Mirage

by Perry Brass

  He shrugged his shoulders, and smiled. "A miracle, I guess."

  "It wasn't a miracle," Wright said. "I spoke to that Indian doctor, Dr. Panjit. He seemed happy to get rid of him. Something tells me that for an Indian to deal with American homosexuality isn't easy. It rubbed against his grain."

  "I did get the feeling he'd rather see me dead," Robert said. "Can I get something to drink? I'm dry as hell."

  Wright went upstairs to the kitchen. I looked at Robert. I had to hold back a lot of feelings. The worst one was uncertainty. I went up to him and kissed him. But when I held him, he quickly broke away. I asked him what was the matter.

  "I feel—" he paused for a second, "funny. I've had all kinds of things stuck in me. I didn't mean to rebuff you."

  "Why did you feel Panjit preferred you dead?" I knew it was true. All that karma-crap had a kernel of revelation under it. But I wanted to hear it from Robert.

  "Maybe a dead patient's just a safe one. You can't fail once the patient's stiff. He certainly let me go fast enough. Wright showed up and said he was my brother. Panjit completely believed him. I was dying to get out of there—" He looked away from me. "Or am I just dying, period? Maybe that's why Panjit wanted me to leave. I've heard they hate it when you die on their shift. It means a huge amount of paper work."

  I told him it made sense Panjit would believe Wright. "Wright's unstoppable when he wants to be."

  "What's this all about, Alan?" Robert asked weakly. "Something's going on. What is it?"

  I wasn't sure how to begin, or if Wright wanted me to start without him. He hurried down the stairs a second later, with a bottle of mineral water, cranberry juice, Pepsi, and some ice. "Name your poison," he said. "Or would you rather have some Scotch?"

  "No Scotch. I feel woozy enough. The Pepsi's fine." Wright poured him some, and handed the glass to Robert, who drank it quickly. I could tell he was dehydrated. "How long did you tell Panjit you'd keep me out?"

  "I didn't," Wright told him. "You're not going to return to the hospital. Ever."

  Robert looked quizzical. "Does that mean I'm going to die here?"

  "No," Wright said. "You're not going to die."

  "Alright," Robert said. "Shoot—what is all this about? Don't tell me you've discovered a cure for what ails me?" He started to laugh. "Listen, if you know what it is, tell me. But I don't think you should only save me." He suddenly broke into giggles. "It's not in this Pepsi, is it?"

  Wright didn't say anything else, but he softly grabbed Robert's shoulder and led him upstairs into our bedroom. I followed. I wondered how much he was going to tell Robert. "I want you to sit on the bed," Wright said—in total command of the situation, "and not say a word until I finish talking."

  Robert nodded and I watched his face, while Wright began speaking. First he told Robert that we were indeed visitors. In fact, we came from a place so far away he couldn't imagine it.

  "Like New Guinea?" Robert asked.

  Wright laughed and put his finger on Robert's lips. "Not now. No more questions, I told you, until I'm finished. The truth is—it's hard to say this—but we don't even come from this planet. We're from a small planet, in the orbit of one of the brighter stars in the Pleiades."

  Robert's face changed. I couldn't tell if he was shocked by what Wright said, or shocked because he actually believed us. "I think you're both nuts. I am going to talk. Are you both nuts?"

  I sat down on the bed next to him. "No. We're not both nuts. Wright's telling the truth." I turned to Wright. "How did you know about the Pleiades? We don't even know where we are in space."

  "I did a little research. George has a lot of astronomy books at his house. He's got a lot of all sorts of books."

  Robert's face changed, like the truth had finally dropped into place. "That third ball. You both have it, don't you?"

  I nodded my head.

  "I wondered why when I started to play with it you went into these strange faces. I didn't think it was just some sort of genetic freak. What does the ball do?"

  "We're not even sure ourselves," I said. "It has tremendous biological material in it. It's like it contains the complete code for us. It also has its own semen, and it's different from what comes out of the other two."

  "It could keep me alive?" Robert's eyes opened wider. He became more animated. "Are you saying it could keep me alive?"

