by David Sharp
Jason copped a look at Adam’s armpit exposed from the dirty muscle shirt and spoke up trying to act tough. He wanted to say a lot of different things. Only the stupidest came to his lips.
“I bet John was being a tough guy taking care of business.”
Adam half-snorted as if the idea was hilarious to him and said, “Ole John didn’t seem so tough when Knappy hit him with a rake.”
Tanya laughed. “Somebody hit you with a rake? Somebody named Knappy?”
Jason knew who Knappy was. He had pictures of the heavy set, trench coat wearing, hoodlum along with other notorious street punks in his collection of newspaper clippings. Knappy had been picked up several times for misdemeanors of theft and fighting and even was a suspect in arson once. He tried to imagine Knappy swinging a rake with the layers of clothes he wore. The thing that made an assault plausible was his rodent like eyes. He had similar ones like the rest of the gang’s in that all of their eyes stared back at you through the pictures as if haunted.
Someone like that could do a vicious thing.
Jason kept it all to himself. He watched Adam intently. Since Adam had left suburbia, Jason hoped to find a picture of him in the paper one day. It disturbed and excited him that Adam could be hanging out with the street punks because they were dangerous. To Jason they were modern day outlaws. Looking over Adam, he realized that he probably did not remember him asking if he could have gone with him when he had left. Adam looked directly at Jason and he quickly averted his eyes to John.
John was looking away to the pines and said in monotone, “It was a misunderstanding that’s all.”
Kelly said, “There seems to be a lot of that going around.”
Jason wondered what her double meaning was. She always seemed to have one. It infuriated him. On some level, he did not even trust his closest friend. His eyes drifted back to Adam who was talking again.
“He just opened his mouth at the wrong time, in the wrong house, to the wrong girls.”
Jason could have watched him act the tough guy all day.
Tanya’s eyes blazed. “So, what are y’all doing here?”
“There’s a party tonight. I needed some money. And I wanted to see you.” John shrugged, tried to look innocent and failed.
“You could have called.”
“My minutes are out.”
“Sure, they are. Maybe you should pay your bill sometime.”
Jason tired of the moment between the past couple and broke it up. “Tell us about the party, John.”
John smiled, glad for a way out of his second fight. “There is a house party in the back of the neighborhood, some rich bitch’s parents are out of town for the weekend.”
“Yeah it’s down on Brook Shadow, the undeveloped part. It’s going to be off the hook.” Adam glanced at Jason and it did not go unnoticed.
Jason caught the eyes for a second and brightened. “Let’s go. You bitches need to lighten up anyways.”
“I guess I should get away from the house for a little while.” Kelly looked far off like she was seeing someone in the piney woods.
Jason wondered what went through her head at times.
Tanya sniffed loudly and said, “Why not? Does anyone have a tab?”
“We will at the party. I’ll make sure to save you one,” Adam said.
“Save me one too.” Jason so wanted to be noticed and he was.
Adam casually put his arms behind his head enjoying the attention. “Don’t you worry I’ll definitely save you one.”
John leaned down from his gangly height. “You’ve got to come, Tanya.”
“Right, as long as I don’t come down with something.”
“What are you playing at, girl?”
“God, you are useless.”
John shook his head like a large dumb dog. “You are lucky I like you.”
Tanya and Kelly exchanged glances and looked at John curiously.
Adam tugged on John’s shirt arm. “Come on C.J., we got to get going if we are going to score.”
“Don’t call me C.J. You know I don’t like that. What time is it anyways?”
“It’s time to go C.J., I mean Johnny boy.”
Adam waited to see if he got a reaction out of that and got nothing.
“See y’all at the party,” John said eyeing Tanya.
“See you C.J.,” she tried not to laugh while saying it.
John winced and backed off.
Kelly whispered, “What?”
Tanya mumbled back, “I’ll tell you in a minute.”
Adam turned and put his hand on Jason’s shoulder. “You better be there too.”
Jason’s heart was stuck in his throat for a moment. Breathlessly he replied, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
The threesome stood up from the picnic table benches to watch the departure of John and Adam.
Jason took in every detail, even Adam’s scent that was still in his nostrils.
As soon as the Mustang’s engine roared to life Kelly said, “Spill it, girl.”
“Oh that, the C.J. stands for Crackhead John because that is what they call him on the street,” Tanya said with a pained laugh.
“Oh that’s messed up. You’re right, what a loser.”
“That’s why I need to go to that place and get rid of it. One loser like him is enough in this world.”
The tires spun out on the gravel leaving a cloud of dust to hover over the park.
Jason wished he was in the car instead of John.
I would ride anywhere Adam wanted to, even follow him to the edge of the world if that was his desire.
The dream from the prior night returned, not the freaky part, but the sexy one. Adam wanted to hang out with him that night. A wave of satisfaction spread over Jason. He felt good about himself for a change.
“Isn’t Adam cool?”
Jason still pictured the muscle shirt tightly clinging to Adam’s body.
“I suppose.” Kelly looked lost again.
“If you like street trash he is.” Tanya bit sarcastically.
