by T. K. Chapin
I elbowed Bruce. “What’s this for?”
“Celebrating that you’re out of the hospital and back home. You didn’t see it coming, did you?” He beamed with a smile from ear-to-ear.
Shaking my head, I forced a smile and said, “No, not at all.”
The truth was, I was upset to discover this wasn’t an actual job. It was all a setup for a party. Everybody got their piece of cake and came over to congratulate me on my recovery thus far. I did my best to keep a smile on my face through it all.
Not long after everybody had made their way over to me, Kirk came and found me. I suspected some of my displeasure within must’ve seeped through my expression as Kirk pulled me aside from everybody.
Out of earshot of the others, he said, “You don’t seem too thrilled about this.”
Setting my piece of cake down on the table beside me, I said, “I’m not. I thought I was getting back in the ring and protecting people, but here I am, eating cake.”
“Winston, you’ve been through a lot. You took a bullet that was meant for me. You know full-well that if it was one of us in your place, you wouldn’t put us back in the field yet. It’s not because you’re not capable, but it’s because you know it’s not the best protection a client can have. You can’t expect different from Bruce or any of us than what you would do. WIN cannot sacrifice the safety of its clients.”
My stomach flipped. I knew my situation better than anyone, and I didn’t need Kirk or anyone else pointing out my shortcomings. At the same time, I couldn’t sit at home doing nothing for the rest of my life. With a raised voice I said, “What am I supposed to do without legs? What am I supposed to be? I’m half a man!”
A hush fell across the club, and the air suddenly grew thick. Someone shut off the music.
Kirk took a step back.
Everyone was staring at me.
“What?” I shouted at them all as my eyes surveyed the crowd. Reaching over I flipped my plate of cake over onto the floor. “You want to celebrate the crippled? You want to try to pretend like everything is going to be okay and throw a celebration for me? Don’t coddle me!”
Just as I thought it couldn’t get more awkward, it did.
Bruce’s voice was soft as he said, “Let me take you home, Winston.”
“Fine.” Turning my wheelchair, I headed for the door, anger still seething as I rolled out and into the night.
Chapter 34-Marie
THE TEENAGERS MADE US SPAGHETTI for the dinner, and it was delightful. It came to my attention later in the evening, while we were all eating dessert, that the spaghetti was gluten-free. One of the ladies sitting at my table told me. It was a special recipe of Serenah’s.
As I ate my dessert, I waved Serenah down as she walked by my table.
“Hey, I heard the meal was gluten-free and a recipe of yours … Are you gluten-free?”
She sat in a chair beside me. “No, but my Emma is. She has had eczema since birth and last year I found out going gluten-free helps, so we tried it. Within weeks her skin began to clear up and she has been gluten-free ever since.” She shrugged. “I find the gluten-free version of spaghetti better than the normal kind personally.”
Nodding in agreement, I said, “Yes! I was so surprised to hear it was gluten-free. I would’ve never known.”
Another lady at the table chimed in. “Some people swear by it while others see it as a trendy thing these days.”
Serenah said, “It’s not just a trend for some people. There’s something in the wheat that just isn’t right for some people, in my opinion.”
Soon after our conversation, Serenah excused herself and continued visiting with others. It was almost time for the silent auction winners to be announced. As I glanced over to the rows of cakes against the back wall, I saw Winston out of the corner of my eye, and my heart fluttered.
I hurried over to him and leaned in, giving him a hug. “I’m so happy you’re here!”
“Me too.” He glanced over at the cakes. “Did you write your name down on any?”
Wondering why he didn’t immediately tell me how good it was to be back out in the field, I almost asked him how it went, but held back. He’d tell me later if he truly wanted to discuss it. “I wrote my name on a couple. The coconut pie and lemon.”
“Do you even know me?” he asked, a smile sneaking at the corner of his lips.
I laughed, because it was refreshing to see him joking around. I walked over with him to the tables of cakes.
“That one looks good,” he said, pointing to the Oreo cream pie.
“All right.” I put our name and a price down on the paper in front of it.
Pointing again, he said, “That one is a must.” It was a large chocolate fudge cake.
On our way back over to the table where I’d been sitting, I turned to him and beamed. His showing up this way warmed my heart.
“What?” he asked, obviously curious about the way I stared at him like a lovesick teenager.
“Thank you.”
I knew he understood what I meant. Thank you for showing up, thank you for being there, thank you for showing a part of himself that reminded me of the man I had fallen in love with so many years ago and had recently lost. He smiled back at me and we clasped hands and waited for the silent auction winners to be announced.
Chapter 35-Marie
WINSTON WAS SILENT THROUGHOUT THE rest of the evening. My curiosity as to how everything unfolded with the job got the best of me, so on the drive home I decided to ask.
“How’d it go tonight?”
“It was fine.” He didn’t turn his head to look at me, and he said no more. It was typical for him to not say much about the jobs he went on in the past, but this time I thought it would be a little different. It was the first time he had been out while in his wheelchair. I’d hoped he’d want to share. Instead of prying for more details, I resisted my nature to dig.
