Oh, I see. I know what the problem is, and I stare at her until she finishes with, “He gets jealous when I’m with you. Add the stress of dealing with my insomnia–”
“Bullshit,” I blurt, unable to contain myself. “I’ll kill him.”
“Hey!” Someone yells angrily behind us. “Keep it down, film’s about to start.”
I spin round to glare into the darkness above, but in honesty, I’m in the wrong. “Sorry,” I bark, and twist round to stuff a handful of popcorn in my mouth.
‘He can be your first.’
I tense. My first…?
Could he really? My eyes widen even as I slap myself mentally. Had I not thought I’d like to bite Derek’s head off? I shift in my seat. Well, skirting around the edges of this will not make it any easier, so I grab the proverbial bull by the horns; the idea that I could really do something about this. I will have the power to make him suffer. If I hold onto this grudge, it would mean…. Ben sits next to me and smiles, his fangs showing. I calm instantly. I had thought Ben would sort all of that out for me, my first feeding.
So is that it then, Lee? You’ve decided to become like him after all. What happened to finding everything out before you made that choice?
Ben lets me wrestle my thoughts before he shrugs and says, ‘I chose my first, it goes without saying. I can end him if you like?’
I stifle the urge to scream “Yes!” and shake my head. I settle back into my seat and place my hand on the armrest. Thoughts of murder leech from my mind and my body tingles at Ben’s nearness.
Our fingers entwine, and he brings our joined hands to rest on his knee. I struggle to focus on Ginger twirling across the screen in her opening sequence. Ben opens my fingers one by one and strokes them individually, pausing to trace the lines in between each segment. I swallow hard and let out a rush of breath through my nose. These two bodily functions prove most difficult right now. He makes small circles on my palm, burning lazy patterns into my flesh. My breaths come shallow, and I fidget as heat climbs up my neck.
Bethany leans over and mock whispers from the corner of her pouty mouth. “Are you going to introduce me, or just let him play around with you until you can’t function properly?”
Ha, ha. I give her a droll look and question Ben in my mind. I’m curious as to why he is not making her ignorant of his presence.
He answers, ‘I thought you might like me to meet her? I doubt I will meet your mother, and I thought….’ His tone is hesitant, I would go so far to say embarrassed. Oh, my darling, how you make me smile. My best friend was the next best thing in your mind? ‘Yes. You love her. I felt your anger for the way her man treats her. I hope one day you care the same way about me.’
I swallow. One day? “Beth,” I say somewhat croakily, emotion threatening to strangle away all my words. “Meet Ben.”
She smiles and holds out her hand. “A pleasure Ben, and my, my, aren’t you a looker. Where have you been all Cecilie’s life?” She alternates her gaze between us both, giving her best shit eater grin.
I’m horrified. She said my name, my whole name, damn it. I hide my face behind my hands. Yeah, Ben probably knows all sorts of awkward and unpleasant things about me, he reads my mind after all, but still, she said it out loud. I peek between my fingers, and shoot daggers at her.
Ben, smiling at either my mental distress or Beth’s jovial greeting, takes her hand and shakes it lightly.
Her eyes widen at what must be his chilly skin. She jolts jerks her hand back, looking down at his hand, up at his face, then at me suspiciously. Bethany is one of the smartest people I have ever met, nothing gets past her, so why did I expect anything less than what is about to happen? Ranges of emotions flicker across her features; fear, panic, excitement, desperation, and finally acceptance. I love this girl, she takes it all in her stride.
“Seriously?” She asks in a low voice.
With a squeeze to my fingers from Ben, I nod once, nervous now. “Um, yeah. You always said they were out there.” I shrug. She had more faith in the paranormal than I did. She was supernatural, in her own freaky, I Know Everything way.
Her shocked look fades into sadness. “That I did. Just like I always knew I’d lose you someday.”
Aw, crap. My eyes water and I blink back tears. Nope. I cannot do this, not with Beth. I want to leave now, and Ben better hear me, so I repeat the thought as a shout in my mind, and attach bells and an emergency foghorn. Ben lets go of my hand and stands. He is not going to fight me on this. Thank you, Ben. Inclining his head to her, he walks down to the fire exit. Once he gets there, he stops, waiting for me with a comforting expression.
