“I can’t believe she did that.” Realizing where I am, I push against his chest and take a step back pointing at the door. “You need to leave.”
“Shel—”
“No.” I shake my head frantically while wiping my cheeks. “I can’t do this.”
“Don’t.” He takes a step toward me, and I take another step back, not wanting him to touch me again. Never wanting him to touch me again.
“You should go talk to your kids. I’m sure they’re upset,” I whisper, pointing at the door once more.
“They know about Samuel. They’ve known about him since they were old enough to understand what adoption is.”
“What?” I breathe, taking yet another step away from him. I can’t believe he didn’t warn me, not only about Tina, but about the fact his kids know about our son.
“I know Tina, and knew she’d tell them. I didn’t want her twisting shit in their heads, so I talked to them first.”
“Oh, God.”
“I’m guessing Hunter doesn’t know about the adoption,” he whispers, moving toward me once more.
“No, he doesn’t know about it!” I cry, shaking my head. “Or he didn’t,” I feel a sob climb up my throat and I cover my face. “I was waiting until the right time to tell him.”
“You guys had a kid?” Hunter asks, and I turn to find him standing near the bottom of the stairs, looking between Zach and I “And you gave him away?”
“Honey.” I pull in a ragged breath and take a step in his direction, but he shakes his head and holds my gaze.
“You gave your kid away?”
“Please come sit down.”
“Tell me now!” he yells, making my heartbreak and my hands clench into fists.
“Yes, Zach and I had a son, but no, we didn’t just give him away. We chose a family to raise him, because we were too young to take care of him, and we wanted him to have the best life possible,” I explain quietly, Sensing Zach move closer then feel his hand on my back.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Hunter blinks, trying to fight back tears as his lip wobbles.
“I…” I close my eyes, praying to get this out right. “I was waiting for the right time, waiting until you were old enough to understand.”
“You said you two were only friends. You lied to me.”
“I know, honey. But I haven’t seen Zach in a very long time and you’re young. So young. I wasn’t sure you would understand.”
“I’m not a baby. You always treat me like a baby.” Tears trek down his cheeks while his chin wobbles again.
“You’ll always be my baby.” I shake my head, taking a step toward him. “No matter how big you get, you will always be my baby, and I will always do everything within my power to protect you.”
His hands fist at his sides and his eyes narrow. “Does Dad know?”
“Yes.” I nod. Max knew about Samuel and Zach. I told him about them when we first started dating. When I believed he had the power to heal me. When he wanted to heal me.
“Dad never told me.”
“No, he didn’t,” I agree. “He was waiting until the time was right, too.”
“I want to go home,” he repeats his earlier statement, and I blink back a rush of tears, because he is home, but he’s talking about wanting to go back home to his dad.
“Come sit down, kid,” Zach instructs quietly, and Hunter’s eyes swing to him and narrow. “I want to talk to you, and then I’m going to leave you and your mom to talk.”
“Za—” I begin, but am cut off when Hunter stomps down the last two steps and walks past us into the living room, where he takes a seat on the couch, crossing his arms over his chest.
“What?” he asks snootily, holding Zach’s gaze. If it weren’t for the situation, I would reprimand him for being rude, but I know now is not the time for that. Instead, I take a seat on the couch next to him, but still far away enough to give him his space.
“I want to tell you a story,” Zach begins, taking a seat on the coffee table in front of Hunter.
“Zach,” I try again, only to stop when his eyes slice to me.
“Let me talk then I’ll go.”
“Okay,” I agree, giving in when I see the deeply rooted pain in his eyes.
“I want to tell you a story about a boy who grew up with nothing. He lived with his mom and dad in a one-room apartment. Neither of his parents had jobs most of the time. He didn’t have a bed to sleep on, or food to eat on most days, and in the winter, he didn’t even have a coat to wear to school until he was old enough to work and buy one for himself. Do you understand that?” he asks, and Hunter nods. “Good,” he says quietly.
“That boy with nothing fell in love with a beautiful girl when he was sixteen.” He continues softly, “He knew that girl would be the love of his life from the moment he laid eyes on her. He knew he wanted to give her the world, but also knew that in order to do that, he would have to work very hard.”
Tears begin to blur my vision, while I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from letting them fall. I knew about Zach’s past, I knew how he grew up, and I knew how much he hated it.
“One day, that girl told him she was pregnant. At first, he was excited about the idea of becoming a father and starting a family with her. But then he realized he wouldn’t be able to take care of a baby or the girl he loved, not the way a man is supposed to take care of his family. Faced with that, and knowing how it felt to grow up with nothing, he and the girl made a decision to give their baby to a family who would make sure it always had everything it needed. It wasn’t easy for either of them, but that is how much they loved him.” He pauses, letting his words hang.
Breathing deep, I fight through the pain rocking through me. The pain of his story. The pain of our past. And the fact I know he’s totally full of shit.
“I know it was difficult for you to find out what you found out today, but I hope you’re grown up enough to understand your mom and I did what we thought was best, and it wasn’t something that was easy for either one of us to do.”
