Vin doubled up, raising his hands to cover his head, expecting a knock-out blow from the girl who’d got the better of him once before.
‘Are we going to see what you guys really look like before you go?’ Lulu asked them.
‘Now that’s something we need to speak with Sam about,’ said Naz, quickly changing the subject.
‘What, changing to your men form?’
‘No, leaving,’ said Naz. ‘We must leave soon.’
There was genuine sadness in her voice when Lulu said, ‘Come and find me before you leave, please.’
‘We will, Miss Lucinda… Lulu,’ Naz corrected himself. With a bow of his head, Naz turned towards the men now eating breakfast at the tables arranged in a circle.
‘Let’s go find that moss,’ Naz said, as Vin turned to follow him.
When the bears were out of hearing, Lulu turned to Kerri. Linking their arms, she led Kerri gently towards a fallen tree on the edge of the encampment.
Finding a comfy part of the log, Lulu said, ‘Can I ask, did Carter say what the dream was about?’
There was an audible sigh when Kerri straightened herself. ‘He said he’s hearing Holly’s voice in his sleep.’
Lulu said nothing, staring off into the distance again.
‘Lu, it’s just his conscience making him feel responsible, right? He’ll get over it soon, d’you think?’
Lulu sat for a moment without answering.
‘He’ll be okay, won’t he, Lu? He’s young, and it’s all so fresh in everyone’s mind, but I know he’ll be okay.’
Lulu brought herself back to look at Kerri. ‘I’m just afraid he’s going to do something really stupid.’
‘What d’you mean?’ said Kerri, shocked now at what her friend was saying.
‘I’ve a bad feeling about this.’
‘About what, Lu? Holly’s gone. I checked her myself and I couldn’t feel her breathing. She’s not coming back, and now we’ve got to help Carter understand that, to understand that it wasn’t his fault that she died in the snow,’ Kerri said quickly, all her concerns tumbling out in a rush.
Lulu squeezed Kerri’s arm. ‘I know you’re right. I don’t understand what’s going on in my own head at the moment,’ said Lulu. ‘It’s just that I thought I heard Holly’s voice as well, and I ‘felt’ Carter trying to reach out to her.’
‘Lu, you’re starting to scare me. Stop all this stuff, right now.’
‘Kerri, I’m so sorry, I know you loved Holly to bits… I scare myself sometimes. Just promise me, if Carter comes up with any stupid ideas, you’ll come and talk to me, okay?’
‘Who else would I talk to?’ Kerri could feel tears welling up in her eyes, but breathed deeply, determined to force them back. You’re not going to cry, not today. Holly is gone, but Lu will always be here for me, she told herself.
Lulu squeezed her arm again and smiled. ‘It’s lack of food making me think such silly things. Come on, let’s eat.’
Naz and Vin strolled into the Meeting Place with cups in hand. The Doc had given them each a mix of gently boiled moss and herbs as a pain relief for their sore heads. The smell of freshly cooked bread soon had their stomachs rumbling in protest. At the sight of cheeses and pancakes, they forgot their headaches for the moment.
Sam saw them approach and called them over to join him for breakfast.
‘Quite a party last night,’ said Sam neutrally, but with a smile on his face.
‘You guys sure know how to have a good time,’ replied Naz, as a compliment.
‘There’s food over there,’ Sam nodded towards the centre of the Meeting Place.
After the bears had filled their plates with a generous helping each, they sat down at the rough wooden table opposite Sam and his wife Salli.
‘Sam, as much as we’ve enjoyed your hospitality, we really must leave here,’ said Naz.
‘I understand,’ said Sam, ‘Is being on this side of the border a strain on your body, making you age quickly?’
‘We’re okay at the moment, being here as bears protects us from the worst of the effects of coming through a Gateway, but I don’t think we should stay here much longer. We’re already pushing our limits on the time spent abroad.’
‘Have you a plan for returning? Those apes are going to be pretty mad after last night’s rain put out the forest fire. They were ready to break through here and run amok, they’re sure to be charging up and down, watching the northern border.’