Pulling into the garage, I turned off the car. “I’ll take our coconut and Oreo pies in and then come back out to get your wheelchair.”
He nodded lightly, but his gaze stayed glued to the windshield. There was a distance to him now that I hadn’t seen at the banquet. What happened since then? I wondered as I grabbed the pies and headed inside. Did bringing up the job again irritate him?
Setting the two pies on the counter, I saw the flashing light indicating a voice mail on the answering machine that set on the kitchen counter. I hit play—it was Kirk.
“Winston, I know things didn’t go like you wanted them to go tonight. I want to meet up and talk before I head out of town with Jess for Thanksgiving. Give me a call.”
Beep.
Turning my head toward the door leading into the garage, my curiosity soared even higher than before. What had happened? Holding my tongue and grasping hold of my thoughts, I prayed for God to help me keep my mouth shut and went back out to the car. Opening the trunk, I pulled out the wheelchair and pushed it to the passenger side door. As Winston hauled himself into it, I said, “Kirk left you a message on the answering machine.”
“Did he mention what took place tonight?”
“No.”
He stared, probably waiting for me to start drilling him for details, but I kept my lips sealed.
“I’m not telling you about what went on tonight.”
Shrugging, I said, “I didn’t ask again.”
“Well, even if you did, I wouldn’t say.”
“Aren’t you a peach?” I said, chuckling.
He grunted and wheeled away and up the ramp into the house.
I felt oddly at peace. By not opening my mouth and drilling him, I avoided the bitterness that came with not getting what I wanted. As I followed him into the house, I prayed for my husband and asked God to help him with whatever was going on.
Chapter 36-Winston
WHEN THE VOICE MESSAGE FINISHED, I rested my arm against the counter and leaned my forehead onto it. I felt awful about how things ended at the club, for my behavior. It was
embarrassing how I had acted. Those people were just trying to make the best out of my poor situation. They cared enough to throw me a surprise party and I rejected it, disrespected them all with my big mouth. I couldn’t admit that to my wife, though, or she’d think even less of me than she already did.
“Do you want me to get you a slice of your Oreo pie?” Marie’s voice came from behind me. I hadn’t heard her come into the kitchen.
Jerking my head up, I shook it and spun around. Rolling past her, I said, “I’m still full from those bacon wrapped shrimp. Thanks, though.”
Marie headed into the living room and I headed out to the shop for a late evening workout. I thought she’d follow after me and chide me about working out so late at night, but she didn’t.
Thinking about what Jeremy had said about focusing on my strengths, I knew if I didn’t stop focusing on my legs, I’d be forever lost in grief mourning the loss of them. This sad truth came to full blossom at the party.
With Jeremy’s words in mind, I decided to do pullups to work out my upper body. Jeremy had lowered the bar that morning to a safe distance. That way, if I fell I’d land in my wheelchair. It was annoying, but at least I wouldn’t knock myself out again. After cranking up some tunes on the radio, I reached up and grabbed hold of the pullup bar.
1 … 2 … 3 … 4 … 5 … 6 … 7 … 8 … 9 … 10 …
Releasing, I dropped into my chair.
As my workout came to an end thirty minutes later, a thought sneaked its way past the sweat and strained muscles, coming to the forefront of my mind. The thought wasn’t just a thought, but a punch right to the gut, followed by a sharp right hook. Though I had no working legs, I stood guilty of betraying who I was in Christ. Betraying the man that I had been.
Turning off the music, I bowed my head and wept bitterly.
Chapter 37-Marie
MY READING IN EPHESIANS BROUGHT new light to who I was in my newness of Christ. Pausing, I recalled those dirty romance novels still in my bedroom closet and headed down the hall to get them.
Sliding the closet door open, I saw the stacks, over a hundred books in all, sitting beside my rain boots. I never kept them out on the bookshelves in the living room, because Winston forbade it. Now, they’d no longer be hiding in the dark corner of my life, or my closet. Grabbing as many as I could hold, I carried them promptly outside to the garbage can. It took several trips to empty my closet of them.
Wiping my hands of the books, I went back inside to the living room where I was caught off guard to catch Winston reading my Bible. I stood there for a moment, letting myself take it in, then he saw me.
“Marie,” he said, as he set the Bible back in its place on the coffee table in front of the couch.
“Yeah, Winston?”
“Just got off the phone with Kirk while I was out in the shop. He’s going to swing by for dinner tomorrow. Can you make that Beef and Broccoli dish I like?”
“Sure,” I said, a smile curving my lips. I glanced at the Bible.
“What?” he said, also sliding a glance that direction.
“Nothing.” Still smiling, I leaned down and kissed his cheek before sitting on the couch. He continued through the living room to his study as I lifted my Bible up from the coffee table and continued reading.
Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise,
making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.
Ephesians 5:15-16
The words jumped off the page and landed smack dab in the middle of my heart. The wisdom found within these two verses were breathtakingly beautiful to my soul. My career up until recently had been as a lawyer. The life of a lawyer is not for the faint of heart by any means. Long hours, little food and close to zero interaction with human beings during the wee hours of the night all meant one thing—no extra time. There was always an emphasis on not wasting time. You could spend hours chasing one scrap of evidence, but in the end it’d be omitted in court. Time was like currency in the lawyer’s world, and according to this Scripture, it was the same in God’s.
