My heart dipped with a twinge of disappointment. “I… If it’s okay with you, I’d rather be face to face tonight.”
“Aw, darlin’.” He stepped forward again to hug and kiss me softly. “That ain’t what I meant. I meant, turn around an’ I’ll do your conditioner for ya. You’re so bagged ya can barely even stand up. If you’re still int’rested later when you’re lyin’ in a nice soft bed, then we can see how it goes.”
Thankful for the water that concealed my tears of gratitude, I turned around and gave myself to his gentle ministrations.
Chapter 42
Arnie slowly worked the conditioner through the ends of my hair, running his fingers through it over and over. The tiny tugs sent pleasant tingles to my scalp and I sighed with bliss.
Far too soon, he finished; but as I began to turn he stopped me with light hands on my shoulders. “Hang on, darlin’. Lemme do this for ya.”
Washcloth in hand, he made soothing circles across my shoulders and back, working unhurriedly down my arms, then down to my thighs and lower legs. His completely non-sexual touch was somehow intensely arousing, every nerve flaring into awareness under the light friction of the cloth.
By the time he finished at my ankles and turned me to face him I was hot with desire, my nipples hardening under the teasing spray.
Arnie surveyed me up and down, smiling, and his cloth went into action again, making delicate circles across my upper chest. Still circling lightly, he detoured around my breasts without touching them.
I let out a small sound of protest as the cloth moved down my ribcage, but he didn’t falter. Circling lower still, he traced my waist and hips.
Sinking into a crouch, he worked the cloth slowly lower.
Lower.
Please…
His face was so close, that magic tongue almost within range…
The perfidious cloth moved down to my thighs, leaving my body blazing with need.
“Arnie…” I quavered.
“Shhh, darlin’.” He worked the cloth steadily down my legs to my feet, then stood.
“Come here,” I whispered, and used a gratifying handhold to tug him closer.
He groaned, his eyes half-closing as I stroked him, then reached past me to turn off the water. “Let’s get outta here, darlin’.”
We stepped out of the shower together and I pressed close to slide against him while he towelled my back. “Easy, now,” he murmured, scattering light kisses down my neck along with his words. “I promised ya a soft bed, remember?”
I grabbed another towel to speed up the drying process, but he refused to be rushed despite the obvious evidence of his readiness.
At last we emerged from the bathroom and I hurried to the bed and flung myself onto it, my earlier exhaustion forgotten. Spreading my arms and legs wide, I gave him a grin. “Come and check out this soft bed.”
He chuckled. “Pretty nice lookin’ bed, darlin’. I’m likin’ it already.”
I let my gaze dip to his crotch. “I can see that. Come on over here and you can try it on for size.”
“Sounds good to me. But first, this.” He held up the small bottle of body lotion that represented the motel’s only amenity.
“Later.”
“Nope.” He grinned as he advanced on the bed. “This’s the Helmand Spa Special Deal. Flip over.”
“Arnie! Are you purposely trying to drive me nuts?”
“Hell, yeah.” His grin widened. “Come on, darlin’. Roll over an’ lemme get my hands on ya.”
I complied, being sure to spread my legs wide in case he could be distracted from his appointed mission.
“Jesus, Aydan, you’re makin’ it hard to concentrate,” he said hoarsely as he sat on the bed beside me.
I reached over to fondle him again. “It’s been hard for too long already. You’d better let me help you with that pretty soon or you’re going to have a serious problem.”
“Hands off the spa workers, ma’am,” he teased as he pulled away. “Now settle down an’ relax for your massage.”
The first strokes of his palms over my back drew a moan from me and I sank into the pillow. As he worked slowly down my body, my muscles melted into warm pudding and my eyelids drifted closed.
Firm but gentle hands kneaded my back, my legs and calves… my feet. Oh, God yes. A foot massage. Bliss…
His touch eased to feather-light strokes, then ceased. A blanket settled over me.
“Hey,” I protested sleepily as I turned over onto my back. “You missed a side here.”