“Come on, he is hot.” Jason tilted his head and smiled. “I wouldn’t mind rolling around in that trash.”
“Whatever, that’s gross.” Tanya picked up her bag.
Kelly refocused on her friends. “I am going to do it. I am going to get the spare keys and take the van. We’re leaving this place.”
The excitement welling up from with inside, Jason spoke without thinking and said, “When?”
“Kelly, are you sure?” Tanya gently took her friend’s hand in hers.
“I am. Look, if John can make it, as dumb as he is, then why can’t we?”
“We would have to have money,” Tanya said and faintly added, “more than enough to get by.”
“I am in.” Jason was eager to go.
“We will have money to take care of everything.’ Kelly had a far-away look again.
Jason realized she had not thought any of it out, but he wanted the adventure. It was a way out and he had to grab a hold of it.
“If you can get that old van to work I want to go.” Tanya made up her mind after saying it.
Jason smiled widely grabbing his skateboard. “It’s a road trip to the city then.”
Kelly said softly, “It will be soon, so be ready.”
The daylight dimmed over the park as the wind hissed through the pines. Jason looked back over his shoulder, his board tucked under his arm. He wondered if he would miss any part of suburbia. Looking around, he truly doubted it.
The trio of oddly matched friends walked down the familiar streets like ghosts. The neighbors went about their business ignoring them as usual as if they did not even exist. Kids were called in from playing in their yards. Street lights automatically turned on. Water sprinklers turned off. Groceries were brought in by harried mothers. Faceless fathers returned home from work. It was the last activity signaling another mundane day had ended with the neighbors shutting themselves off into their own private worlds sa
fe from the outside.
“I hate this fucking place.” Jason summed up his inner talk of what he truly believed in his wandering heart.
“That is the only thing we agree on corn-hole boy.” Tanya put her hands on her hips the way she did with the insult game.
“Watch it, beaver slit.” Jason shot back.
Kelly laughed as she said, “Enough. You two fight like a married couple. Why don’t you kiss and make-up already.”
“Yuck! That isn’t even remotely funny, girl,” Tanya said.
“Plus it takes a special kind of crackhead to get her attention,” Jason joked.
Tanya punched Jason in the arm.
“Hey, don’t leave a mark.” He rubbed the spot.
“Is that what you used to tell your daddy?” Tanya widened her eyes.
Jason gave her the evil eye while nodding at Kelly.
“Fuck,” Kelly said in an exhale of pent up frustration.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean….” Tanya was at a loss.
“It’s all just a joke, like all of this here, suburbia, just one big fucking joke.”
“Kelly, you don’t have to go back there tonight.” Jason thought of reaching out and hugging her, caught her rigid posture, and changed his mind.
“I can sneak you in my window after the party,” Tanya offered.
“No, maybe tonight will be different, after a pill or two,” Kelly said.
Jason watched as they put their foreheads together in some sort of weird communion they did to calm down. It reminded him of stray dogs.
Those are bitches of a different sort.
The thought made him laugh.
“What’s so funny?” Kelly dared him to say something.
“All of it,” Jason chuckled.
Kelly and Tanya gave him a look, but he dropped it without an explanation. Jason also dropped his skateboard on its wheels and hopped on top, pushing off to skate ahead of them. Farther down the street, he pushed faster and jumped the curb sliding across the middle of his board to flip it and land back on top. He saw the girls deep into their conversation like they always were the moment he was out of range. He thought it was probably about Tanya’s soon to be dead baby.
What is wrong with the people I know in suburbia?
The hum of the wheels on the concrete settled him, emptying his mind of its usual judgmental noise. Moments of peace were rare and when they came he tuned the rest out and rode on.
X
The party house was located almost completely by itself which was good for the naïve hostess who lived there, since no one was around to call the cops. Jason had already forgotten her name even though they were introduced earlier. That moment had been interrupted by a keg stand and the usual ruckus that followed one. There were at least fifty or so revelers or rather bad mannered revelers habituating the place. And the place was trashed.
Jason sipped his almost empty red Solo cup. Again, he had found himself, all by himself, at a party. Sometimes it sucked to be a loner. Being raised as an only child he felt was what kept him ahead mentally. He believed that if no one got too close then he could not be hurt. Jason saw the couples who were making out on the sidelines of the dance floor where once a dining room table rested.
It definitely sucks to be alone.
Half-heartedly he danced to the techno beat. He had wanted to hang out with Adam, but it had been all business. He still had gotten a free pill as did his friends. The downside was he barely had gotten a word in before Adam split with John to sell their stuff to the all too willing. The pill had affected him, but he still felt in control, unlike Kelly and Tanya who were dirty dancing with each other in a strange spectacle.
They probably won’t even remember it and will lie if I bring it up. Bitches.
Jason laughed at the thought then grew bored, lost the beat, and maneuvered through the intense dancers with their glow sticks. He made it outside and bumped into Adam. Instantly, he was lost in the intense hazel eyes and scruffy man face. In vain, he tried to converse over the music.
“Hey, I was looking for you.”
“What’s up? Did that x hit you yet?”
