"You did well. Stronger than I gave you credit for," he comforts.
"No, you are stronger than I thought," I say as I walk forward towards the bar door.
Sucking in a deep breath and dulling my rocketing heartbeat, I enter the bar to a different atmosphere to when I had left.
Everyone is drinking and laughing with each other happily, as if nothing happened.
I cannot be that person, I cannot act as though I didn't see all of my friends, family, have their life taken from them.
Sitting at the back of the bar, at a two seated table, I take the time I desperately need to convince myself that that was indeed a horrid trick rather than my nightmares really coming to life.
Holding my head in my hands I open my eyes to see two shot glasses under my nose, which hold whisky.
"Calm your nerves," Richard explains.
Picking on up in each hand, I shot them back one at a time.
"There is one hour until the ceremony. Hang in, it's almost over," Richard comforts, making me frown at his weird behaviour towards me.
"You feel sorry for me?"
"No, I can relate to you."
"I don't want this life."
"I know."
"You can relate?"
"Maybe. Listen, don't think I'm a different man, I still hate talking, I don't want to hear about how Ruk was in bed, and always remember I'm not here for you, not when you will need me to be."
"Warming, as always. I'm not deluded, I know who you are," I smile weakly to him.
"Why are you looking at me in that way?"
"No reason."
However, the real reason is, he was there for me, when all else failed, he was there to help me through. I won't admit to him, but I do like him. I like everything about him; you know where you stand, and how he feels about it, as he has no tact at all.
Moreover, I can see the real him coming through, with the small smiles, the jokes, even if at times they are crude. I hope for his sake, that one day soon, he will be happy, really happy. Like I know I will be soon, when that precious child is placed in my arms.
Placed beside Richard, close to the back of the ceremony, our choice, we wait for the events to take place.
Feeling his eyes on me, I look to him and he gives me a brilliant fake smile. It's brilliant, because he makes me really smile, I don't think he meant to make me smile, but that's what he got.
As the guests quiet down, the drowning effect takes me wickedly.
God, how I don't want to be here, it's emotionally draining.
I have no tears to cry, they have dried. My heart can beat no faster than it has in these horrendous last few days.
Taking a deep cleansing breath, we see Sallack come onto the platform where the ceremony will take place.
The sickest thing about this 'mating' is that we are in the exact place that Ruk and I were standing, ready to give our life to one another.
"Ready?"
"No," I reply, keeping my eyes to the front.
"It will be over soon."
"Are you trying to comfort me Richard?" I ask with a raised brow, and when I finally look back to him he looks sad in a way, but there's something else to, but I'm not sure what.
"Don't be stupid Zara," he rolls his eyes and slumps back in his chair.
Focusing back on the front, my eyes fall to the floor when I see Mary and Ruk have taken their places.
Painful, the worse sort if pain, is to watch the man you love wholeheartedly give their life to a nasty piece of work like Mary. She neither, deserves, or, will ever realise what she has standing before her, I did!
"Brother and Beta to the Brothers’ pack and Mary his true mate have come together before us all to share..."
This is when I shut it out, closing my eyes, I visualise nothing but bright sun scorching my face and the stunning sound of music.
Relaxing my shoulders, I dance through the fire in my mind, scorching flames licking my skin.
Feeling Richard's hand press on my knee, my eyes snap open.
"You're floating of your seat woman!" He hisses.
"Really!" I whisper back, making him roll his eyes.
I like the way I was feeling, the emptiness, the serenity, I need it.
Closing my eyes again, I return to my calm place, and I won't feel guilty over it, I need the escapism.
Feeling his hand hit my thigh, I once again jolt out of my beautiful trance.
This time, looking straight ahead, my heart sinks further into the floor. It's done! They are mated! He is one with her, their bind is unbreakable.
Sitting a little straighter in my chair, I see the joyful smiles on their faces, the love in their eyes, as does every one as they stand from their chairs. Clapping and cheering, followed by ear shattering howling echoes through the moon lit sky.
It's over, that's it. Will he remember, or is his memory taken forever?
While everyone vacates their seats, I stay seated.
"Leave me," I tell Richard in a surprisingly calm voice, and without a word, he leaves me be.
Alone, looking upon the ceremony grounds. I stand and make my way to the front, I don't know why; I just feel the need to.
Sitting on the platform, a beautiful feeling takes me by heart.
"Hey mum," I speak up.
"How was that darling?" She asks, appearing at my side.
Looking to her and letting the sigh release, I answer her.
"I feel dumb, how could I be so stupid to think I could have that, with him?"
"No, don't speak like that Zara. It is his loss, I'm sure he will realise that. I need you to do something for me, will you?" She smiles stunningly.
"Of course," I smile back.
"Let me take away the pain, forever? I know that a mother is meant to help you with hugs on the couch and tea in bed, but I can't be there for you how you wish me to. Let me do this," she pleads with tears in her eyes.
"I tried it already."
"I know, but circumstances have changed. I need you to let him go, it's only fair you forget him, as he forgot you."
"I don't want to forget what I had with him, I cherish those memories," I cry to her.