  "It could bring you back with us," Wright answered. "We want you to go back with us to Ki, the planet we're from."

  Robert looked like he was ready to collapse. All of the air sank out of him. He started to shake. I held him to me. "It's okay," I said. "I won't let anything bad happen to you." God, did I feel like a lying shit. I couldn't guarantee him that. But I said it as much for my sake as for his. "We don't have what you call 'AIDS' on our planet. We mutated out of it generations and generations ago. You'll be completely safe."

  He asked how'd he get there. "Some sort of rocket ship? I guess you guys have it down in the basement."

  "It will be down in the basement," Wright said. "It's a perfect place. Those concrete slab tables are made for this. And afterwards, there won't be a single trace of us."

  "Wait a second," I said. "What about Alan and Wright. What's going to happen to them?"

  Robert looked lost. "But you are Alan and Wright, aren't you?"

  "Not on Ki," Wright said. "On Ki, we have other names and other bodies. Alan and Wright will just go on about their business. They'll wake up, and won't know any of this. They'll be disoriented, certainly—the way we were when we arrived. They may have the vaguest memory of coming to Washington. Some minor psychological problems. Probably by tomorrow, they'll be back in New York."

  "What were you like on Ki?" Robert asked.

  I told him I was very young, the equivalent of eighteen, perhaps. Wright was older. He was a hunter, a respected leader. "I had been promised to him," I said. "It's the way our life there is organized."

  Suddenly, though, I wasn't thinking about Greeland and Enkidu; I was thinking about Alan and Wright, and how much I'd miss them. I had grown to love them, and I would miss Wright. I knew it. I embraced Robert. I knew then that I had to take him with me. I had to have this part of Alan with me for the rest of my life on Ki. And I would do anything possible, once we got back, to get him away from the Off-Sexers. "You'll like it," I told Robert. "Nothing terrible will happen to you there. I promise."

  "We should go down to the basement," Wright interrupted. "We don't have a lot of time to waste."

  I got up and pulled Robert with me. "What's the hurry?" he asked. "Why does it have to be done now? I'm still not sure if I want to do this."

  "You've got to do it, Robert," I said. I looked straight at him. "It's the only thing that will save your life."

  Robert looked dazed. I realized he must have been in some form of shock from trying to process this massive amount of cryptic information at once—and trust us at the same time. His legs shook as we got down the stairs. He collapsed on the first floor, on a couch in the front room. Wright pulled him up and held him steady by the shoulders, until we got to the basement door.

  "We're your best bets," Wright said softly. "You have no one else. Not your parents. Your friends are dead. You have no one. This is your salvation. Believe me, we didn't meet you at all by accident. You were drawn to us by the same process that brought us to Earth. And it wasn't simply Wright who saved you from those hoods. Wright could not have done it. It was the hunter that I used to be. We expected you, Robert. We knew you were the right one as soon as we met you."

  Robert started to cry. "You did? I thought you hated me."

  "No," Wright said. "I've always thought you were the perfect one."

  I held him in my arms, and Wright unbolted the door to the basement. He preceded us down the stairs, and turned on the lights. The place looked as ghastly as the night I went down there and saw Woosh. It gave me the willies. There was something frighteningly cold about it, no matter what the outside temperature was. My k
nees started to shake. My palms were wet. "You'd both better take off all of your clothes," Wright said. "And then lie down on the first table."

  "Where will you be?" I asked him.

  "I'll be upstairs. I can't be down here right now. I'll know when to come down."

  I felt terrified. Why was Wright leaving me now? And down there, in that place that I hated so much? He looked at me, and I realized that he had stopped being Wright. His face changed. It was as if he had been struck by a bolt of electricity. The animation in his face left him. His face became harder. His eyes darkened. Now I saw why we had to hurry: Greeland was pushing us.

  "Quickly, take off your clothes and get on the slab," he said. "You see, I've always known what was going to happen. I knew it the night we left. That's why I know I can't be present when you take Robert. I'll know when it happens, and I'll come back and join you."