“Thought ya were sleepin’, darlin’.”
“And miss a massage like that? Are you kidding? Besides, I still have evil designs on my spa worker.” I ran a teasing hand up his thigh. “My secret admirer isn’t quite as wide awake as before, but I know how to fix that.” The admirer in question twitched and began to rise again as I tickled.
“Hell, darlin’, I just got him settled down,” Hellhound groused, but he was grinning. Then he sobered. “Seriously; ya don’t hafta do this tonight. If ya just wanna sleep…”
“You know me better than that.”
He lay down beside me, his smile returning. “I was hopin’ I did.”
“Well…” I threw off the blanket and stretched languorously. “You’d better start massaging, or I’ll complain to the spa owner.”
“Damn customers, always complainin’,” he rumbled, and sat up. “Now, let’s see. Where should I start with this stuff?” He brandished the half-empty bottle.
“Forget that stuff,” I began, but he had already stroked it onto my belly, his hands sliding up my ribs to graze the undersides of my breasts.
I sighed, nipples tightening in anticipation of his caress.
It didn’t come.
“Close your eyes, darlin’,” he growled.
I obeyed, my skin awakening under his touch in the absence of vision.
Slow sensuous strokes glided down my body. Ribs… waist… hips…
The tiniest brush of sensation between my legs made me suck in a breath, but his hands continued down my thighs, bypassing the place that was begging for his touch.
Knees, ankles…
His hands slid upward again, then stopped.
“No peekin’,” he warned.
I lay still, skin tingling with anticipation.
Touch me.
Oh, God, touch me…
A warm current of air ghosted over my belly, moving upward.
Higher.
I clenched the bedspread in both fists. The warmth intensified, hovering over my breast. My body arched off the bed in supplication, to be rewarded by a moustache-tickle that shot sparks through my body.
Light fingertips traced the inside of my thigh, then upward to brush the lightest of touches between my legs, sending molten heat spiralling inward.
“Arnie… please…” My voice came out in a choked whisper. “I… I need…”
The bed dipped under his weight.
“What d’ya need, darlin’?” he rasped. “D’ya need… this?”
Hot hands cupped my breasts while a hot mouth unerringly found its mark lower down. The sudden deluge of stimulation wrenched a cry from my throat, my body straining up to his touch.
Every nerve ignited under his dexterous fingertips and magic tongue. Sensation flooded my body, filling it to capacity, intensifying and expanding.
The fiery updraft of pleasure whirled me up toward heaven.
Then beyond…
“Arnie…” His name wrenched out of me in a choked gasp. “Oh… God!”
Tipping into freefall, I lost myself in long spasms of ecstasy until my mind rejoined my body at last, panting in Arnie’s arms.
“Okay, darlin’?” He stroked the damp hair back from my forehead. “Ya went off like a rocket.”
“Not done,” I gasped. “Need you… fuck me… please…”
“Just a sec, darlin’…”
He sat up and rolled on a condom with practiced speed before poising himself
above me. “Now?”
“Now-oh-God-Arnie-now-please!” I clamped both hands on his ass and drove up to meet him.
He gasped and rocked into his usual perfect rhythm. Mindless, I urged him on with my body, tightening around him and matching him stroke for stroke.
Already my vision was hazing, all thought fading until nothing mattered but heat and friction and the breathless coiling of tension in every muscle.
He shifted against me, riding higher to deliver explosions of pleasure with every thrust. My nerves lit like firecrackers, chain reactions crackling over every inch of sensitized skin.
The firestorm of orgasm flared up to consume me, my body bucking out of control, my mind shattering.
I blazed with glorious sensation for long brilliant moments, only dimly aware of Arnie’s deep-throated groan as he reached his own climax.
Together we floated down from the pinnacle, locked in each other’s arms, our spasms slowing. At last I went limp, my rubbery muscles releasing the last of their strength.
Arnie’s lips found mine in a soft kiss.
