"I don’t doubt that.” I say dragging him away from Richard.
Sitting in the VIP area with the Brothers’, and now Dallah and Angus, we chat and drink together, well they do, I sit and watch Ruk giving his orders.
Seeing him standing on the dance floor scanning the room for trouble, I take the time to walk over to him, leaving the Brothers’ without a word.
Sliding to stand before him, I hold out my hand to him, asking him to dance with me, and with a stunning grin he places his big warm hand in mine.
Taking us further into the crowd of dancers, I turn to him and take his arms, and place them around my middle while I dance slowly with him as close as I can get.
His eyes turn intense when I lace my arms around his middle but slowly drop to the top of his butt.
"What are you doing?" He asks in jagged breaths.
"Dancing," I tell him sadly, but simply.
"This is wrong you’re with Sallack!" he reminds me before removing himself from me and turning to walk away.
Taking hold of his wrist, I turn him to face me again and speak gently,
"Do you sleep with her?"
"What! Who, Mary? She's my mate Zara, why would you ask that."
Begging myself to not throw-up on him, I close my eyes to the nightmare image of the two of them in a state of passion.
"I haven't slept with her yet," he admits.
Oh thank god, I can't deal with the thought of Ruk with another, but then I can hardly blame him, he doesn't know what is truth, and what is the result of a messed up devil.
"Why do you look pale, are you ok?"
"No, yeah, I'm..." Taking a deep breath I look at him with a weak smile, "fine, I'm fine."
"Really?"
No! I'm not, you said you would never hurt me, and here I am being fucking hurt, by the news of your mating with another!!! That's what I want to reply, but I don't, I can't.
Nodding my head to him, the vomit in my throat begs for realise when Mary walks up to him and sticks her tongue down his throat.
Just when my heart was broken, she had to come and stomp on it some more, mauling my mate right in front of me the skank!
Turning away before she has the satisfaction of seeing me crumble, I somehow managed to walk back across the room blinded by tears not stopping till I reach the back wall, banging my fist against it in frustration.
Last night and today, have been the most upsetting time of my life, every emotion has been used, and every hope and dream lost, again. Then I get this chance to save Ruk, only to watch from the sidelines why he loves another, tricked into mating with a psycho bitch.
"He hurts you, but you still want him?" Richard expresses whilst gazing at Ruk and Mary who are now dancing together.
"Leave me," I ask in such a sad tone that I don't recognise it as my own.
"I'll leave," he nods his head to me, and just like that he has gone, disappeared.
"Have you seen him," Dallah’s voice calls out from behind me.
"He's gone," I tell her knowing she means Richard.
Turning to face her, her face falls when she sees the state I'm in.
"We should go sweetie," she tells me gently.
"No, I need to be here."
"Ok, stay with me, no more wondering off alone. You need vodka, come on," she tells me, forcing a smile on her face before taking my hand and leading me to the bar, where Mickey and Julian sit chatting and laughing.
"You been crying?" Mickey asks with a growl and stands to his feet.
"No, I'm fine," I insist.
There it is again, I'm fine, I'm not, far from it.
"4 shots of vodka please," Dallah hollers to the waitress behind the bar.
"We're ok, we got drinks," Julian tells her.
"I know, they are for me and Zara," she tells him with a kiss to the cheek, making him laugh aloud.
"Bottoms up!" She laughs whilst handing me my two, very large, shots.
Knocking them back quickly, I slam the glass down on the bar and order another four.
"Easy Zara, I need them to settle first."
"Oh they are for me!" I tell her with no emotion and knock them back before walking away from my friends and onto the dance floor.
Dancing by myself, surrounded by strangers, I lose myself in it, no emotions, nothing but the beat of the music. That is until Mary steps up to me flashing a smile.
"Do one!" I tell her drunkenly.
"Oh you are a mess; look at the state of you. There was me looking forward to a bit of competition."
"There is no competition Mary. This fake mating will never happen," I tell her in disgust.
