His words were clipped and biting.
“Nae even me?” she challenged.
His mind told him he should forget everything about his past, including Rianna. She was a reminder of what had been, of his youth before his father betrayed him. Oh, were there a way to have his mind erased completely, he would take it. The good memories were proving to be as difficult to bear as the horrid ones.
After his father’s betrayal, it had been those happy memories that had kept him from either losing his mind or taking his own life. Aye, even at twelve summers, he had often thought of letting his masters win the war against him by allowing himself to either be killed or to die by his own hand. So brutal were their teachings as they called them, that he contemplated death more often than any boy of that age should.
Were it not for all his mother had taught him, for his life before those dark, ugly times, he would not have survived.
His mind however, was not in accord with his heart. His heart relished the thought of someone thinking more of him than he thought of himself. He wanted some semblance of a normal life. A wife, bairns of his own, a wee farm somewhere far away from who he had been. ’Twas his heart that desired nothing more than to tell her the truth of his past, of where he’d been and all the evil things he’d done. Fear of seeing the horror in her eyes at learning the truth kept him from uttering a word. Of all the nightmarish things done to him as a child and young man, having Rianna look at him with disgust would have been his undoing.
Never had he felt more a coward.
“Ye’ll be with yer father soon,” he said. “Then I recommend ye forget ye e’er met me.”
Forget? How could she forget the one person she had considered her truest and dearest friend? Regardless of the time that had passed since last they’d seen one another, Rianna still considered him her friend. That friendship meant the world to her.
Left to wonder what horrible thing had happened to him to make him say such things, she could not believe he meant them.
Suddenly, she felt the strongest urge to protect him. From what, she didn’t know, didn’t care. She only knew that he needed someone, mayhap someone who was more than just a friend from his youth. He needed her now, as much as she had needed him all those years ago. Rianna believed that with as much conviction as she believed her father hadn’t truly cast her aside. Unable to explain even to her own heart why she felt so strongly about either notion, she pushed any lingering doubts aside.
“I will ne’er forget ye, Aiden Macgullane.” She spoke with such conviction and determination as to leave him with little doubt. “Ye were my friend in our youth and I will ne’er cast that friendship aside. No matter how badly ye try to convince me ye are a pig-headed and unlikable man, I will nae change my mind.”
The gauntlet had been thrown. She simply didn’t realize it.
Hours passed and he still refused to speak to her. As determined as she was to break through his stone exterior and empty heart, he was just as determined to see she failed.
They were on the road to Allistair Castle. Rianna sat before him while he kept the horse at a slow walk. He told himself ’twas only out of kindness for his mount that he traveled so slowly.
As the road meandered through trees, the sky to the east turned to shades of lavender and violet behind the darkening woods. Night would soon be upon them and he wondered if she would sleep snuggled against him once again. Nay, he told himself, he could not allow her to be that close to him under a starry sky, beside to a roaring fire. The temptation to explore every inch of her was too great. He’d sleep in a bloody tree if he must, in order to keep that temptation at bay.
If he were honest with himself, he was glad to see she had not ridden herself of the tenacity she possessed as a child. Like a feral dog refusing to give up a bone, she refused to give up in her quest to break him down.
“Do ye remember the gift ye gave me when I turned seven?” she asked.
He did, but he was not about to admit to it. He met her question with deafening silence.
Ignoring him, she smiled at the memory. “’Twas a crown of flowers, with a few tiny shells tucked into it,” she said. “Do ye ken yer gift was the only one I’ve e’er received from anyone? Nae even my own mother e’er gave me a gift.”
Inexplicably, his chest tightened. His mum had always given him a gift, no matter how small, to observe the day of his birth. Even his father took part in those small celebrations. But after his mum died, there was nothing left to celebrate.
Aiden knew Ronna was never the best of mothers, however he hadn’t truly realized until now just how cold and distant a woman she had been.
“I still have it,” Rianna informed him. Her tone bordered on reverence.
“Ye do?” he asked with a measure of surprise, thereby breaking his oath of silence.
Giving a rapid nod, she turned her head ever so slightly in order to look at him. “I kept it along with the doll. ’Tis all dried out now, but I keep it wrapped carefully in a bit of linen. I carry it with me always.” He could not have known until then that the little crown of flowers was amongst her only prized and loved possessions.
His chest squeezed once again as guilt began to creep into his bones. Had she not stolen him from the goal? A place where he surely would have died once he woke from his drunken stupor and realized he was in chains once again? Had she not taken him from Inverness? Had she not tended to his bloodied and battered face? Had she not made camp, covered him with blankets?
And how had he shown his gratitude? He rewarded her with insults and silence.
Suddenly, it dawned upon him that Rianna Coultier was just as lonely a soul as he. Why else would anyone keep a worn and tattered doll or a dried and crumbling crown from their youth? What else did she have? No one and nothing.
Wanting very much to right a wrong, he decided to set his anger at himself aside and quit taking it out on the innocent lass before him. The least he could do was be polite until he dropped her on her father’s doorstep.
“Do ye remember how I taught ye to swim?” he asked.