“Damn, that was quick,” he murmured. “Sorry, darlin’. Guess I needed to get laid worse’n I thought.”
“S’perfect,” I mumbled, my eyelids sinking shut. “Couldna done more. Too tired.” With an effort, I dragged my eyes open again to focus on his face. “Thanks, Arnie.” I kissed him, my eyes closing again.
Tapping roused me. My hand shot instinctively under my pillow, and I bolted upright when I found only bed linen instead of my Glock.
“It’s on the nightstand,” Arnie whispered as he hurried toward the door.
I had already spotted the weapon and snatched it up. Arnie peeked out the fisheye lens, his shoulders relaxing. “It’s Kane.”
I fell back with an outrush of breath and tucked the gun back under my pillow where it belonged. Kane sidled in accompanied by a blast of icy air, and I snuggled lower in my cozy nest.
Feigning sleep, I lay listening. The only sounds were the rustle of clothing as they moved around for a few minutes; the soft closing of the bathroom door; the toilet flushing. More quiet movements; then silence.
I jolted awake, jerking upright with my Glock already in my hand.
“It’s all right,” Kane said softly. “It was just the door slamming in the unit beside us.”
“Oh.” I snapped a glance around the room. The clock radio read 6:23. No light seeped around the edges of the tightly-drawn draperies, but a glow from beneath the closed bathroom door provided dim illumination. In the other bed, Hellhound snored quietly.
Kane sat in the sole chair, an ancient butt-breaking wicker contraption. Even in the murky twilight of the room his face looked pale with fatigue, and my heart smote me. He must have traded vigils with Hellhound at two A.M., which meant he’d been up all night.
“Come and lie down,” I murmured, hoping not to wake Hellhound. “You look exhausted.”
Kane shifted in the chair, his shoulders stiffening. “That would defeat the purpose of having one of us supervise you at all times,” he said without looking at me.
“Oh, right…” I puzzled for a moment over his avoidance of eye contact before realizing that my bare boobs were on full display, the blanket crumpled around my waist.
I tucked my gun under the pillow and lay back, trying to look casual while I pulled the blanket up around my neck. “You’re a light sleeper. If you put your arm over me, you’ll wake up if I try to move.”
He rose slowly and stretched his arms above his head, only to wince as a percussive symphony of pops and crackles announced his body’s displeasure. Padding silently over to sit on the edge of the bed, he murmured, “That chair should be banned by the Geneva Convention.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “I sat on it for about five minutes and that was enough for me. I’m amazed you aren’t permanently crippled after nearly five hours in it.”
His lips quirked up. “I think I might be.”
“Well, lie down.” I indicated the expanse of bed beside me.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. It would leave me too vulnerable to attack.”
“I’m not going to attack you,” I whispered indignantly.
“So you say.” His gaze measured me. “What does your programming say?”
My guts clenched. “I… I don’t know.”
He gave me a resigned nod. “Neither do I. Besides…” He hesitated. “Would you… be able to bear it? If I held you?”
My heart gave a kick of instinctive fear. “I… don’t know that, either.” The spasm of pain that flickered across his face made me reach for him. I ran my hand up the hard curves of his bicep, across a mountainous shoulder and down the rippling muscle of his back. “I love touching you, and being touched. I’d probably be fine…”
“As long it was only a short time in bed together and nothing more.” Sadness shadowed his words.
“I…”
What could I say? He was right.
I sighed and sat up, tucking the sheet around me so I could sit beside him without offering a peep show. I leaned against his shoulder and his arm came around me automatically.
I couldn’t relax into him, but I didn’t panic, either. Much.
I could deal with this. Last night’s meltdown had only been because I was overtired and freaked out about Sam’s programming. I was okay now…
I swallowed my thumping heart and spoke my thoughts aloud. “Maybe all my issues are part of what Sam programmed into my mind. Maybe if Nora tells me what it is and how to overcome it, I could…”
Could what?
Commit to a husband?
A child…?
