"I guess that means you will be able to do whatever it is you want to do. I know you've been itching to go up north to Silicon Valley,” he finished.
I nodded, but I had an uneasy feeling in my gut. It made me think back to Hunter telling me that I needed to be certain that what I thought I wanted was what I really wanted.
"My work isn't completely done for Gran. I was able to find out the hacker and we know what his game is. But I'm still uncertain about how he was able to get in the system. I think he sent something to someone in the company who then inadvertently or on purpose, gave them access to the system."
My father's brows arched high on his forehead. "You think somebody might've purposely helped the hacker? You think there's someone on the inside?"
I shrugged. "I don't know one way or the other, but it's a possibility. Until I figure out how he got into the system, I'll be sticking around."
"I know that will make your grandmother very happy. You're the only one she really trusts to deal with something like that. And I know it's not something you wanted to do, but I'm glad that you did it."
"I don't mind helping the family, dad. I just don't think I want to be in the family business. That's all."
He studied me for a minute. "There was a time when you had a stronger conviction about not being in the family business. Now it sounds like maybe you're wavering."
I shook my head and looked out over the ocean because I didn't really know what I was feeling.
"How was traveling with your grandmother's assistant?" he asked.
I turned my attention back to him wondering if he was asking me a loaded question. "It was fine."
He laughed. "Well fine for you and Andi usually involves bickering."
I laughed. "There was some of that, definitely. But we got along fine." He didn’t need to know how she accused me of being the hacker.
"I thought that maybe the two of you would sort out whatever it was going on between you two. I've always had the feeling that maybe the two of you were attracted to each other, but for some reason didn't want to be."
My instinct was to deny it, but this was my dad, and when it came to advice about everything, whether it was about women or even motorcycles, he was the man that I trusted to help me sort it out. "You could say that we worked some of that out."
My father's face remained impassive and I could only imagine what he was thinking.
"The truth is I like her. A lot. I have for a long time, but because she worked for Gran, I couldn’t be with her,” I explained.
My father frowned. "Why? Of all your brothers who ignored that fraternization role, you're the one who is exempt. You don't work for the company. Even as a contractor, I don't think that rule would apply to you."
"Maybe not, but if I mess things up or something went wrong that could cause problems between her and Gran or for me and Gran.”
My father nodded. "You always were the one to avoid anything that could get too messy emotionally."
I was another thing I was going to deny, but then I realized he was probably right.
"I like the idea of you and Andi together. You both are like yin and yang, two puzzle pieces that snap together. You challenge each other. But I'm getting the sense from you that you have some hesitancy."
I nodded. "Just before we flew back, she accused me of betraying Gran."
My father stared at me like maybe he hadn’t heard me right.
"That would never happen. Andi knows that.”
I shrugged. "Apparently she doesn't. The worst part about it was that Chen was the one who fed her all the bullshit." I shook my head as even now thinking about it stuck in my craw. "The thing is, when I'm around her, I can't help but want to be with her. It's only times like this when I'm not around her that I wonder what the hell I'm doing risking a relationship with a woman who's already shown that she doesn't trust me.”
My father nodded in understanding. "Trust is one of the most important things you need in a successful relationship. Does she still not trust you?"
"I don't know about the trust part. She’s sorry for accusing me of betraying the family. And I believe it’s sincere. But if someone she hardly knew could talk her into thinking I could do that, what does that say about the type of man she thinks I am?"
"I can see where you would have doubt. That would be something that would bother me as well.” My father’s agreement made me think I needed to cut my losses.
“So, you think I should just forget it? Once I finish this thing with Gran, I should just head on up north?"
My father leaned forward resting his forearms on the table. "Were you thinking of not going north because of Andi?"
I looked down because it was hard to admit to myself much less my father just how much Andi had gotten under my skin. "I don't know. Maybe."
My father sat back and thought about my words for a moment. "I can't tell you what to do, Noah. Are you in love with her?"
Now I wished I’d taken my father up on that glass of wine. "I don't know. How do you know when you're in love? All I know is I like being around her.” Like wasn’t a strong enough word. Yearned was closer to the truth.
"If you were in love, you’d know it. The fact that you're not sure, should tell you something."
"She's not the one for me?"
My father shook his head. "I don't know if she's the one for you or not. But unlike the songs, love isn't always instantaneous. Sometimes it grows. If you like her and want to be with her, and she's made you second-guess your plans to go up north, then maybe you need to stick around and spend more time with her. Then you would know if she was the one for you, and you both would learn to trust."
“I've known her for three years now, dad. Do you really think we need more time to get to know each other?" With those words, I realized the real source of my concern. Yes, Andi and I had often acted like adversaries, like two boxers dancing around each other, but we’d done it for three years. So certainly, we knew each other pretty well. Especially since Andi was often invited to family events and my grandmother confided in her, probably about things I didn't want to know about. Andi knew me very well, and still chose to consider what Chen had told her.
