“Miss? Where would you like to get out?” the driver asked, interrupting my pity party.
I looked out of the window and saw the historic building towering above me. A black-and-gold coat of arms glinted on the wall, with the words “Royal Courts of Justice” beneath it. I had arrived.
“Miss? I can’t stop for long,” the driver said.
“Um, here’s fine.” I grabbed my bag and got out. The car wove its way back into the stream of traffic and was out of sight in seconds. I looked up at the building. With its turrets, arches and sandy-grey stone walls, it looked more like a fairy-tale castle than a courthouse.
The gods were nowhere to be seen, so I had to find this side entrance myself. I took my crumpled itinerary out of my pocket. But it didn’t offer any more clues about where this side entrance would be. I hitched up my toga and decided to circle the building. At this point I became aware that I looked … strange. Wearing a parka over a white floor-length toga on a cold February morning was definitely an attention-grabber. A few people in sharp suits and winter coats glanced up at me from their phones as they power-walked along the pavement.
I walked for what felt like ages before I saw it. A side entrance! Bordered by the Royal Courts of Justice and the pub next door, it was dark and dingy-looking. At the end there was an iron gate leading on to a courtyard. I dashed through it, the cobbles slick and grimy underneath my trainers, before anyone noticed me.
I pushed the gate open, expecting to meet resistance from a lock, but it swung open with ease. I stepped into the courtyard and gasped.
Where was I?
THIRTY-FIVE
It was the strangest thing. I could still hear the roar and beeps of rush-hour traffic from the main road. But the winter chill and grey skies had gone. Instead, the sky was powder blue and the air was warm. I felt the sun on my face and took off my parka.
I was in a courtyard surrounded by the Royal Courts of Justice. It seemed like the same building that, a minute ago, my car had dropped me in front of. Maybe Dad was right: Mount Olympus had come to us. I could feel it in the air.
A church bell chiming in the distance reminded me that it was nine o’clock. Wasn’t that the time the trial was meant to start? I hitched up my toga and jogged towards the entrance, where I could hear voices and chattering.
“Helen! You’re here, just in time.” It was Athena, waiting by the entrance. I had run past her on my way in. “I trust you found the entrance all right?”
I didn’t answer. Athena could be so smug sometimes – did she know I nearly went into panic mode trying to find the entrance?
“Anyway, you’re here and that’s what matters. There’s someone I’d like you to meet,” Athena said. She put her arm around me and walked me over to a tall, thin man with skin so pale it was tinged blue. I thought that I’d better get used to this: two whole days of pointless introductions.
“Helen, I’d like you to meet your Uncle Hades.”
Hades was the only ugly god I’d ever met. His skin had a moist, clammy sheen and when I shook his hand it felt like stroking a toad. Gag. I wondered if the myth about his wife Persephone was true – that he’d kidnapped her and tricked her into being his wife. It wouldn’t surprise me in the least, now that I’d met him.
“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you,” he said. He clasped both hands over mine (gross gross gross). “We must arrange a visit to the Underworld sometime. The River Styx is beautiful at this time of year,” Hades said, cackling at his own joke. No one else laughed.
“Come, let us take our seats,” Athena said. I followed them both inside the courtroom. But it was like no courtroom I’d ever seen on TV.
It was huge. There were hundreds of people packed into benches facing a podium the size of a stage. I imagined this would be where my family, the Council and the judge would stand. And me, too.
I followed Athena and Hades to a reserved bench in the front row. The chatter from the people seated in the rows behind us hushed slightly as we took our seats.
My body was seized with fear. How was I going to say a single word in front of all these people?
Then I noticed the windows. On one side of the room, the windows looked out on to the main road. I saw grey pavement, traffic lights and double-decker buses. But the windows on the other side of the room? They had a completely different view. I saw blue skies laced with wispy white clouds and a glittering blue ocean. It looked so vivid. Was it real?
“Athena, what’s out there?” I asked her.