‘We’ve talked about it. The best thing will be to head out far to the west and cross over near the foothills. If we are ambushed, we can make a run for the high alps. They’ll never survive in those temperatures and heights at this time of year.’
‘Good plan,’ agreed Sam. ‘It’s a pity you’re leaving, I was hoping to spend some time talking.’
‘We too, there’s so much we don’t know about you and your land. But we can stay today, right, Vin?’’
Vin could only nod in reply, his mouth full of bread and cheese.
‘I’d like that,’ said Sam. ‘We can sit with my daughter Lulu.’
‘We’ve met Princess Lucinda,’ said Vin, joining in. ‘She asked us to visit her before we leave.’
‘Lu will be queen here one day, so I’m sure it’s in everyone’s interest to talk, and I’m sure she’ll be happy if you call her Lulu. Everyone else does.’
The bears smiled around their bread.
‘It’s a very different custom you have. In our land we acknowledge each other’s rank.’
‘We don’t stand on formality. Everyone is free to speak and to be heard, except on one day: the day of the ceremony when the new leader is crowned. But that’s more to uphold the tradition, and the kids love it,’ smiled Sam.
‘There are some things I’d like to ask, if I may?’ said Naz.
‘Go ahead, as I said, everyone’s free to speak,’ encouraged Sam.
‘Could we take the black stone that we saved yesterday, to open a Gateway through the border?’
‘Of course, it’s already been prepared for you. I arranged it this morning.’
‘Thank you. Do you have any plans for the refugees?’
‘Those people were lost the moment they left their town. I know they need to get out of here soon, before those who can’t change to cats, or Mountain Lions as they like to call themselves, die of old age. Do you know how long they have?’ asked Sam.
‘Not long. The older they are, the quicker the ageing will affect them on this side of the border. The older ones won’t have long, probably less than a week. Passing through those Gateways will destroy your body very quickly if you don’t have the ability to change into your animal form.’ Naz said.
‘As I found out myself! So we need a plan today,’ Sam said solemnly.
There was quiet at the table for a while, each one thinking of the consequences for the townspeople’s flight from the north. ‘They really are a lost people,’ said Sam eventually, resignation seeming to exhaust him.
‘Have you had any thoughts on Carter?’ asked Vin.
‘I’m thinking about him all the time. What’s on your mind, Vin?’ asked Sam
‘It seems like he’s in shock. After a battle like he went through, anyone would be badly affected, even battle-hardened Guards like us. But for such a young man …’ Vin stopped, letting the thought sink in.
‘In our land, anyone who experiences this shock is sent off to intensive training, to get their confidence back up. Like falling off a horse. You must get straight back on.’
They sat in deep thought. Eventually Sam asked, ‘What’s a horse?’
*
When the sun finally touched the horizon, the sky overhead was filled with a spectrum of red, orange, and purple hues, bringing a sense of calm to the Clan, who now settled at the end of the day on the Northern Plain. Kerri stood, looking out over the rolling hills, becoming more anxious as time passed and darkness drew near.
Eventually, a head appeared over the plain. When the f
igure climbed the next hill, the shape of Carter appeared at last, and Kerri let out a sigh of relief.
‘Hey, stranger,’ she called. ‘I was starting to think you got lost.’
Carter smiled. ‘I’ve been walking.’
‘Trying to clear your head?’ Kerri asked.
‘Yes, that and other things.’
‘Will you sit with me tonight, at the meal? They’ve laid out a real feast for Naz and Vin. They’re leaving tomorrow.’
‘You know I’d be so happy to be the one sitting next to you, Kerri, but tonight, I really think I need to sit with my parents.’
‘Oh, that’s okay, it was just an idea,’ Kerri said, but Carter could see the disappointment in her face.
‘I’m sorry, Kerri. I need to speak with Naz and Vin before we all sit down. See you later?’
‘Sure,’ was all Kerri could say. She watched him walk back to the eating area. He looks like he’s carrying the world on his shoulders, she thought.
It wasn’t hard for Carter to pick out the towering shapes of the bears in the encampment. Approaching Naz and Vin, Carter tried to look them in the eye, but their height made it difficult. He wanted to talk but didn’t know how to start.
