She stood and he followed.
They were only inches apart. Being this close to a man should have made her skin crawl. Her body shudder. Instead, for one brief moment, she forgot to experience fear. More than once he’d looked at her like this—and not just since they’d been reunited after three years apart. So long ago he’d gazed at her with heated longing and a suppressed need she knew could explode at any minute.
Or, the little critic in the back of her head said, it was all her imagination. Maybe he’d never acted as if he wanted her. Never insinuated more times than she could count that he’d like to be with her sexually. Maybe everything wonderful about their relationship all those years ago had been an illusion.
Those cool eyes, somewhere between silver and blue, warmed and caressed.
She ached with memories of their life before she was taken prisoner by Aramus. Marc had teased her frequently, but she’d given as much back. She’d always been his equal. He’d always shown her the utmost respect. Even the lively banter between them had energized her rather than diminished. Other than Rayder, she could not think of another person who had shown her such unwavering friendship.
“Do you remember?” he asked softly, his eyes intent. He didn’t move or try to touch her. “When we kissed?”
Chapter Three
How could Aknada forget? Several months before her betrothed was killed and she was kidnapped, Marc had teased her about her betrothed Braxis not knowing what a real kiss was. Marc had leaned in and brushed his mouth over hers. A shocked look had hit his handsome face and erased the cockiness. He’d turned and left. She’d stood there with her mind swimming and lips tingling.
Months…no, years of suppressed passion had quivered and held, dangling on the edge and ready to ignite.
“I remember,” she said, feeling breathless.
“Can I touch you?” Marc’s voice sounded so soft and compelling.
Could he? Could she stand to have him touch her? “Yes.”
Ever so slowly, he reached for her hand. He simply held it. “It hurts me to think you suffered at Aramus’ hands. You know I would have done anything to find you, but I thought you were dead. Can you forgive me for not searching for you?”
Sweet pleasure filled her as his hand enveloped hers. She felt no fear, no revulsion at his touch. Happiness added to the gratification. “There’s nothing to forgive. You didn’t know I was alive.” Tears filled her eyes rapidly, shocking her. She sucked in a breath. “Would you have searched for me if you knew I was alive?”
Consternation altered his expression. “By the god, of course I would have.”
She sighed. “I know. I know you would have.”
His eyes closed and a smile touched his lips. He lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed her fingers. “Thank Draconus. That’s a weight off my mind.” He released her hand. “I have much to atone for.”
Surprise hit her. “Why?”
“All our years together as friends, I wasted time.”
“How?”
“When you became betrothed, I was enraged. But not at you.”
She nodded. “I remember. I didn’t understand why you were so angry.”
“Because Braxis wasn’t worthy of you. But more because I didn’t offer for you first.”
Aknada froze in shock.
“It is true.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He eased away from her and moved to the window where he stared outside at the storm.
Stunned into silence, she waited. Her mind whirled. She could no longer deny what she should have understood all along. Even if Marc didn’t love her, his affection was strong and sure. He cared for her deeply.
“Marc.” She walked toward him. “Will you…will you help me with something?”
Perhaps he could help her banish her fear of men. If she couldn’t trust him, whom could she trust? Perhaps he could kiss her again. Touch her until she no longer flinched.
He turned slowly. “Anything.”
“You know what happened to me on Aramus’ ship. I think you understand the humiliation. I felt powerless after I was raped. I felt unclean and as if my strength had been stripped from me.”
His eyes burned with anger. “You are the strongest woman I know. You survived something no woman should have to go through.” Fire ignited in his eyes. “I wish I could have killed Aramus myself.”
She nodded, and more tears came to her eyes. When had she ever cried this much? She allowed tears to spill down her cheeks.
“By the god,” he whispered. “Please don’t.”
He walked toward her until he stood in front of her again.
She wiped at her cheeks. “I’m sorry.”
“There is nothing to be sorry for. Aknada, I cannot stand this any longer.”