“Yeah dude, it’s cool. I mean thanks.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
The intense moment lingered without a word for too long. Jason tried to think of something to say over the loud music.
“Do you want a beer?”
Adam held up his red cup. “I already got a full one.”
“Oh, can I ask you something?”
“What’s that?”
“I um, can I get your number?”
“What was that?”
“So we can hang out sometime?”
“You want my number?”
“Yeah, I do.”
Adam saw someone, nodded impatiently, and said, “Sure, remind me later.”
“Don’t forget.”
Adam paused. His hazel eyes sharpened like a cat looking into the dark. “Hang on, Jason. I’ll be right back.”
Jason sighed and wished he would have made a move sooner.
Why can’t I speak my mind? Why is it so hard to have a simple conversation?
He guessed it was because he liked Adam and Adam seemed to like him back. He watched the scruffy street punk of his dreams peddle his wares inside the house. He thought he could also be wrong. In fact, he suspected the signals he thought he was getting were only in his head.
That would be bad. Then again, how could Adam not be like me? There are so many signs, so many looks, that it has to be true.
Jason’s heart was beating fast again. Nervously, he looked into his cup and found it empty with no solace floating inside. Turning his attention to the outdoors, he saw the keg unattended. The crowd was thinner in the backyard. Still lost in his thoughts about Adam, he crossed over and pumped out a beer.
A mocking voice called out to him from the shadows of the corner of the yard. “You’re pretty good at that, faggot.”
The pump hose slipped from his fingers. Jason saw the orange glows of cigarettes in the dark. “Oh shit, not them,” Jason mumbled to himself.
The jocks came out into the light revealing themselves as a group of clean-cut all American males. Jason’s first impulse was to run, but it was too late. There were three of them and Jason knew them all. His hope drained as they formed a semi-circle around the keg. Mike was the ringleader. The others followed him everywhere, with Aryan looking Chad flanking one side and always angry Brian on the other.
Mike smacked the side of the keg’s trashcan rattling the ice inside. “What’s up, Jason? What are you doing here?”
“Nothing, Mike.” Jason tried to keep his eyes steady. “I am just getting a beer.”
“Who invited you? I bet you don’t even know Sara.”
Jason knew the hostess’s name then and looked at the decreasing foam in his cup wishing he was not there. “I just met Sara tonight that’s all.”
Brian could barely contain his anger and curled his lip in disgust as he said, “He even talks like a little bitch.”
“I got to go.” Jason took a few steps, but no one budged.
Mike had control of the situation and knew it. His compatriots were ready to pounce on his word.
“Where’re you going? I thought you might want to party with us.”
Jason nervously looked around noticing that most of the partiers had cleared out of the yard leaving him all alone to fend for himself. He cleared his throat and said, “Not tonight.”
The posture of the three was hard as steel. Brian took a swig out of a flask. Chad icily stared. They were anticipating what their leader, Mike, was going to do next. Violence was waiting.
“I see how you look at me at the gym. I figured you wanted something,” Mike said.
Chad mumbled, “Fucking queer.”
“I don’t. I don’t look at you, Mike.”
Jason glanced at the door and to his dismay no one was there to intervene.
Mike’s placid look storm
ed. He became extremely angry and looked to make sure his pals were on the same level. “You see that, you were just looking at my dick.”
Jason weakly laughed and wished again for a way out. A tremble ran the course of his spine and his teeth chattered. “I really got to go.”
Brian broke rank and said, “Goddamn it, Mike. Are we going to do this or what?”
Mike slowly smiled enjoying the discomfort of the situation. “You better run, boy.”
Jason bolted and tried to dart to the side of the keg, but Brian tackled him tipping it over with them as they brutally went down to the sodden ground. He wanted to be stronger, to be able to fight back like in the movies, but he was weak. He hated that about himself more than anything. Brian punched him in the eye and backed off so his buddies could join in. The kicks pummeled him all along his body. In a flash, Chad bent over and indiscriminately slammed his fist down. Jason tried to cover his face and curl up to protect his privates. The beat down did not last long; although, during the storm it seemed to have no end. An idea came to him.
What if I could really fight back, but my mind is making me weak?
On impulse, he grabbed a foot and toppled Mike. Jason tried to get up.
Three on one is no match even if I were stronger minded. So his mind told him and he fell under their violent power again.
A phantasm, a surreal ghostlike moment, swept over him as the fight abruptly ended just as suddenly as it had begun. Chad kicked Jason once more in malice then panted holding his side. Brian wiped sweat from his face while Mike watched the aftermath in fascination. Defiantly, Jason stared up at them. He wanted to say something witty to say anything to stand up for himself, but the words would not come together. Jason’s bruising gaze went from Chad to Brian then back to the leader Mike all of them exuded muscle and hate. The thing that struck him the most was how the scene kind of turned him on.
“See you around, faggot.”
Mike led the pack away without argument. Brian and Chad followed, satisfied with their work.
Jason closed his eyes for a moment and saw stars. Opening them again, the real stars in the night sky above whooshed before righting to place. Jason sat up and spat blood. With his tongue he felt a jagged tear on the inside of his mouth.