At first, the sound of his voice startled her. Turning away, she giggled slightly before answering. “Aye, ye had me strip out of my clothes right before ye tossed me into the loch.” She had been as terrified as she was furious that day long ago.
“But ye did learn to swim,” he reminded her.
“Aye, but at the cost of my hide,” she told him.
“What do ye mean?” he asked curiously.
Rianna let out a heavy sigh. “When I got home, I was soaked to the bone. My mother asked why. I told her most honestly exactly what had happened. I was so proud of the fact that I could swim, I didn’t think how angry she would be.”
Aiden could feel her tense at the memory. “I had welts on my legs and buttocks for days after.”
Confused and repulsed at once, he asked, “She beat ye for learning to swim?”
“Nay,” she said with a slow shake. “For bein’ naked with a lad.” It mattered not that Aiden was more a brother to her than anything. As far as Ronna was concerned, Rianna would end up whoring on the streets of Edinburgh before she reached the age of twelve if she agreed to take her clothes off in front of anyone of the opposite sex.
“I didnae ken that, lass,” he said sorrowfully.
“Because I didnae tell ye.”
“Why nae?” he asked, his guilt growing by leaps and bounds.
Turning once again in the saddle in order to face him, she answered bluntly. “Because I knew that beatin’ was nothin’ compared to what ye received at the hands of yer father.”
Just when he thought he could not feel more troubled for her or that his chest could not constrict more tightly, she proved him wrong. “I fear I dunnae understand,” he whispered as he looked into bright green eyes filled to the brim with regret and pity toward him.
“Ye had enough to worry about,” she said. “I refused to add to yer burden. Ye were my friend. Ye were quite proud that ye taught m
e to swim. I did nae want ye to feel any remorse for it.”
Uncertain of what to make of her confession, he felt his heart soften toward her even more. “I am terribly sorry ye had to suffer so, simply because I behaved like an ass.”
Those sweet lips of hers curved into a fond smile. “I did nae realize ye were bein’ an ass. I believed ye were bein’ kind in wantin’ to teach me to swim.”
“I have a confession to make,” he said. “Teachin’ ye to swim was nae my purpose that day.”
“What was?” she asked, arching a pretty brow.
He was forced to clear his throat of the guilt before answering. “Ye had been annoyin’ me fer days. I ken now ye meant no harm, but it seemed as though every time I turned around, there ye were. Right under my feet.”
Arching her other brow, she silently bade him continue.
“I had been tryin’ to get Maire MacPherson to kiss me. Ye happened by when I had convinced her of goin’ behind the baker’s hut with me. I was mightily angry with ye.”
Regret and embarrassment filled her eyes. “I ne’er knew!”
Aiden gave her a shrug as he led the horse off the road. “It matters nae now, lass.”
A sudden thought occurred to her then, one she did not want to give any credence. Still, the question was out before she could stop it. “Were ye tryin’ to drown me?”
Aghast at the notion, Aiden pulled their mount to a halt. “Of course nae!” he replied. “I would ne’er have harmed ye!”
“Then why did ye do it? Offer to teach me to swim?” she asked, bemused.
He felt his face grow red with shame. “I thought if I convinced ye to jump into the loch bare arsed naked, ye might be so appalled or frightened that ye’d go away and leave me be for a spell.”
Rianna thought back to that day. Never once had she ever been frightened when she was with him. On the contrary, she had felt nothing other than safe and cared for. “But it did nae work. I stripped out of me dress before ye could think what to do.”
Smiling deviously, he said, “Aye. And ye scared the bloody hell out of me. I thought for certain should anyone happen along and catch me with a naked little girl, I’d have my hide carved from my flesh.”
Rianna laughed and turned away, happy that he had finally broken his vow of silence. “I have ne’er, nae once, been afraid in yer presence. Back then, I would have believed anything ye told me, so in love with you was I.”
In love with me? Astonished, he could think of no intelligent or thoughtful response. Nay, he told himself. She was not in love with him now. She was simply explaining how she felt about him when they were children. ’Twas the only plausible explanation.
Good Lord, had she truly said what she thought she had? Embarrassed, she felt her face burn as red and as bright as a summer sunset. Mayhap he hadn’t heard her, but his strained silence said he had.
“Why have we left the road?” she asked by way of changing the subject.
“We need to make camp,” he replied.
She took note of the deep timbre of his voice. Had she gone mad or did his voice sound as divine and warm as soaking in a hot, steamy bath? For the first time in her life, she was afraid of him. Not necessarily of him bringing her any true, physical harm. But what he could do to her heart if he were to continue speaking with that decadent, magnificent tone. Or mayhap she was afraid of herself.
Deep into a dense thicket, they made camp in a small clearing. That night, they dined quietly on the grouse he had caught, and the sweet blaeberries and wild lettuce she had managed to find whilst foraging. ’Twas not a supper fit for a king, but for two hungry young people, ’twas a feast.
They spoke very little to one another that night, each lost in their own thoughts and worries.