Worry dried her tears. “What?”
“I missed my opportunity before, and I won’t again. Marry me.”
Panic rose above other emotions, and she stepped back until she bumped into the table behind her. A candlestick tipped over. Outside, the storm raged like Marc’s dragon Arcos when angry. She had planned to ask him to initiate her into gentle touches. On the hand. The shoulder. Anything in slow increments that would make a difference. Marriage? No. He would expect sex.
He held up one hand. “I know it is sudden, and you’re surprised.”
She shook her head. “Marc, it’s too much.”
“I understand. Please let me propose something else. I know what happened to you makes it difficult for you to touch a man or be touched.”
“Yes.”
“Give me time to show you how it could be between us.”
Uncertainty raked her with sharp points. “I am not whole. I cannot give you what you need. I cannot give you sex.”
Anger flashed in his eyes. “Damn it, Aknada, even if I could never touch you again, I would still want you for my wife.”
Her mouth popped open, but she couldn’t speak.
“I have a proposal for you.” He moved another step closer, and she moved another step away. “Come to me every day and touch me if you want. I will not touch you again. Ever again, if you don’t want it.” He closed his eyes, his voice lower and deeper. “Though I ache for you, I will let you set the pace.”
Now she was more than surprised. She was amazed he’d been thinking the same thing as her.
He continued. His face more animated. “All my life I’ve wanted you. I’ve longed for you. Every day I ache to be inside you. But I know it may never be unless you heal. Unless my feelings for you can erase the horrible things that happened to you.”
Those damn tears threatened to spill again. “I will think on it. I…I have to go and…”
She bolted, heading for the door as if a dragon stalked her. She left his room, slammed the door behind her and hurried to her room. Before she could reach it, Xandra left her chambers and came toward her.
Xandra’s eyes reflected worry. “Whatever is wrong? Are you all right?”
Thunder rattled the structure, so loud it made them both start. “I’m fine.”
“You’ve been crying.” Xandra’s fingers curled around Aknada’s biceps. “What’s happened? Did Bavarda upset you? Or perhaps Marc?”
Aknada shook her head. “Bavarda couldn’t upset me. Marc is…”
“A pain sometimes, I know. Do you want to talk?”
Xandra sighed when Aknada didn’t speak. “There’s nothing to say.”
Xandra leaned forward. “You can tell me anything.”
Aknada knew that, and it comforted her. She opened her bedchamber. “Please come inside.”
Xandra shook her head. “I would, but we’re still busy feeding people downstairs.”
“Oh my goodness. I’m sorry. I’ll help.”
“No, no. Do not be concerned.” Xandra frowned. “I know you are going through so much. I cannot imagine your pain. But Marc loves you. No one can help but see it. Everyone knows it.”
Aknada felt as if she’d been knocked over. “He’s as
ked me to marry him.”
Xandra burst into a happy smile and gasped. “That is so wonderful. Congratulations.”
“I didn’t say yes.”
Xandra’s happy sparkle faded and thunder crashed outside as if to pinpoint her disappointment. “Why?”
Despite her affection for Xandra, Aknada’s temper broke loose. “Why is it that everyone thinks they know what I should do?”
Xandra’s eyes widened. “That is not how I meant it. You must go with your conscience and what burns in your heart.” Xandra touched her chest. “You will do whatever is in your heart, whatever you believe is right.”
Aknada, who didn’t often show signs of affection, drew Xandra into her arms for a hug. “Please forgive my temper.”
When they drew back, Xandra said, “I’m more than fortunate to have you for a friend.”
“And I you. Now I will help you with the people downstairs. The storm isn’t letting up.”
Xandra frowned. “This is the worst storm I have seen. I was also thinking of going to Arcos’ abode to make sure he’s all right.”
“Arcos is all right.”
“In any case, I will venture out and check.”
Aknada didn’t want her friend to venture outside alone. “I’ll go with you.”
