by Kira Blakely
****
“Hey, mister.” A hand shook him awake.
Pain lanced through his body, and Ashton grunted out, “No, God. Leave me alone.”
“Easy, buddy. I called the cops already.”
Ashton opened one eye. The other one was stuck fast. His lips ached and cracked as he asked, “Why?”
“Because someone worked you over, and I don’t care to have you die here on the floor. The union would have my ass.”
The security guard the building paid for. Ashton tried to focus his one open eye, but everything looked dim and unfocused. He tried to speak. The guard added, “He didn’t have time to rob you. I got here and saw him whipping up on you and scared him off but…anyway, I was too busy trying to get an ambulance and the cops here to chase him. Sorry.”
“No worries.” Was he dying? He sure felt like it. There was not one inch of his body that did not hurt.
An ambulance came crashing in, its flashing lights splashing and flashing across the concrete walls of the parking garage. The noise and the lights made Asheton’s head feel like it was about to explode. He wanted to vomit. There was a stabbing and burning feeling in his side.
He passed out again as the paramedics leaned over him, their voices coming from a long distance away.
LAURA
Ashton stood her up.
Upset and angry, Laura paced the apartment, her feet carrying her back and forth across the floor. Her nerves were on the ragged edge, and she kept glancing at her watch and phone. Eight-thirty came and she sighed, knowing that there was no other explanation other than he was not coming.
He had changed his mind. Maybe he had decided that a woman who had such a huge amount of baggage was not one he wanted to be with, or maybe he had found a woman who he liked more.
What did it matter? Either way, he was not there.
The doorknob rattled. Laura dashed toward the door but it swung open to reveal Lexie. Laura’s heart sank as the hope that had come died again.
Lexie asked, “You okay?”
“Yeah, just…restless.” She wanted to tell Lexie that she had seen Ashton and had a date with him but that he had stood her up, but she didn’t. Dawson was still a friend of Ashton’s, and she didn’t want to get between them. She knew Lexie would be angry and say something and that might cause not just a problem between Dawson and Ashton, but a problem between Lexie and Dawson. She added, “What are you doing home? Did you miss me too much to stay away?”
Lexie sighed. “Oh, Laura, I have been a bad friend, haven’t I? I really haven’t been around much at all, and I am so sorry.”
“Oh, it’s okay. You got a great guy. Of course, you want to be with him as much as possible.” She understood; she really did.
Lexie said, “He is great, but you were always a great friend, too, and I have really been a terrible friend by not being here for you more often. I’m sorry.”
“No worries. So, what brings you home tonight?”
Lexie set her bag down and sighed, her fingers running through her hair. “Oh, it’s awful. Ashton’s in the hospital and Dawson’s with him. They’re only letting in family right now, and Dawson told them that he’s Ashton’s brother, so…”
No! She had to have misunderstood. Her voice was strained. “Did you say Ashton is in the hospital?”
“Yeah. I forgot you knew him. I saw you talking to him at the party last night, didn’t I?”
“Yeah.” Her lips were numb. “What happened to him?” Visions of a bloody car crash filled her mind, and she had to blink that away to keep from screaming aloud in horror. “Is he okay? I mean, is he…is he…?’
Lexie’s brow furrowed. “Laura, you okay?”
“Yeah. No.” Damn it, now she had to tell her. “Lexie, look. Ashton and I were supposed to go out tonight. We, uh, well we hooked up after I helped him out during a bar fight, and we hadn’t seen each other since, but we met up again last night at the party. I came home alone, but he dropped by with some flowers and cupcakes, and he found me freaking out because my mom called me because it was Mathew’s birthday and…”
“I wasn’t here. Oh, Laura, I am so sorry!” Lexie rushed up and hugged her, hard. “I know how much that hurts the hell out of you every year. I should have remembered. Now I feel like a really awful friend!”
“Don’t,” Laura said sternly. “I was okay after…well, I actually don’t know if I am okay. But what I really want to know is if he’s okay?”
The expression on Lexie’s face made Laura’s heart nearly stop. Lexie said, “He got robbed or something. Whomever did it worked him over really bad. He’s got some broken ribs and a massive concussion. He’s also got a lot of bruises all over his body. The doctors say whoever did it must have been trying to kill him.”
Laura’s fingers clenched together. “Oh, no. But…but will he be okay?”
Lexie said, “I don’t know. I mean, he’s alive and all. That’s the big thing. He’s just really hurt. They’re keeping him overnight because of the concussion and some blood on his brain.”
“I have to get to the hospital.”
Lexie’s brows elevated. “Wow. What kind of hookup did you two have anyway?”
Laura rubbed her hands over her face. “It was not just that. There’s…we have a lot in common. He got it, why I was so upset last night.” She paused. Lexie had never really known what it was like for Laura at home, because every time she was around, Laura’s parents managed to connect to reality if not be affectionate toward her. From the outside, it must have looked like she had such a happy home life, although one colored by tragedy beyond imagining. Lexie didn’t even know that she’d just been born to save a brother who had been beyond saving.