My heart sinks as tears dribble down Beth’s cheeks and neck.
What excuse are you going to give for abandoning her. Lee?
“I need him,” I say helplessly. My hands rise and fall in my lap and I twist my fingers together into knots.
Bethany pats my cheek fondly. “I know. I’m happy for you. I feel this is the right thing for you.” She looks at me and there is a smirk on her face, even if it’s tinged with sadness and wobbling at the edges. “This explains why I couldn’t get a good read on him. I should have seen it coming. I guess I did in a way. I simply never put two with two to get four. When I felt you would change I thought maybe you would become disgustingly rich and posh or something.”
She had always felt things when we were little. Like making sure we didn’t eat meat from a barbeque while another kid who went ahead and ate the food got sick. Like not walking down an alley when we were in high school, and a girl being found with her skull caved in down that same alleyway when nobody else heeded her warning. Bethany is special, but she’s also sick. Her insomnia makes her weak, puts strain on her mind and body. We both think her condition is a direct result of her gift, but of course medical science never believes when we explain our theory. It’s hard work on her to stay sane, and I know my relationship with her helps.
Yes, it helps and what are you doing, Lee, you selfish thing you?
I rest my face in her palm and sigh. I’m taking that release away from her, but what else can I do? I’ve a nasty feeling an early grave will be all I’m be good for if Ben walks from my life. I am that obsessed. I can help her in one way. Ooops. Look away, I think she sees my plan in my eyes. Oh wait, she is still touching me, damn it. Her freaky third eye is stronger when she’s touching me.
“Derek is not your problem, he’s mine, and I’m dealing. I mean it, Lee, do not get involved.” Her eyes dart to Ben and back to me. “If he lets you, come visit sometime, okay? And even if he doesn’t still visit.”
Jaw tight, I nod, and place my hand over hers. “My mother….”
“We went to the cinema tonight and after that,” she shrugs, “who knows. Don’t worry about her. The old battle-axe will be fine. She’s made of strong stuff, like her daughter.”
I hug her tightly. Then I make myself a promise and I hope Ben can hear me, because I mean to keep it. “I’ll come back for you, I swear. I’ll call you in a couple of days to let you know I’m okay.”
She laughs, pulls back to wipe at her eyes. “Go on now. Before the rest of the people in this cinema lynch me.” She crosses her eyes and makes a choking sound.
I chuckle at her crass humour, so Bethany, and hand her the popcorn and Revels. Turning my back on her is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and when I get to the end of the row, I hesitate.
“My god, Lee. It’s bad enough I’m technically at the movies by myself, but salted? For fuck sake girl! The shit I put up with from you.”
I choke on a giggle and keep going, laughing into my hand as tears flow. She’ll be alright and I’ll see her again. Soon.
I meet Ben at the door and let him take me into his arms. He tucks my head under his chin, and everything shifts. He moves so fast the world becomes the twilight zone, and I cannot feel anything. The air is cold, and I can’t breathe. Air whips past too fast for me to draw it into my lungs. I need to breathe! He slows a
nd puts me down. By now, my tears have stopped and my legs are shaking. I gulp down air and my mouth becomes dry. We’re not doing that again anytime soon are we, love? My body has been through a lot these last few days, and worse is yet to come, I think. Ixnay on moving that fast.
We stand outside a quaint restaurant down a side alley on Cheapside. The Bloody Hand. Huh. Humour from you, Ben? Where are we exactly? I thought it was time for me to be like you, yet, you bring me to eat? If I was hungry I would have asked you to stop at Nandos, everybody loves chicken, and I’m no different. My stomach grumbles. Hmm. I could eat right now.
Straightening my clothes, I turn to ask Ben why this place, and find he is staring at the worn wooden door. His expression keeps changing, as if he’s having a conversation.
Wait. Just wait one damn minute. Am I going to meet more people like Ben?