They didn’t bother to wear cloaks that would protect them from the rain. Both knew they’d be drenched regardless. They left the structure through a back entrance near the kitchens and dashed into the onslaught. Rain pounded them, inky clouds so swollen they almost touched the jungle canopy.
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” Xandra gasped her words as rain lashed at her face.
Aknada feared losing her friend in the furious wind and grabbed her upper arm. An enormous gust caught her breath. “Neither have I.”
“Hurry!”
Arcos’ building was huge, large enough to accommodate the beast’s need for a bed and eating area. They opened the side door and heard Arcos give a low rumble of greeting. As they stepped inside, Arcos didn’t move from his position on his stomach. Instead the massive, beautiful dragon rolled over to his side and yawned. Huge wings, almost lacey in appearance, folded and unfolded for one moment in an array of spectacular colors—pink, purple, blue and green. Arcos’ long body was midnight black, the eyes a jewel green. The dragon had horned crests at the top of the head and the long muzzle held dozens upon dozens of razor-sharp teeth. Still, the creature was endearing in the oddest way. Though he wasn’t a female—females were larger than males—this creature was still enormous.
Xandra laughed. “Lazy beast.”
The male dragon grunted, the sound huffy, almost indignant. Aknada laughed too. “Marc’s pet is definitely spoiled. Look at that padded bedding. The huge food bowl. What on earth has he been feeding the thing?”
Xandra shook her hair out of her face. “Arcos leaves the building every day and he does his thing…feeds, that is. Sometimes he brings food back. Lizards. Small furry creatures with ten eyes and just as many legs. Disgusting actually.”
Xandra’s deadpan amusement fueled Aknada’s affection for the woman. She loved her friendship with Xandra and cherished their time together. Maybe she could confess a few things in confidence.
“Xandra, I have a few questions for you… You must promise not to say a thing to Rayder or Marc or anyone?”
The younger woman gestured to a couple of chairs on one side of the barnlike building. “Shall we sit down?”
“Of course. How is the baby?”
“The healer says I am hearty and the baby is solid. All is well.”
“I’m relieved to hear it.”
Xandra folded her hands in her lap. “What did you want to ask me?”
“This is hard for me to speak about. You’re right about Marc. He does care for me. But I cannot marry him because of my faults.”
Xandra frowned deeply. “Faults? We all have faults, but if you love each other, I do not see how you couldn’t overcome any faults.”
“Most people do not have the faults I have. I am a female Daryk One. You know how rare we are. Most men and other women find me reprehensible.”
“Bah. Here you are well respected. No one treats you badly except for Barvarda. And she treats everyone that way.”
Aknada had to make her understand and decided bluntness would accomplish the task. “I am sexless. Those men…Aramus…they took my sexuality from me and destroyed it. I can never get it back. I thought perhaps I could allow Marc to touch me now and again so at the least I wouldn’t flinch whenever a man comes near me.”
Eyes filling with sympathy and understanding, Xandra leaned forward. “My dear friend, I know you’ve suffered. And I think it’s a wonderful idea to allow Marc to touch you. I am sure over time you will ease your fear.” Xandra’s voice lowered, as if she feared someone could hear them. “Have you considered that marrying Marc may help the situation? You will have the security of the marriage. And if you cannot get rid of your aversion to a man’s touch, you will still have Marc’s love.”
It made sense. “I suppose I could. But how long would it take before Marc would begin to resent me?”
“Why would he resent you?”
“Because I cannot have sex. Not ever again.”
Conflicting emotions danced in Xandra’s eyes. “I thought when I met your brother that I would never have love. Never have sex or a man’s loving touch. After Taris Elian’s cruelty I didn’t believe a man could be so wonderful. But even though I was afraid of him at first, Rayder’s gentleness and passion found a way through to me. And I found a way through to him. Making love with Rayder is…” Her eyes went misty as she looked into the distance. “Is the greatest expression of love I’ve ever experienced. I wouldn’t give it up for the world. Perhaps over time you will find that with Marc. But even if you do not, you will still love each other. Because love is more than a physical meeting of bodies. You and Marc are so much more.”