Lexie picked up her bag. “Okay, if that’s what you want, I will drive, but I don’t know if they’ll let us in. If they don’t, we can always go down to the cafeteria and get updates from Dawson.”
Laura’s eyes blurred from the tears forming. “See? You’re a great friend.”
****
They weren’t able to get in to see Ashton. Dawson had been shut out, too, as the doctors were busy doing something to make sure his head injury wouldn’t cause any permanent damage. If Dawson thought Laura’s being there was odd, he didn’t say anything.
Instead, he directed the two of them to a cafeteria while he took up post in the waiting room, promising to call Lexie’s phone if anything changed.
Now, Laura and Lexie sat in the nearly empty cafeteria, a tray of chicken strips and fries in front of them. Despite not having had dinner, neither of them were particularly hungry.
Lexie said, “I knew they had it rough. I mean, I heard the story of how they met, too. I didn’t know it was that bad at home for you though. I am so sorry. I wish I had had the guts to leave that town long before I did. I feel like you just didn’t leave because you were too worried about me.”
Laura snorted. “Don’t even. I love you, you are my best friend, but I didn’t leave because I didn’t have the guts. It had nothing to do with you. Sometimes you pick the devil you know over the one you don’t.”
Lexie sighed and pushed a fry around the tray before picking it up and popping it into her mouth. She chewed and swallowed. “You do know he’s the first guy I have ever seen you care about?’
Defensiveness set in. “What do you mean?’
Lexie dusted off her hands. “I mean, you dated a few guys back home, but when things got serious you always broke it off. Heck that one guy – the one that had the motorcycle –”
“Jim.”
“Right. Jim. He caught the flu and had to break a date with you, and you broke up with him.”
“He was a jerk. The flu had nothing to do with it.” That was true. “I didn’t break up with him over the flu. I broke up with him because he tried to force me to go to Vegas with him and get married.”
Lexie’s mouth dropped open. “What?”
“Not even kidding. I really do not want to get married.”
&nbs
p; “You’re always saying that.”
Laura said, “Because it’s true. I don’t. I don’t even know for sure if I ever want to have a long-term relationship either.”
“But here you are, sitting in a hospital, worrying about a guy you were supposed to have a date with tonight.”
“That’s not a ‘oh I want to date him’ statement.”
Lexie looked amused. “If you say so.”
“I do.”
Lexie’s expression turned serious. “You know he’s a player, right? I mean, he’s not the kind of guy to stick around. He’s sort of…well, just like you – commitment shy and all that.”
Laura did know. At first, that had been what made him so attractive. But now that fact had become slightly more problematic, and she knew exactly what Lexie was trying to tell her.
“I know that, and I’m not looking for anything he can’t give. He isn’t looking for anything I can’t give either, so it’s all good.”
It was. She knew better than to fall for a guy like Ashton. She liked him and she wanted him. That was enough, at least for now.
No, wait. Had she just thought that?
Her phone chirped. Lexie took it out of her handbag and answered it. She said a few all rights and okays, and then hung up. She gave Laura a smile that filled her with relief. “Dawson says the doctors say he can have a little company, but just for a few minutes.”
Her legs went liquid, but Laura managed to stand. Lexie had hammered something home she had not even wanted to admit to herself. She really liked Ashton, she knew that, but she liked him a lot more than she was comfortable with. She also had no idea how he felt about her, but she did know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he really wasn’t the kind of guy to stick.
In his room, she stepped up close to the bed. His face was swollen and his strong body swathed in a field of white bandages, but he was awake. He gave her a wry grin as she said, “Wow, you will go a long way to break a date.”
He chuckled. “I guess the cat’s out of the bag now. I let someone run me over with a truck because I got cold feet.”
Dawson and Lexie walked out, giving them some privacy. Ashton said, “I am sorry about standing you up.”
“I guess you couldn’t really help it.” Her eyes flicked to all the bandages and fear lanced through her. “What happened?”
“Karma, I guess.”
She understood then. “Oh, the guy from the bar.”
“Yeah, I got to do something about him.” His eyes were unreadable.
“What the hell does he have against you anyway?”
Ashton groaned, “You don’t want to know.”
“Do you mean you don’t want to tell me?”
He winced. “Are you going to think less of me?”
“Probably not. You did stand me up after all.”
He laughed then coughed. “Shit, that hurts.” He winced, and she moved toward the bed, concerned but he waved it off. “Look, way back in the day – when I was like fourteen – I was in this house. The woman there, my foster mom, she was a slut. I mean for real. I don’t call women that, usually. But this one – man, every guy in the hood and then some. Me included. It was part of my room and board, in her words.”
Horror hit her hard. “She made you sleep with her?’
He gave her a dry look. “I was fourteen. I would have stuck my dick in a sewer grate if I could have gotten off. I wouldn’t say she made me, but it was clear from the minute I got there I was expected to. Only, she was sleeping with everyone else, including that dude. He didn’t take it well.”
“How did he find out?’
