by Rinelle Grey
Ostrian wanted to growl at her. To insist that nothing would be okay, ever again. And that it was all her fault.
But that last bit, at least, wasn’t true.
He’d been the one to insist there must be an answer here. He’d been the one to insist they must search everything.
He just hadn’t, in his wildest dreams, expected to find something like this.
Her hand was still on his arm, causing a warm current to swirl around them, inextricably pushing them together. The force confused him. It didn’t feel dangerous. In fact, it felt good. Right.
That scared him even more. That was the reason dragons weren’t fighting it. The reason they were trying to do anything they could to keep it, even if it meant risking their clan.
Ostrian refused to be fooled by it. If it were real, then…
But he couldn’t trust that it was. He needed to know for sure.
He shook off Mary’s arm and spun around, striding to the large books on a desk at the back, and began flipping through them, muttering.
Mary followed, though she didn’t touch him again. “What are you doing?”
“I’m checking the statistics,” Ostrian spat. “They can’t possibly be right.”
Mary peered over his shoulder, but these books were no easier to read then the scrolls had been.
Ostrian tried to resist responding to her, to keep his distance and remain impartial. But her presence distracted him, like an itch he was afraid to scratch, for fear that once he started, he would be unable, unwilling, to stop.
“This is going to take a while,” he said, unable to keep the growl from his voice, though he did try. A little. “I suggest you leave me to it. There’s nothing you can do to help here.”
She hovered at his elbow for a moment, as though she were going to object. Ostrian avoided looking at her, even though he wanted to throw the book across the room and accept the letter’s words, the one that would make this feeling between him and Mary good and right, and lose himself in her eyes.
But he forced himself to focus on the book in front of him. There. A life dragon, born to… two dragons. He began to feel a little better. He was right. The information in the letter had to be a trick. There was no way humans could be responsible for the existence of life dragons. Another life dragon with two dragon parents followed the first.
The next life dragon baby had only one dragon parent listed. Probably because the mother didn’t wish to name the father? That wasn’t unusual for dragons who had conceived without mating. It neither confirmed nor denied anything. He scanned further down the page, looking for the symbol that indicated a life dragon birth.
Despite his preoccupation, he felt rather than saw Mary leave. For a moment, his heart sank, disappointed that she’d given up so easily, but then he caught sight of another life dragon birth, and he let himself be pulled back into the research.
That was for the best, he tried to tell himself. Until he knew that the dragon who wrote that letter hadn’t been lying, and that this connection between humans and dragons was beneficial to both sides, that dragons weren’t being somehow manipulated by humans, then it was best for him to keep his distance.
There was another. Two Rian clan names, so two dragons. Ostrian kept scanning. But he didn’t feel jubilant as he scanned the names. He felt a deep sadness welling up in him.
That was when he realised that he had wanted it to be true. His attraction to Mary had clouded his mind to that point, to the point where he had been hoping that dragons were dependent on humans, and needed them to build a healthy, strong clan.
To the point where he’d almost felt that he could justify sleeping with Mary. Maybe even mating with her.
Even as he thought the word, his mind shied away from it.
No, he hadn’t been thinking of mating with Mary. He couldn’t take that risk. Even if the letter’s claims had proven true, mating and producing baby life dragons wasn’t to be his job. He was too old. That was for the youngsters.
There would be no reason for him to mate with Mary.
Ostrian stared at the page in front of his eyes until it blurred.
Whatever else he could say about them, the humans had changed the clan, and for the better. Gretchen had been responsible for helping them wake their first prince, something that they had been trying, and failing, to do for centuries. Karla had helped rally them to fight, and to win their first victory over the Trima clan in just as long. The human, Chase, who had mated his own granddaughter, had also been instrumental in that victory, and, if his granddaughter’s story were to be believed, in helping protect them from some sort of curse. The list went on and on.
And Mary… he’d be sorry to see her go for an entirely different reason.
He pushed back the chair and stood up. He needed to take a break. He wasn’t getting anywhere. Maybe this would make more sense in the morning, when his mind was clear.
As he stood, his eyes fell on Mary, sitting at the table in the middle of the room, her head resting on her hands on the dusty surface, her eyes closed. She’d fallen asleep.
Ostrian’s heart swelled, emotion clogging his throat, no matter how hard he tried to swallow it down. Some of the fear he felt melted away at the sight of her. She hadn’t left him, even though he’d told her to. Even though she couldn’t help him, she’d stayed here to keep him company.
A sliver of doubt wormed its way through the certainty in his heart that humans were a threat. How could someone who was so dedicated be dangerous to his clan? To him?
Maybe the answer wasn’t in the books and scrolls behind him. Maybe it had been right here in front of him all the time?
Why hadn’t he been able to see that the easiest way to learn more about this strange attraction between humans and dragons was to experience it for himself? Mary had even suggested as much earlier, and he’d rejected her suggestion. Then it had seemed foolish, dangerous.