"It will, and on that faithful night, I will have his body close to mine, his lips caressing every inch of me, and..."
I knocked her out, clean out! And while she lays on the floor unconscious, I take the time to go to the bar for another drink.
"Cut her off," Sallack orders to the waitress who is filing my glass.
"Ignore him!"
"No more!"
"Go away!"
"What's got in to you, your giving up already?" He asks harshly.
"Haaa, giving up, good one! I have taken all kinds of shit from you fucking men. Cheating, beatings, broken heart, vile names, forgetting I fucking exist! But here I am, still here through it all, but all you see is me giving up. Why don't you look a little closer Sallack?" I scream at him in frustration.
"I'm sorry, that wasn't fair of me."
"No it wasn't. I've had enough now any way, I'm going home," I tell him before walking away.
"Let's go then," he announces from my side.
"I want to be alone."
"Yeah, I know, but you have this thing going where when you're alone you do something crazy," he jokes.
"True," I snort a laugh, but soon stop when I think of where I am and who I'm not going home with, "the drink was helping me numb the loneliness taking over. What if this is it?"
"It's not, you will do it beautiful, you will save him."
He's right; I will do anything to make Ruk's life full and happy. If Ruk chooses Mary, then I will kill her. I will not live with the guilt of Ruk tricked into mating with Mary. He deserves everything he longs for and it sure as hell is not Mary!
"We are with you all the way," he tells me kindly, but the kind words that leave these men's lips always have a way of biting them in the butt.
"Let's go. I'm gunna transport us home, I'm feeling lazy," I tell him before placing my hand on his chest, "you ready?"
"Hey, you two seen Mary?" Mickey asks just in time.
"Yeah, she's on the floor," I tell him coolly.
"Floor?" They ask in harmony.
"Um hum, floor, having a kip. You ready?" I nod my head to Sallack who laughs aloud.
"Perfection, truly you are," he tells me with a smirk.
Waking alone with the image of Ruk's headless body, I jolt upright as wipe the sweat from my head. All night I had to relive the shattering moment my life came to a stop.
Sliding out of bed, I wrap myself in one of Sallack's dressing gowns and head down stairs.
Sallack and I returned to his home last night, and he kindly gave me his bed, whilst he took the couch.
Waking into the busy kitchen, I downcast my eyes and groan when I see Ruk and Mary in an embrace.
How can I do this, watch her living my life, a life she does not deserve.
"Hey sweetie," Dallah speaks from my side.
Looking to her with a weak smile, she pulls me to the side of the kitchen where Angus watches everyone with a wary eye.
"Morning sweet," he speaks gently.
I know he wants to say more, but he doesn't know what to say to me, and I don't blame him, I don't know what to tell myself. Should I stay strong, be a bitch, claim him as mine, or wait for him fall in love with me again, be gentle around him, show him what we could have.
Sallack walks in from outside and strides up to me, kisses my cheek and laces an arm around my shoulder, he
then inhales deeply.
"You smell good beautiful," he comments, and in return, getting light frowns from the three of us.
"She isn't yours Sallack," Angus tells him in a serious tone, but I can hear the sympathy behind it.
"I know that!" Sallack growls back.
"What the fuck are you doing?" I hiss at them quietly so that it only reaches their ears.
"Sorry Zara, I just want Sallack to be thinking straight," Angus apologises.
"He knows the truth, right?" I question him with a nod of my head.
"Of course, it's just I can smell myself all over you, I'm a man after all," he shrugs his shoulders and receives eye rolls from Dallah and me.
"Everyone's looking,"
As soon as the words leave Angus's lips we all turn to see the Brothers’ watching us closely, too closely.
"Morning guys," I say with a weak smile.
Making my way over to them, I kiss their cheeks sweetly, that us until I come to Ruk. Standing behind him I place my hands on his shoulders and lean down to him. Laying a smooth warm to kiss to his cheek, I take a little longer to move away from him as his scent invades my nose, god he smells amazing.