"Just the emotions, I promise. I want you to agree, but I'll do it anyway," she speaks with desperation laced in her tone.
"I..." Feeling my heart swell, beat to a new rhythm, I look to her in wonderment, "you did it," I state rather than question.
"There is my girl, look at the shine in your eyes," she almost sings.
Snorting a laugh, I wrap my arms around her shimmering body.
"You have to leave?"
"I'm sorry darling. Soon, I'll be with you again soon."
Looking out at the chairs and the beautiful hanging decorations, I stand on the platform with a healthy smile in my lips.
I know what my mother did for me, I remember the hurt I felt on a moment ago, I just don't feel it now. I feel ready for the next chapter in my life.
My heart is strong again, my mind is focused, and I still hate Mary with a passion!
"Zara, why are you out here?" Angus calls to me from the end of the row of chairs.
"Just taking a minute," I tell him as I make my way towards him.
"You're happy?" He asks astounded.
"Yeah, I am," I say with a deep breath.
"Such a rare thing to see these days," he jokes as he stokes my cheek with the back of his fingers.
"Well, don't get used to it," I joke back.
"You're mother?"
"Yeah."
"Come with me sweet," he offers his hand.
Looking at his large strong hand, I squeeze my own hands before placing mine in his, and looking up at him sweetly.
"You are precious to me Angus, I don't tell you enough, but you really are special," I tell him followed by a kiss to the cheek.
"Again, you took the words from me," he smirks.
Lifting me under the legs and carrying me like a baby, I let my head fall back and enjoy the laughter t
hat hits my ears, my own laughter, who would have thought I would find that sound so heart filling.
Entering the bar, which has been made private for Mary and Ruk, we have every pair of eyes on us.
Placing me on my feet, Angus kisses my cheek tenderly, and with a tint of lust, as he lingers before taking in my scent. He then winks at me before walking away. Watching him leave, a frown creases in my brow, but is soon taken with a smile when Dallah throws herself onto me.
"You’re ok, I can feel it," she screams in excitement, causing prying eyes to land on me again.
"I'm ok. I remember everything, but I can feel my heart is whole again," I tell her excitedly, and in a whisper.
"Thank goddess. You deserve it sweetie, I wish I could have been the one to make you feel this way," she cries.
"I know. You can have the next one," I joke, and wink at her mischievously.
"Finally, we have you back. I need you to promise me something?"
"Go on," I say suspiciously.
"Don't fall in love, not until you’re really ready?"
"That's an easy one; I promise to you Dallah, I will not fall in love with a man until I know he is the one. That ok?"
"Perfect. Champagne!" She shouts across the bar.
"Dallah, what about Ruk?"
Sighing, she smiles sweetly as she takes my face in her hands and speaks to me gently,
"He is big enough to deal with this. I know you feel guilty, but it is not your guilt to feel."
"What about you, are you ok?"
When Richard and I entered the bar again, we saw the Brothers’ were all well, and very much alive, including Julian. However, the whole thing of Dallah and Sallack being in love in my nightmare is hard to work out. I wouldn't find it a nightmare, it would be cruel to Julian, but love is cruel.
"I am now. When you’re ok, I'm ok," she insists, but I don't believe her. Nevertheless, this isn't the time or place for it.
Squeezing her hand, I walk past her and straight up to Richard who sitting alone at the bar, with a bottle of whisky for company.
"Can I have one?"
"Oh a visit from mummy," he snorts.
"Don't worry Richard," I sigh.
Trust that man to make me feel guiltily. It is a weak way out, but he doesn't know what it is like to live as the Charmer, to have heightened emotions.
"Thank you, for being here, it means a lot to us both," Ruk speaks from my side as he looks down lovingly at Mary.
Raising a brow to her, with disgust on my face, she smiles at me then looks to Richard with a look of...lust! Bitch! She thinks that I'm interested in Richard, so now she has her eyes on him!
"Mary, look at me like that again and I will break your face," Richard comments.
"How dare you! Never speak to my mate like that again or..."
"Ruk, ignore him, he has problems," Sallack speaks from our side, indicating with his hand that Richard has mental issues.
"Uh, ok," Ruk speaks suspiciously.
"This wasn't fun. Zara has begged me to dance with her so...," he turns on his heal, dragging me by my arm to the dance floor.
"This wasn't fun? Begged you to dance?"
"We got away didn't we?"
"Well...yes, I suppose," I say then hold my hand out to him.
Looking at my hand in disgust, I smile to myself.
"It's a dance," I say with a laugh, the way be is looking at my hand is as if I'm offering my hand in marriage.
"Fine."
Dancing in Richard's arms, I think about why my mother would need me to feel whole again, is there something coming, something I will need my strength for.
Without even realising what I have done until I feel Richards heart beat pick up dangerously, I lift my head from his chest.
"Sorry," I shrug my shoulders and step out of his stiff arms.
I can see he doesn't like to be touched, but I'm not sure if it's by my hands, or everyone he comes by.
"It's fine. I need a drink," he speaks angrily and walks away.
"I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable," I say in a sorrowful tone.
Spinning to face me, I jump back a step.
"You make me feel nothing! Got that?" He spits viciously.
