by Aiden Bates
"I've got plenty of other sheets for this bed." Allen licked his lips. "You don't have to re-make the bed just yet. If you'd rather wait until morning, we can both clean up and then sleep in my room. It's not a big deal. I mean we have to wear pants and stuff, but still."
Brantley brightened a little. "You wouldn't mind?"
"Of course not." Allen forced a smile. "We should put these sheets into a paper bag, though. That's what they use for evidence, right?"
"Right." Brantley's shoulders slumped a little. "We should maybe clean up first."
Allen agreed with that. He headed back to his own bathroom and had a shower, which woke Alaina. Once he was dressed he got her changed and fed, and settled in to give her a cuddle while Brantley dealt with the sheets.
Brantley came in to bed once Alaina was back to bed. Sadie looked a little askance at the interloper in what she saw as her bed, but since he didn't take her spot at the foot of the bed, she didn't complain.
"The dog seriously sleeps in your bed?" Brantley groused as he slipped under the covers. "How do you not have fleas?"
"Better living through chemistry." Allen tried not to laugh. "Do you complain this much with every guy you sleep with?"
"Only the ones that sleep with their livestock."
Sadie harrumphed as though she could understand them, and they soon fell asleep in their awkwardly separate positions.
Allen wasn't at all surprised when he woke up with his head pillowed on Brantley's chest, with the dog snuggled up between them as far as she could go. He was a little more surprised to find Brantley's hand on her shoulder, but he kept his mouth shut about that.
***
Sex with Allen had been the single best experience Brantley had ever had, either inside or outside of the bedroom. Depositing a paper bag with their used and dirty sheets in it came a close second, even mixed with the shame associated with having to prove he'd actually engaged in sexual relations with another human being. And the fear that went along with having to admit to his sexuality at all.
It even made up for the tongue-lashing Gupta subjected them to after he found out about the "deposit" they'd made at the James F. Hanley Federal Building.
Brantley had even been allowed to sleep next to Allen that night. Was it at all possible that Allen might have let him sleep there before now? Was it at all possible that Brantley might have wanted to sleep there before now, but just hadn't let himself try?
What were the odds that Allen would let him sleep there again?
He decided he could try his luck again. When nighttime rolled around, he just made his way to Allen's bedroom and lay down on "his" side of the bed. Allen froze up for a second, and Brantley thought he might have overstepped. Then Allen curled up next to Brantley, with his head on Brantley's chest, and went to sleep.
Brantley wasn't going to complain at all.
They settled into a new normal, where they shared Allen's bed and bathroom. It was something Brantley hadn't ever imagined himself doing, or having the freedom to do, in his lifetime. Sure, maybe there had been a few distant fantasies, but they'd never seemed realistic. The idea of confronting all of his fears, all of that terror, and coming away unscathed just made his blood run cold.
Until Allen. Allen just made his blood run.
Brantley got used to Alaina, too. When he'd been sleeping in his own room, he'd noticed Alaina crying, and sometimes he'd had a hard time getting back to sleep. It wasn't that she was all that loud. She had a set of lungs on her, even if her premature birth seemed to suggest she shouldn't. No, Brantley had a hard time getting back to sleep because he felt guilty. Allen was doing all of the work, and Brantley should be helping.
Now, he could just get up and help out. He even got Allen to show him how to mix up bottles of formula. Allen got some of the feedings, and Brantley got some of them. Sure, Brantley got less sleep, but he also got to hold Alaina in his arms sometimes. He'd resisted that, but now he loved it.
And now that Allen could feel safe with Brantley being left alone with Alaina, he could do things on his own again. On the Saturday after they made love, Allen took Sadie for a run and left Brantley alone with Alaina for a couple of hours. They didn't kiss or anything, but Allen let his hand linger on Brantley's shoulder. It was one of the highest forms of praise he could have offered.
Allen hadn't been gone for ten minutes when the doorbell rang. For one brief, terrifying minute, Brantley thought it might be Gottlieb. He'd come to take Brantley away. Alaina would be left in her bassinet, all alone until Allen got home with no word as to where he'd gone or what he'd done.
Then he opened the door. His visitor, he found, was only moderately less terrifying than the ICE agent who'd made sending him back to death his mission in life. Allen's sister, Janine, stood on the doorstep. No husband or children accompanied her. "Hi, Brantley." Her lips stretched into a tight, thin, entirely artificial smile. "How's things?"
Brantley forced a smile of his own. "As well as can be expected, I suppose. Allen's gone off for a run." He chuckled. "I guess he finally deems me competent to look after Alaina for a couple of hours."
Janine nodded. "I know. I saw him go. I was actually hoping I could talk with you, if that's okay."
Brantley stepped back and let Janine into the house. He wouldn't have dared keep her out. "Let me start up some coffee." He hid his trembling hands by busying them with the coffee pot. "Can I get you anything else while we wait? Today is grocery day, so we're a little light on most things, but I think we have some cookies. Maybe some toast?"