Walking to take the only seat left, which is opposite Ruk, I sit down with the eyes of everyone on me, questioning my behaviour.
I don't care, because when I lock eyes with Ruk I see the softness in his eyes, the familiar flash of love I long to see.
Parrise starts to speak, but I don't listen to him, Ruk and I just look into each other’s eyes, what if he remembers something, could it be?
"Morning," he says with a sweet smile before looking down at his plate.
"What you doing today," I ask him, and everyone stops their conversations to hear Ruk's reply. Slowly lifting his head he realises that I'm speaking to him.
"Just this n that," he replies.
"Can I come along?"
He looks at me with a frown before looking at Sallack for his response.
"I think it's a good idea," Sallack nods.
"Ok, you can come, will be boring though?"
"No it won't," I reply with a smile, a smug one when I see Mary standing in the kitchen staring daggers at me.
"So when are you two going to have your own mating ceremony?" Mary asks Sallack and me with a smirk.
"That's private," I tell her with a frown.
"What! You mean you have cancelled? Why didn't you tell us," Dom asks in a hurt tone.
Shit! Shit! Shit!
"No, I um..." I start
"We are in no rush," Sallack finishes with a wink.
But the Brothers’ don't take it as a joke; they look upset by the news.
"It's just there is so much going on with the pack, that we thought we should put our concentration on that," I tell them gently.
"Right," Dom replies whilst looking at me so closely that I feel naked, and just like that, I see a wonderful flash of purple in his eyes.
Dom has always been quiet and so times shy, but he is one of the smartest people I know, he is strong, wise, and always understands me, even if he doesn't tell me so.
Nodding his head to me, I smile at him before joining in with the chatting at the table.
Standing outside the house and looking out at the pack land, I feel Ruk coming close. Turning around to see him, he is hand in hand with Mary. My heart races and my fingers twitch as I try to control myself from attacking her where she stands.
"I'm coming too," she announces smugly.
"No!" I almost scream with annoyance.
"I know you to don’t get on, and god knows why, but we are a family," Ruk says in a hurt tone.
"Dallah, I need you to take Mary out for the day, she is trying to come with me and Ruk," I tell her telepathically full of need.
Watching Ruk and Mary jump when Dallah appears at my side, I smile at her thankfully.
"Hey, I was thinking that you and me should spend some time together, get to know each other. Come on," she tells a shocked Mary, then literally drags her away from Ruk and me.
Turning to look at me with a raised brow he asks, "What was that?"
"Dallah being nice," I tell him simply.
"Umm. Right let’s get going then,” he tells me as he takes a step forward.
"Where are we going?" I ask with a gleaming smile.
"To, umm, the...I can't remember," he tells me with a mix of emotions in his eyes.
"Ok, well why don't we go out for the day, drive somewhere for lunch?"
"What are you doing?"
"What do you mean?"
"This morning, the looks, you're always looking at me. You are with Sallack, my Alpha, you have to stop this Zara," he tells me gently and full of regret.
"I don't want Sallack."
"What, why?" He asks in disbelief.
"I want you," I tell him plainly.
"I have a mate, so do you,"
"We would be good together, perfect," I tell him through clouded eyes.
"Stop it Zara, it isn't going to happen!" He yells before walking away from me, but I soon catch him up. Tugging on his hand, he turns to face me.
"Look at me Ruk; just take a minute to really look at me!" I beg him.
"I've seen you, I know you," he shakes his head.
"Please!"
"No!"
"Why?" I cry.
"Because it’s wrong, you are mate to my Alpha! I have my own mate, I'm happy!" He cries back.
"What if I could make you more than happy, what if I could make your life feel complete."
"Fuck! What's going on? Leave me alone Zara, I can't do this right now!" He yells before shifting into his Wolf and running deep into the woods.
