by Aiden Bates
Ethan pouted, but accepted the fish Allen dished onto his plate without further comment.
"That's not the only news you have for us, is it?" Jim waggled his eyebrows.
"Oh no?" Janine passed the vegetables over to Allen. "What else have you got cooking, big guy?"
Allen couldn't keep his cheeks from flaming red. How in hell had Jim heard about it, anyway? "Um, right. I'm seeing someone." He tugged at his collar. "Seriously? You guys knew about that down in IT?" If Jim knew about it down in IT, that could create a problem for the ruse.
"Oh, sure. We picked up on the sudden uptick in messages between you guys. Not that we spy on you, but a couple of the girls feel like they have a vested interest. I mean he's a hot doctor, you're a hot nurse practitioner." Jim waved a dismissive hand. "We were all surprised to find out how long it's been going on."
Janine's mouth flattened out. "And how long has it been going on?"
Allen swallowed. "Well, three months."
"Three months, and I'm only just now hearing about it?" Janine sucked in her cheeks.
Harper turned to look at her uncle. "You're going to bed without dessert tonight, Uncle Allen."
Allen squirmed. "Look, we didn't think it was all that serious, and then we just got into the habit, you know? And it's not exactly easy for him to be open about that kind of thing. He's from Jamaica. It's not safe to be open about dating guys there."
"Hm." Janine snorted. "You like him, though."
"Yeah. I do." Allen dished the vegetables out to his niece and nephew, and then he took some for himself. "Like I said, I don't know how serious it is. I'm still going ahead with the adoption, for Alaina. But we'll see what happens, you know?"
"Am I allowed to meet this maybe not serious doctor, or is that frowned on in Jamaica, too?" Janine was never going to let that one go. Allen had known his sister his whole life, and he knew how she did resentment.
"Janine, I'm counting on it."
***
Brantley walked down to Obstetrics and found his way to Allen's office. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to think of Allen. He supposed he should think of Allen as his boyfriend, but that didn't quite work. Well, he'd figure something out. That was what he did, right? Figure out a way to get by until he solved the problem.
Allen, as it turned out, wasn't in his office. The receptionist sniffed at Brantley, like he should know where Allen was. Did normal, real couples operate like that? Did they somehow have LoJacks in one another's bodies, that they knew where the other one was at all times? "Allen is down in the NICU with Alaina," she told him, in a cool tone. "He spends all of his lunch breaks there?"
Right. Maybe Brantley should have known, after all. Allen had mentioned the little drug baby once or twice.
"Thank you. I'll head down there, then." Brantley plastered a smile onto his face and turned on his heel. His dark skin hid his humiliated blush, for which he was grateful.
The NICU wasn't far away, fortunately, and the head nurse was willing enough to let him in to see Allen. Brantley swallowed his panic. He wasn't sure which option gave him more fear. Was he more afraid that she knew they were dating, or that she knew they weren't really together after all? It didn't matter. Panic was panic.
Allen sat in a rocking chair. He wore a hospital robe, open to expose his bare, tanned torso. Brantley hadn't been prepared for that. He'd known, in theory, why Allen was down here. He understood that Allen was here to give skin-to-skin care to a baby who needed it. He hadn't been prepared for the sight of this man's bare skin, or how the sight of that skin would cut through his fear and make him want.
The tiny baby on Allen's chest squirmed a little and made an unhappy face. Allen looked up and smiled at Lisa. "Looks like somebody's getting hungry."
Lisa, the nurse, shook her head. "You're the only person who can read her like that." She grinned and reached for a bottle. "You get her to eat more than anyone else does, too. I think she really does love you."
Allen blushed and looked down at the baby. "Well, she's just a sweetie." He accepted the bottle and guided it to the baby's lips. "You're an amazing little sweetheart, aren't you? And you're growing up so big and strong, making me so proud!" He smiled down at the girl, eyes full of love.
It would be something, to be loved like that.
Brantley cleared his throat and looked away. Lisa must have forgotten he was there, because now she looked up. "Allen, you've got a visitor."
Allen knit his brows together in confusion, but he covered it up nicely when he saw Brantley. Someone who wasn't looking for it wouldn't see anything wrong at all. "Brantley, hey! What a great surprise! Lisa, this is Brantley." He smiled over at Brantley. "I'd get up, but I'm a little tied up right now." He narrowed his eyes at Brantley for a moment, and Brantley understood.
He walked over to the chair and wrapped an arm around Allen's shoulders. He gave a little squeeze. Would that be enough of a gesture to satisfy expectations? No, apparently not. Lisa frowned, a little line appearing on her forehead, and Allen's eyes narrowed even further.
Brantley pretended to kiss Allen on the cheek, and that seemed to relax Lisa. What was it with Americans, that they needed to go advertising their relationships to the world anyway? Of course, they had that option. He had to remember that.
"Looks like you're pretty comfortable." Brantley stepped back, but not too far. He left a hand on top of the rocking chair. He didn't touch Allen, but it would have looked affectionate from the outside.
"This is hardly the first time I've done this." Allen smiled down at the baby, who kicked her little feet as she drank from her bottle. "She's pretty special, I'll admit. I'm her foster dad."