"No, thank you. Coffee is fine." Janine put her purse down on the entryway table, over the basket with Sadie's toys, and took a seat at the little breakfast table by the window. She sat in Brantley's usual spot. Brantley frowned, but he got over it. Of course she sat in Brantley's spot. There weren't but two chairs at that little table, and one of them was Allen's.
He pushed his dreads out of his face and tried to be pleasant. Alaina had a little basket she slept in downstairs. Eventually she'd outgrow it, but for now she was usually content to hang around in there if she wasn't in someone's arms. "Would you like me to bring Alaina in?"
"That would be a treat." Janine's smile wasn't faked this time.
Brantley went to fetch the basket from the living room. Alaina was awake. She made a little cooing sound and waved her little arms at him. He picked her up out of the basket and offered her to Janine, who accepted the cuddle without pretending to resist first.
"Hello, you pretty little girl." She kissed Alaina's cheek. "Aren't you the sweetest thing? Yes, you still smell like new baby, don't you? Your daddy must have given you a bath recently."
Brantley huffed out a little laugh and checked the coffee pot. Why wouldn't the infernal machine brew faster? "Allen washed her last night. Her skin is still very sensitive. She gets itchy if you wash her too often, but a couple of times a week seems to do the job."
Janine held the baby close to her. "I remember when my own babies were this small. It's nice when they're tiny, like this. It's a tradeoff, of course. No one likes the three AM feedings. No one in their right mind, anyway. But sometimes I'd take them back in a heartbeat to have two kids who can't squabble with one another."
Brantley couldn't help but grin at that. "Well now. I can't really speak to that. Your kids are good kids. Allen loves them, and I've only been around them a couple of times but I honestly think I'd do anything for them. That Harper—I can't remember when I've seen a mind like that."
"Harper?" Janine blinked. "She's a normal seven-year-old. She likes dolls, and horses, and crafts."
The coffee pot finally pinged to alert Brantley that the coffee was ready. "She can also do math at a level far above her age, without having to think about it. And she is so curious. Maybe she doesn't show it at home, because that's where she does crafts and plays with dolls."
Janine accepted the carton of cream Brantley put out in front of her. "Allen never has cream." She stared at the carton in her hand, as
if confused.
"And when I first moved in, I told him what blasphemy that was." Brantley shook his head. "He didn't even have sugar in the house. Can you imagine? No sugar at all, but four different kinds of dog biscuit."
"He's had that dog what, four months now? Five? And she's already part of the family." Janine shook her head and poured a generous amount of cream into her coffee. "Honestly, I think Sadie's been good for him. I tease him, but I think she's been good for him. And I think Alaina's been good for him. He's got a lot of love in him, Brantley. He hasn't had a lot of outlets for that love, you know? He's had my kids, and that's about it."
Brantley looked out the window. There wasn't much to see, just the siding from the garage, but he looked anyway. "That's something we've talked about, at least briefly. He's been excited to bring Alaina home."
Janine took a sip of coffee and then held her cup between her hands. "He has. He's always wanted a family of his own, you know?" She looked up at him with her big brown eyes. "That's kind of why I'm here."
Brantley picked up his mug. Once again, his hands were shaking. "I'm afraid I don't follow."
"You have to admit it seems a little strange. I mean you guys say you were together before, but we're very close. Allen tells me everything. And he's never mentioned having a boyfriend." Janine looked down for a moment.
Brantley's heart dropped. Janine knew. She knew, or she suspected. "How much do you know about Jamaica?"
She looked up and giggled, just a little bit. It might have been described as a sheepish giggle, under other circumstances. "I went there on spring break once, in college."
Brantley smirked. "I see. And you stayed in one of the resorts, yes? All inclusive, no reason to set foot outside the gates."
"Well, yeah." She blushed and looked away. "It was spring break. I wasn't there as an anthropologist. I was there for rum, daiquiris, and my tan."
"Tans give you cancer, Janine." He didn't even think about it, the warning just tumbled out of his mouth. "Anyway. Jamaica is a beautiful country. We have a strong culture, a very vibrant and rich history. And it's a culture where certain types of beliefs are strongly held."
"Okay." Janine adjusted Alaina's weight in her arms. "I'm not sure I follow."
"Most people there follow a very strict interpretation of Christianity. And people like me, and like Allen, aren't exactly welcome. Men who are attracted to men, whether gay or bisexual, are beaten or killed. I was beaten. I've known men who were killed."
Janine shuddered. "So you came here?"
"Yes. Twenty years ago, Janine. The experience never left me, though. In Jamaica, it's not safe to be… I could never hold someone's hand. I could never kiss him in public. The idea of living in a house with him, like this, or raising a child with him? It couldn't happen. Every day, I wake up, and I think two things. I think, 'I'm so lucky to be here.' And I think, 'I shouldn't be here. Someone will find me, find us. They'll hurt us, they'll hurt Allen. We have to hide.'"
Janine contemplated his words before making a grab for her coffee again. "I had a visit from a couple of ICE agents, while I was at work."