"Lucifer!" I breathe out with anger, hoping Dallah was right and that me speaking his name will alert him to me.
"Problems?" He appears before me in his human form.
"This is wrong, you tricked me!" I bark.
"You wanted him to have his life back, he is alive," he taunts.
"No, if he mates with her then his life is over! Why have you done this?"
"I want to see if you could do it, push your love on him," he says simply.
"Go to hell!"
"I was once in your shoes, but look at me now. I can see the fire in your eyes, the hate! I like it, you could be my Queen when this fails," he laughs.
"Never, I will prove you wrong!"
"Really, because that's not what I see, I see a broken woman who cannot control her rage; I see it eating at you, blackening your heart."
"Zara!" Angus's voice reaches me, causing me to turn to him, but when I look back to Lucifer he is no longer there.
"You fucking bastard!" I scream into the air with rage.
Angus runs to me with unbelievable speed and holds me by the arms whilst bending to look in my eyes.
"It was him?"
"Yeah it was. Angus, Ruk doesn't want to hear me, to know the truth. What do I do?" I ask, needing guidance.
"Let him see the real you. Break it off with Sallack, then show Ruk why you are the one for him. If he doesn't see it Zara, then he isn't the one. I know it's hard to hear, but you need to know that this might not end the way you deserve," he tells me with sorrow.
He is right, and I know he has faith in me, but he wants me to see that this is no fairytale.
"If he doesn’t want me, then on the night of his mating I will kill her where she stands, and leave this life, but until that night, I will fight like I have never fought for anything in my life."
"There you are, I knew you were in there. Come on," he laces his arm over my shoulder and leads me back to the mansion.
Chapter 7
After a dreadful day of watching Ruk and Mary act as if this is all real, and me holding on to my ego when all I want to do it hit them both in the face, we finally find ourselves at Sallack's bar.
Dom and Mickey are working the bar whilst the rest of us sit together, and hope a plan to get our lives back comes to me.
"When shall w
e do it?" Sallack whispers in my ear.
"Let's go now, the sooner the better," I whisper back.
"Zara, a word?" Sallack talks loudly.
"Um hum," I answer back and get out of my seat after him.
We think it’s a good idea if we end the relationship, well our fake one. We need to do this for the Brothers’; it's not fair for them to think of Sallack and me as a couple when I'm clearly in love with Ruk.
Walking behind Sallack, we round the corner and stop in our tracks.
"I know this is going to bring up some bad memories, so I'm sorry for that beautiful," he tells me with regret.
"And for you, I wish we didn't have to do this," I tell him truthfully.
"I...couldn't we just..." He pauses, "I want you as mine. I haven't hurt you in this life, why can't we just try, you would have wanted to a few months back," he tells me through clouded eyes.
Stepping close to him I place my hands on his face and look into the eyes of my first real love, where I was loved and shown love.
"This is all a lie; just a game of a wicked mans choosing. Sallack, I will always see you as a man I loved, but I can't love you, I love Ruk," I say gently.
"I will always be here, if things don't work out, I will be here to look out for you," he tells me eagerly.
"Great, so you think I will fail too. How could Ruk choose me over the beautiful Mary, that's what you're all thinking? Well fuck that! I believe in myself! Ruk would have believed in me!" I shout angrily.
"But he doesn't Zara, and I don't want to see you hurt!" He yells back.
So much for a fake argument, looks like we are really going for it here. Nevertheless, he is wrong, I will die trying to save Ruk from this life, because he would be doing the same for me, he has in the past.
"My whole life has been full of hurt, don't you get it, I have grown used to it, but then I found him, the one person who made me feel safe, strong. I owe him everything so that is what I will do, with or without your help."
"I'll be here; I just think you should see the bigger picture."
"Ha, good one. Why don't you go find yourself a little bitch to occupy yourself," I spit in a fit of rage, but instantly regret.
"Yeah and you follow your broken dream!"
Forsaken (book 3) (The Charmer series) Page 7