Brantley pulled his head back. "Are you?"
Lisa beamed. "She needs someone who can make medical decisions for her. He's already on the list, so that's taken care of. And he'll be taking her home if no bio family comes through by the time she's ready to leave the hospital."
Brantley didn't pull his hand away. How would a real boyfriend react in this situation? He knew how he felt, how he would react if Allen were really his partner. He'd be livid. How in the hell could Allen make a decision like this without consulting his boyfriend? This was a life-altering decision!
Of course, Allen wasn't really his boyfriend. Allen and Brantley weren't thinking of spending the rest of their lives together. Once Immigration was off Brantley's back, Allen would go back to his regular life. He deserved to do the things that made him happy, and he didn't have any children of his own. What right did Brantley have to stand in his way? "Well, she's certainly taken to you." Brantley tried to smile, just a little. He wasn't sure how well he did, but he guessed it was the thought that counted.
"Totally mutual." Allen didn't look up at him as the baby finished her bottle. He just shifted her and gave some gentle pats to her tiny back, so she could burp. Then she settled in and went to sleep on his chest again.
Brantley shifted in place. He hadn't come down here to watch Allen cuddle a baby. He'd come down here with some concerns, and he needed to discuss them. Watching Allen with the baby was distracting. It was beguiling. Brantley wasn't prepared to get distracted or beguiled by his pretend boyfriend. "Do you think we could talk for a minute?"
Lisa simpered at them for a second. "I'll just be over in the other room."
Brantley watched her as she walked out.
Allen's demeanor toward Brantley changed as soon as they were alone. "What brings you by?" He didn't stiffen up, not completely, but he did cool noticeably.
Brantley crossed his arms over his chest. It shouldn't bother him that Allen cooled toward him. They weren't lovers. He needed to remember himself. " You're moving to adopt when we're supposed to be in a relationship, and this is the first I'm hearing about it?"
Allen rolled his beautiful green eyes up to the ceiling. "First of all, it's not like I was out there looking for a child to adopt. Alaina needs a home and a family. If her family shows up, and the environment is safe for her, then she'll go to them.
Babies born with addiction need a stable environment in order to recover, so that's what I can offer her. Secondly, my boyfriend of three months would know that's something I do. I've fostered other babies in similar situations before."
Allen took a deep breath and continued. "And third, Brantley, we should probably talk about what people know and what they suspect about our relationship. Because I'm having to make a lot of stuff up on the fly here, and it would be swell if we could communicate more than twice a week and keep our stories straight."
Brantley tilted his head to the side. A lot of things made more sense now. "That probably explains the conversation I had with the NP up in Palliative Care."
Allen started, and the baby in his arms fussed for a second before settling back in. "That would be Luke."
"Yes. Curly hair, a bit of a baby bump?" Brantley pressed his lips together. "I went up to see a patient on my rounds and the man buttonholed me. He said, 'Allen deserves better.'" Brantley spread his hands wide. "Why is our relationship any of his business?"
"It's a hospital, Brantley. People gossip. It's just what they do, and it's going to work to our advantage. Luke is one of my best friends. He drew his own conclusions based on the fact that we've supposedly been together for three months and he's never seen us together. And the fact that you act like I'm covered in poison ivy when we're out in public."
Brantley bit back a curse. "I don't act like you're covered in poison ivy. I just don't see the point of rubbing our relationship in everyone's face. You do remember where I come from, right? Where I'm going back to? I'm not exactly comfortable with the whole making out in public thing. It has a tendency to cause people to come down with a sudden case of blunt force trauma."
Allen lifted an eyebrow at him. "I'm aware," he said. Brantley's blood boiled, because this white man who'd grown up in a safe place like New York State couldn't truly be aware of anything of the sort. He held his piece as Allen continued, though, because Allen was giving up a lot to try to help him.
"I'm aware," he said again, "but Brantley, we're not in Jamaica. I'm not pretending that sort of thing doesn't happen here. It happens less, but here's the thing. One of the reasons they bounced your asylum claim is they tried to claim you're straight. It's hard for you to do public displays of affection, but if you want the ruse to work, you have to be visibly gay. It's stupid. You shouldn't have to 'prove' your sexuality, but in the short term you do. That means little touches, holding my hand. Pretend you actually do find me attractive. Don't recoil when I do those things to you. Fake it until you make it."
Brantley bit down on his tongue. Everything Allen was saying made perfect sense. He just couldn't make himself accept it. There was so much shame and humiliation in the very idea of proving himself in that way he couldn't accept it. "It's easy for you to say," he said after a moment. "You're not the one they'll kill."
"Take your pick." Allen shrugged as best he could with a baby in his arms. "You can either get deported back to certain death because they don't think you're actually gay, or you can hold your nose and fake it. I don't mean to be a jerk. I'm not in the position you're in, and I'm not trying to trivialize what you're going through. But Brantley, right now, it looks like those are your two options. If you can come up with a third, that would be awesome. I'm not a huge fan of lying to my friends and family. Until then, this is what we have to do."
Brantley gritted his teeth. "You're right. I know you're right. I just hate it."