  We took off all of our clothes, and I helped Robert get on the slab. It was cold and terrible. Wright walked back up the stairs, and I heard the door bolt behind him.

  "What's going to happen now?" Robert whispered to me.

  I paused for a second, and then I knew. At least what was happening at that moment. I felt Woosh's presence close to me—like he was already drawing us back. There was no stopping the process; I knew I couldn't change it. I was simply in the flow of it, as Greeland had been, I was sure, for the past several weeks. My face had changed, too. It hardened. My eyes were different. Everything seemed new. Like I had only landed in Washington a moment ago. I closed my eyes and pulled Robert as close to me as I could. "Close your eyes," I ordered Robert, "and touch my third ball."

  He did. He found it immediately. My cock became hard. I realized I had gone through yet another transformation of my body and personality, as soon as he touched me: I had become Enkidu and Robert had become my brother Ert, the man I had wanted to find.

  I felt my tongue lick his face; and every place it licked, he became Ert. Ert's face became alive again, and became Robert's. Robert suddenly sat up. His body twitched, jerking convulsively. Flames started to light the room. The visions returned to me. I had split into two: the same as when we had started back on Ki, and Woosh had directed our entry into space. But Woosh was immediately there now in front of me, talking to me from Ki, while Robert—I knew—was back in Washington.

  "You must give him the seed from your third Egg," Woosh directed. "Feed it into his mouth."

  "There will be none for anyone else," I said.

  "Save some," Woosh said. "Save some of it. Greeland will return to you. He will know when to come."

  I felt inert. Dead. Like I was floating directly above Woosh's face. "How will I direct it into his mouth?" I asked.

  "You will not," Woosh said. "He will take you. He already has."

  I realized that Ert had my male pipe in his mouth. Time had stopped, frozen about me. Energy, like a mass of bubbling light, was running from my feet into my crotch. The head of my pipe expanded. My hands grasped Robert's head, as the seed from my third Egg began to vibrate towards his throat. I could not stop myself. I was conscious but could not stop my physical involvement with what was going on. Light began to pour through him. I couldn't hold back a drop from him; he was taking it all.

  What about Greeland? Greeland . . . I had been promised to him, and had to save my seed for him. But now Robert took it completely. It infiltrated his body; he glowed. The lesions disappeared, while the strong basement lights vibrated around him. The seed coursed through him, pushing through like an endless tape. I knew it was replicating his genetic code, becoming him; ready to be transported. Woosh smiled benignly. He nodded his head. It was a success: I would be able to take Robert back.

  "Now," Woosh commanded. "Kill him."

  I stopped breathing.

  Robert's whole body shimmered. It was complete, unblemished; like Ert's. The process was over.

  "You must kill him now," Woosh ordered. "Strangle him."

  "NOOOOOOOOOO!" My own voice back on Ki screamed, although I knew Robert could hear nothing.

  "You must kill him," Woosh said. "You must kill him to take him back with you."

  "I cannot kill my brother twice," I said to Woosh.

  "He is not your brother, you fool! He is only a substitute for you. That's all he is. Now kill him, or he will never return to Ki with you."

  I stopped talking. Not another word came out of me. Both there on the zinc table and on Ki, I was silent inside and out. I loved Robert—he had become my dead brother Ert, the man I knew I longed for. I could not kill him. I felt huge weights all over me, as if I had been punished with weakness. His face was now next to mine, and I realized I would never see him again. "You have to go," I whispered to Robert. "I can't take you back to Ki. But you will live."

  "Where should I go?" he asked.

  "Back to the hotel." I could barely talk. "Don't tell anyone about this. It will not make sense to anyone."

  He sat up. He looked so transparent I could see all the way through him to his heart. The lesions were indeed gone. "Have you given me your life?" he asked.

  I looked at him and smiled. How could I love any person so completely, so intensely? "No," I said. "I've given you yours."

  He looked unbelievingly at his arms and legs. "They're gone," he said. I nodded my head. "What about your planet?"