A deluge of renewed terror choked me to silence. Kane turned to study me and I had to fight the urge to jump up and flee.
“Maybe,” Kane said. “But maybe it’s nothing to do with Sam. Now that Arnie has explained it, I can see that you show symptoms of post-traumatic stress if I do or say anything that even hints at commitment. With time and an enormous amount of effort you can probably mitigate that reaction, but…” He took my hand, stroking his thumb over the back of it in slow gentle circles. “…some things change you forever, no matter how hard you try to overcome them.” His lips twisted in a bitter smile. “Believe me, I know.”
Chapter 43
“I’m sorry,” I murmured. “You deserve better.”
“Don’t apologize,” Kane whispered fiercely. “Aydan, it isn’t your fault.” He took both of my hands in his. “It doesn’t matter why you feel the way you do. Your emotions are as valid and important as mine. And I promise that you are safe with me…” He gave me a twisted smile and added, “… and from me.” He nodded at the slumbering form in the other bed. “And Arnie will never let me overstep your boundaries. Even if you can’t trust me, trust him.”
I eased out a slow breath. “I do.”
I knew I had hurt him again, but Kane squeezed my clammy hand and said, “Yes. I finally understand why you have that with him but not with me. And for the first time…” He let out a breath and faced me with a smile. “I’m not taking it personally.”
“Oh, thank God!” The relief was so intense that I flung my arms around him and buried my face in his chest.
Kane’s arms came cautiously around me, his touch light on my skin, and we stayed that way for long moments.
“I just realized something,” he said, his lips moving softly against my hair. “This is the first time since I said I loved you that you’ve actually relaxed in my arms.”
“This is the first time that I haven’t felt like you’re mad or hurt or disappointed,” I mumbled into his shirt.
“Oh, Aydan.” His arms tightened around me, then loosened again to a safe pressure. “How could two well-meaning people go so wrong?”
I sighed and sat up, readjusting the sheet around me. “Like I told you: With me, anything that can go wrong…” I didn’t bother to complete the quote.
“Ha.”
We sat side by side in silence fo
r a few moments.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to understand all this,” Kane said. “I hope you’ll…” He broke off, making a frustrated gesture. “Dammit. I didn’t realize how often I lay my expectations on you. No wonder you felt trapped.” He let out a breath. “Just know that whatever you choose to do or not do, it won’t change the way I feel about you. Your wellbeing is far more important to me than my own.”
“Th-Thank you.”
Even though I wanted with all my heart to believe him, the old ugly suspicions whispered darkly in the back of my mind. It was just another ploy to lull me into a false sense of security…
I shook my head violently to dislodge the demons. No, dammit; John wasn’t like that. He wouldn’t manipulate or force me. And Arnie would protect me no matter what.
Kane gave me a questioning look.
“Headache,” I muttered.
“Why don’t you go back to sleep? It’s only seven A.M., and until Skidmark calls we’re stuck here doing nothing anyway.”
“Good idea,” I said gratefully. “You should wake Arnie up and get some sleep yourself.”
“I will. Sleep well.” He hesitated, then leaned over and kissed me lightly.
“You, too.” I returned the kiss and then pulled away to burrow into the pillow.
Maybe Nora’s information could fix me.
What would it be like to welcome my attraction to Kane? To easily love a man who had proved over and over that he loved me? Who wanted to spend his life with me in spite of everything I’d put him through?
My heart fluttered between terrified hope and sick panic.
What if it was only Sam’s programming?
What if it wasn’t?
Shut up.
I lay still, keeping my eyes closed while Kane and Hellhound switched places. After a few minutes of quiet movement and bathroom activity everything fell silent again. Kane’s breathing gradually slowed and deepened into sleep, but I lay keyed up and alert.
I could feel Arnie watching me.
Dammit, I hated it when people watched me sleep.
Was this another piece of my fucked-up programming? Afraid to be vulnerable, even for an instant?
Once Burned, Twice Spy Page 34