“I understand.” Hunter swallows, looking at me.
Zach reaches out, giving Hunter’s shoulder a rub. “I’ll leave you guys to talk now, but if you ever have any questions or just want to talk, I’m next door.”
“Okay.” Hunter nods, and I keep my eyes on him, avoiding looking at Zach.
“Shel.”
“Huh?” I prompt, grabbing Hunter’s hand.
“Can you walk me out?”
Giving Hunter a small smile, I run my hand down his cheek then get up and follow Zach to the door, my eyes to the ground and my mind in turmoil.
“Shel.”
“Please, just go.” I open the door, keeping my attention on my feet when I feel him approach. “Please.” I squeeze my eyes closed as his fingers lift my chin.
“Look at me, Shel.” I shake my head, not trusting myself to speak. “Please.” My lids slowly open without my permission, and when our gazes connect, my breath hitches painfully. “That wasn’t the end of my story or the end of my regrets. I hope one day you’ll let me tell you what happened after you.”
“I know what happened.” I lean in ever so slightly and drop my voice so Hunter can’t hear. “You proved what kind of man you were when you got a woman pregnant and married her. Don’t lie to yourself or to me, and please trust me when I say I know your story.” With that, I tug my chin from his grasp and step back. “Please leave.”
“This isn’t over,” he growls, dropping his face toward mine.
“It’s been over for fifteen years.” I lift my chin, keeping my eyes locked on his before letting out the breath I was holding when he turns and walks away. Closing the door, I lean against it for a moment, trying to figure out why it hurts so bad to watch him leave.
Chapter 3
Zach
“Are they okay, Dad?” Aubrey asks softly from the living room as soon as I open the front door, before I even have a chance to enter the house completely.
Closing the door behind me, I walk into the living room, where she’s standing with her jacket and shoes still on. “They’ll be okay.”
“Are you sure? Hunter looked really upset,” she whispers, biting her bottom lip and looking toward the door.
“He was upset. He didn’t know about Samuel until now, and it was a lot for him to take in.” I’m still pissed way the fuck off at Tina for the shit she said in front of him and the kids. I knew when she saw Shel was moving in next door that it wouldn’t take long for her to bring up the past, but I had no fucking clue she would spew her venom in the middle of the grocery store with everyone present.
“Is… is Shelby okay?”
The answer to that was fuck no, but I won’t tell my daughter that.
“She’ll be okay, gorgeous.” I give her a small, reassuring smile and grab my shed keys off the table. “I’m gonna go unload the truck. Do me a favor and keep an eye on your brother. Make sure he’s not doing something I’ll have to arrest him for.” I say trying to make her smile.
“He’s in his room, talking to Jay. He’s mad at Mom for telling you he wants to live with her,” she says, taking off her jacket and tossing it to the couch, where all of her and her brother’s jackets and sweatshirts have piled up. Looking from the pile to her, I wonder why the hell I even have a coat closet a few feet away. “Mom was really upset,” she points out, kicking off her boots near the door. “Steven said she was jealous.”
“Bre.” I run my hands down my face, wishing she was three again and oblivious to the world around her.
“I’m just saying you guys haven’t been together in, like, forever. Plus, she dates all the time, and you don’t care.”
“I don’t know why your mom does half the shit she does, and I doubt I’ll figure it out anytime soon.”
“Quarter in the swear jar,” she murmurs, and I shake my head watching her smile before it fades away. “Steven doesn’t really want to live with mom you know,” she says quietly after a moment, and I pull her in for a hug. My girl has been trying to hold our family together since she was little.
“I know that, gorgeous.” I kiss the top of her head then lean back to catch her eyes. “If you’re gonna be down here awhile, hang all those in the closet and take Steven’s and your stuff to your rooms.” I nod to the pile on the couch. “Then figure out what you guys want to do for dinner.”
“Fine,” she mutters, as I let her go and turn for the door, only stopping when she speaks again.
“She’s really pretty.”
“She is,” I agree, knowing she’s talking about Shelby. I also know pretty doesn’t even come close to what I would call her. When she was younger, she was pretty. Now that she’s grown up, she’s beautiful, beyond beautiful.
“Do you think they’d want to come over for dinner?”
“Not tonight, but you can ask another time, once things settle.”
“Okay, Dad,” she agrees, and with that, I open the door and step out onto the porch then head down to the truck and start to unpack it, keeping my eyes on the house next door while I do.
When Shel left years ago, I was determined to wait her out. I knew in my gut she would be back. I knew she just needed time to sort out her head. After three months, and no word from her, the reality of the situation started to effect me in a way that was unhealthy, and that was when I started drinking and doing drugs daily to deal with the pain of not only losing her, but our son too. Then one night, I fucked up in more ways than one and slept with Tina.
I wish I could say there was something about her that led me to doing what I did, but the truth is, she was just there. She honestly could have been anyone. The next morning, when I woke up with her in my bed, I ended things and cut her out of my life completely. That was also the day I realized I needed to get my shit together, so I went and talked to the sheriff at the time and asked him for a job since working on boats wasn’t going to get me the stability I needed. He knew me, and my history and told me if I was serious, I had a job, but that I needed to complete school first.