Aknada smiled and sighed as understanding eased its way inside her. “How did you get to be so wise, my friend?”
The other woman laughed. “Me? Well, I think it’s from having good friends like you. I once thought Magonia was all there was of the world. That Dragonia was an evil place. At least I kept trying to convince myself that all the things I heard about Dragonia and its people were true. But there was always a smidgen inside me that didn’t ever believe it. I am learning something new every day.”
Right then Arcos rolled upward to his feet. Aknada jerked a little in surprise. “By the god, I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to Arcos doing that.”
“Ah, but you will. Just like anything else it takes time. Give what you and Marc have half a chance. You might be pleasantly surprised by what you find.” Xandra stood slowly. “I have an idea.”
Aknada chuckled. “Uh-oh. Should I be frightened?”
“Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m sure Marc will like it.”
* * * * *
As he walked through the great hall where dozens of people had bedded down for the night, Marc worried about the weather. He’d never seen such a tempest. It had raged for hours. Night fell quickly under the gloom.
Xandra had found him in the great hall a short time ago to let him know she and Aknada had checked on Arcos and found the dragon happy to stay out of the storm. Marc wasn’t surprised Aknada hadn’t come with Xandra to report on the dragon.
He stopped in the middle of the crowd and surveyed, searching to see if anyone lacked for food and water and bedding.
As he stared at the jumble of people housed in his abode, he couldn’t force Aknada’s sweet vulnerability out of his mind. Draconus, he wanted her.
He shouldn’t have proposed. She’d been about to ask him for help when he’d asked for her hand and scared the daylights out of her. He scratched the back of his neck and gave a frustrated growl. His impetuousness had driven her away. He would be damn lucky if she’d ever talk to him again.
He hadn’t lied when he said he woul
dn’t touch her if she married him. He would become pious and sexless if that’s what it took to claim her. He’d witnessed her uncertainty and restraint. He knew part of her did want him. It was in her eyes.
Fuck Aramus for doing so much damage to such a vital and wonderful woman.
A woman cleared her throat. He turned, surprised he’d been caught off guard. Aknada stood there, dressed in a gown that took his breath. All his life, she had always dressed more like a man than a woman. She’d worn trousers that rode close to her body, tunics she’d borrowed from Rayder, thick belts to hold a huge sword. Black boots to stomp on any man who dared mess with her. He’d never thought of her as anything but feminine, but this… This dress made his cock sit up and take instant notice.
His eyes widened. She was a treasure, and he wanted to touch her, kiss her and hold her in front of Draconus and everyone. He hungered to marry her.
The long blue dress hugged her like a second skin. High-necked and with long, fitted sleeves, the silky material coursed over her body. Tight across her breasts. Skimming over her slim waist and stomach, down over her rounded hips and legs so that it ended at the knees in a swish of fabric that trailed behind her. He couldn’t see her legs, and gods he wanted to. The dress showed him everything and nothing.
He swallowed hard. “Aknada.”
He couldn’t press another word past his lips.
She smiled, a little uncertainty flickering inside her dark eyes. “Marc. Please come to my room.”
Chapter Four
Aknada trembled, her knees hardly holding her up as Marc followed her up the staircase toward her room. Her chambers were on the opposite landing from his. Part of her wanted to tell him it was all a tremendous mistake and she didn’t plan to let him in her room for any reason. The other part of her couldn’t wait to get him alone. She could feel his gaze burning her. His eyes had widened with pure male appreciation when he’d first seen her then blazed hotter when she’d suggested he follow her. Fear mixed with yearning. A yearning so blazing she couldn’t imagine how she’d fulfill it. When they reached her door, she hesitated with her hands on the double doors. Then she pushed through her hesitation and opened them.
DarykCraving Page 3