"The thing is, Noah, it sounds like maybe your relationship shifted on this trip. So, while you have known each other for a long time, the both of you have played a type of role. A role where maybe you really weren’t yourselves. When you're in a relationship, you have to be yourself and that can be scary and vulnerable. The thing about love is that what makes it so sweet and pure isn't simply a notion of two people who love each other. It is the fact that each completely trusts the other. That they're willing to open up with all their hopes and dreams and fears and emotions. When that goes both ways, the payoff is beyond anything you can imagine."
"And what if it doesn't go both ways?"
My father looked down for a second and then back up at me. "Well, then it can hurt."
I looked back over the water again. "I'm not particularly interested in being hurt."
My father laughed and I turned to look at him feeling annoyed at his amusement at my expense. "Nobody wants to be hurt, Noah. But I can tell you from experience that having the soul-deep love that I'm talking about is worth whatever you have to pay to have it."
I knew he was talking about my mother, and the loss of her. But this wasn't the same thing. He had that soul deep connection with my mom, and he knew it went both ways. While I believed Andi was into me, I couldn't be sure that somewhere down the line someone might not influence her to distrust me again.
As I drove home that night to make her dinner, I began to look for different ways I could protect myself and still move forward. Was there a way that I could see her and satisfy that part of me that wanted to be around her, while still protecting my heart until I could know for sure how she felt about me?
At 7 o'clock when I opened my door to her in her beautiful red dress and her long wavy hair and that sweet yet sassy smile, I knew that I wa
s totally fucked.
28
Andi
I drove out to Noah's place a nervous wreck, which was weird because I'd known and been sparring with him for three years now. Tonight, I was like a schoolgirl on a first date desperate for the boy that she loved who she wanted to love her back. There is a part of me that hated how vulnerable I was while at the same time, it also gave me hope that perhaps I was capable of having a love like Kellie, Natalie and Jess had, that was if Noah felt the same about me. I suspected that he cared about me, but love?
The words he said and the way he had touched me earlier in the day gave me hope that this relationship could go somewhere but that hope quickly diminished when I arrived at Noah's and there was something different about him. He was all smiles and charm, but at the same time there was something that made me feel distant from him. At first, I put it off to the awkwardness of how our relationship was changing. Before we were always sniping at each other or talking about business. This was really the first time we were on a date, except for the breakfast we had in Hong Kong.
When I entered his place, I followed him to the kitchen where he handed me a glass of wine and I leaned against the counter as he continued to cook with his back to me. The fragrant smell of garlic and fresh vegetables filled the kitchen.
"I didn't peg you as being a good cook," I said to him.
He shrugged as he used his spoon to stir the vegetables. "When my brothers moved out, it was just me and dad, and he taught me all sorts of things, including how to cook."
He hadn't turned to look at me when he spoke, and his affect remained flat. I looked down at my wine as new concern grew. Had something happened between the time he left that afternoon and now to change his mind about me?
I remembered Jess saying that I could be projecting my own fears and concerns, so I tried to push them away and focus on the lovely dinner Noah was making.
But as the small talk continued, my agitation grew until I couldn't stand it anymore. "You know, if you don't want me here, I can just leave," I blurted out, setting my wine glass on the counter.
He turned around his brows furrowed like I'd lost my mind. I probably had. Someday I'd have to learn to control my outbursts, but apparently now wasn't the time.
"If I wanted you to go, I would tell you so," he said, moving the pan off the burner and then turning around, and crossing his arms as he looked at me. "What burr crawled up your ass?"
I bristled at his tone and yet at the same time, I had a little thrill too. "You're the burr."
He arched a brow. "Only you would get your panties in a bunch over a guy cooking a nice meal for you in his house. It's no wonder —" He clamped his jaw shut as if he was stopping himself from ending his sentence.
I stiffened, fisting my hands. "It's no wonder, what?"
His eyes were hot and intense as he took a step towards me. "It's no wonder that you scare men away."
I felt the sting of his words in my gut and it spurred me on. "Maybe I need to find braver men then."
He stepped closer still and I could feel this is the heat of his nearness. "Maybe you should."
"You never struck me as being a coward, Noah."
"Who said I was?"
Our faces were inches apart and the anger now felt suspiciously like arousal. "You did. You said you were afraid of me."
"No, I didn't. I said other men are afraid of you. But I'm standing right here, right now listening to you berate me while I'm making you a nice dinner."
I didn't like how this was turning around to make me look like the bad guy. "Well, if I'm so difficult to get along with, why are you even bothering?"
His hands settled on my hips as he slowly pushed me until I was backed up against the counter again. "How many times do I have to say it, Andi? Or show you? Because it seems to me that I've been quite clear about why I'm why I'm sticking around."
I don't know why but his words caused my eyes to burn like they were going to fill with tears. I knew there was some truth to what he was saying. I wasn't the easiest woman in the world to get along with, but I didn't think that it was something I needed to change. I didn't believe I needed to be a different person in order to win a man, instead I needed to be myself and find a man who would accept me like that.
