by James Eddy
needed to do though. From out of the inside pocket of his blazer, he pulled the tatty, dog-eared final letter that Rachel had sent him. The letter was his only secret. No-one had ever known that he carried it with him wherever he went.
Colin stared at the letter for over a minute. Then he stood up and, with a sigh, he dropped it into the bin beside the bench. The darkness of evening had blackened the city like shadows from lonely tenements and, as he trudged away, he had little idea how he really felt.
It was only that night when he pulled the headphone cord out of the stereo and let 'Night Flight' hit the air that he understood. The mutual beat of the drums and his heart told him there was still life to be lived. For the first time in many years he knew it might even be worthwhile.
Diane
Without even the blinking of an eye, I am gone.
I see my mum's love; I understand and no longer doubt it. I won’t blame her because she did the best she could. There’s no time left to waste. All I have for her now is love.
The car runs me down and I’m not ready to go; 'he' has killed me before but never so utterly; so finally.
Poor Joe, who I treated so badly. We have sex and I can still feel him on my skin, four hours later; when tears are welling in vodka glazed eyes and I tell him it's over.
'He' is drunk in the Diamond tonight. Even when 'he' comes up to me and Joe, I can't look into his eyes. These days, I can't even look at my own reflection.
Joe gives me safety from the fear that fills my soul but I still flirt with other guys. I still need it. The attention makes me worthwhile. Guilty feelings follow. I hate myself. And Joe tells me that he wishes he could be a breeze just so he can touch my face. He shows me the true heat and light of desire and that should be enough; but I can't let him, I can't let anyone. And now it really is too late.
Mum tells me she loves me, which means less than it should. I'd rather be Becky; sophisticated and clever and strong. I'm stupid and weak and will never be her. My head too filled with money and coke instead.
I do my best to avoid 'him' while keeping everyone else at a distance. The truth distorted with each line snorted. I hate 'him'