by Amanda Renee
“Father.” Belle wrinkled her nose. It sounded too formal.
“Dad.” It was short, sweet and to the point. It had possibilities.
“Daddy.” Too Ivy. She laughed.
“Pa.” She cringed. “Papa. That sounds like a steam engine.”
“Pop.” She pursed her lips. Bubble Wrap pops; people don’t.
The only one that sounded good to her was Dad.
“Dad.” She tested the word again. How did little kids make this decision? That was stressful. Belle never had the opportunity to use the word. Harlan’s father had been a part of her life since she moved to Saddle Ridge, and she had called him Mr. Slade.
Discovering her father was a bigger relief than most people could fathom. When you don’t know who one or both of your parents are, your mind begins to play tricks on you. When you meet someone who resembles you in some way, you wonder if you’re related. When you’re dating, or considering going out with the cute guy across the room, you wonder if he could be your brother or maybe a cousin. A million what-ifs follow you around every day, wherever you go. It’s exhausting. You don’t even realize you’re doing it, until you find yourself nursing your drink alone at the end of a bar.
One test result wiped those fears out of her life for good. She may not have any siblings, but she had cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. Why the secrecy? Belle had asked her grandmother numerous times about her father when she was younger. Trudy had always claimed not to know. It wasn’t like Beckett had some nefarious past. The community respected him. Maybe Trudy thought his family would replace her, even though nobody could. She should have had more faith in Belle. At least she’d unearthed some of the answers that had plagued her all her life. Now she’d never have to worry about being alone again.
Belle stepped out of the tub when the water had cooled and wrapped herself in a giant bath sheet. “Score one for Harlan.” The man had impeccable taste in towels.
She rummaged through her clothes and found nothing comfortable enough. She didn’t own much and what she did was on the tighter side. Harlan’s bedroom door stood open across the hall. She padded into the room and looked around. Steel-gray walls, white trim, minimal furniture. The palette was neutral and could lean a little more gender neutral with the right accents.
“Let’s see what you have that’s comfortable to wear.” She eased open the closet and stepped inside. A pair of police academy sweatpants and a T-shirt sat on the top shelf. She reached for them and gave them a quick sniff test. They were clean. She slipped out of her towel and hung it on the doorknob. The cotton of the shirt against her bare skin instantly soothed her. She pulled on the pants and tied them at the waist. They were oversize and ridiculously comfy.
Her body begged for sleep. Suddenly the other bedroom seemed a million miles away. She tugged at the comforter and crawled under the covers. Harlan’s raw scent engulfed her.
Now, this was home.
Chapter Thirteen
“Happy two-week anniversary, sweetheart,” Harlan whispered in her ear.
“Mmm.” Belle stretched languidly beneath the toasty warm covers. “Am I in your bed?” Her mind tried to retrace her steps. The last thing she remembered was taking a bath. “Have I been asleep since I got home from the hospital?”
“Well, you did get up a few times to use the bathroom,” Harlan said. “But other than that, yes, you have been sleeping. It was exactly what the doctor ordered.”
“I have to get up. What time is it?” She squinted to read the clock on Harlan’s side of the bed. “Did you sleep here with me? Harlan, what if Ivy came in?”
“Relax. I slept in the other room.” Harlan stood and pulled a uniform shirt from his closet. “Lydia knows you won’t be at work for the next few days, the animals have already been fed, the stalls have been mucked, Ivy’s almost ready to get on the school bus and I’m heading into work.”
“I could get used to this.”
“I hope you do.” He attempted to kiss her, before she turned away.
“Yuck.” Belle covered her mouth with the sheet. “I have morning breath. If I slept for that long, I probably have more than morning breath.”
Harlan grinned down at her. “You look good wearing my clothes,” he said as he fastened his uniform shirt cuffs.
“Sorry. I raided your closet. I didn’t have anything comfortable.”
“No need to apologize. I’m glad me and my things make you feel that way. I was pleasantly surprised to find you asleep in my bed.”
“That was comfortable, too.” Belle rolled onto her side and hugged his pillow. “And it smells like you.”
Harlan laughed. “Some people are offended by that smell.” He sat on the edge of the bed. “You might want to stay upstairs for a little while longer, though.”
“Why?”
“Because Molly is downstairs eating breakfast with Ivy.”
“Oh. When did that happen?” Belle sat up and leaned against the headboard. Surprisingly her head didn’t hurt.
“After speaking with Becky yesterday while you and your father got to know each other better, I realized I had been projecting my anger toward Molly onto Ivy. She was defending me in her own little way. I need to give her a chance to form her own opinions about Molly without any interference. That’s why they are downstairs and I’m here waking you up. It gives them some time alone without them being completely unsupervised.”
“That’s a good idea.”
“Molly will only be in town for another week. She has a life and job to return to. She hasn’t decided if she wants to move back here or stay in Billings. She and Ivy will need many more visits before she makes any of those decisions.”
“Have you given any thought to visitation?”
“No.” Harlan rose from the bed, effectively ending that line of questioning. “I wanted to run something by you, but I don’t want you to feel obligated.”
Belle slid back down the bed and pulled the covers over her head. “Do I even want to know?”