There was a confusing part in the passage though. That last part at the end about the days being evil. I knew what my flesh thought of it—the days are evil because they aren’t longer—but I didn’t know what God meant by it in His word. Lifting my eyes, I thought of calling Serenah to ask her, but then I recalled Winston holding my Bible only minutes earlier. I knew he’d know the meaning, so maybe he’d be receptive to a discussion.
Rising to my feet, I headed to the study.
Chapter 38-Winston
AFTER RETYPING THE SAME LINE in an apology email sixteen times in a row, I was interrupted by a welcomed surprise coming into my study—Marie. A gentleness filled her eyes as I lifted my own to meet hers.
“Just a second,” I said, as I saved the half-written apology to the team and clients that had been at the club.
Marie walked along the wall, inspecting the pictures I had on the built-in shelves.
Turning off my screen, I saw her staring at a picture of us from when we had just found out about being pregnant with Greg. The picture was taken outside of a Rite Aid by a stranger we’d stopped. I was wearing a goofy looking pair of jeans and a t-shirt, and I still had my mustache at that time. Marie had hair a foot tall in that total eighties style nobody would be caught with these days. Our faces expressed pure happiness that made me want to go back to that moment and freeze time.
“That day was crazy, wasn’t it?” I commented.
She grinned and said with a reminiscent tone, “Yeah. I thought my Dad was going to kill you.”
I let out a chuckle and said, “so did I.”
She sat down across from my desk. “I’m wondering about a certain Scripture I came across just now. Wondered if you could shed some light on it?”
My love for God and His grace was ever-present on my heart and mind after my repentance in the shop earlier that evening. I broke into a grin and said, “The author and I go way back. I’ll try my best to speak the truth.”
That got a laugh out of her. She continued with her train of thought. “So, I’m in Ephesians 5:15-16. It states, ‘Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.’ That last part, ‘the days are evil.’ What’s that about?”
Taking in a deep breath, I brought my hands atop of my head and reclined in my office chair, letting the Word of God filter through my soul. I knew anytime I attempted to unravel the mystery of God, I’d better be careful not to mess it up, and it had been a while since I was closely walking in Spirit with Him. Letting the air escape from my lips, I sat upright and opened my lower right drawer to retrieve my trusty King James Bible, my personal favorite version of God’s Word. Going to Ephesians, I read the verses out loud.
See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise,
Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.
Ephesians 5:15-16
“It says much of the same thing as my NIV,” Marie said, glancing at her Bible in her lap.
“Essentially, yes, that is true.” Leaning in as I brought my hands together on the desk, I recalled the parable about the talents. “To me, I see our time as talents, like the parable that Jesus taught.”
Her face expressed confusion.
“Turn to Matthew twenty-five, and I’ll show you what I’m talking about.”
We each turned in our Bibles and read Matthew 25:14-30.
Lifting my eyes from the Bible, I looked at Marie. “These talents can be any resources. For this conversation, let’s think of them as time. We are entrusted with a certain amount of time on earth. Our days are full of evil because everything is trying to take these ‘talents of time’ away from us. Whether it’s eating, sleeping, chores, wallowing in self-pity and so on … Each is pulling for our time. A good example is how it’s so much easier to sit down in front of the TV and turn into a vegetable, letting the day slip away in the
sands of time. That’s easy compared to, let’s say, going to the homeless shelter to lend a helping hand.”
By the time I finished talking, I realized I was preaching to myself.
Her gaze on me, she stood up. “I get it now. Thanks, Winston.”
As I watched her leave my study, I was left alone with the words echoing through my thoughts, through my soul.
Chapter 39-Marie
WAKING UP THE NEXT DAY, I was surprised to see an empty spot in the bed next to me. Getting out of bed, I headed down the hallway curious as to what Winston was doing up so early. Walking into the kitchen I saw a note on the counter from him.
Outside working on the birdhouse.
~ Winston
Letting out a laugh, I recalled my request that had come two weekends before his accident. I was concerned about the birds not having access to the birdhouse that was hanging in the tree. I begged him to take care of it, but he had been super busy at WIN and didn’t have a chance to get to it.
Peering out the window that led out back, I saw him. Sure enough, he was out there working a broom into the tree in the hopes of getting the birdhouse down. Setting the note down on the counter, I headed to the backyard.
“Let me help you,” I said, approaching him with a chuckle. I felt overwhelmed with happiness to see him taking an active part in satisfying my desires.
He laughed. “I can’t get it. I’m too short.”
Using the broom, I pushed the birdhouse up off the branch and it came tumbling to the ground. I tried to reach out, and so did Winston, but it hit the ground a few feet from our hands and smashed into pieces.
We both stood there for a moment and stared at it, then he started to laugh. I joined in.
“It was old anyway,” I said, waving a hand in the air. “Thanks for trying though.”
“It’s the effort that counts, right?” he said, smiling. “I have about thirty minutes before Jeremy will be here. I’m going to fix that leak under the sink in the kitchen.”