‘Hi, Carter, something on your mind?’ Vin prompted gently.
‘I heard you guys are leaving tomorrow.’
‘We were thinking of making an early start. We’ll head west for a day before crossing the border,’ replied Vin.
‘Do you remember what I asked you about Holly, about not leaving her in the snow for the animals to find in spring, about taking her somewhere warm and green, to lay her to rest?’
‘Of course,’ said Vin. ‘We’ve given you our promise to try all we can. We’re Guards, Carter. In our promise is our honour.’
‘I was thinking, maybe I could come with you tomorrow?’
Naz and Vin tried hard to hide their shock, unsure of the best way to answer.
It was Naz who spoke first. ‘What’s really on your mind, Carter?’ he said.
‘It’s something I have to do. To make sure Holly is at peace. It’s the only way I’m going to find peace for myself.’
‘Please, leave it to us. You have our promise, we’ll do everything we can to find her,’ said Naz.
‘But I know exactly where she is.’
‘I’m not sure this is such a good idea. Is this what you’ve been mulling over all day?’ asked Naz.
‘I can’t get it out of my mind. I can’t handle the thought that we just left her there in the snow. I have to find her, to take care of her, one last time.’
‘It’s understandable you feel you have to make right something you think you did wrong. But you did nothing wrong. You had no choice, you had to get out of the mountains. But this is not the way to deal with it, my friend,’ said Vin. ‘Give it time, and the hurt will pass.’
‘I have to find Holly. I have to know she’s at peace. If you won’t take me, I’ll go on my own.’
‘Wait up, my friend. We didn’t say we didn’t want you to come with us, we said we don’t think it’s a good idea. Have you spoken with your parents about this, or with Sam?’ asked Naz.
‘That’s my next stop, but it’ll be easier to get them to support me if they know I’m travelling with you guys.’
‘What about you getting home after you’ve taken care of her?’ asked Vin.
‘I’ll deal with that later. The most important thing is getting to her. I don’t want to sneak off in the middle of the night without saying goodbye to anyone, but if that’s the only way, I’ll do it,’ said Carter.
‘I don’t think this is a well-thought-out plan, my friend.’ said Vin.
‘Did you plan on coming here, to this land, when you first left to recover the Crystal? Or did you plan on saving all those people and bringing them here, when you were at home?’
‘That was a necessary change of plan,’ said Naz.
‘And this is my change of plan. Believe me, I don’t want to go, I just know I’m never going to get this out of my mind until I’m sure she’s finally at peace. And if that means doing it alone, well… that’s how it’ll be.’
‘Look, Carter, if everyone agrees you should go, we’ll be happy to travel with you. After all, company on a long trek is always welcome. But I honestly don’t think anyone will agree to your going back to the High Passes in winter.’
‘Thanks. I’ll find you before morning,’ Carter said, and turned on his heels to find his parents.
Naz and Vin watched him leave. ‘What’s going on in his head?’ said Naz.
‘Dunno, but I’ve a bad feeling about this one, Naz,’ replied Vin.
Carter found his parents sitting near the bakery area, waiting for him. The scent of the cut pine logs, making up the three walls surrounding the clay ovens, mixed with the luxurious warmth and smells of baking pastries and bread. The sloping roof of logs was covered with compacted earth and grasses. This was usually Carter’s favourite place to sit, but tonight the hot bread and the warm glow filling the bakery did nothing for his appetite. Carter sat between his parents, looking from one to the other, desperately trying to find words to explain his overpowering need to find Holly.
‘We can’t allow you to go’ said Ned Woodman.
‘We’ve only just got you back, son. We couldn’t bear to lose you again,’ said Carter’s mother.
Ned shook his head emphatically, ‘Son, you’re only 15, you’re too young to be risking your life on such a journey.’
‘How old were you when you told me you went down the river on your own, Dad?’
‘That’s was different, I knew where I was going. And there weren’t crazed apes trying to attack me.’
‘You didn’t know that,’ he objected. ‘And I do know where I’m going. I’ve been before and I’ll have two of the best guides to look out for me.’