Now, it seemed like the perfect solution.
He’d already proved that he was strong enough to overcome the temptation if necessary by resisting her for this long. He was confident that he could do it.
His body hummed in anticipation at the thought.
Once he experienced it for himself, surely he would be able to better ascertain if it were dangerous or not? The idea filled him with excitement. It had been a long time since he’d felt like this, perhaps never. The idea of mating with Mary filled him with delight. With joy. The hint of danger only added a certain spice to the moment.
He walked across the room and touched her lightly on the shoulder, for the first time, not instantly rejecting the wave of desire that washed over him at the contact. “Mary?”
She sat up, a smudge of dust on her face, and stared around blankly for a few moments. Then her eyes fell on him, and before she was fully awake, a smile spread across her face. “Yeah? Did you find anything?”
Ostrian pulled out a chair and sat down next to her. She turned towards him and he took her hands in his, feeling her nearness. It felt good. All of this felt good.
“I haven’t yet, no,” he admitted. “And I’m not sure that searching in the past is the answer. It’s all so far gone, I’m not sure any of it can help us right now. I think…” he hesitated, staring at her, almost afraid to say it.
“You think what?” Mary prompted. Her voice was eager, her fingers tightened on his.
“I think what I need to look at is right here.”
Chapter 8
Mary stared at Ostrian, unable to find her voice for a few moments.
His words seemed to hold a deeper meaning than the obvious. When he said what he needed to look at was here, did he mean her? The way he stared into her eyes seemed to indicate that he did. Her heart gave an uneven thump at the idea.
If he was talking about needing her, what exactly did he mean by it? He couldn’t possibly mean what she thought he did, could he? Not Ostrian…
Her heart beat a little faster, and she was achingly aware of the fact th
at he held both her hands in his, his grip firm but gentle, his hands warm and tender. The intimacy sent a wave of warmth through her.
She should pull her hands away, but she couldn’t bring herself to.
She’d followed Ostrian down here because she’d felt that the answers he was searching for were as important for the humans as they were for the dragons. She’d wanted to be sure that he didn’t let his dislike of her race influence what he saw.
But somewhere along the line, her reason for being here had changed.
Maybe it had happened when she’d first touched him. Or when he’d admitted that he needed her help to interpret the scrolls. All Mary knew for sure was that when she’d decided to stay here and wait to see what he’d found, even though he’d told her to go, that she wasn’t just doing it for the other humans in the lair.
What they were searching for here was bigger than her, bigger than Ostrian. Something that encompassed all the dragons and humans.
And yet, right at this moment, it felt very personal.
Ostrian’s eyes stared into hers, and she couldn’t bring herself to look away. Could barely breathe. He stared at her like she held all the answers to his questions.
The intensity in his eyes scared her a little, but she couldn’t make herself break the contact.
She could see it in his eyes. He needed her.
And she needed him, with a hunger that took her breath away. Her whole body ached with need. One she hadn’t felt in a long time.
Her heart fluttered in her chest as she stared into his eyes, dark with desire. For the first time since she’d known him, he wasn’t hiding behind his grumpy persona. He wasn’t insisting that he would do what was best for the clan, no matter what it cost him personally.
He was staring at her with a hunger that matched her own. A hunger that was personal, intimate, and very, very hot.
He wanted her. There was no denying that. But Mary wasn’t a fool. Ostrian might be willing to admit that he wanted sex, but she wasn’t blind enough to think that one little letter was going to change the way he felt about humans. Or the way he felt about her.
Hell, he’d as good as said that he was still looking for answers. That he thought he might find them here. Maybe he’d actually listened to her earlier suggestion and thought falling in love might just tell him something he was missing.
That possibility made Mary hesitate.
Twenty years ago, she wouldn’t have cared what his reasons for wanting sex were. She would have already been wrapped around him, enjoying this passion. Hell, even six months ago she might have.
She would have accepted the fact that this was a hot fling, embraced that fact because it was all she wanted too.
But watching all the youngsters around her find true love had helped her realise that she wanted more.
Spending this time with Ostrian had just cemented that.
This ornery old dragon had so much to offer, she could see that. The woman that won his heart would also have his undying loyalty until the day he died. But that loyalty wasn’t something he would give easily.
She’d be damned if she was going to put a lot of effort into smoothing all his rough edges if he was just going to walk away, but she couldn’t make herself abandon this either.
Was there any chance that this experience could teach Ostrian something? Help him see what he was missing? The possibility had such potential. But only if he were committed to it. Willing to take the risk and make the sacrifices too.
So she kept her distance, waiting to see if he would make the first move. She had no intention of making this easy for him. If he wanted it, he would have to decide that this was important enough to him to take a risk on.
The seconds stretched out as they stared into each other’s eyes. And somehow, even though she was aching to be closer, aching to know whether he wanted something more too, the moment was enough. Even if this was all they had, she would treasure it.
