"What did he do again? Oh yes, you said something about him killing a member of your family."
Rafe glanced out the window, watching the rivulets stream down the glass. "Hoffman was sheriff in a small town until the election, when my uncle took over his job. Hoffman got ticked, claimed the vote was rigged. Uncle Tom actually took a shot at Hoffman in the street about a week after the votes were recounted. Tried to make him back off and quit carpin'. Couple days later, Hoffman backshot my uncle in front of witnesses. They arrested him for murder. Somehow he got acquitted."
Rafe toyed with his coffee cup. "My pa and older brother died in the War Between the States. I was too young to go, but Uncle Tom came back wounded. Then he got killed and his murderer got away with it. Ma faded away after that, died a short time later. Her husband and first-born killed in the war, brother murdered senselessly. Just broke her spirit."
"I'm sorry. My mother's been gone a long time, but I still miss her. I know how sad you must feel." Sparkle's fingers reached to brush his, but he pulled away.
"Quit the gang I was ridin' with then. Hired my gun out. Ma and my sis never liked my ways, figured Travis would follow in my footsteps and turn outlaw, too."
"You were an outlaw?" He heard the shocked disbelief in her voice.
He shrugged. "Of sorts. Seventeen and mostly big talk. But damned fast with a pistol. Always, from the first time my pa put one in my hand. Took the notion to hunt Hoffman down and see justice done. Collected a reward or two along the way. Natural talent, I guess you'd say. Never was much use workin' cows. Hated raisin' corn on our farm in Nebraska. Born with a wild streak, a lot like my uncle."
"Seventeen and an outlaw," Sparkle repeated slowly. "I was fifteen and a saloon girl."
"My uncle had been a lawbreaker before the war. Even when he came back, for a short time. Don't reckon folks realized they'd voted in the same Tom Wilmont that had ridden with Micah Slade down in Texas."
"Micah Slade?" The missing piece of the puzzle clicked into place in Sparkle's mind. Violence in their pasts. Families torn asunder.
Micah Slade. Both of our lives forever altered, tainted by a man neither of us ever knew.
She mentally shook herself. "I'm not sure I'll be up to traveling tomorrow. Since it's not costing anything for the room, could we stay another day or so?"
Rafe stood up, flexing his right knee. "You made a big point of tellin' me how you hate this town."
"I know, but I'm not ready to face my brother. I can wire money to his nurse, but I have to figure out some reason to give Jace as to why I left Wichita. I certainly can't say I lost my job because I was abducted."
"Wire the nurse that you're comin' home. We'll stay until you're well enough to make the train trip. I'll send Snatch with Sam out to Big Bow. Ain't never set foot on a stage. Ain't sure a train's much better. Notion of bein' cooped up for hours in any movin' contraption doesn't appeal to me, but you ain't goin' alone. And you ain't goin' back to saloons, so don't bother chewin' on that."
Something had changed. For everything Rafe said, there was something left unsaid. A vague unease had been building during their meal. "Rafe, are you upset with me for some reason? If it's that silly business of that card parlor in San Francisco, I—"
"Heard about that."
He sounds jealous again. The night Slocumb was killed, Rafe had been jealous and they'd argued, she now recalled. "It was nothing."
They left the restaurant. He noticed the rain stopped and closed the umbrella. "It's all nothin', ain't it?"
"What? Will you wait a minute?" He didn't. He purposely strode away, leaving her gaping at him in confusion. "Rafe?"
He stopped on the saloon's broad porch and spun back to face her. "I said it's all nothin'. Here with me, Frisco with some stranger who owns a card parlor, or San Antone with somebody else. Wouldn't make any difference. You're pretty. You'll always get offers from fellas lookin' to take care of you. Won't let me take care of you, will you? You should stay home with your brother."
She caught up, fighting to catch her breath. "I don't understand. If you're asking will I let you keep me…" He shrugged and her spirits sank. "I can't let you pay for my brother's care and our expenses. The answer's no, Rafe. The man going to the Barbary Coast wasn't talking about that kind of relationship."
"I'll just bet."
"Never mind. I'll talk to Frazer and make him—"
"He told the law you're not allowed back, no matter what. Wants nothin' more to do with either of us. Reckon if I pass through Wichita again, I'll do my drinkin' over at Sadie's or another tavern."