“Why, Mount Olympus of course.”
“For real? So are we on earth or Mount Olympus?”
Athena smiled. “Neither. Or both. Depends on how you want to look at it.”
I rolled my eyes. Classic Athena, but today I wasn’t in the mood for a riddle.
“Think of this courtroom as a halfway house of sorts,” she continued. “Honestly, Helen, I would think you have more important things to worry about.”
I couldn’t argue with that.
Suddenly the courtroom hushed completely. Aphrodite, Dad, Apollo and Eros took to the stage.
I couldn’t get over how different they looked. The warmth in Dad’s eyes, Apollo’s cheeky grin and Aphrodite’s perma-smug pout had been wiped from their faces. They looked as rigid and stately as the statues in the British Museum. They sat on throne-like chairs in the centre of the stage, not a single trace of emotion on their faces. I hoped that my nerves wouldn’t betray me and show on mine. I felt like a quivering wreck.
The second all four of the gods sat down, I watched as four guards came to the podium bearing heavy terracotta pots filled with soil. They placed two pots in front of the chairs and two pots behind, forming a rectangular shape. The guards sprinkled a handful of what looked like ashes into the pots, then backed away.
Suddenly, vivid green stalks and leafy tendrils shot through the soil like giant octopus tentacles. They grew and grew, towering above the throne-like chairs before interlinking to form a tight canopy. The stalks whipped around one another, snapping and groaning, until the gods were encased on all sides by this plantlike prison.
“Don’t worry, Helen,” Athena said when she noticed the shock on my face. “Those on trial are fixed in place by the Bough of Demeter. It’s tradition.”
It was a tradition I didn’t like the look of. Imagine being surrounded on all sides by snake-like vines? Just the thought made me feel claustrophobic.
The trial would start in any minute. It could have been my nerves, but I suddenly had a dry throat.
“There’s a little water fountain just by that archway.” Athena pointed to the corridor we came through. “Move swiftly. The judge won’t take kindly to latecomers.”
I made my way to the fountain in record time and glugged the cool water. I was still a bag of nerves, but at least I didn’t have a dry throat. As I walked through the archway and came out of the other side, a man dressed in a sharp black suit and sunglasses appeared out of nowhere, blocking the archway. He was at least seven foot tall, so I have no idea how I’d missed him before.
“I believe you need the entrance on the other side of the auditorium, miss.” He didn’t even look me in the eye.
“No, I’m sitting there,” I said, pointing to the front bench.
Athena was chatting to Hades and couldn’t see me trying to get her attention.
He laughed, flashing a row of teeth sharpened to a point. Suddenly, I felt even more nervous.
“You must take me for a fool, child. Everyone knows those seats are reserved for the gods of Mount Olympus. You will have to take your seats at the back, just like everyone else.”
I wanted to be assertive, but I felt like throwing up.
“I know who it’s reserved for: my family. The trial is going to start soon, and I need to go back to my seat,” I said, trying to sound confident.
It annoyed me how tiny my voice became, betraying my nerves.
He bent down, inches from my face. I suppressed a gulp. “By Jason�
��s Fleece, if you do not leave immediately then I’ll knock you from here to Tartarus!”
I didn’t doubt that he would do it. He looked like he just wanted any excuse to get me out of there. Like when security guards in the shopping centre see you in a big group, and they’re just waiting for a reason to pounce. Before I could answer, a middle-aged man in a dark grey gown walked past us. He must have been important because the guard took a break from snarling at me to bow his head.
“What appears to be the problem, Leon?”
“There is no problem, my lord. This silly little half-lifer was trying to sneak her way into the courtroom.”
That is when I lost it.
“I’ve already told you, that is my seat. My family are sitting right there! My dad is Zeus, and I’m on trial with them! I’m his daughter Helen, as he will prove to you any way you like if I can just get to my seat.”
The man in the grey gown peered down his nose at me. “Absurd,” he spat. “Who do you think you are, impersonating a daughter of Zeus?”
