“What time? I’ll meet you there.”
“Six o’clock, work for you? I’m picking you up; it’s the least I can do… and after all I invited you.”
“Deal!”
“Oh, hey, I need your number so I can call and let you know when your car is ready.”
“Oh yeah, sure. Got a pen?”
He hands me a pen and receipt to write on, and I write down my number and address, so he knows where to pick me up. Looking down at the paper, he laughs.
“What’s so funny?” I ask.
“You do realize this is a small town right? I know where your grandparents live,” he teases.
Laughing I say, “Oh, I didn’t even think about that, smart ass. Hey, wait! Then that means you also should know their phone number.”
“What a dirty little mouth you have there, doll, and yes, I sure do,” he says with a wink.
Turning to walk out the door, I push open the door and look at him over my shoulder with a wicked smile.
“See you later tonight. Bye, Ander.”
“Bye, Kennedy.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Corbin
It’s only been a few weeks since Kennedy and Ashlynn left, but it’s been the longest weeks of my life. Riggs invites me over constantly, and tonight I’m taking him up on it. I need to keep busy, and I have my second appointment this afternoon to see Carl again. I’m not looking forward to it, but I know it’s necessary. I’ve recognized for some time that I need help, but I have never wanted to admit it. Kennedy’s leaving so suddenly forced my hand and made me look closer at the destruction my life was headed in, and I know along the way I’m going to want to give up.
I’m hoping I can learn how to handle this better than I have in the past. Riggs and Coach make it clear they will help in any way they can. I’ve been throwing myself into training as I always do. I’m focused, surprisingly, but missing my girls. I think Coach is worried their absence would derail my concentration, but it’s had the opposite effect on me. I’m afraid, though, as the days, weeks, and months pass by that that won’t be the case, and that has the potential to cause a major disaster. One day at a time, I remind myself. I need a shower to get cleaned up, and as I’m heading for the locker room a very leggy, familiar red head is waiting just outside the door.
“Hey, Corbin,” she purrs.
“Hey,” I say back.
“I’ve noticed your girl hasn’t been around lately. Trouble in paradise, hey, Crusher? You guys end up breaking up?” she questions with a devilish smile.
Before Kennedy, this little cat and mouse game would have turned me on; however, nowadays this has the opposite effect on me now.
“Her grandparents fell ill, so she went to go help take care of them,” I lie.
“Oh, well isn’t that interesting and to my benefit,” she says while walking towards me.
“I am not interested, red. I need to shower, and I have an appointment,” I say sternly, “Go see if one of the other guys wants a go at you.”
“Too bad. I want a go at you. You sure you don’t want a taste?” she asks, bringing her hand down along the swell of her breast. She opens her blouse just a tad, low enough so I can see the edge of her breast.
“I’m positive, red. I’m not interested.”
Walking past me, she says, “That’s too bad. We could have had some more fun together. Maybe some other time then?”
Turning my head, I look over my shoulder and say, “No, not a chance in hell. I’m taken.”
Shaking her head and smiling her she-devil smile, she walks away.
I head to my appointment, and I stop at a red light and see a little blonde girl about Ashlynn’s age and a woman I assume is her mother. I take a deep breath thinking how much I miss the girls. That’s it! After training next Thursday, I’m heading to Cali. This blows being away from Kennedy and Ashlynn all this time; I can’t take it any longer. Walking inside the building, I’m greeted by the receptionist. She’s an older woman with salt and pepper hair pulled into a tight bun and gold wire-rimmed glasses that sit just above the edge of her nose.
“Hi, Mr. Nash, nice to see you again. Please sign in here. As soon as Mr. Monsoon is done with his client, he’ll be right with you.”
“Thank you, ma’am,” I say with a smile and a wink.
I sit, looking around the room. I will never get comfortable coming here; it’s like walking to the executioner. The thought of sharing the hell I went through with a complete stranger is messing with my head. Hell, I only just shared this secret with Kennedy. As I sit and wait, I start to feel clammy, and sweat begins to pour from my pores. I start to wonder what he’ll be asking me today since we cut through the red tape bullshit last week.
The door opens, and immediately I recognize the muscular build of Vaughn Rogers, who once was a middleweight champ; he steps out followed by a medium built gray-haired man about my height and build. I sit up straighter just watching the two of them walking out of the room to the front of the receptionist’s desk.
“See you next week, old man.” Carl slaps him on the back.
“Yeah, see you then,” Vaughn says back.
Pushing forward, I sit closer to the edge of the couch waiting for Carl to call my name. He walks over towards me, and I watch as he appraises me.
“Hi, Corbin. Ready to get started?” he questions.
“Ready as I’ll ever be.”
Standing, I walk the short distance sticking out my hand to shake his.
“Nice to see you again, son. Loosen up, buddy, I’ll take it easy on you.” He laughs. “Come on, let’s head into my office.”
He slaps me on the back, and we walk inside, and I stand there like the chairs are going to swallow me whole if I sit.
“Sit wherever you’re most comfortable, and we will get started.”
Nodding, I head over to an oversized chair and sit down. He walks over and sits directly across from me placing a recorder out on the small table between us.
