by T. A. Foster
I picked it up off the table. Everything was in it. The texts from Paxton were there. Pendleton would know.
He plucked it from my hand, rather too triumphantly for a man who had been feigning sympathies to a widow.
“When can I get it back? All my contacts are on there. I don’t have a landline.” I prayed he would scan it and hand it back.
“It’s part of the investigation. You will probably need to get a new phone.” He walked toward the front door. I locked the door behind him.
“Avery?”
“Yeah?”
“I need to borrow your phone.”
“Sure. Want to call mom?” she asked.
“No, I need to call an attorney.”
She looked worried. “Here you go.”
I watched the cars back out of the driveway. There was a black car parked in front of the house. It didn’t leave with the others. The man behind the wheel had on sunglasses and a dark suit.
I didn’t want his help. I didn’t want any of this. The anger engulfed me.
“I’ll be right back.” I left the phone on the table.
“Where are you going?”
I ignored her and slammed the door behind me.
I threw the tennis ball for Pepper so he wouldn’t try to follow me to the edge of the yard. I pushed past the magnolia branches.
I didn’t know if he was home, but since it was Sunday morning, I had a good chance of finding him here. I banged on the kitchen door.
“Audrey, come in.” He looked over my shoulder.
“Did you hire someone to watch my house?” I demanded.
“Yes, you need protection. You’re not safe.”
“Stop pretending like I’m in danger. I told you I didn’t want your help. I don’t need it.”
“Until we know for sure who killed Spencer, I’m not taking any chances with your life. I know you hate me right now. You’re angry. But that doesn’t change how I feel about you. I’m going to keep you safe.”
I shoved his chest. “You bastard! The only person I need protection from is you. And I’m going to tell the police.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I know you killed him.” I bit back angry hot tears.
“You can’t be serious. I would never— I couldn’t even think about…”
“Shut up. Just shut up! This isn’t a political rally or a press conference. There’s no one to hear your spin.”
He grabbed my shoulders. “There’s no spin. I didn’t kill Spencer. Believe that.”
“You did. You had to.” I let the first tear escape.
He wrapped an arm around my shoulder, and for a second, I let him pull me against his chest. “I know you did.”
He ran his fingers through my hair. “Shh…you’re hurt. You’re angry. You’re scared.”
I closed my eyes. I was all of those things. I couldn’t think straight.
“Let me help you. I can’t stand that you’re in pain.”
The tension in my frame eased at his words.
“Look at me, Audrey.”
I raised my eyes, the tears gathering on my bottom lids.
“Tell me why you think I would do anything in this world to hurt you? I love you.”
I looked into his eyes. The eyes of a man I just accused of being a murderer. Suddenly, I felt stupid for shoving him and yelling at him. It was reckless.
“I got carried away. I shouldn’t have said anything.” I pushed away from him. “I have to go.” I pulled the door open. “You should know the police have my phone.”
Panic streaked across his face. “What?”
“They showed up with a search warrant and took it. They’ll find out about us in one text message.”
I closed the door behind me.
I had never been in a police station before. Never. The interrogation room, as they called it, was like a rundown conference room at school. A long table in the middle, surrounded by chairs, the stuffing plucked and pulled where the vinyl had been picked.
Detective Pendleton had returned to the house only an hour after he left. He asked me to ride with him to the station. He promised it wasn’t anything formal. He just had a few more questions to ask me about Spencer.
I agreed and asked Avery to have Stella Price meet me there. She was the only female partner at Spence’s firm. If I were going to be humiliated with the revelation of the affair, I’d rather have her next to me.
I waited in the room, the fluorescent lights buzzing overhead. The door opened and Stella walked in. She had on a suit. I don’t know why I thought she might wear jeans on a Sunday.
“Audrey, you ok?” She squeezed my hand.
“I am. I’m scared.”
“I’m sure you are. But this is routine.” She pulled out a leather-bound notebook and began scribbling.
“They came to the house this morning with a warrant. They took Spence’s hard drive and some files.”
“Ok.” She underlined something on the pad.
“And they have my cell phone.”
“We can probably get that back. I bet they were looking for last texts from Spence. Something that would help put together the timeline before the shooting. Do you know why he was driving back in the middle of the night?”
“No. I didn’t hear from him at all that night.”
“All right. Then, there’s nothing on the phone that can help. I’ll make sure we get that back today.”
I shook my head. “There’s something on it.” I wrung my hands in my lap.
“What is it?”
“I was having an affair.”
If Stella thought I was a slut or a murderess psychopath, she didn’t let on. She scribbled more notes. “How long?”
“What?” I was waiting for a lecture. I was waiting for shock and the look of disappointment. I was wearing shame and I needed someone to see it.
“How long had it been going on?”
“Three months.”
“Name?”
“Paxton Tanner.”
She laid the pen down. “The candidate, Paxton Tanner?”
“Yes.”
“The one on the front page of the paper this morning?”
“Yes, that one.”