What? I couldn’t believe it. This strange man thought I was lying, too. “N-n-no. I am Helen,” I stuttered. “You have to let me in. The trial can’t go on without me!”
The older man laughed and it sounded like rocks tumbling down a cliff face.
“Is that right? Well, I can see the judge taking to the stage. That means the trial is starting now,” he said, with the same twisted smile on his face. “Leon? Have this urchin removed at once.” Then he walked down the corridor towards the courtroom.
Was this really happening? I shouted and screamed for Dad, Athena, anyone. But the judge’s voice boomed around the courtroom, drowning me out.
“Quiet, half-lifer,” Leon yelled. “Don’t make me have to carry you out,” he growled, pushing me through the corridor.
I broke down into sobs. What if I missed the trial altogether? It had to look bad if I was late for my own trial. Would I be found guilty by default?
As Leon pushed me further down the corridor, I heard the booming cheers of a crowd. Where did they come from? I didn’t notice anyone in front of the courthouse.
The guard opened a heavy wooden door and I was thrust into daylight. I squinted in the light of the sun and made out hundreds of people held back behind dozens of guards dressed just like Leon.
Somehow I’d ended up in Mount Olympus.
THIRTY-SIX
My humiliation was complete. Hundreds of people were going to see this.
I wiped the tears from my face and walked out of the auditorium with my head held high. The cheers became louder as the crowd noticed me walk out. I smiled and waved, pretending I was there on purpose. No one had to know I was being escorted from the premises.
“Helen! Helen, daughter of Zeus!” the crowd chanted. It got louder and louder. I could have sworn I heard a few people yell “Half-lifer!” too. Whatever they were saying, it was clear they knew who I was.
I turned around to face Leon. “Don’t you see? They recognize me!” I yelled above the rising swell of the cheers.
The look on his face said it all. He knew he’d made a terrible mistake.
Leon dropped to one knee and bowed his head. “Forgive me, Lady Helen. I was acting on orders and—”
“Um, hello? There’s no time for this! I need to get to the trial!”
“Of course, right away. Follow me,” he said. I legged it down the corridor and into the courtroom.
I was so relieved at being let back into the trial, even if it meant interrupting the judge. She stared at me hard as I took my seat next to Athena (who didn’t look too pleased either).
“I’ll explain everything later,” I mumbled.
The judge wore a white gown that seemed to glow against her brown skin. Her hair was in a short black Afro streaked with silver. Like the gods, she seemed both ageless and ancient.
“The twelve elected members of the Council will now take the floor,” the judge said. I let out a sigh of relief. I couldn’t have missed much if the Council weren’t there yet.
The twelve Council members filed on to the stage to take their seats on three rows of benches. They seemed to be a mix of men and women of different ages and races, wearing gowns in various shades of grey and dark grey. Goosebumps ran down my spine. I recognized one of the Council members. I don’t think I’d ever forget that face.
I nudged Athena. “He’s the man who made me late! The one in dark grey.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Ah. I suppose it was only a matter of time before you met Cranus.”
That was Cranus? No wonder I’d caught some serious nasty vibes from him.
“For anyone new to the Mount Olympus Court of Law,” the judge began, “let me take a few moments to explain the proceedings. Firstly, we will establish what rules have been broken. We will deal with the gods, followed by Lady Helen’s offence. Please note that Lady Helen is both a key witness and on trial herself.” I heard gasps from the crowd at the judge’s last sentence. “We will culminate proceedings with the judgement and punishment, if deemed suitable by the Council.”
It was going to be a long day.
THIRTY-SEVEN
“First, let us go through the charges,” the judge continued. Her voice resounded across the courtroom but there was no microphone to be seen. “The Rules were put in place to maintain harmony between gods and mortals. To break these rules is to disrupt a careful balance designed to protect mortals from harm. All immortal beings residing in the mortal realm swear to follow these rules. Very little good has come from mortals being aware of our existence.”