“Hell if I know. I just know him and his goon squad came after me and my buddy Jackson one afternoon and damn near killed me over her. The only good thing to come out of it was that I got sent off to juvie and out of there and, from what I hear, her old man finally decided to leave her ass. Also, she had to move to a real craphole of a house and they took her off the foster rolls because she couldn’t provide real shelter. So, everything worked out.”
“Except this guy still hates you. Or he still loves her and feels like he lost her over you, which all sort of equates to the same thing. I hope you told the cops who did it.”
His smile made her groan. “You didn’t.”
“Nope.”
“You do know you can’t keep on like this? You obviously have a thick skull, but eventually it might get busted beyond repair.”
“I’m going to handle it.”
“How?” She held up a hand. “Never mind. I am not about to get into that with you. If I…look I don’t want to press you.”
She didn’t. It came back to her that he had the same tendency to leave behind anything that got too complicated that she did. She’d always been proud of her ability to walk off from anything and anyone, and she had no doubt that he felt the same pride in that ability. Pressing him might just make them too much for him to take, and, more than anything else, she wanted to spend whatever time with him she could.
Oh, it would end. She knew that. But if she played it right, they could both walk away when it was time, and neither of them would get anything more than some pleasant memories as a result. Why fuck it up by pushing him to press charges on a guy he obviously was not interested in pressing charges against?
Ashton visibly relaxed. Laura managed a long breath, quiet and slow. He said, “It’s a personal thing, so I appreciate that.”
“No problem.” She laid a hand on the bed – not on his, but close enough that if he chose to he could reach the hand not covered in IV lines and bandages out and take hers.
He did. His fingers brushed across hers, and he said, “Anyway, I am really sorry about missing our date.”
The nurse stuck her head in and announced visiting hours were over. Ashton waved her out. He said, “I think they’ll let me go tomorrow or so. But if not, how about coming and keeping me company after you get off work?”
“Sure. I’ll smuggle you in a pizza or something.”
His eyes danced. “I really have to know how you’re going to hide an entire pizza box.”
Laura said, “Oh, I was planning on walking right past the desk with it like I had every right to. You ever notice if you act like whatever you’re doing is cool, nobody ever objects?”
Ashton chuckled. “You have a point. People never question others who act like they have every right to be doing whatever it is that they are doing.”
She wanted to kiss him, but the nurse had come back. She stood in the doorway, tapping an impatient foot and clearing her throat loudly. Laura said, “I think that’s my cue.”
Ashton said, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow,” she echoed, and headed for the door.
4
ASHTON
ASHTON DID GET OUT OF THE HOSPITAL the next afternoon. He called Laura and arranged to have his stuff picked up from his apartment. He’d have to pay the rest of the lease and that was okay, but that beat down from Gerald had opened his eyes to some hard truths.
His ugly past was never going away, not even if he left the hood, but he didn’t belong there anymore. Laura’s face when he told her about sleeping with his foster mom, and the words she had said to him about that, had loosened a hard knot in him, one he had never been able to release. Her words had made him take out a lot of the past and examine it closely, see it through new eyes, and while most of it was still ugly and awful, he could see where much of what he had done had been based on a need for survival and how those things had led him to be the man he was right then.
It also struck him that he had refused to give anything but his body and a few nights to any woman, because hard experience had taught him that he could measure his self-worth by the amount of pleasure he could bring a woman. That was exactly how he weighed himself, too – by how hard he could make a woman come – but once that conquest had been made, he had always run away. Of course, he had. He’d always been afraid that once that wore thin he’d be rejected by
whomever he was with.
He’d slept thanks to the pain killers, but he had always jolted awake again thanks to the constant noise and the nurses who came in to wake him to find out how he was sleeping, something that both irritated and amused him, and as Dawson drove him toward the hotel where Ashton had reserved a room, he was tired and sore.
Dawson dropped him off, and Ashton stared around at the luxurious room – thick carpeting, marble surfaces, deep leather sofas, and a king-sized bed covered with fine linens.
This was his world now. He had the money to be there, but deep down he wondered if he even deserved that. The app that had made him rich had been a lark and fun, but he had never thought it would make him rich. He had also never considered that he might hurt people with it, that it was unfair to women and slanted in favor of men. Now that he knew that, he was glad it was gone and that he had nothing else to do with it.
The hole under the floor was always there, Ashton thought as he settled himself down onto a sofa, wincing as his ribs gave off a low throb of pain. There’s always been a hole under his feet, and he’d always dropped straight down into it.
He could recall with bitter clarity the day his mother had led him into the social services office. The sterile and cold room. The long face of the social worker who’d asked a series of blunt questions he had not understood at the time. The horrible sinking feeling as he was led into a room and left alone while his mother escaped from him.
The first family that had taken him in and then given him back because he cried too much. The days he’d spent at the adoption fairs, trying to be as funny and charming and happy as possible so somebody would want him. The hurt of being passed over or ignored.
Going from place to place, something always happened to send him packing.
Ashton had not cried since he’d been a small child, but just then a single tear rolled down his cheek. How could he deserve to be rich, to be happy? How could he possibly believe that he deserved a good life and a good woman when everything in his experience had shown him that he didn’t?