by E. L. Todd
He was already done with this conversation. “You’re dismissed.”
I bit my tongue so I wouldn’t make a smartass remark. Then I walked out and tried not to flip off his secretary as I went.
I headed to my next class while I fumed under the surface. School was never my thing. I only attended because I didn’t know what else to do with my life. I wasn’t particularly good at anything, and I had no motivation whatsoever. I was jealous of the students who knew exactly what they wanted out of life. They had a plan and all they had to do was stick to that plan to reach their goal.
But I didn’t have a goal.
I didn’t have anything.
***
I pushed my cart down the aisle and threw things into it. I got more frozen burritos, chips and salsa, microwavable popcorn, soda and coffee. I even bought a box of Red Vines.
Yes, I’m a health freak.
“No cheese sticks for dinner?”
I recognized that voice even though I’d only heard it once. My back was to him as I grabbed a carton of no-pulp orange juice. “I haven’t made it to that section yet.” I turned around and set the carton in the cart.
Wilder watched, his mocha eyes interested. “No pulp, huh?”
“I like it smooth.”
“You’re missing the nutrients.”
I pointed into the cart. “I’ve got all the nutrients I need.”
He examined everything in the cart. “At least the salsa has tomatoes in it.”
I spotted the basket he was holding. “Since we’re being nosy, let’s see what you got.”
He smiled and handed it over.
“A jar of pickles…yuck.” I moved it aside. “Deodorant.” I kept going. “Fresh chicken, cilantro, powdered protein, dental floss, peanut butter…” I paused when I got to the last items. “And condoms.”
He smiled like he wasn’t ashamed in the least. “They’re just as essential as food.” He grabbed the basket and held it at his side.
The idea of him buying condoms turned me on and made me jealous at the same time. I wanted him to use them with me. Images of him on top of me flashed through my mind. His chest was covered in sweat, and he gripped me by the hair as he pumped into me. I was coming all over his dick and screaming as I did it. Sweat collected on the back of my neck, and I swallowed the lump in my throat. “They’re pretty important.” My voice somehow came out breezy, which was a miracle. I was anything but breezy at the moment.
“I’ve never used this brand before,” he said. “I need to do a test run. Interested?” He was flirting with me, and even though it was in a raunchy way, he pulled it off.
“I’m sure they’re all the same.”
“How will we know unless we try?”
My body yearned to say yes. I could do a one-night stand with this guy, right? Just enjoy the sex and kick him out the next morning. It didn’t have to get messy. It didn’t have to get complicated.
But I knew I would make it complicated. I already liked him, and I hardly knew him. I cared more about his brown eyes than his perfect shoulders, and I found myself wondering what he did for fun, where he lived, if he had any siblings…stupid stuff I shouldn’t care about. “You’re persistent.”
“Not really,” he said. “You’re a pretty girl so asking you out is an automated response.”
“You can’t help yourself?”
“Nope.” He came closer to me, standing right next to my cart. “So, how about dinner? I can make you something nutritious and delicious.”
“And what about the condoms?” I asked.
“We can give those a test drive later.” He peered down at my face. He quickly glanced at my lips like he wanted to kiss me, but then his eyes moved back to mine like they hadn’t strayed to begin with. “Or we can do that first, if you’d like.”
How did he talk like that and not come off creepy? I’d never seen a guy pull that off so well. He somehow seemed sexier than he had last week. He wore gym shorts and a t-shirt like he was going to workout after stopping by the store, but he still looked hot.
Like, H-O-T.
“How about we do neither?”
Instead of being discouraged by my answer, he seemed more interested. “You have a boyfriend?”
“No.”
He tilted his head just the way he did the other night. “Then what’s the hold up?”
I grabbed my cart and headed down a different aisle. He followed me. “You aren’t my type.”
“Not your type?” he asked with a laugh. “Are you saying you’re into short blonds that are much rounder around the stomach?”
“I didn’t say I preferred your polar opposite.”
He kept walking with me. “Come on. Why won’t you just have dinner with me? You know we’re going to keep running into each other.”
I stopped in front of the chips and looked at him.
He leaned close to me again, like we were the only people in the store. The look was in his eyes, as if he was about to land a kill. Desire burned like fire, and I wanted to be the firewood that turned to ash.
“I know what kind of guy you are. I’ve dated a lot of them.”
“Really?” he asked. “We’ve seen each other twice, and you think you know me?”
“You’re a player.”
He shrugged. “So?”
“So?” He didn’t bother denying it. “We’re going to go out a few times, have amazing sex, and then you’re going to run off with the next girl you see. You never stay in one place too long. You’re constantly on the go.”
“What’s wrong with that?” He didn’t smile, but his eyes glowed.
“Nothing,” I said. “But I’m the kind of girl that always falls for guys like that.”
His flirtatious attitude disappeared, and he was serious for the first time since I met him. “Just don’t.”
I’d already started to. “It doesn’t work that way.”
“It works however you want it to work, Gray.” He stepped closer to me, his eyes trained on me and unblinking. He continued to lean in, his lips directed for mine.