“Since you couldn’t make your coffee date with Molly yesterday, I wondered if you wanted her to stay after Ivy and I left. It would give you two a chance to talk. If not, I will push her out the door when I leave.”
Belle groaned. Molly wasn’t her ideal way to start the day, but they had to have a conversation at some point. She flung aside the covers.
“When are you leaving?”
“Twenty minutes.”
“Okay, that gives me enough time to shower.”
Belle grabbed a change of clothes from the guest room and dragged herself into the bathroom. She already felt tired and she hadn’t even done anything yet. She wasn’t sure if it was from oversleeping or her concussion. Either way, she didn’t like having to choose Molly over bed.
She made it downstairs with a few minutes to spare. “Good morning, sweet pea.” Belle pressed a kiss to the top of Ivy’s head. “Good morning, Molly.” Belle grinned as politely as she could before coffee. She poured a cup and sat down next to Ivy. “Your daddy told me you’ve become an amazing rescue-animal caretaker. I appreciate all of your help.”
“Would you like me to fix you something to eat before I leave?” Harlan asked.
“No, thank you. I’ll make something later.” At least she’d kept her promise not to dine with Molly. If anyone had told her they’d be sitting across the table from one another during this century, she’d have pushed them into Flathead Lake.
“So, Molly.” Either the milk was sour or the other woman’s name left a bad taste in her mouth. “We didn’t get a chance to talk yesterday. Do you want to stick around for a little bit after they leave?”
“Sure.” Molly’s face brightened. “I’d like that.”
“I don’t want to go to school.” Ivy rested her head against Belle’s arm. “I wan
t to stay home and take care of you.”
“Sweetie, I’m okay.” Belle wrapped her arm around Ivy’s small shoulders and gave her a light squeeze. “They wouldn’t have released me if I wasn’t.” Belle glanced up and saw Molly watching them longingly. She wished she didn’t understand what she was feeling, but she did. It was the same look Belle used to get when she watched other kids with their parents. Being an outsider sucked and despite the bad blood between then, Molly’s pain bothered her.
“Come on, pumpkin.” Harlan reached for Ivy’s hand. “It’s time to go.”
“Bye, Belle.” Ivy gave her a hug. “Take care of Elvis for me today.”
“I will, sweetheart.”
“Bye, Molly,” Ivy said, keeping the table between her and her mother. “Come on, Dad. You’re slow.”
“I’ll see you later.” Harlan bent over and gave Belle a full kiss on the mouth. “Mmm. Minty.”
Heat rose to Belle’s cheeks before she realized Molly had been studying her. Awkward.
“How are you feeling?” Molly sounded genuine enough, but Belle wondered if Molly secretly wished she’d disappear.
“Better, thank you.”
“What happened? Harlan said you fell at the nursing home.”
Belle snickered. “Let me tell you something about those nursing home floors. They’re hard. Like bust-your-head-open hard. Now I understand why there are so many broken hips in those places. It knocked me out cold. According to Harlan, Grammy said my head bounced like a basketball.” Belle grabbed the coffeepot from the counter and topped both her and Molly’s mugs. She snatched a doughnut on the way back to the table. As long as it didn’t involve an eating utensil, it didn’t count as a meal in her book. “I didn’t fall. I fainted.”
Belle hadn’t officially decided how much of the story she would tell Molly, but given her situation with Ivy, she thought it might help.
“Are you sick?” Molly whispered and reached across the table for her hands.
Belle stared down at the all-too-personal contact. “I’m not sick.”
“Whew.” Molly sat back. “That’s good.”
Belle saw genuine concern in her former friend’s eyes. “Grammy has her lucid and not-so-lucid moments. Yesterday afternoon, she had regressed back to when I was ten years old. She asked me if I had seen me in the hallway. It was a very surreal moment. I had to talk about myself in third person. I don’t know who she thought I was—one of the nurses, perhaps—but she started talking about my mom and my grandfather.”
“Your grandfather died before you were born, right?”
“Right. Turns out Grammy knew who my father was all along, and the revelation of my mom’s pregnancy is what gave my grandfather a heart attack and killed him.”
“No.” Molly pulled her chair closer to the table. “You asked her repeatedly if she knew.”
“Well, now I know. When she told me, the news literally knocked me off my feet. And that’s how I got my concussion.”
“I can’t believe it.” Molly’s hand flew to her cheek. “What are you going to do now? Track him down?”
“There’s no tracking him down.”
“Oh, don’t tell me he’s dead.”
“Nope, Dad is alive and well. He only lives a few miles away.”
“Had you heard of him before?”
Belled nodded. She didn’t know how much Molly knew about her police record and even though it was available to the public, Belle preferred the less-is-best approach.
“He’s an acquaintance.”
“That was one of your worst fears.”
“We confirmed his paternity yesterday when I was in the hospital, but we haven’t discussed when or how we’ll tell people we’re related. We’re in the getting-to-know-you stage and it’s awkward, yet comforting in the same respect. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”
“It’s not very different from me and Ivy.”