"How often do you 'pass through' Kansas City?" She planted her fists on her hips.
"Been there once before."
"So why go now? Are you looking to clear your conscience? See me home, cough up some cash, pat yourself on the back. Make a noble gesture, then continue hunting criminals and Hoffman as if nothing happened. Pretend my kidnapping and this horror with Slocumb never took place."
"Pretend?" he repeated, glaring at her. "While I'm at it, I guess I'll pretend I never made love to a goddamned virgin nine ways to Sunday, only to have her confess she's in love with someone else! I'll pretend that didn't hurt my feelin's none. What the hell? I been pretendin' I'm married to the woman for months. I'm gettin' so good at all this pretendin', don't know myself what's real anymore."
"Rafe, if you—"
Tolover burst through the batwing doors with another man behind him. Both were armed with shotguns. "Praise be, you're back. Earp came by. Trouble down at the Staghorn. Boys from two rival outfits been drinkin' heavily and it's turned nasty. He asked for back up. Figures you owe him."
Sparkle's heart caught in her chest. "Rafe, no."
Rafe plowed through the swinging doors, ignoring her huffing up the staircase behind him. She entered the panel crib to find him fastening his holster around his hips. "Rafe, don't do this."
"Stay here," he ordered. "I'll be back as quick as I can. We ain't settled our hash yet."
"Rafe." She practically threw herself in front of him, blocking the doorway.
His hard expression softened as her arms slid around his waist. "Darlin', I'm just goin' for threat value, like the mornin' I got Frazer to take you back. This will likely blow over without a shot. But I got to lend a hand here."
"Damn you, you do not. Don't you come back with another chunk missing someplace, Rafe Conley," she warned, her eyes filling as she moved aside. "I'm not going to cry over you or nurse you this time. I'll go home alone to Kansas City. I don't need you. I'm not going to cry over you again, do you hear me?" she sobbed brokenly.
"Yeah, but I got to go anyhow." He pulled off his bandanna and pressed it into her fingers. Then, with a chaste peck on her forehead, he was gone.
She was still awake when he reappeared hours later. "Hey," he nodded as he entered the panel crib. The wall sconces glowed. She was seated cross-legged on the big mattress wearing one of his shirts over a pair of pantalets. Tarot cards formed a cross in front of her. She dropped her gaze back to the colorful painted surfaces.
"Your own future? Thought you didn't do that," he observed.
"Once in a while I do." She offered a casual shrug. "It helps pass the time while I'm waiting to hear if someone I care about has been hurt or killed."
"Who?"
She put away the cards. Rafe undressed and doused the sconces. It was pitch dark and he was suddenly beside her, unbuttoning the shirt to peel it away from her torso. He reverently kissed the tip of one breast. "Asked who you care about."
"You, you stubborn blockhead."
"Do those cards tell you how much I love you?" The words were whispered in the darkness. "I do, Sparkle."
"And you prove it by making me sick with worry?" There was a sharp edge to her voice, but she couldn't help it. He'd left her to imagine the worst. Tonight her imagination had been working overtime.
His soft chuckle melted her insides. "You might've been worried, but you ain't sick. You feel fine," he noted, pulling h
er bare torso against his own. "So fine I can't help wantin' you, though I know I shouldn't, it bein' your time and all. Sparkle…" His lips met hers in a tender kiss that took her breath away. He held her tightly, kissing her gently.
"Mmm?" came her answering languid sigh when she finally got her mouth free.
"I had a turn frettin' over you too," he reminded. "Twice. Bloodshed's never affected me, even when a fair amount of it's my own. But both times I saw you bleedin', the sight turned my bones to jelly. Sooner shoot myself than see anything happen to you."
She pressed her lips to his throat, feeling the strong pulse, drinking in his musky scent. "Now you know how I felt when you went out. Why is everything between us wrong suddenly, Rafe? I've never been involved with anyone. Is this disquiet part of it?"
He stiffened. "Between us there's somebody else, remember? At least that's what you said." His voice was raw. "Just tell me whoever the fella is, he ain't married. It tears me up inside, thinkin' of you wastin' your life over some married fella. You need to be a wife and mother some day."