  "I can't take you," I said. "Go, please."

  He put his clothes back on. "What about Wright? Will he stop me?"

  I told him I wasn't sure. Just go back to your hotel, and tell no one. I watched him start up the stairs. He turned to me, and I felt my heart sink as it never had before. I realized that I had lost again the man I had sought, as I did when Greeland killed him in the forest. The door unbolted; I knew Greeland was standing at the top of the stairs, naked.

  "Goodbye," Greeland said. "You must cut your connection with us. You will live. But there will be no connection at all with us."

  Greeland walked down the stairs towards me. The body was Wright's, but the face, the expression on the face, was not his. "I knew you couldn't do that," he said to me. "I could have killed him, but I love you too much. You had to do it yourself—and I always knew you couldn't."

  As he got closer, I saw that he had a pistol in his hand. "Why are you doing this?" I begged him. I was still lying unclothed on the zinc table.

  "We're already dead," he said. "Wright and Alan died at Jones Beach. Alan had already drowned in the water, when Wright came out of the dunes to meet him."

  "Oh, no," I gasped, trying to hold back tears. Suddenly, the truth rushed at me, and it all seemed so foolish. I had lured Wright in—had pulled him into the water to die. Then it all came back to me: why I had recognized so much in our new environment—that boy Rudi, for instance; and Wright had been dazed from the time we got out of the water at Jones Beach. Greeland had remained conscious throughout our transition to earth—which was blanked out in my memory. He knew what had happened: he had taken Alan down to drown, and then planted my seed in him.

  Then I—as Alan— drew Wright into the water, while Greeland drowned him. The force of being drowned had knocked out his own consciousness, like a power overload, for several hours. I awakened fresh, but had no idea what had happened to us in the water. Now the situation became apparent to me. I had not loved another man, only Greeland under another circumstance. With the exception of the small, overworked vestigial knowledge left from Wright, Greeland had simply been playing a role the whole time we were here, and he knew it.

  He had never been Wright Smith at all.

  No wonder the whole thing had been so painful to him. And so foreign: being in the body of another man, as I had been in the body of Alan. No wonder he had been so revolted by it—and exalted by it—and played with it, and finally had to throw the whole thing off.

  The whole thing, finally.

  And it had been so much like Greeland to play this role—to get what he wanted at any cost. He had done it well. But at such a cost.

 
I felt pained. Angry. Hurt. Used. All at once. I had to ask myself: suppose he had told me the truth? Had prepared me? "You lied," I said to him. "You told me they wouldn't be hurt." I looked directly into his eyes; they looked strange to me, detached. "I believed you because I thought we could not lie."

  "I can now," he said. "You have to understand, I am not the man I was before. Greeland," he paused, his eyes looked directly into me, "can lie now."

  Then I knew why Zachariah would not leave. He loved his own black body too much. That was the price of leaving. Greeland shot Alan in the head, and then sitting, on the table, shot himself. He died with the most complete smile on his face, completely Wright's smile. I watched then from some place that seemed miles above, but wasn't.

  "We've got to leave," Greeland said to me.

  "I can't," I said. "We didn't bring anyone back. I don't have anymore seed."

  "You don't need it now. As long as you come back with me, you don't need it. I've taken care of everything. We're together: that is the secret that I always knew. Woosh is waiting for us."

  "How do we go back?" I asked. "We got here through the water at Jones Beach. How do we go back?"

  "Woosh is waiting, Enkidu. Promised Enkidu."

  I took his hand up the flight of stairs, and then looked back at the bodies of Wright and Alan. I would miss them so much. I missed Alan already. How could I go back to being a boy again, promised to a man I didn't know?

  "I will hold you and protect you," Greeland said to me. "I will love you like my own flesh. We will go back and all will be safe. You will see."

  "Greeland?" I said.

  "You're too young, Enkidu. Don't ask any more questions now."

  We heard another voice.

  "Oh, my God!" Richard Halpern screeched, after he opened the door. "How could those two girls live like this? They had such a nice place in New York and look what kind of dump they're in now!"