Looking over my paperwork, he smiles.
“I just have to remind you that anything we discuss in here stays in here. I will never discuss anything you share with me with anyone. I know you are here to get help, but what would you like to take away from our visits? What exactly are you wanting help with? Getting your girls back?” he raises his eyebrow in question.
What am I trying to get out of these visits?
“I want to stop being fucking haunted by a ghost; that’s what I’d like. My girl recently moved away to heal her demons, as she put it. I want to see if there is hope for me in learning how to stop being terrorized by my childhood best friend who died when I was eight years old. I blame myself for his death and what happened that day, and it has caused me to shut down emotionally. That was until Kennedy and Ashlynn came into my life and blew that all to hell.”
I saw him visibly flinch. What was that?
“I see, and why do you punish yourself for this? You were only eight years old. Did you have a hand in hurting your friend?” he asks.
“NO!” I snap.
Looking down, I notice my knuckles are white from being balled into fists. Waiting for me to speak again, he assesses me.
“I didn’t do my chores the night before like my mother had asked me to. Because of that I was late meeting up with him; that was the day he was murdered,” I groan out.
“I see, and how does that make you feel?” he asks.
“Are you fucking kidding me? How do you think I fucking feel?” I growl out.
I’m pissed, and I have had enough of his stupid questions. I jump out of my seat and bolt for the door.
“Son, think long and hard about what you are about to do. Does your girl mean anything to you?”
I stop dead in my tracks but remain facing the door and ponder his words. I turn and dejectedly walk back, throwing myself down into the chair I just jumped out of.
“This girl must be worth it.”
“You have no fucking clue. It’s as i
f my life starts and stops with her. Kennedy and Ashlynn are my heart and soul. Fighting’s been the only thing to ever ease the regret and guilt I feel other than racing, alcohol and sleeping around. Well… temporarily… but with them… I don’t know… it’s…”
“Like the beast has been tamed?” he asks. I look up in surprise, nodding yes in response.
“Well, yeah, it’s a contentment I have never experienced before. The wave that washes over me every time they are near is the best dose of happiness I may ever experience. I can’t… I-I can’t lose that because I’ll be losing too much in the process. I know it’s a loss I would never come back from.”
“You have a lot of guilt from that day and need to learn how to work through it. I think that’s enough for today. Now we have an idea where to start. What I want you to do before your next appointment is write down what exactly you feel guilty about concerning your friend’s death.”
“Landry.” I murmur.
“What?” he questions.
“His name is Landry, sir,” I say, pain etched in my voice.
“Okay, do you think you can do that before your next visit?”
“I just have to write down why I feel guilty? That’s it?”
“Yes, son. That’s it. Then, next week we will go over your thoughts and see what steps you need to take in getting past your guilt.”
“Okay.”
He walks me just outside the door.
“See you next week, son.”
“Yeah, see you then,” I huff.
I pull out my phone as soon as I get out of the building and dial my girl’s number. I need to hear her voice to lessen the ache in my chest.
“Corbin.”
“Hi, Boss.”
“Hi.”
I blow out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
“You okay? You sound down, babe?” She says sounding concerned.
“I’m having a bad day today is all. I miss you so much and wish you were here. I can come for a visit, but it will only be for the weekend. I miss my girls, and I would like to see where you are staying and meet your grandparents. I went to my appointment today; it was interesting. He’s not at all like I thought he would be, and that kind of threw me off. I think his approach is a little too much jump-right-in; I get the feeling he knows I’m more of a straight shooter and not a bullshitter. Last week was awkward since it was our first session. Today, however, was much different. It still sucks, but I’ll keep going back even when I don’t want to,” I explain.
“Give it a chance; it was only your second session. It does get easier, but you’re going to have days that are tough. You’ll want to give up and won’t want to go back. I still have those days, and I’ve been doing this since I was seventeen, Corbin.”
“I don’t even know what to say to that, Kennedy.”
“You don’t have to say anything. Just try to stay positive. Can I ask you something?”
“You can ask me anything, babe.”
“I know this is going to sound a little out of left field, but I have to ask. Did my leaving disrupt your concentration with fighting?”
“At first, I was a little distracted but that’s only because I was worrying about your safety. Fighting has always helped to get me through my days. It’s more like I’m feeling your absence. Going home at night is hard now. Realizing you aren’t there… and it’s too damn quiet. I miss Ashlynn’s laughter, giggles, and squeals. I never knew I would want those things in my life, but I’m feeling the loss of you both right now,” he explains.
“I have to admit, I’ve had a hard time lately being away from you, too. It feels wrong being here, but I have to do this. The counselor I’m seeing here is great and is good at getting to the underlying issues. Hell, she’s helped me more these last few weeks than anyone has over the last eight years.”
“That’s awesome, babe! I’m so proud of you. Now, let’s just pray this guy, Carl, can work his magic on me. Or should I say, keep me from fucking everything up.”
“You can do this, Corbin, I believe in you… and… I-I… we need you!”
Hearing her sigh, I sit there and debate what I want to tell her.