“Exactly. I can relate to your situation from Ivy’s point of view. She’s very cautious and she tends to mull over various scenarios in her head before she acts. And I think that’s what she’s doing with you, based on what Harlan told me. I’m a jump first, then worry if there’s water in the pool type of person. Ivy wants to know how much water’s in the pool, the type of water and the temperature before she jumps. She’s very thorough.”
“She definitely gets that from Harlan,” Molly said. “My rarely think mentality has gotten me in more trouble.”
“Do you have any other kids?” Belle asked.
Molly smiled. “I had my tubes tied the day Ivy was born. I didn’t see children in my future back then.”
“What’s changed?”
“Therapy, for one. I didn’t bond with Ivy when she was born. There was something missing and when I look back on it now, I should have sought help. I may have had a touch of postpartum depression. I didn’t talk to anyone about it until last year. I just ran and kept moving. I’ve traveled to every continent and more countries than I can count. I love my job with the travel agency, but despite what Harlan or anyone else thinks, I didn’t forget about my daughter. I did her a favor because I would have made her life miserable if I had stayed.”
“I had wondered if that was why you left.”
“I wasn’t happy when I got pregnant. I was jealous of you. You were getting what you wanted. A family with Harlan. It was an obtainable goal for you. All you two had to do was walk down the aisle. Who knew Harlan would get cold feet? When I ran into him at the bar that night, I didn’t have some master plan to destroy your life. We drank too much, we shared our fears and we made a bad decision. And I’m sure in the back of my mind I was thinking that by sleeping with Harlan I’d destroy your dream forever. Honestly, I didn’t even remember it had happened. My only proof was Ivy.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” She’d heard both sides, but a betrayal was just that...a betrayal, and no lame excuse changed it. It still bothered her, but her heart no longer ached over it. She’d forgiven Harlan. Molly not so much. Not yet. “Why did you marry him, then? You didn’t love him.”
“I didn’t love myself either. I was scared and alone. Raising a child was terrifying enough. Raising a child alone multiplied that fear exponentially. I’m sorry my actions hurt you. You were the one person who was always kind to me. I was the outcast kid.”
“I wasn’t exactly Miss Popular.”
“But Harlan was,” they both said in unison.
“Yeah, he was, wasn’t he?” Belle hadn’t considered Harlan popular back then. He played football and rode on the high school rodeo circuit, but he’d always been her boy friend and that had naturally progressed into him being her actual boyfriend.
“People notice you when you’re with Harlan. You’re married to him now. Tell me you didn’t see a shift in how people treat you.”
If Molly’s theory was true, she cringed to think how people would treat her once they learned Judge Sanders was her father. “I think it’s negligible now versus back then. We were nineteen.”
“I see the way Ivy looks at you. She’s already attached.”
“If anything, she may be a little starstruck or mesmerized because I’m new in her father’s life and I come with baby animals. But I adore her and I’ll do anything to protect her from—”
“Go ahead, you can say it. You want to protect her from me.”
“I want you to be the mother she deserves. I don’t want her to go through the hell I went through.”
“You’re one of the reasons I came back. I didn’t want her to turn into you.”
Belle pushed her chair from the table. “Are you kidding me?”
Molly buried her face in her hands. “That came out all wrong.” Molly wiped her eyes. “I meant I didn’t want her to suffer and wonder the way you had. Th
at’s why I’m here. And for the record, I’m sorry Alzheimer’s is robbing you of your grandmother. That must make finding your father all the more bittersweet.”
Belle stared into her coffee mug. She wanted to hate the woman across the table from her, but Molly had stepped back into her life and seemingly understood what she was going through without Belle having to explain it.
“My outlook on life is very different now. I didn’t see my grandmother at all yesterday because I was in the hospital. She saw me faint and called for help. She didn’t recognize me when it happened, so while she may have that memory stored, it’s not associated with me. I must see her today. It’s like Wheel of Fortune. Every time I walk in there, I’m spinning the wheel to see which year we’ll land on. I would love to ask her why she kept my father from me. He even confronted her because he wanted to provide for me, but she refused. What was she protecting me from? I will never know. But I’ve learned life is too short to worry about it. Take every opportunity you have to spend time with Ivy. Give her a chance to get to know you. Do you feel I am in the way of your progress with her?”
“It’s difficult watching you bond with her,” Molly admitted. “But you’re fulfilling the role I couldn’t. When I came here, I hadn’t counted on competing for my daughter’s attention. I thought I was entitled to it. You’re sitting here telling me about your father and you two seem to have hit it off because you’re related. It’s an instant bond. Ivy’s still not bonding with me. It was similar to the way she reacted to me as a baby. She didn’t look me in the eyes or want me to hug her. It didn’t help no one was around to show me how to be a mother. My parents provided for me while I was growing up but they never showed any affection. It wasn’t as if I could ask them for help. I should have taken the parenting classes at the hospital, but I didn’t. Harlan brought me home from the hospital and went to work, leaving me alone to feed, change and take care of a newborn baby.”
“I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been.”
“When Ivy had colic, that’s when I realized I couldn’t be her mother. She cried all the time. She needed love and affection and nothing I did made it better. And this ranch is so isolated. I get the appeal, but when you’re a young clueless mom, you need other moms around.”