I knew what was coming. I could feel the tingle in every part of my body. My heart pounded in my chest like it might explode. My body immediately tensed in preparation for a kiss that would floor me.
Wilder slowly pressed his lips against mine, testing my reaction. When I didn’t pull away and let the touch linger, he closed his eyes. My entire world faded away and all I felt was his kiss. Everything else ceased to exist. The corny music stopped playing overhead, and the sound of carts moving down the other aisles was muted. All that mattered was he and I.
He moved his lips against mine slowly, feeling the texture and smoothness of my mouth. My stomach clenched tightly and my breathing hitched automatically. Every touch of his lips was cocaine, and I was an addict. It was the kind of kiss that made you wet. In an instant, I was soaked down below. Fire erupted between us and ignited everything it touched. My mouth had a mind of its own, and all it wanted was his lips.
Wilder enjoyed the kiss too. It was clear in the way he kissed me. He breathed into my mouth in a pleasurable way, and when he gave me a small amount of tongue, I almost gripped him and begged for him to take me home.
Wilder slowly pulled away and looked into my eyes. Flames still burned deep inside, and desire still echoed even though the embrace had stopped. He looked at me differently, like he didn’t just want me anymore. He was desperate for me, to grip me by the hair like I fantasized about.
I stared at him and wished I could say something to alleviate the sexual tension between us. It made my skin flush with heat and my stomach clench in ecstasy.
Finally, he spoke. “I hope you change your mind.”
Chapter Three
Dr. Phillips made a point of glaring at me randomly during his lecture. There were three hundred students in the lecture hall, and I never felt like I stuck out. I was just one of the many, a student she wouldn’t
remember because her TA graded all the papers.
But now I was special.
It didn’t matter where I sat or how quiet I was. She always made sure to watch me, like she thought I was somehow cheating while I took my notes. Every time her gaze was directed my way, I held it without blinking. She couldn’t intimidate me with those beady, black eyes.
But I couldn’t intimidate her either.
When the lecture ended, the students grabbed their bags and ducked out. Surprisingly, it took less than a minute for three hundred students to file out of the classroom. The need for escape had been embedded since the first day of kindergarten.
Since I was sitting in the rear, I was one of the last people to leave. I reached the bottom of the stairs and walked past her desk, my eyes glued to the door.
“Gray.” Her authoritative voice rang with hostility.
I stopped in my tracks, made an overdramatic sigh, and then turned around and faced her. If she wanted to talk about my plagiarized paper—again—I’d scream. I’d already spoken to the dean and now it was in the past.
Move on.
She stood so straight she looked rigid. She was exceptionally thin, like cheese sticks weren’t part of her regular diet, and her arms were crossed over her chest. She didn’t hunch forward like most people did. She reminded me of a praying mantis, in a weird way. Her size seemed harmless, but she could lash out without any warning. “The dean told me he gave you a warning.”
I waited for the rest. It wasn’t a question and it was hardly a statement. My hand gripped the strap of my purse, and I stared at her with a bored expression.
Her lips were pressed tightly together like she had no intention of moving them again.
“Yes.” What else was I supposed to say? She was stating the obvious, for crying out loud.
“That punishment was unfit. If the decision were in my hands, I wouldn’t have let your crime slide.”
Cunt. “Then good thing it wasn’t.”
Her eyes lit up in provocation. “You think I haven’t seen your type before? You don’t take your education seriously, and you slide by, taking advantage of others. It’s a pet peeve of mine.”
“You don’t say.”
Her eyes brightened further. “I’ll be watching you, Gray. The second you step out of line, I’ll be there.”
“Sounds like you don’t have much of a life.”
Her lips smashed together further, practically disappearing into her mouth. Instead of replying, she turned around and moved to her desk, silently dismissing me.
***
Courtney and I went out for drinks that night. She was my biology lab partner, and we hit it off pretty quickly.
“I’m so glad she’s not my professor. When I take history, I’ll make sure I get someone else.”
“That would be smart.” I walked beside her toward the bar. My hands were in the pockets of my brown jacket. I wore dark jeans and heeled boots. The closer we got, Wilder came to my mind. Now that I’d seen him twice, I always wondered if I’d run into him again.
I didn’t want to.
But I also did.
That kiss was impossible to forget. I’d been around the block a few times, so I had decent experience. Of all the men I’d been with, the chemistry had never been like that. It was so hot, it combusted on its own.
And that made me more afraid.
If I spent any time with him, I knew my heart would start to open by its own will. It would keep creaking open until it could no longer be closed.
And then I would be screwed.
We walked inside, and the second the door shut, warm air washed over us. It thawed my fingers and brought life back to my lips. It didn’t matter how many layers I wore, I could never keep warm in the frost.
Courtney turned to the bar. “Look who it is. Katy and Diane are here.”
“Score.” The more the merrier.
She and I walked further inside, and I suddenly felt a strange haze in the room, like I wasn’t alone. Wilder came into my mind, and I had a strong suspicion he was there.
I turned my head, and just as I suspected, there he was.
But he wasn’t alone.