"I know you do." Allen looked down at Alaina. "Anyway, my sister wants to meet you. She's a speech pathologist. And her husband works in IT. There's apparently been a bevy of interested parties who wanted to see us together anyway, which is super creepy. But they've been monitoring the frequency of our messages to one another, so we should maybe pick that up."
Brantley recoiled. "Uh, no. No, we shouldn't be encouraging that. You just pointed out that it's creepy."
"It's also very helpful in terms of creating a paper trail for ICE to follow." Allen set his jaw.
"Good point." Brantley deflated. "Sorry. This is all kind of outside of my comfort zone."
Allen gave him a wan smile. "Yeah, I get that. Trust me."
"Okay. I'll see you Friday?" Brantley stuck his hands into his pockets. He'd screwed up, somehow, and he didn't know how.
"Sure. We might want to get together at lunch or something tomorrow, or meet for breakfast or something. Doesn't have to be long." He glanced toward the window. "It's up to you."
"Yeah. I'll call you." Brantley fled the NICU and headed back to the relative safety of Oncology.
Once he found his way to his office, he sat down and relaxed. If anyone had told him, even two weeks ago, that maintaining a fake relationship would be harder than maintaining a real one, he'd have laughed in their face. It wasn't like Brantley hadn't ever dated. At least with a real boyfriend he could retreat someplace private and make it up to him. With Allen, he just kept digging a hole for himself and couldn't seem to dig his way out.
Pretend you actually do find me attractive. Allen's words echoed in Brantley's bowed head. He hadn't thought about Allen in that way. Attractive or not, Brantley wasn't in a position to start a relationship, and Brantley hadn't ever considered dating someone he worked with. He'd always kept his personal and professional life as separate as possible, to maintain secrecy.
Was Allen attractive? He was taller than Brantley, and Brantley hadn't ever dated a white guy before. At the same time, Brantley couldn't sit back and pretend he hadn't gotten hard just looking at Allen while he held that baby down in the NICU. Covered up, Allen was kind of a beanpole. Exposed, Allen could be seen for what he was — a thin-framed athlete with the kind of body who made grown men weep.
And he was completely off limits.
Brantley chewed on one of his knuckles. Did Allen have to be off limits? If the world already believed they were dating, would it be the end of the world for them to just kind of slide into making that pretend world a reality? Brantley could almost see it. He could see Allen holding a little dark-skinned baby, instead of a little redhead. He could see Allen looking up at him with affection instead of exasperation.
He turned to his computer and kicked himself in the shin. What was he thinking? He and Allen were about as compatible as frogs and petrol. They'd have nothing to talk about, once the crisis with Immigration had passed. Allen was smart, sure, but he had a very narrow field of practice. He was a family man, and family life had been out of the question for Brantley for decades.
No, Allen was as off limits to Brantley as his homeland. He was nice enough. Brantley could wish him well. Maybe he'd help to find him a real boyfriend someday. Allen clearly had some self-esteem issues he needed to work through, if his comment about comfort zones was anything to go by. Brantley could probably help him with that, once the crisis had passed.
For now, though, he had to prioritize, just like he would with a patient. Allen was a nice guy, and Brantley wanted to help him out, but life-threatening issues had to come before others. They would take care of immigration first. Brantley would do whatever it took to get through this crisis. Then, he would help Allen with whatever was going on with him.
Chapter Four
Allen helped his patient off the table. Tyler Killam shouldn't have any problems delivering the baby he currently carried under his heart. He was young, but not too young. He was healthy. The baby—a boy, according to the ultrasound—was a good size, but not too big. All in all, Killam's pregnancy was textbook perfect. Of course, anything could go wrong when it came to omegas. "Well, it looks like everything's going along smoothly. You're on track to deliver right around your due date."
Killam rubbed his belly. It wasn't a baby bump anymore. It was a mountain, and the mountain would soon give way. "Are you sure? It just feels like he's never going to come out."
Allen couldn't say he knew how that felt. He never would. Instead, he just gave the younger man a little smile. "A lot of guys feel that way. The last few wee
ks of pregnancy can be pretty uncomfortable. Are you having any pains, or any weird symptoms?"
"No. None. Just a lot of pressure on my insides, you know? Everything's squished up where it shouldn't go." He made a face. "I don't think I like this."
"It's definitely not something to undertake lightly." He grinned. "You've got the hotline number in your phone, right? When the time comes, you're not going to want to go fumbling in your wallet for a piece of paper."
"You bet." Killam rolled his eyes. "My husband's a little useless when it comes to any kind of emergency situation, you know?"
"Oh yeah. We'll make sure there's a curtain and everything. He won't be able to get in the way or hurt himself. Believe me, we see this kind of thing all the time. Not all guys have a hard time with it, but enough do that we're prepared for it." He shook Killam's hand. "Okay. We'll see you in a week, if not sooner."
Once Killam was gone, Allen checked his messages. Most of them were just the usual pile of crap from various business units of the hospital, things that had very little to nothing to do with him. Only one came from Brantley. Tomorrow was Friday night, their official Date Night. The message was about as terse as Allen had come to expect from the doctor. Should we have dinner tonight?