“Corbin, I’m finding my fighter again. That’s huge for me. I don’t feel like I’m this fragile girl anymore. The one I’ve kept hidden inside for so many years… always hiding behind the numbness no one knew was there. I’m starting to feel again, and I have you to thank for that. Since you came into my life, it’s like you hit a switch that was turned off inside me and woke me up. It’s amazing how I feel like whatever I set my sights on now, I can actually accomplish. Maybe it’s the fact I want it so badly to work this time; I’m putting in the effort to make the necessary changes. That’s beyond anything I’ve ever experienced before, and my heart is starting to heal.”
“My real parents destroyed it, and then I went and let it happen again with Troy. I can’t lose myself or let that switch ever be turned off again. I don’t think I would survive it. There are only so many times I can pick myself up and dust myself off before the survivor inside me crumbles to ash.”
The other end of the phone is quiet for only a few seconds, but it feels like minutes have passed.
“T-That means a lot, but you did it all, Kennedy! I didn’t do much of anything.”
“What? Are you kidding me, Corbin? Let’s see… first off you rescued me from Troy. Second, you took us into your home and kept us from harm’s way. Third, you taught me self-defense moves that not only made me feel better but made me much more confident in feeling safe. Yeah, I’d say you did more than just a little of anything. You did more than most would, and that speaks volumes. Not to mention you love my daughter.”
“God, I wish I were there right now. I need you in my arms. I know this sounds like a pussy move, but I need to come out to see you sooner rather than later, Kennedy. You going to be okay with that?”
“Y-Y-Yes! I would like that,” she cries out.
“Are you okay? I didn’t mean to make you cry, Boss.”
“Yes, I’m okay,” I laugh.
“I miss you and want you here. You bring out all these crazy emotions in me I’m not used to.”
“I’ll get a flight out Friday, and I’ll text you all the details. Alright?”
“Sounds good. Ashlynn is going to freak out. I’m not going to tell her though. You’ll be just what she needs. We’ll come pick you up from the airport.”
“No, Boss lady, I’ll rent a car and come to you. That okay?”
“Yeah, that’s fine.”
“Alright, I’m getting off to go look up flights. I miss and love you.”
“I miss and love you too, Corbin. See you soon.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Kennedy
Ever since Corbin texted me his flight information, time seems to be at a stand still. It’s driving me crazy. Friday can’t get here soon enough.
“Kennedy, Ander just pulled up in the driveway,” Grams calls up the stairs.
“I’ll be right down,” I yell from upstairs. I grab my flip-flops and head downstairs. I peek into Ashlynn’s room where she’s sleeping. Ander and I have become pretty good friends. The night at the club was an enlightening one. That boy was born with a true talent to play the guitar. His rocker, mechanic, punk look is one that fools most people. He might be rough on the outside, but he’s really a teddy bear, and we had a great time together. I have to tell Corbin about him, so he doesn’t think anything is going on. Walking out the front door, I head towards the tall, very hot rock star. Yeah, I said it, he’s hella hot… but that’s where it ends. My heart starts and stops with Corbin. It hasn’t stopped Ander from trying though.
“Hey stalker, what are you doing out this way?” I teasingly question.
“I was coming back from picking up some parts and thought I would stop by for a few and see if you want to go to a party with me tonight?”
“What kind of party are we talking about, rock star?”
“Just a small party with some friends. Nothing too out of control, Ked-Kat.”
Smirking at him, I shake my head.
“Let me go talk to my Grams, and I’ll text you to let you know. Okay?”
“Cool. I’ll talk to you later then.”
“Bye, Ander.”
“Bye, beautiful.”
I watch as he heads down the dirt driveway kicking up dust around him.
“That boy has it bad for you,” Pops says walking over to me.
“We are just friends, Pops. My heart belongs to someone else. He knows this.”
“Yeah, but he’s torturing himself thinking he can change your mind. He’s determined and persistent; I’ll give him that. He looks like trouble if you ask me. More like today’s James Dean wannabe with all those tattoos and piercings. Does he really think girls today go for that kind of thing?”
“Pops, he is a nice guy and has become a good friend to me. Please try to give him a chance. Plus, some of us girls like that look, and tattoos.” I raise my eyebrow to him.
“I can’t make any promises, but I will try, sweet pea. I want only the very best for my girl. What does Corbin think of him?”
“Aww, Pops! You know exactly what to say to melt a girl’s heart. I love you, and I haven’t told Corbin about Ander yet.”
“I love you, too, my sweet girl. But you might want to mention it to him before he shows up here, and you have to explain the lovesick pup Ander and the way he looks at you.”
I texted Ander hours ago telling him that I’m available to go, and he’s picking me up at eight. Pops let it be known he doesn’t approve of Ander. Does he look at me like Pops is saying? I haven’t paid enough attention to even notice.
The knock on the door startles me bringing me out of my daydream state.
“Ander’s here.”
“Okay. I’ll be right down.”
I just need to grab a light jacket and throw on some lip-gloss, and I’m as ready as I’ll ever be for this so-called low profile party. Glancing in the mirror, I do a once over checking my outfit. I hope the leather skirt isn’t too much, but I want to blend in with his friends tonight.
Crushing Misery Page 20