Aiden worried over how his heart was beginning to soften toward the beautiful woman sleeping peacefully on the other side of the fire. Was he a fool to allow his heart and mind to wonder to images of a wee cottage somewhere remote and peaceful? Was he a fool to wish for a wife and bairns of his own? A simple life, an ordinary existence?
Nay, those things, that life, was not for him, no matter how he hungered for them. Too many people had died at his hands. He’d committed far too many unforgivable sins. Things he doubted any of the gods would ever forgive him for. Why would they reward him for such sins, such crimes?
Rianna feigned sleep as she worried over her father and Aiden. Was her father still amongst the living? Would he want anything to do with her after all these years? Worse still, what would become of her if he sent her away again? Would she spend the rest of her life in search of that loving home she wanted with such desperation?
Nay, she could not think of those things right now. It made her heart ache to think Lachlan MacAllistair would turn her away.
But thinking of Aiden left her no better off. He may have done something ugly in the past, however, she decided it mattered not. As he had said on more than one occasion, the past should remain in the past. To a certain extent, she believed him. But not when it came to her father.
What of Aiden’s future? What were his plans? Did he have a loving young woman waiting for him somewhere? Thus far, he had made no mention of such a person, but that did not mean she did not exist. Something akin to jealousy set in and it made Rianna question her soundness of mind. She had no claim to him, no right to feel the least little bit jealous. So what if he had kissed her? Two kisses did not a lifetime commitment make.
Yet, what if there were no such person? What if he was content to roam aimlessly about the countryside? Would she be able to change his mind?
Change his mind? What was she thinking? First of all, she had no idea how his mind was set about the future. Secondly, she had no claim on it. Deciding her meandering thoughts were merely the result of the two delightfully sinful kisses she had shared with him and nothing more, she tried to push the thoughts aside. ’Twas a long while however, before she was finally able to succumb to exhaustion and sleep.
4
For the first time since his childhood, Aiden Macgullane slept peacefully, uninterrupted by nightmares that left him fighting for breath and covered in sweat. Instead, he dreamt of his youth, of his life before his mother’s passing. Of the time before his life began to unravel like a loose thread pulled from an old blanket until nothing was left.
When he woke, Rianna was once again tucked safely in his embrace, her bottom nestled dangerously close to his groin. He had his arms wrapped around her protectively as he held her tightly to his chest. Try as he might, he could not remember her coming to him during the night. She must have grown cold and sought him out for warmth. She must also possess the stealthy qualities of a cat-o-mountain for he was always alert, even in sleep. One never knew who might creep up on him in the dark of night to end his life. He knew these things from his own personal experience at taking a man’s life while he slept.
The sun was just making an appearance on the horizon with just a hint of sunlight against the deep blue sky. The moon waned in the morning and even the birds were still asleep. The fire from the night before was cold, not even a wisp of smoke remained. Yet he was as warm as if he had slept in a feather bed with a roaring fire in the hearth.
I could get accustomed to this, he dared let his heart speak to his mind. Closing his eyes, he drifted off to sleep.
Dawn’s early light had come and gone when next he opened his eyes. Rianna was still in his arms, but now, she rested with her head against his chest. One of her arms was tossed over his, the blankets pulled up to her neck. With all his being he wished he could remain where he was in this blissful, peaceful moment. With his heart near to bursting with contentment and joy. Without moving, he listened to the sound of her soft, steady breathing. He drew in her scent: a blend of fresh air and a hint of her marigold soap. When his loins began to stir with the image of making long, slow love to her, he knew he must leave her side. ‘Twould do neither of them any good for him to lose himself to passion or lust.
W
hat Rianna needed most was a home. A safe and loving home that, unfortunately, he would be unable to give her. Nay, the last thing she needed was a former assassin haunted by a nightmarish past.
Slipping quietly from their makeshift bed, he rolled to his feet and went in search of water and something to break their fast. When he returned, she was awake, rekindling the fire. When she heard him approach, she looked up and smiled. ’Twas all he could do to remember to breathe and continue with one foot in front of the other. So stunning, so brilliant was her smile that it nearly took his breath away.
In that instant he knew he must get her to her father sooner rather than later, for he doubted he would have the strength of will or character to keep his desires from making a most egregious mistake.
It seemed to Rianna that he had increased the speed with which they rode that day. They stopped only when she begged him for a rest. He seemed anxious and agitated. There was no time to relax or stretch her legs and barely enough to empty her bladder before they were heading off again.
Only when he slowed to allow the horse a brief respite did she make any attempts to speak to him. He was perfectly willing to discuss childhood memories. But no matter how she broached the subject, he refused to talk about his life after Ardanaiseig. He refused to divulge anything about the last twelve years of his life. Frankly, she was growing tired of the silence. ’Twas maddening that she was unable to get more than a few words out of the man. Especially when it came to his past.
She was left with nothing but assumptions and her vivid imagination.
As a child, he’d been far too honorable and set in his ways to become a common criminal. But then, so had she. However, life and circumstances had forced her to do things she’d otherwise never be tempted to do. She learned at an early age what the fear of starvation and freezing to death could get an otherwise good person to do. Mayhap the same had happened to Aiden?
Forever Her Champion Page 7