There must have been a change in my expression because his face softened and his hand reached up to cup my cheek. "I'm man enough for the job, Andi, if you let me try."
"Maybe that's what scares me," I said out loud even though I had only wanted to think it.
"Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one who is scared shitless." Before I could say anymore, his lips were on mine and pretty soon we were stumbling out of the kitchen into his couch, our clothes falling in our wake.
After that, dinner went very well.
The next morning, as I got ready for work in my room at home, I was still scared about what was happening between me and Noah, and yet excited too. I didn't know what the future held for us and I suspected it would be a roller coaster ride. But I was ready to strap in and go wherever it led.
I was just getting ready to walk out the door to head to the office, when Margaret called and told me that she would be working at home so that Noah would be able to have access to her computer. I was disappointed that I would need to be working out at her place, but then again, I wasn't sure how I could work alongside Noah and not want to jump him. Granted, I’d done it for three years, but during those three years we had never acted on those urges. Now that we had let them loose, it didn't seem like something that we could put back in the box, so to speak.
It was nice to be back into my old routine with Margaret. Every day was different and there was always something to do, which was one of the reasons I enjoyed my job. I was never bored and I always felt like I was making a difference. Along with that, I was able to work for a woman I could watch and learn from. When she retired and I had to find a new job or maybe even start my own business, I had the mentorship from a powerful woman to help me guide my way.
In midafternoon, though, I began to run out of steam. I blamed it on the jet lag and tried to fight my way through it with copious amounts of coffee, but Margaret noticed and took pity on me, sending me home.
When I arrived home, the day was warm and as I walked into my house, I realized it was still a bit stuffy from being locked up while I was gone. I opened the windows, and I left my front door open with the screen door shut and locked.
I was about to text Noah to tell him that I was home in case he wanted to stop by for a nap with me, when there was a knock on the door frame.
I walked out into the living room and standing on the other side of the screen door was Marcus Chen. My stomach rolled and fear gripped me although I couldn't say why. He’d never been threatening to me, and yet, Noah had concerns about that.
"Marcus, what are you doing here?" I moved toward the door but didn't plan to let him in.
"I have a proposition for you Andi."
I arched my brow. "I thought my leaving made it clear I wasn't interested in your proposition."
He looked down at the closed door and then up at me again. "Why don't you let me in, and we can discuss this further. Surely by now you know that what I told you was true."
Was he still going to try and turn me against Noah? "No. Everything you said was a lie."
Marcus tsked and shook his head. "You're blinded by your lust and maybe your greed. I promise you Andi, I can offer you more than he can." He jiggled the door of the screen and it popped unlocked. He surprised me by stepping into my house, keeping his arms out wide, like he was approaching a skittish cat, which wasn't far from the truth. "I'm not here to hurt you Andi. I meant what I said. You're a tremendous asset to Strong Incorporated and now that I'm going to be a significant part of the business, I want you by my side."
I stepped back, putting a chair between me and him and trying to figure out where I left my cell phone in case I needed to call for help.
"You seem confident in your
takeover of Strong Incorporated," I said, trying to nonchalantly scan my home for where I set my purse.
"Oh, I'm quite confident, thanks to Noah."
I wished he'd stop saying that. "Noah has nothing to do with this." I decided to keep the fact that Noah's brothers were working behind the scenes to stop Marcus to myself.
Marcus tilted his head and looked at me at pity. "He's done a number on you, hasn’t he? Well, soon enough, you will know the truth. When your beloved Margaret Strong turns on you, along with all the Strong brothers, you'll know that what I'm telling you is the truth."
I frowned. "What are you talking about?"
Marcus shook his head. "As we speak. Noah is uncovering proof that you are part of the hack. Of course, we know that's not true, but Noah is planting evidence against you. Why do you think he showed an interest in you? He’s not a man to fall for a woman, and yet he’s been wooing you for weeks, all as part of the plan."
In that moment, my heart dropped.
29
Noah
It was a good thing that Andi wasn't in the office that morning because I knew I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off her, and I had important work to do. For the majority of the morning, I worked in solitude in my grandmother's office and while I would've appreciated an interruption from Andi, the more I worked the closer I came to uncovering how Marcus was able to get into our system. I had narrowed down all the emails from the timeframe that the malware could've surreptitiously been sent in an email. I investigated the obvious emails which had attachments up to them, as well as those in which the virus may have been attached without the recipient knowing.
I skipped lunch, and by early afternoon, my eyes were burning and my back was sore, but I kept at it. As soon as this was done, the sooner I could focus on the next step in my life. I wasn’t sure what that would be especially since I failed to keep Andi at an emotional distance last night at dinner. She’d known something was up with me and called me on it. Just like that, we were back to the way we were before, and the erotic bantering led to us having sex on my couch. I knew that whatever my next step was that she would have to be in my life. So, the next question was did she mean it when she said she'd come with me if I went up north?
Hate to Love You Strong Brothers #4) Page 17