He sat in a booth with his arm around a pretty blonde. She had the kind of hair you only saw in magazines and the kind of skin that only existed on fake dolls. Her eyes were lit up with infatuation, excited she was going home with a hot bad boy who noticed her.
Misplaced jealousy soared through me. I admit it.
My sixth sense kicked in, that supernatural experience when you knew someone was staring at you. Wilder felt my gaze on him and looked my way. His lips were turned into a smile from his pleasant company, but when his eyes landed on me, it slowly faded.
Like I didn’t give a damn, I looked away and headed to the bar.
Wilder was exactly what I pegged him to be. That didn’t make me dislike him. He wasn’t doing anything wrong, and he didn’t owe me a single thing. We were barely on a first name basis.
However, I hated myself.
He had trouble written all over him, and I knew he was special to me. I didn’t have that kind of connection with men very often, but every time I did, it always ended in heartbreak. Why did I always choose the men who were unavailable? Why couldn’t I fall for a nice guy who would be there the following morning? There was something wrong with me, clearly.
I joined the girls at the bar and ordered an old fashioned. I needed some serious whiskey to get through the night. What I really wanted to do was walk out so I wouldn’t have to watch him drool all over a pretty girl. But I refused to appear weak.
I refused to let him think I cared.
And yet, I wished I were the girl going home with him. I debated having a passionate night with him even though I would get burned. Was it worth it? Could I have that and move on? Or would I feel worse?
I drank half the glass and ignored the bite.
“Pace yourself. Those aren’t cheese sticks.”
The last thing I expected him to do was talk to me. Somehow, I hid my surprise at his appearance and took another sip of my glass like he hadn’t thrown me off balance. “I drink like I eat. I’ll be fine.”
He leaned against the bar and stared at me, in the same position as the night we met.
I didn’t turn his way. “Did you need something?”
His elbow rested on the counter, and the definition of his muscle was noticeable under the dim light. A pleasant aroma accompanied him, and I suspected it wasn’t just his cologne. Nearly a minute of silence passed and he still didn’t walk away. He lingered there. “I would rather go home with you.”
My fingers tightened on the glass, and I stared at the ice cubes so I had something to focus on. It inhibited my face from reacting. “Why? I can tell she’s the kind of girl who doesn’t eat frozen burritos.”
“Maybe I prefer women who like frozen burritos.”
I took another drink. “Go back to your date so I can go back to my friends.”
He leaned closer to me, infecting my personal space. “Go home with me.”
Was I pathetic for wanting to say yes? “Your girl is waiting for you.”
“She’s not my girl.” He pulled the glass out of my hand then kissed me.
I wasn’t expecting him to do that, and my lips moved with his automatically.
His hand rested on my neck, and his fingertips reached my cheek. His thumb rested on the corner of my mouth. Wilder’s lips moved slowly with mine, and he didn’t give me tongue like he did last time.
I should have pulled away, but I didn’t. Because I was stupid.
Our lips pulled apart gently, and he kept his face close to mine. “Let’s get out of here.”
My thighs automatically squeezed together, and I imagined how his lips would feel all over my body. I wanted to drag my hands down his back and scratch his skin until it bled.
He kissed the corner of my mouth, and the gentle touch was the se
xiest one I’ve ever felt. “Come on.” He threw a twenty on the counter then took me by the hand and pulled me out of the chair.
I blindly followed.
When I walked past the booth where he’d been sitting, I saw his date. Instead of looking angry and catty, her lips were deep in a frown. Her eyes were hollow and full of despair. Abandoned and forgotten, she watched us pass. Wilder had just been blanketing her in attention and affection, and at the snap of a finger, she became old news. She watched him walk out someone else, knowing he wouldn’t think about her ever again.
And I knew he would do the same thing to me.
***
He led me to his car, a white Ferrari.
I was surprised by what he drove, but I didn’t ask him about it because all I could think about was the blonde woman he ditched in the bar.
Wilder opened the passenger door and waited for me to get inside.
I eyed the black leather seat with hesitation. It was one of those rare moments in life when you saw the ending of the journey before the beginning. In just a short time, I would be abandoned alone in a bar.
Wilder watched me with eyes as dark as the night sky. “What’s the hold up?”
I grabbed the door and closed it. “I’ve changed my mind.”
His eyebrows rose slightly in confusion.
“Have a good night.” I walked around him without meeting his gaze.
“Whoa, hold on.” He turned around but didn’t move from his car.
Inexplicably, I turned around.
“Gray.” His eyes bored into mine as he stared me down on the sidewalk. “What’s with the whiplash?”
“What about your friend?”
“My friend?” he asked.
“The girl in the bar.”
“What about her?” he asked. “I’m not thinking about her. I’m thinking about you.”
“Exactly,” I said. “How do you think she feels?”
His eyebrows were still high. “I just met her twenty minutes ago. Honestly, I don’t care how she feels. I don’t even know her name.”
“Well, she looked pretty devastated when you walked out with me.”
He shrugged. “That’s how it goes sometimes. I’m not going to be polite and stay there when I’m thinking about another woman. If you ask me, that would be worse.”