at them and Allison was waving wildly at me, smiling cheerfully. I couldn’t really place Aly’s expression, but it sat between shock and joy. I waved back and shut the door and slowly trudged back toward my garage. I wanted to badly to go say hello to them, but I didn’t want to be intrusive.
“What?” Allison’s voice sparked, and I turned, smiling. She threw her arms out. “You’re not gonna come and say hello? I haven’t seen you in like…years!”
My heart raced so fast that I couldn’t feel my feet as I walked toward her. She was bursting with elation in her prim office attire. It warmed my heart that she was so happy to see me. Allison met me halfway on the sidewalk and hugged me tightly when she got ahold of me. I closed my eyes. When I opened them, I couldn’t help by look in Aly’s direction. She’d moved to the trunk of the car, throwing me a gingerly smile. I wanted to kill myself. She’d gotten more gorgeous, if that was even possible. She was in workout gear, as usual, showing every bit of her natural beauty.
“How the hell are you?” Allison slapped my shoulder, grabbing my attention.
I chucked, focusing back on her. “I’m great.”
“You look great.” She motioned at me with her hands. “So what’s up? Are you living back here?”
I looked back at my house. “Just temporary.” My eyes drifted to Aly to see if she was watching us, she was. I drew in a deep breath. “How are you, what’ve you been up to?”
“Just surviving at my sucky job.” She laughed, rolling her eyes. “Not really. It’s okay. I just wish I’d hit the lotto.”
“Right?”
“Just picked this kiddo up from the dealership. Her car needed some TLC.”
My insides fluttered, staring over at Aly.
Allison’s eyes roamed over me with a smirk on her face, and she looked back at Aly. “Alyssa, get over here.” She waved her arm and looked back at me. “Just because you two aren’t together anymore doesn’t mean you can’t be civil and grown up about it.”
Fuck.
Aly reluctantly strolled over to us. “Hey.”
I tipped my head with a playful gleam. I couldn’t help myself. “Get over here.”
I reached for her hand, and her cool figures wrapped around mine, sending a deep charge through me. I’d noticed immediately she wasn’t wearing the ring Nathan gave her. I told myself that didn’t mean anything as I pulled her to my chest, hugging her. She’d probably taken the ring off to work out. That’s what most people did.
“What are you doing?” She pointed to Gabe’s truck. “Is that yours?”
I shook my head no. “It’s my driver.”
Aly and Allison both nodded, more than likely remembering how I’d almost killed someone the last time I was behind the wheel.
“Where you off to?” Allison gave me a strange look, almost like she knew. Maybe she did, but I wasn’t going to say anything.
“I’m just taking care of some music stuff, you know.”
Allison gave me a tight grin. She knew, she nodded, and Aly looked between us, confused. “What’s up?”
“I’ve got to get going.” Allison said, changing the subject. “Gotta say hi to Mom before I leave too, or I won’t hear the end of it.”
Allison disappeared behind their tall courtyard gates. “Uh, okay, well.” Aly sighed, closing her mouth, and a bit of dejection overcame her. She crossed her arms, rubbing her bare shoulder. “It’s freezing. It was great seeing you.”
“Yeah, you too.” I lingered on that last word, wanting to say more, but she turned and trotted back to the trunk of Allison’s car, taking out her own black backpack and a brown Trader Joe’s shopping bag. We’d waved our goodbyes and I shuffled back to Gabe, who was leaning against the side of his truck, watching the whole thing. I’d yet to share with him any real information about my life. He didn’t seem like the type to buy tabloid mags, seeing as he had the type of clientele who usually appeared on the covers.
“Awkward, yeah?”
Maybe he did know what was going on.
“Yep.”
4
The line outside The Hotel Café was thick, and the excitement charged through me, erasing any anxious feelings I had about the show, or Aly for that matter. As soon as I opened the car door, fans began to scream, waiving excitedly. I waved in return bowing my head with hands in prayer, thanking them as I was whisked into the side door. Bobby arrived alone, still looking like the Bobby from years past, tucking his pack of cigs in his back pocket. He wore a worn out t-shirt and black Levi’s, and dirty-worn out Van’s tennis shoes. Marshall’s fashion sense had certainly not affected his husband in the least.