"Got it," I reply with no emotions.
Standing in the middle if the dance floor, I look around at the Brothers’, Dallah, candy, and Mary. They all stand together, drinking, dancing, and Mickey flirting with every woman in sight, as usual.
Catching Mickey sexy glare, he whistles to me and calls me over with a hand gesture.
"Hey, why you all alone?" He asks in my flirty tone.
"I was looking for my friends," I joke.
"Role play, I like. Hu hum," he fake coughs, "hello, my name is Mickey, would you like bagging?"
"Has that ever worked?" I ask laughing.
"Hundreds of times!" He sings.
Rolling my eyes, Parrise steps up to me, and holds out his hand.
"Dance with me little one?"
"I'd love to," I reply honestly.
Taking his hand, I pull at it so that he comes closer.
When this song ends, I then have the delight in dancing with Angus.
Taking me by the waist, we wait for the band to pick up the next song, which is Whitney Houston I have nothing.
Angus smiles down to me mischievously as he presses me to him tightly and holds his hands on my lower back, his fingers trailing close to my butt.
Holding him whilst moving to the music, he places his head by mine and whispers to me, "sing to me sweet," he requests.
Holding his face in my hands, I wait for the perfect moment.
"Don't make me close one more door, I don't wanna hurt any more, stay in my arms if you dare, must I imagine you there..."
"More?"
"No, I don't think so," I look around to the pack members who crowd around Angus and me.
"It's a gift from God, use it sweet," he tells me sweetly.
"I just did," I smile to him cheekily.
"Come on Zara!" Abbey calls from the back of the bar.
"Another time," I call back apologetically.
"Yeah this is our celebration after all," Mary chimes in, bloody moron.
"After all," I repeat sarcastically.
“What you doing tomorrow Den?”
“Nothing babe, what’s up?” he asks with a frown.
“I would just love to have a chat?”
“No fucking way!!!”
"Candy! What the fuck?"
"You meet with her and I'm gone! Me and the baby!"
"Don't threaten me!" He stands tall, scaring her a little.
"No it's fine. Honest Den, another time," I plaster on a fake smile.
Before they have a chance to persuade me to stay I transport myself back to my father’s house at the same time Richard does.
"What are you doing?" I ask in confusion, as I thought he wanted to be rid of me, not to follow.
"Your father will be longer than expected. I will stay again and head home in the morning," he tells me coolly.
"Well, ok. Good night, and goodbye...you know I'm glad you came with me. I have a few things I want to say, and you need to listen," I explain strongly, "I want to thank you for all you have done for me. No matter what the reason is, I wanted you to know that I appreciate you being there for me. Second, I'm sorry if I angered you for getting close earlier, I had lost my concentration. Third, don't say a single word, no sarcastic remark, no belittling me, just take my thanks and we leave it there. Fourth, yes a fourth. I am here; I will always be here if you need anything. I owe you a lot and I'm willing to repay you. But lastly, I regret what I did to you, from the bottom of my heart. I don’t believe you belong in hell; I want you to believe it too. No matter who told you that you were not good enough they lied.” Taking a deep breath I smile as I say, “Ok I'm finished, goodnight," I say to him before walking out of the room and to my own bedroom.
An hour later, I'm woken to the cries of a broke
n Richard. Without a second thought, I walk along the dark corridor to his room, open it gently and close it quietly before making my way to him.
Walking around the bed, I climb on top and lay myself down. Lacing my arm around his waist, I press my body up against his back, instantly quieting his cries until they finally come to a stop.
I don't know if it's because of my Charmer powers or simple contact that makes him sleep better, whatever it is, it’s a gift.
I know we are not best friends or even friends if you were to ask Richard, but we seem to comfort each other in our time of need, without understanding or even realising we had.
Chapter 21
Looking up at the descriptive ceiling, Richards movements jolts my gaze to him.
"You're in bed with me again? Little desperate?"
"Who knows," I reply and make no move to get up.
"What you doing today?"
"Where is my father, he said to meet him at home, where is he?" I ask, ignoring his question.
I have once again not slept; I couldn't, not without knowing my father is well.
"Soon," he replays coolly and leans his arm out of the bed to take hold of the phone.
"What are you doing?"
"Shhh," he says.
Pressing a single button, he clears his throat and speaks clearly.
"Bring us breakfast Alfred...yes...with me...none of your business...no...Fine...no...Yes...yes....stop, it is too early for so many questions," he says annoyed and hangs up the phone.
"What was that?" I ask in shock.
"Me on the phone," he explains mockingly.
"No, that was you being rude, not to mention lazy."
"It is his job, let him do it."
"Jeez, you are unbelievable. Would it really hurt you to pretend to be nice, just one time?"
"Yes it would," he snorts at himself.
Shaking my head when I hear he knock at the door. Richard shouts Albert in and smiles to him kindly, causing both Albert and I to look at him suspiciously.
"Thank you Albert," he grins.
"What are you doing?" Albert asks with a frown.
"See it's wasted on him. You may go."
"You didn't have to do this Albert," I tell him gently.
Forsaken (book 3) (The Charmer series) Page 22