Huge swirls of coloured smoke appeared behind the judge, rising and expanding until they could be seen from any seat in the room. As she spoke, the wisps of smoke curled into words and sentences.
“Rule One,” the judge said, “gods must not reveal their immortal identity for any reason.”
The smoke mimicked her words, twisting like snakes. It was mesmerizing.
“Rule Two: gods must not use their powers to interfere with the fate of mortals,” she said. “For any reason.”
Again, the smoke obeyed the words spoken by the judge.
“I trust we are all clear?” She turned to face the gods. They gave tiny nods in response.
“Now, the Council are quite aware of the charges laid against the gods today. But I’d like to recap them for the audience,” she said. Audience. This trial was beginning to feel more like a show with every passing minute.
“The first offence: Lord Eros used his powers to cause a mortal to fall in love with Lord Zeus,” the judge said.
I gasped. The smoke words cleared and what looked like a giant hologram flickered into life. It was seriously cool. Like a film reel, it showed clips of Dad and Lisa together: having coffee in a cafe, drinking in a pub and walking hand in hand in a park. They looked so happy.
How did they get this footage? Was Apollo right – did the Council have spies everywhere? The thought that our family was being watched at all times made me shiver.
I glanced at Dad but his face didn’t betray any emotion. “I should add,” the judge continued, “that with Lord Zeus distracted by a mortal, Lady Aphrodite and Lord Apollo were free to pursue fame. It remains unclear if they used their powers to facilitate this.”
The huge hologram flashed through a different set of clips: Aphrodite’s TV interviews and YouTube videos, and Apollo on House of Stars.
“The gods have chosen to provide their testimonies in writing. However, they are still invited to give a short statement in their defence,” the judge said. “Should they wish.”
Dad stood up slowly and regally, like a ruler surveying his kingdom. The Bough of Demeter arched and bent to make space for him to stand up. He seemed nothing like the person I knew at home. He looked more like a god with every passing minute.
“Citizens of Mount Olympus,” he began, his voice filling the courtroom, “I can’t begin to describe how good it feels to see familiar faces. I only wish it was under better circu
mstances. We have nothing to say in our defence. I trust that the Council, a legal institution that I established aeons ago, will make the right choice.”
Good thing Dad stood up and not Apollo or Aphrodite. Their line of defence might not have been so diplomatic.
“Thank you for your succinct words, Lord Zeus,” the judge said. “Now, let us begin with the main event. Lady Helen, please come to the floor. It is time for the courtroom to hear your testimony.”
My robe was sticky with sweat and my eyes still sore from crying. I wished I had just a few more minutes to pull myself together. My argument with Cranus and the guard had left me in a complete state.
I rose and walked towards the stage. Wait. Where were my testimony notes?
“Go on, Helen,” Athena said under her breath, motioning towards the stage.
“But … my notes! I need my notes.”
The judge cleared her throat. “It would be appreciated if you didn’t waste any more of our time, Lady Helen,” she boomed.
“Helen, you’re holding them!” Athena whispered hurriedly.
I looked down and she was right. My notes were scrunched tight into a sweaty ball in my right hand. My nerves had got the better of me already.
I stepped out of our box, down towards the stage, and a guard motioned for me to stand in the centre of the stage. The gods were to my left and the Council were to my right. The air in the courtroom seemed to stand still. I was too hot, and the toga felt too tight around my shoulder. Sweat pooled down my back.
“Thank you for eventually joining us, Lady Helen,” the judge said.
I gulped. She was like the sternest teacher I’d ever had, multiplied by fifty.
“Council members, I urge you to pay close attention to Lady Helen’s words. You may ask any questions you see fit. Her testimony will be key to your deliberations.”
And to saving our lives.
My hands trembled as I smoothed out my page of notes. The moment I’d been dreading was just seconds away.
It was time. This was the chance I had to undo my mistake and make things right.
Oh My Gods Page 18