“Were you planning on leaving Spencer for him?” Stella picked up the pen again.
I shook my head. “I don’t think so. I mean, we only talked about it once. I hadn’t really decided yet. I was confused. I—”
“Did Spencer know?” she asked.
“No, he didn’t know.” I hung my head.
“Is there maybe some way he could have found out about it?”
“No. No one knew. We were careful.” God, that sounded awful. I realized all the lengths I had gone to to keep my secret from my husband. That crime seemed almost worse than the affair. Secrets on top of lies.
“Tell me about the texts before the detective walks in. I don’t need to be surprised.”
I tried to think about the things Paxton and I sent to each other. It was careless to leave them on my phone, but I liked reading them. Since Spence died, I hadn’t thought to delete anything.
“You know, just messages to each other about when we would see each other.”
“Anything explicit?”
“Yes. They were.” I couldn’t look at her.
“Just from him, or did you write them too?” The questions didn’t stop.
“Both, I guess.” I tried to think of the dirtiest thing I wrote. Probably something about him being inside me. I grabbed my stomach.
“Audrey, you ok?” Stella paused.
“No.” I didn’t think I’d ever answer that question any other way.
“Do you need a second, or can I keep going?” Her eyes wore concern.
“Just keep going. I have to get through this.”
“Were there any texts or emails about you two running off together? Anything that would suggest you might be planning on leaving your husband?”
I closed my eyes. “No. No
thing like that. It was only about us.”
She pursed her lips. “Do you think there’s a possibility Tanner is involved? Candidate Tanner, that is.”
“I don’t know. It’s possible. He owns a gun and he told me he wanted me to leave Spence the same night he died. He also has people. People who can make things happen. Things get erased if he wants them to.” I started babbling, spouting off things I knew about Paxton. My theories about Sarah I didn’t know I had. The car accident, how he probably had her run off the road. It wouldn’t stop. I kept talking until the door opened.
“Ms. Price. Mrs. Kingston.” Detective Pendleton dropped into the open seat. “Thanks for meeting with me. I have a few questions. Nothing official, you understand.” He flipped open the lid on his laptop.
I nodded and Stella tapped my hand. “Go ahead with your questions, detective. Mrs. Kingston will cooperate in any way that helps with your investigation. We’re as eager as you, more probably, to bring justice to this investigation.”
He placed my cell phone in the center of the table. “Can you tell us where you were the night your husband was killed?”
I thought the questions would start out slow and easy, working their way up to the ones that would hit me in the gut, but Pendleton didn’t live in a world of finesse. He went straight for the neck.
“I-I was next door.”
“Next door? You mean at Mr. Tanner’s house?” he asked.
“Yes. That’s right.”
“And approximately how long were you there Tuesday night?”
“All night.”
“All night. Ok. What were you doing there?”
I couldn’t look at him. I found a smudge on the wall over his shoulder. “We had dinner together. He cooked.”
“And this dinner lasted all night? Seems a little strange for dinner.” He typed on his keyboard. “Could you elaborate on your relationship with Mr. Tanner?”
“We were seeing each other,” I whispered.
“By seeing you mean you had a sexual relationship with him? You were having an affair with your neighbor?”
I pushed down the bile that was in my throat. “Yes.”
The only sound in the room was Pendleton’s typing. “What time did you leave his residence?”
“I think it was around eight in the morning.” I struggled to find my voice.
“Did you see Mr. Tanner leave at any point during the time you were at his house?”
“I didn’t see him leave, but I fell asleep,” I responded.
“So you can’t account for him the entire night?” There was a new lightness in the detective’s voice as if I had just given him a boost of caffeine.
“No, I can’t.”
Stella nodded her approval at me. She continued to write during the interrogation. Two hours later, Detective Pendleton handed me my phone and said I was able to return home. He would check in with me tomorrow.
Stella asked if she could stop by in the morning. Exhausted and humiliated, I rode in the back of the police car.
I shouldn’t have been surprised when I saw the Charleston squad car in Paxton’s driveway. I watched them escort him to the backseat. It looked like there were cuffs on his wrists, but the scene was blurry.
The officer dropped me off in the driveway.
Avery hugged me and Pepper nosed my palms. “Are you all right? You look awful.”
“Thanks.” I slumped into the kitchen chair.
“Did you see what was happening next door? Your neighbor just got carted off.”
I closed my eyes. This had to happen. The truth was going to be headline news in ten minutes. I had to tell her.
“Avery, I think Paxton may have had something to do with Spencer’s death.”
“What? Why?”
“Because I was sleeping with him.”
“Shut up! What?”
“I think he wanted Spencer out of the picture so we could be together. I don’t know. It’s crazy. Nothing makes any sense.”
“I don’t believe what I’m hearing right now. You cheated on Spencer?”