‘We can’t allow it,’ said Carter’s mum.
‘I’m really sorry it’s come to this. I hoped you’d give me your blessing. I need to go and I will, even if I have to leave on my own.’
Ned sat stunned, ‘How can you ask us to give our blessing to something which will take away our son, maybe forever?’ Ned asked helplessly.
‘It won’t be forever. I’ll be back soon. With the time being shifted when you cross the border through the Gateways, I’ll be back for your birthday.’
‘Don’t make fun of this, Carter,’ said his mother, now getting upset. ‘You’re too young.’
‘Listen, Mum, Dad, since I crossed that border, I’ve grown up so much. Stepping through that Gateway changed me in every way. I know you think I’m still your little boy, but I’m not. I’ve grown up, and this is something I have to do.’
‘Carter… Holly’s dead, she won’t be coming back. It wasn’t your fault.’ The sadness in Ned’s voice finally burst the banks of his mother’s tears.
‘I’m so sorry, Dad, but I’ve got to find that out for sure.’
They sat looking at each other, his father holding his mother tight while she wept again, for a son already lost.
‘I’m so sorry. This is something I have to do.’
After some time and a dreadful silence, Ned looked up at Carter, ‘It’s better you go prepared than you leave without saying goodbye. I’ll help all I can.’ The resignation in Ned’s eyes and his mother’s tears nearly broke Carter’s resolve. Is this really the right thing to do, to inflict this pain on my Mom and Dad?
At his moment of greatest doubt and weakness, the cry came again, starting in the furthest reaches of his mind, vibrating through his whole body. He felt the scream pounding in his chest, gripping his heart.
‘CARTER, PLEASE, HELP ME!’
*
‘You’re WHAT?’ shouted Kerri.
‘No way are you leaving,’ said Sam.
The world seemed to stop for a moment when Casey took a gasp of surprise. Carter was very aware of Casey taking up most of the table space. His bulk usually meant people sat opposite him rather than
beside him unless they didn’t mind being perched on the end of the bench. That spot was usually reserved for Kerri. When the Clan had first made the tables at the Meeting Place, they never expected anyone the size of Casey to use them. Carter looked down at Casey’s enormous hands, clenched into tight fists. He knew Casey was thinking of how this would make Kerri feel, rather than his own safety. He also knew he had to choose his words carefully. Since Casey had adopted Kerri, after her parents disappeared in the forest, he’d become a fearsome guardian of her wellbeing.
Carter looked at Kerri sitting opposite him. He could feel her shaking. He didn’t know if it was rage or anxiety.
‘I’ve explained it to my Mom and Dad. It’s better I go with your help than if I leave on my own. This is something I must do. I can’t leave Holly there.’
‘Holly was my dearest friend,’ said Kerri, ‘I wouldn’t have left her there if she was still alive. Carter, you’ve got to accept that she won’t be coming home. The bears have promised to try to find her under the snow and take her out of the pass. Please…’ Kerri reached over to squeezed his hand. ‘Please, leave it to the bears.’
‘And if they don’t find her? I’ll be suffering all my life never knowing. You’ve seen how animals sleep in the snow for months, all winter even. You find them and you swear they’re not alive. Then when spring comes… why not with Holly?’
They looked at Carter. No one was able to give him an answer.
‘Why are you so convinced she’s still alive?’ asked Sam.
‘It’s just a feeling.’
‘So you’re risking your life on a feeling?’
‘Sam, haven’t you ever put everything you have, including your life, on just a feeling?’ said Carter.
‘That’s different. I’m grown up and I’m responsible for the Clan.’
‘It’s always different for someone else, Sam, but that doesn’t make it wrong. Anyway, I was responsible for Holly,’ said Carter.
‘That’s really what this is about,’ Kerri said. ‘You feel guilty about her loss. It wasn’t your fault, Carter. You have to accept that. It was because of that dreadful snowstorm. We all could have died that night.’ Kerri shivered when she remembered it. ‘Sam, please help me.’
‘And your parents have agreed to help?’ asked Sam.
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