Two days later, I flew out to Anchorage. Four months later—a month after I got back into town—Tina showed up at the station and told me she was pregnant. Not only was she pregnant, but she was pregnant with twins, and she was keeping them and expected me to step up, be a father, and to try to work on a relationship between us.
I didn’t want to be with her, but knowing how badly I fucked up in the past, I was determined to try. A month before the kids were born, Tina moved in with me, and two months after their birth, we got married. I can honestly say I tried to make it work with her, but after seven years of listening to her bitch about everything under the sun and fighting nonstop, I knew it was better for my kids to grow up in a broken home rather than having them grow up broken. So, I told her I wanted a divorce.
It took two very long years to get shit settled, but in the end, I gained full-custody of the kids and Tina got weekends. The arrangement worked for her until recently, when she started needing more money, and somehow convinced herself that going for full-custody of the kids was the way to get it.
“Dad.”
“Yeah?” I come out of my head and look at Steven, who is standing with his hands in the front pockets of his jeans off the edge of the driveway, looking worried.
“Um… Mom said she’s coming over to talk,” he says quietly, and I can tell he doesn’t want to be the one to tell me the news, but Aubrey is probably ignoring her mother’s calls after what happened. Steven, who Tina lets get away with every-fucking-thing, will never not answer a call from his mom.
“Fuck.” I shove the last tackle box onto one of the high shelves then step back, lock the door on the shed, and shove the key in my pocket.
“I told her not to come.”
“I’ll deal with it, Steven,” I mutter, walking past him toward the front of the house.
“Dad?”
“Yeah, bud?” I stop to look at him when I hear the tone of his voice.
“I’m sorry about what Mom did. I didn’t know she would flip out like that. If I did, I wouldn’t have told her where we were.”
Well, that answers the question of how Tina knew where I was and who I was with. Not that she couldn’t have found out that information on her own. The town isn’t big, and over the years, Tina has gathered a posse of bitches who, like her, hate the world and have nothing better to do with their time than fuck with people’s lives. They’re the main reason I’ve kept the very limited number of relationships I’ve had a secret from everyone, including my kids.
“It’s all right, bud. But from now on, if we have plans, keep them to yourself unless I tell you it’s okay to tell your mom.”
“Sure, Dad. And…” He nods then pauses, looking next door. “Are they okay?”
“They’ll be all right. It was a lot to handle, and your mom didn’t help matters.”
“Mom was really pissed,” he whispers, pulling his lips between his teeth. Most days, it’s hard to remember he’s still a kid and that he has a soft spot, since he’s always covering it up, trying to act like the big man when he’s around his friends, or like the typical teenager when he’s home.
“She was, but that’s not something you or your sister need to worry about. That’s something between your mom and me.” When I told the kids about Samuel, I left out the depth of my feelings for Shelby, because I didn’t want to hurt them. They knew their mom and I weren’t in love, and as they got older, that became more and more obvious to them, but I never want them to feel like they were a mistake.
“I don’t want to live with her. I mean, sometimes I do, but I lik
e being here with you and Aubrey too,” he confides, studying me. I cut the space between us and get close, resting my hand around the side of his neck.
“I get that your mom is more lenient with you than I am. I get that she’s your friend and that you like hanging with her. I understand why you’d think it’s cool to live with her instead of me. I won’t ever be your friend, Steven. I’m not saying we can’t have fun together, that I don’t like spending time with you, that I don’t love you.”
“I know that,” he grumbles, looking at his feet.
Giving his neck a squeeze, I wait until his eyes meet mine, then continue quietly, “You can’t manipulate the situation to get your way. That’s not fair to me, your sister, or your mom.”
“That isn’t what I was doing.”
“It is. You may not realize it, but every time you use your mom to get your way, that’s exactly what you’re doing.”
His eyes flash with annoyance and his brows draw together. “You never let me go out with my friends.”
“Bud, you know that’s not true.” His eyes lower again at my words. “You’re getting older, Steven. If you want me to give you more freedom, you have to earn it.
“I can do that,” he replies, kicking the rocks at his feet.
Giving his neck one last squeeze, I lean in and touch my forehead to the top of his hair. “I know you can,” I agree, then let him go and move away, not wanting to make too big of a deal out of our talk. “Come on in and help Aubrey with dinner.”
“Sure.” He nods then stops when Tina’s pickup turns on the block and pulls into the driveway.
“Head on in, bud.”
“But…” He looks between his mom’s truck and me, his eyes flashing with conflict.
“Head on in,” I repeat more firmly. This time, he listens and heads up the front steps. I wait until he’s inside to move toward her.
Her eyes narrow on me and she rolls down her window, not getting out of the truck, which pisses me off. I should be a pro at dealing with her, having years of putting up with her bullshit under my belt, but it’s a fine line I walk every time we speak to each other.
Wide Open Spaces Page 4