Oh my gosh, you ass, why didn’t you tell me? Am I about to meet your family? Look at me! My hair is a mess, my face feels blotchy, god knows what it must look like. My clothes are crumpled from where you carried me and I’m just … all over the place mentally. They’ll think you’ve brought home a stray human, and will think I’m always this sloppy and condemn me. Okay fine, I admit I’m usually sloppy, but if I know it’s to be an occasion I will smarten up. I’m not happy, Ben. Ben? I brush my hands over my torso and smooth them over my hips. Why did I choose to wear jogging bottoms today? I pat my hair worriedly and scowl at Ben who shakes with laughter. He is so overcome he leans on the brick wall as his other hand holds his stomach. He struggles not to make a sound and this does not sit well with me. He should be able to laugh without restraint around me.
I attack him with my fingers at his sides; pinching and tickling him until he grabs my hands the same moment his laughter breaks the silence.
Oh, wow!
My eyes rattle in my skull and I kind of tilt to the side. The sound is a shockwave I’ve been blown back by, and only because he holds my hands do I not topple over. Instantly, he is contrite and clutching me to his chest, and rubbing my ears.
Ah, darling, it’s not your fault. I’m the tickler. Remember that, please, before you beat yourself up over something that was entirely my own doing.
He’s avoiding my eyes now because he’s flogging himself mentally for hurting me. I pinch his chest and prod his stomach until he looks my way, cautiously. I beam at him and place my hands over my ears, making a shocked face as I roll my eyes into the back of my head. When I open them Ben is smiling again, and everything is okay. I nod my head to the restaurant and my stomach rumbles.
So, Lee, what do you think will be in there? Ben has given you no clues whatsoever now has he?
No, but he would never bring me anywhere that I would be in danger. I think. He has a strange need to protect me, this man of mine, even though he wants to show me his world; which is a far cry from the safety of my own, and morally debased. Oh, am I not a hypocrite! What makes my life better than his?
I open the door to the restaurant as I think my next thought. Ben does not kill anybody, and I’m sure of that….
My darling stiffens and ducks his head. His hands splay out in front of him. ‘I do not wish to lie to you….’
Damn. Okay, best to find out now. I close the door and keep my expression neutral. I want to know everything there is to know. Yes … yes I do still want that, so I brace myself.
His feeding does not equal death, so, why would he have killed people? Is it different when you are Ben’s kind and young? Can you not control the need for blood? Hmm. I need to stop speculating and find out!
I hold both my hands out, palm up. “Tell me please.”
‘I–’
At this word, I’m shaking my head. His brow puckers, but I point to my ear. A quick glean of my thoughts and he fisting his hands at his sides, upset, and not liking what he is about to do. No, he does not like it, but he agrees and understands.
“I kill them for sport.”
Ahhhh!
I float in darkness. Are the street walls still quaking? No? Ah, Ben is holding me again. Were we not talking about how he kills people and … oh yeah. Okay, I think I passed out. Man, oh man, that voice!
Ah, Lee, can you not feel the total panic in the lines of Ben’s body? The sobs he is choking back? Get out of your head and open your eyes!
I do, and he looks miserable. Aw, I’m okay, see? I stand up, a little wobbly, but I’ve got this. I feel like I need to stick fingers in my ear canals and swirl them around a bit, but otherwise, I’m A-OK. I assume you caught me before I cracked my head open, Ben? Thank you! Grateful he takes such good care of me, I hug his middle, and when I look at his face, I remember what he said.
My face does its own thing and drops. For sport. Like games? Death is a game is it? Oh, Ben. I step away and turn to try and shield him from the worst of the horror and disappointment, but I feel him poking around in my mind. When he feels the worst of it he touches my shoulder and makes me face him.
I can’t help it, I feel … let down. Hurt. You’re better than that, Ben. You don’t have to kill, which makes it worse. You kill people because it’s fun for you, as recreation? That makes you a monster, my darling, a monster that I should throw all sorts of crosses and prayers at until you implode. Have you taken the life of women? The lives of children!
I clutch my throat as blackness closes in on me. Oh god, Ben. Why? Why! Tell me, please.
And what did you expect, Lee? A gentle soul who reveres life even as he must steal it to live? Did you expect your love to have the utmost in moral values? Silly girl, there is a certain type of person who draws the damned to them no doubt. A certain type of personality that is corrosive, selfish, and easily susceptible to evil, I would think.