Because sometimes, a friend was just as important as a lover.
*****
Ostrian could barely breathe. The emotions running through him both exhilarated him and confused him.
He was more attracted to the beautiful human woman in front of him than he had been to anyone before. That fact surprised him more than anything else in his life had to up until now. And it scared him too.
He wanted to be with her with a strength that took his breath away. But he was shocked to realise that he also wanted so much more than just the physical. He didn’t want to just bed her then walk away.
He wanted to spend his nights sitting by the fire hearing what she had to say. He wanted to be able to watch her during the day, and know she was his. He wanted to claim her, and scare away any other man, human or dragon, that ever looked at her.
He wanted her to challenge his thoughts, to keep him on his toes. In the few hours he’d known her, really known her, she’d threatened everything he’d thought he believed.
And to his surprise, he was happy about it. The possibility excited him.
Ostrian made himself sit with those thoughts, to really experience them. Was this what all the other dragons felt when they mated with their humans? If so, he couldn’t blame them for succumbing to the temptation.
That thought rocked his world, and kept his lips hovering near hers. Despite the desire he felt, he couldn’t make himself make that next move, to lean forwards and touch his lips to hers.
Could he really do this? Could he kiss her, mate with her, then walk away? Was he really that strong?
For the first time in his life, he doubted it. None of the other times he’d contemplated this had felt like this. Oh sure, he’d thought himself in love a few times when he was younger. But no dragon had ever moved him the way this human had. No woman had ever attracted him like this. Before this moment, not once had he even considered taking a lifemate. despite the fact that he’d had feelings for Hetrian, they seemed insignificant next to what he felt for Mary.
Even as he’d watched other dragons his age taking mates and having families, he’d kept his distance. The risk of taking a mate for life, of being magically bonded to someone, scared him even more than the threat of the humans. More than the Trima clan even.
Oh, it wasn’t the responsibility he was afraid of. A mate and family could hardly be more responsibility than the one he had to his clan. No, that wasn’t it.
It was the risk.
Once he gave his life to another, once that bond formed, he was vulnerable. He could watch his own safety, calculate the risk on his actions, or choose when to walk away all he liked, but once he mated, all that was gone. One careless action on the part of his mate, one risk too great, and not only would he lose her, but he’d lose his own life as well.
Some dragons thought the lifemate bond was one of the greatest assets the dragons had. They claimed that the expression of love it represented made the dragons stronger as a race.
They were deluding themselves. They wanted to believe that because they didn’t want to admit they’d been stupid to take a risk like that.
But he wasn’t that careless. He had no intention of ever letting himself form a lifemate bond. No woman had ever even tempted him to.
Until now.
Now the temptation was right here in front of him, her spicy scent filling his nostrils, her skin soft under his hand.
He gave a soft groan, almost unaware of making the sound.
Did he dare?
Did he dare not?
He needed to find out the truth. Discover what it was that drew the dragons to the humans. And he was close, very close. He could feel her breath on his cheek, and her body singing to him. She held the answer, he was sure of it.
Somewhere, in the back of his mind, Ostrian was aware of common sense screaming at him. Trying to warn him away. To remind him that he’d assured himself he was stronger than this.
But he could barely hear it.
Her heart, beating in time with his, drowned it out.
<
br /> He bent his head and kissed her.
Her lips were as perfect as he’d imagined them to be, soft and welcoming, teasing him to go deeper. Then just as he did, they changed. Firm and determined, they plundered his heart as thoroughly as she plundered his mouth.
All doubts and hesitation, in fact, all rational thought of any kind, fled immediately.
Ostrian pulled her into his lap, needing to feel her closer.
Her body was the same mix of softness and steel. Acceptance and determination. The very mix of characteristics that made up Mary. And it was in that moment that Ostrian realised he was falling for the kind, determined, enticingly maddening human.
That was the moment when he realised that he might have underestimated the human’s temptation. That he might have misjudged his own strength.
That he might have just made the biggest mistake of his life.
And he didn’t even care.
Chapter 9
When Ostrian’s lips touched hers, and he pulled her into his lap, Mary was shocked. Even the fire that rushed through her body wasn’t quite enough to distract her from her surprise. Somehow, she hadn’t actually expected him to make a move.
The fact that he had caused her to reevaluate everything that had happened that afternoon. Was there a chance this could work? A chance that the grumpy old dragon could be redeemed?
The idea tickled her fancy.
If there was any chance that Ostrian could change, then what they had here had the potential to be something special. She thought so anyway.
Right at that moment, she resolved to fight for this. To not give up on this grumpy, maddening, adorable old dragon, no matter how much he tried to fight her. No matter how much he tried to deny this feeling.
He needed her as much as she needed him, she just had to make him see that.
She leaned into him, her chest pressing up against his, kissing him thoroughly, the desire running through her dredging up a long lost thrill, one she hadn’t felt since she was in her twenties.