"He's not married. I don't want to talk about him. Please, let's—"
"Thought about this ever since the other night. May regret it, but I got to try. I want you to become my wife for real. Don't know if he's married or not, but I ain't. I think we should get hitched for a fact." There was a frozen silence. "You hear that, LaFleur?"
"Yes. I'm just not certain I believe it."
"You don't think I mean it? Is that why you're cryin'?" His fingers brushed her damp cheek.
She shook her head. Sideways, then up and down. "I don't know. We've only been together a short time, and too much has happened. I'm not sure either of us can think straight."
Rafe's voice was husky, seductive. "Don't see it as a matter of thinkin'. Comes down to what you feel. One of us two fellas ought to be your husband. You want me or him?"
"Oh, I didn't expect you to ask this. I don't know, everything's such a mess right now." Her voice broke over a sob. "I need time to think…assess my feelings. I know you're not very…patient. Well, maybe when it comes to tracking Hoffman, but not with me. I'm terrified I'll lose you."
"Are you?" His arms wrapped her in warmth. "Well, that says somethin', right there. So it's okay, you ponder on it."
He held her until her sobs quieted. She lay in the circle of his arms and the Dodge City darkness, oddly comforted by the very town she'd feared. It had become a dark haven, a place where she had no "proper" expectations to meet, no demanding boss, no women like Majesta judging her for lying half naked beside a man who loved her at her worst.
Rafe did, Sparkle realized. Crying, shouting, nervous, even having her monthlies…But he was still everything she shouldn't want. Tonight had been a vivid reminder. He still took chances, still went in search of lethal trouble, and someday might find that horrible, final bullet.
"You know what I can offer," he murmured against her hair. "I'll allow it don't seem like much. That city fella back home is probably a hundred things I'll never be, even if you gave me a dozen years to work on 'em. I don't talk fancy, don't own a suit."
"Go to sleep," she hushed. "I'm tired. I don't want to talk about this now."
"Not yet," he insisted. "All I got are calluses on my thumb, my horse, some money in the bank, and the Continental Divide across my chest here. But whatever else he can give you, it can't be more respect than I got for you. And no man alive could have more love. Used to say anything's possible, but not that, Sparkle."
CHAPTER 14
Snatch was tied behind Samson's palomino. Rafe handed Sam a wad of bills, then shook hands with him and Driscoll as they mounted up. Sparkle watched the men ride off, her heart a knot in her chest.
She'd decided against wiring Majesta. There was no point, when she'd arrive in Kansas City in a day or so. She'd pay Majesta and tell Jace she'd lost her teaching position. Majesta wouldn't have written to her at the Scarlet Lady so soon, anyway, Sparkle had rationalized the night before. She'd lain awake long after Rafe had fallen asleep, reflecting on her options.
That's when she realized Majesta and Jace likely knew nothing of her disappearance or that anything unusual had taken place. After all, she'd just returned from a visit home when Rafe had been shot outside the livery stable. It seemed a lifetime ago…their terse walk back to the saloon, the fight in the monkey hall, sitting on Rafe's lap and listening to him explain why he'd been shot. Letting him make love to her for the first time. The kidnapping, coming here to Dodge.
In actuality, less than a month had passed since she boarded the train in Kansas City to return to Wichita. Less than a month…but in that time, Sparkle's whole word had changed.
Rafe was right; she'd have to choose. This time it wasn't just a matter of packing up and wandering to the next cattle town. She had to decide where her future lay, which man would share her life. It might have been simple, had Jace been whole or had his memory come back. It might have been simple if Sparkle hadn't come to love both men. That was another dark revelation from the wee hours of the morning.
She loved Jace; she loved Rafe. Equally. Unexpectedly.
With Jace her love was sweet, solid. Reliably deep and abiding. Warm and reassuring. Forged over years, unwavering as his dependence upon her.
With Rafe it was dark, sudden, mysteriously powerful. Throbbing, pulsating with promise. Forbidden. Mindlessly pleasurable. Unwavering as her need for him. She felt complete only when he was near, when she could reach out and touch him. Fill up with his scent, taste him.
I may never know passion this strong again. I may never be this woman who can give herself so freely ever again. It may be only here, in the godforsaken, wicked place…Whatever its source and power, I can't let go yet…I can't stop loving Rafe yet.