We did our sound check, and Bobby, Stoney and I discussed what would go down during the show. I explained to them how Marty would be filming our performance. Gabe stood off near the loading area door, waiting for his wife and a friend. He’d asked if he could invite them to meet me – “My wife loves your music…”
What could I say? I was humbled to know this. Bobby asked what the plans were for my music, and I explained to him and Stoney that I didn’t have anything firm, that the show was to just feel it out, film it and release the footage – throwing the cards up and to see where they lay.
I’d removed myself from an intense political conversation Bobby began to have with Stoney, whom you wouldn’t think would know anything of politics by the way he looked, all long-haired heroin chic – though he was sober. I was dead set on having only recovering and/or non-users or drinkers in my camp. As soon as I’d heard Congressman blah blah blah and The White House this that and the other roll off Stoney’s tongue, I dashed to grab something to drink.
Marty finally arrived, clumsily making his way through the side door with his camera bags and tripods. A camera dangled from his neck; he must have been outside snapping shots. I watched with amusement as he began setting up his cameras to record the new lease on my musical life. Everybody in attendance had a chance to be captured on camera and to appear in the video. The video would be used to announce my solo career to the masses and the music industry. This was just between a handful of people. Though the rumor mill was churning, I had everyone hanging with anticipation.
As I stood at the bar, I watched Gabe usher two dark-haired women out from the back of the stage area. I wondered which one was his wife, when my eyes were drawn to the taller one in particular. She was one of the most gorgeous women I’d ever laid eyes on, a statuesque raven-haired fair-skinned beauty. I could see her ocean-blue eyes from where I stood and her lips were full and pink, yet they didn’t look false at all. Her eyes shimmered in the light as she looked around in a bit of awe. I stood a taller and smoothed my shirt when I saw Gabe point in my direction. The other woman with short, shoulder length-brown hair, led the way. I assumed she was Gabe’s wife. She beamed up at me with her fairy-like features when Gabe introduced her. She was a whole head shorter than her friend.
“Jake, this is my wife Diana and her friend Grace.”
Grace, indeed.
I smiled at the both of them and extended my hand to Margo. “It’s nice to meet you; thank you for coming.”
Margo grasped my hand, shaking it vigorously. “I love your music. I always have, since your early days. I told Gabe here when we first saw you play when you were just a teen…watch out for that kid.” She wagged her finger at me. “We saw you play at Gibson Theater, which is something else now…” she looked up thoughtfully, trying to recall the new name. “Well anyway, you know, at one of those awards shows. Gabe was driven someone famous.”
Margo giggled and looked at her friend, finally releasing my hand, and I extended it to Grace. She placed her delicate hand in mine, and I felt as if it would snap if I squeezed too hard. “Grace.” I bowed my head and I
wasn’t sure why, feeling compelled like she was royalty. She smiled faintly at me. “Thank you for coming,” I said and out of nowhere I felt an urge and brought her hand to my mouth, kissing the top of it. She tilted her head toward me and I dropped her hand gently.
“You’re too kind, Jake.” This time the smile reached her eyes, and she blushed. This warmed me, and not in a sexual way. There was something about Grace. I glanced at Gabe and Margo and they both wore satisfied expressions.
Margo clapped her hands. “Let’s get a drink.” Just as she spoke and moved to the bar, the venue opened their doors and people began to fill he room and I excused myself.
I lurked around the heavy red curtain, side stage, to watch Grace. She moved with finesse, and there was a despairing allure about her. I wondered how old she was; she looked quite a bit younger than Gabe and a bit younger than Margo.
I noticed she wasn’t wearing a wedding ring.
***
“Thank you all for coming,” I spoke into the mic as hoots, whistles and clapping filled the small room.
The venue was a sit down kind of joint, where people sat at cocktail tables with candle centerpieces to watch performances. Tiny metal lanterns hung from the ceiling, with cut-out designs casting a dim light. Standing room was in the back or off to the side. I heard someone shout out Bobby’s name, and cheers from a small group off to the left got Bobby waving and more clapping ensued.