I was six years older. Six years is a lot when you’re a child. Old enough to comfort crying from scraped knees, and calm nightmares. I did everything first. Blazed the trail for Avery, showing her the ropes at school, at college. How to be the perfect bride. How to map out a career and how to balance all of it with marriage. She never had to tell me she looked up to me; I knew it. But now, standing in my kitchen, she was looking at me with disgust. Distain. Repulsion.
“How could you do that?”
“I don’t have a good reason.” I squeezed my eyes together, until I could almost hear the humming in my ears. “It happened and I thought it would stop, but I didn’t stop it. I couldn’t.”
“Yes, you could. Don’t tell me that. Spencer didn’t deserve that. You could have left or something. You cheated on him?” She stormed out of the kitchen.
“Avery, don’t go. Please try and understand.”
“I thought I knew what kind of person you were.”
“You do know me. I’m the same person. I didn’t want to hurt Spence.”
“But you did.”
“He didn’t know. At least he died without that pain.” I was clinging to scraps of light.
“It’s probably why he was driving back early from his meeting.” She slammed the door in my face.
“What?” I called through the door.
It was muffled but I heard her respond. “He was probably on his way back to kick that guy’s ass.”
I had been in a fog. Walking in a haze, drinking bottles of wine, taking sedatives the doctor prescribed after I hyperventilated. It felt good living in zombie skin, zoning out and pretending I was an emotionless bitch.
I didn’t want the fog to lift long enough to think, but for a split second Avery’s fit of anger penetrated the bubble I created. Spencer was supposed to be in Columbia for another twelve hours when he was killed. Someone knew where he was. Someone followed him. Not only that, he was traveling back in the middle of the night. There were no texts or calls from him. Avery might be right. What if he was on his way back to catch me or to confront me?
How would he have found out? No one knew. We had been discreet. Other than the text messages, there was no trace of us.
“Avery, can’t we talk?” I beat on the door. “Avery!”
She had always been stubborn. I used to think it was because she was the baby of the family. My parents seemed to give in to everything she wanted. She had a later curfew than I did; she got to go to horseback camp and I didn’t. Her allowance was almost double mine. Being the younger sister had worked to her advantage despite how she complained about it.
I walked away.
“Where are you going?” The door was ajar. She blotted her face with a tissue.
“If you don’t want to talk, then I don’t want to force you. It’s not worth arguing anymore. I don’t have the energy to fight you on top of everything else going on.”
“I want to help you through this. I can see you’re hurting. It’s just…I don’t know if I can.” She wiped roughly at her eyes, smearing mascara in the corners. “I know I’m not supposed to judge you, but it’s still there.”
I wondered what I looked like to her now.
“Are you going to leave?” I didn’t expect anyone to understand what I had done. But faced with total abandonment, I was desperate for an ally, just a single glimpse of empathy. Although, I knew I didn’t deserve it.
“I don’t know. This is complicated. I want to be here for you. I do, damn it, Audrey. I’m mad at you right now.”
“I get that. I’m angry at myself.”
“Do you love him?” Her voice was quiet.
“Of course I love Spence. I’ll always love him.”
“No, I meant him. Did you at least love him?”
The word ripped at me. “I think I did for a little bit.”
“How can you love two people at the same time?” She was grasping,
trying to make sense out of something that was illogical.
“Because they were different. They made me different.”
“And you couldn’t figure out that you needed something different without cheating?” Every question made me feel as if I was back in the police conference room, only this time my sister was dissecting my raw emotions.
“No. I didn’t even know it. I couldn’t know it.”
“I don’t get it. You’re not making any sense.” She rubbed her temples. “You had all this? This beautiful house, this life with a nice guy who was head over heels in love with you, and you gave it up for nothing. Nothing!” Her voice escalated. “I stood next to you at your wedding. I helped you move in here. I’ve been with you every Christmas, and you know what I was thinking the whole time?”
I shook my head, afraid to talk.
“I wanted this. I have prayed that I could have a husband like you had. I envied your life with him. I compare everyone I date to Spence. I wonder if we’ll have what you two had.” She glared. “And you just didn’t care.”
“Avery.” I didn’t know how to calm her.
“I think I’ll go in the morning. I need more time.” She walked backward. “I can’t do this.”
The next morning, we drank coffee in a quiet kitchen. I was surprised she was still willing to hug me when she threw her bag in the trunk. She promised to check on me later, but we both knew later was open-ended.
I stood in the driveway, watching her car turn out of the neighborhood. I lingered too long, a minute later a news van pulled in front of the house. A reporter ran toward me, shoving a microphone in my face.
“Did you have an affair with Paxton Tanner? Did you know he’s in police custody? What are your comments?”
I ran. My bare feet carrying me through the garage. I smacked the button before she could duck under the door. I closed the blinds and the curtains, and crouched on the floor next to the office window. There were more news trucks parked between my driveway and Paxton’s.
I crawled to the TV in the corner of the room and turned it on. There it was, scrolling along the bottom of the screen.
The entire world had just found out I had an affair with Paxton Tanner.
I opened the door for Stella.