She'd used a portion of her thousand dollars to buy a satchel and some proper garments. She'd wanted to leave the garish evening dresses behind for the next female who happened into the Bold Adventuress, but Rafe had insisted she pack the cream silk with the turquoise beads matching her eyes. "I'm real partial to that dress," he'd announced. "Want you to marry me wearin' it."
They stood on the train platform, ready to board the Santa Fe for Kansas City. The train was running behind. Rafe cursed when he was informed they'd be aboard all night. "Give me and the wife one of them lower berths in the sleepin' car, then. Can't expect a lady to sit up all night long." He glowered at Sparkle and carried their bags up the narrow steps.
"It'll be all right, Rafe," she soothed, knowing his agitation stemmed from his intense dislike for being confined. He sat ramrod straight, looking ill at ease as they left the station and headed into the Kansas heartland. He reluctantly uncoiled when she snuggled against his shoulder.
He stared out at the scenery in silence most of the day and managed to endure the crowded dining car, though she noticed he didn't eat much. When the railroad staff announced it was time to retire, he balked. "I'm fine in this seat. You take the berth."
"You'll get a kink in your neck, sitting up all night. Besides, I don't want to sleep alone in there. It's not very gallant of you to suggest it. Who knows what ungentlemanly louts are aboard this train?"
He dropped his voice to a whisper. "Can't make myself crawl into a dark hole, Sparkle. Can't be put in a box. You'll have more room to stretch out without me hogging the space, anyhow. If there's a problem, them fellas workin' for the railroad will come runnin'."
"It's not a casket, for Pete's sake! And I don't want some man from the railroad. I want to be alone with you. It's been several nights since we…" She left him to finish the thought.
His face drew into a scowl. "Still gettin' your way by hangin' that over my head, aren't you? Hell, go get on your nightdress. I'll be along directly. Just need to get some fresh air first."
Sparkle changed into the cotton batiste nightrail she'd bought and waited for him in the berth. She'd begun to worry he'd jumped off the damned train when he finally crawled inside. She took one look and began giggling
uncontrollably.
Rafe was clad in long underwear.
"Hush up," came his fierce whisper. "Dammit, I knew it'd be like a tomb in here."
She reached to pull him into her arms. "Don't think about it. Kiss me."
"Mmm, that's better," he sighed moments later, hands stroking her curves over the delicate fabric of her nightgown. "Maybe I can tell myself we're still in that brass bed." His lips nibbled at her throat. "Bet you don't hate Dodge the way you did. Had us some fine times, didn't we?"
Fine times, Sparkle's mind repeated silently. More like incredible, unbelievable, indelible times.
"Yes, but when I get home, I'll have to take off the wedding band. You'll be staying on the couch in Jace's study or on the parlor settee. My room's upstairs."
"So we've only got tonight?"
She nodded, moving his hands to her bustline. "Real sweet nightgown," he whispered. Before she could stop him, he'd untied it and exposed her breasts.
His fingertip teased a nipple into a taut pebble. She stifled a gasp as the pebble met with the edge of his teeth. His tongue circled the firm nub, traced over its partner. He bunched the gown's hem up around her hips, reaching for the curls between her thighs.
"Rafe, we have to be quiet!" she hissed.
"I'm good at that. We'll find out if you can do it." She was already moist. He fondled her in the darkness, using the heel of his palm and two long fingers to make her writhe and squirm. "You're my woman," he asserted in a harsh whisper, cupping her pubic mound fully in his hand. "Mine. Before this train pulls into Kansas City, you'll tell me you love me. I think you do, and I'm prepared to drive you plumb crazy until I hear you admit it."
"Rafe," she panted. "Take me…love me now."
"Nope. Not until you say how you feel about me."
She tried to unbutton his underwear, to pleasure him, but he wouldn't allow it. She attempted to cover herself back up. He threatened to shred the new nightgown. She tried negotiating favors. He wouldn't listen.
She endured it all until she was fighting back screams of frustration, raw with unquenched desire. It might have been minutes; it felt like agonizing hours. Rafe questioned her, taunted her, cajoled her, telling her over and over her need would be well satisfied as soon as she confessed her secret feelings.
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