I don’t believe that! Do I?
I rub my temples and shoot a look at Ben. He looks miserable, and I don’t want to offer comfort this time. I want to be strong enough to punch his face in. He’s making me feel unclean. Wickedness incarnate. How can I know this and still walk through that door? How can I know this and withstand another moment in his presence?
Dearest Lee, because you don’t care enough.
My hands fall from my head and my shoulders slump. Yes, only the most selfish and corrupt can adapt to this life – drawing the damned to them. That is the truth of the matter. Ben means more to me than anyone else now, and so, they become lesser priorities to his needs and wants. Is that what set me out from the rest? The fact I know right from wrong but choose to embrace the bad anyway? Ah, is this why he chose me above the other women he could have?
Ben huffs and pulls me into him. He tucks my head under his, and rocks me back and forth until my mind is quieter.
Darling, I need your words now. Explain it to me before I go mental.
‘Everything you think is true, to a degree. Can you accept this?’
I ponder. Why is he asking if I can accept it? I’ve already identified I don’t care enough to want to fight him to change his ways.
‘My love, I did not spend a second agonizing over what I would become and the actions of those who I would be surrounding myself with. I feel your pain when you think of taking life for nothing other than feral amusement. Do you not see, already, you are different? You are better than I am.’ My mouth falls open. That is the longest Ben has ever spoken to me. Words are precious to him and not for liberal use, yet he composed such a speech to still me. I sigh, and pat my hair again. Better get this show on the road. As I open the door again, warm air rushes out to swathe me, and Ben says, ‘And love? There has never been another woman who has consumed me as you have. Ever.’
This is why I stumble, and blush when the attendant has to stretch out his arm in alarm to steady me. I’m straightening myself, and blushing harder as Ben stands composed and serene beside me with a small self-satisfied smile. Well, you just wait! One day, I will catch you off guard, and made a right fool of you.
The attendant takes my sweatshirt and does not blink at its raggedy appearance. Oh, h
ow embarrassing. Again, I scold Ben mentally for not telling me we would be coming here. He holds out his hand and I take it, because, why would I not?
Aw, damn. We’ve stepped into the restaurant, and I can tell I’ve skipped gleefully into the jaws of danger.
Chapter 6
The Introduction To Ben’s People
With ruthless mental swiftness, I push the frightening sense of foreboding deep into the recesses of my mind. I slant a look at Ben. Did he hear me?
The paler bodies in the room track my movement with their eyes, nostrils flaring, as Ben walks ahead of me, hand clasping mine. I say my movement because one watches the way my foot lands on the dark wood floor. One watches my hair swishing over my shoulders. One watches my throat bob as I swallow hard. Another watches the rise and fall of my chest as I inhale and exhale. I feel very much on display, but at the same time the most valuable thing in the room. How odd. I start to sweat, because every set of eyes is on me and I’m not used to it.
There is a table in the centre of the room on a raised dais with one chair. Ben jerks his head to a waiter who stares at him with wide eyes, nodding repeatedly. Before I blink, another velvet lined chair is tucked under the table. Ah, why such a big deal? Can we not slide into that table right at the back, away from the spotlights? Must we sit in the middle of the room? I’m … bemused, okay, I confess, a little nervous. Did Ben think this would please me? This attention?
As I sit, I look up into the waiter’s face expecting blankness, but prepared to say my thanks regardless. I’m shocked! There is full awareness there. The thank you tumbles from my lips in a stutter, and the waiter inclines his head briefly before unfolding my napkin and placing it gingerly on my lap.
“My Lord?” he asks Ben in a pleasant voice.
Ben does not take his eyes off me, but motions to the menu and taps a name three lines down. The waiter places a hand to his chest as he commits the order to memory. “Very good.” He turns to me. “My Lady?”
He motions to the menu, and I take it from Ben’s hand, letting my fingers brush his cold ones. Great, I’m blushing again. I look at the menu and struggle to keep the grin from my face. Did the waiter really call me Lady? As in capital L? To the left of the menu is a selection of dishes, but to the right is a list of wines blended with blood types, and this is what I study.
Die, My Love Page 6