Brantley sucked in his cheeks. "I thought you might have, when you mentioned that you wanted to talk without Allen being around."
Janine gave a self-deprecating little laugh. "And here was me thinking I was being all subtle. I guess the Fryes don't do subtle. Anyway, they told me you're being deported. Said your asylum grant had been revoked." She took a quick sip of her coffee again. "Said you're not actually gay."
"Their decision is being appealed." He gripped the handle on his mug a little tighter.
"Are you actually gay?" She leaned forward.
"Yes. I am actually gay." Brantley scowled at her. "Why is it that everyone wants to know who I'm sleeping with, anyway? It's not enough for me to stand up and say, 'Hey. I'm gay.'" He pressed his hands to his chest. "No, I have to go running around giving graphic demonstrations of my sexuality to God and everyone." He held out his hand toward Janine. "When was the last time you were asked to prove you were straight, I ask you?"
"Okay, valid, but I'm not trying to prove I'm being persecuted because I'm straight." Janine bowed her head. Her straight brown hair, cut into a reverse bob, fell to hide her face. "Here's the thing, Brantley. You seem like a nice enough guy. And I'll take your word for it, about the gay thing. I don't need a graphic demonstration." She clutched her stomach. "Please don't give me a graphic demonstration. Here's the thing, though. While I'm sympathetic, you're not my primary concern."
"Allen is." Brantley met her eyes. "You're a good sister."
"You say that now." She straightened her back. "He's been hurt before, you know? Sure, everyone's been hurt before, but not everyone's my brother. So along comes this guy we've never met and shacks up with him after supposedly dating him for three months…"
Brantley grimaced. "I know it doesn't look right. And you already know my immigration status is being questioned right now. I can honestly tell you, Allen and I weren't serious. We went public with our relationship, even though I was afraid, because we hoped it would prove something to ICE. Then they wanted to see us moved in together, even though we'd only been together for three months.
"So we moved in together. Personally, I think three months is absurdly short, but that was what they wanted to see. Allen's an amazing man. He put up with it. And while I didn't think it would be healthy for our relationship, I can look you in the eye and tell you Allen has become the most essential part of my life. I can't imagine life without him now."
Janine shifted Alaina in her arms. "Seriously? You don't think it all sounds a little bit suspicious?"
"I'm sure it does." Brantley spread his hands out, indicating the whole table. "I think you're very right to be suspicious. I would be too. I'm openly admitting that we only moved in together because of ICE."
Janine went silent again. "If this whole thing works out?"
"Then I'm Allen's, for as long as he wants me. I'm terrified, of course. I still think the neighbors are going to come around with cricket bats because they saw us holding hands. But being afraid has come very close to getting me sent back to exactly what I'm afraid of, so I don't think I can afford to listen to my fears anymore."
She looked him in the eye. "All right. Well, we'll see. Thank you for being honest."
"I'm pretty sure you can count on me to always be honest." Brantley tried not to cringe. He'd only told one lie—the one about him and Allen being together for three months beforehand. That somehow didn't make him feel any better.
Chapter Eleven
Allen had been surprised to find Janine at his house when he got home from his run, but he'd been pleased, too. If he could get his family to accept Brantley, and to buy into the lie, it would help Brantley’s situation. He hated having to lie to at all, but helping Brantley had been his decision, and having his family at his back would alleviate some of his fears.
The rest of the weekend went pretty well. He and Brantley traded off with household chores and taking care of Alaina. It was basically a scene of ideal domestic bliss. The only real problem was coming up with something suitably visible to do, to which they could take Alaina. All they really wanted to do was to stay in and spend some time together, but they weren't here to sit around and cuddle. They weren't here to start a relationship or fall in love. They were here to do a job.
Too bad everything had to seem so real.
So they headed out to a Chiefs game. It wasn't exactly quiet, but the crowd was more manageable than any of their other options might have been. If Alaina couldn't handle it, and at her tiny age that was more likely than not, they wouldn't have sunk much money into the outing.
Alaina wasn't exactly into the game. She was mostly into hanging out in her baby carrier and sleeping. Sometimes she woke up and looked with wide eyes at the world around her, and once or twice she even gave Allen and Brantley wide, toothless smiles. For the most part, though, the nuances of the game of baseball passed over h
er.
Brantley, as it turned out, had become quite the baseball fan since coming to America. Allen had watched a game or two with him on the couch, but they'd mostly been doing other things at the time. Now Brantley wound up explaining aspects of the game to Allen, even though Allen had actually played in little league, while Brantley had grown up with cricket.
Allen knew he shouldn't indulge while they were on dates like this. It made it harder for him to keep his hands to himself when they shared a bed at night. Still, he was selfish. He'd long since given up pretending he didn't want Brantley. He accepted it wasn't going to happen, but that didn't lessen his desire in any way. At home, he had to keep a distance between them. Out here, he could be as demonstrative as he wanted. He could rest his head on Brantley's shoulder as they watched the game, for example, and enjoy the warmth of Brantley's arm around his shoulders. He could relax into the illusion and know it would last for a little while, at least.