I cleared my throat and looked at Bobby. “I gotta thank this guy. The last time he played with me, I think I may have mowed some of you people down in that audience, when I jumped off the stage and ran out the door…and never came back.” Laughs filled the room. “Nah, but on a serious note. Thanks for being here. Things are different, and I’m stoked to have you all sharing this moment with me and to Bobby for playing with me.” I gestured to Bobby, on the verge of getting emotional; then my eyes landed on the audience, specifically on Grace. She was staring at me thoughtfully, with such a reverence that it touched me to my core. I could barely take my eyes off of hers. The silence stirred me. “That’s Stoney back there. I’m sure some of you know who he is; he’s played with some great bands.” He raised his sticks, and clapping and hollers permeated all around. “Thanks, man, for being here for the cause.”
I cleared my throat. “On a business note, all of you that are here should have filled out a Photo Release Form. If you haven’t, please raise your hand, and Marty over there will bring you one.”
About twenty people raised their hands, and Marty and a few venue staff quickly got the documents signed and collected all of the forms from everyone in the room. “This is going to be a very special evening. Thank you for wanting to be apart of it…some of you will be getting your close up.”
The Hotel Café erupted in applause.
I strummed my girl, and the vibration from her caressed my arm and inched its way through my entire body. The more intensely I stroked her strings, one by one, people began to disappear from the room, until the only two people that were left were Grace and I.
That moment made me fall in love with music all over again; there was no separation from my heart and my hands. The pure bliss of watching Grace enjoy my emotionally raw lyrics from song to song, playing out my love and my pain for Alyssa and Dump, for my mother and Notting, and my taboo time with Sienna. My melodies cascaded over Grace, bringing her to tears.
When I was finished, the crowd’s intensity brought me back to the ground. “There’s my soul. I just laid it out for all of you.”
***
I slipped on a clean dry t-shirt, and all I could think about was Grace and how emotional she’d gotten. I needed to see her and thank her for making the night so special for me. I couldn’t recall ever affecting a grown woman in such a way. I didn’t get that chance to see Grace again. Her and Diana left as soon as my set was over.
“Gabe, what’s Grace’s story?” I inquired as nonchalantly as I could as we drove home. “She got all emo, you know.”
There was such a long silence that I thought he didn’t hear me, but as soon as I opened my mouth to repeat myself, he spoke. “Grace’s husband died almost two years ago.”
My stomach sank. “Damn.” I shook my head, disturbed by this knowledge.
“This was the first time she’s been out of the house.”
What? “Gabe, she’s had to go out of the house.”
“Other than taking her kid to school.” He glanced at me, gripping the steering wheel. “She has a young son, about four years old now…” His voice trailed off.
“No wonder she lost it, hearing some of my songs.” Love, loss and death filled them.
“Yeah,” he said somberly.
For the next week, I stood over Marty, hovering like a drone, watching him edit the footage from the performance. I was ecstatic. The sound and picture quality was insanely good, and I’d become obsessed with watching Grace.
“Send me stills of her.” I pointed at the massive Apple monitor we had set up in my mother’s spare bedroom. I’d arranged for Marty to have what ever he needed, like he would have back in New York. I wanted the work done in front of me. I was now a micro-manager.
He nodded. “She’s stunning. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone so perfect. She’s perfect.”
“She’s pretty amazing.”
“How old is she?” he asked.
“Thirty-nine.”
“Geez.” Marty scratched his head. “She looks younger than that. I would have guessed late twenties.”
I nodded and wondered if I’d ever see her again, seeing that she lived in my town, albeit as a recluse. I pondered Grace’s existence and my own, and thought about Aly. Kyle informed me that she was finally graduating from college in May. I would be there to watch her walk, Nathan or not. I didn’t plan on letting her go so easily. Not until she was married to him.
Maybe I would change her mind.
Feeling as if I’d conquered climbing Mount Everest, I collapsed onto the sofa in my mother’s house. I finally felt like I could go back to New York. It was now mid-April and warming up in the city. The release of my video, I Am Here, exploded with more than 1 million views in a matter of hours. Within two weeks, it had over 100 million.
I was back.
Broken Notes Page 28