by Lori L. Otto
“Really? What other weaknesses do you have?”
“Nate,” she warns with a smile.
“Well, then tell me what you’re thinking,” I whisper again, taking the same earlobe between my teeth and gently tugging on it.
“Not playing fair… ” she warns.
“Neither are you,” I remind her.
“What are you guys whispering about?” Chris interrupts. Emi blushes and laughs.
“I’m sorry,” Emi says. “That was pretty rude.”
“Honestly, guys, I can’t tell you how happy I am that you’re finally together,” Chris says. “I just always knew it would happen one day.”
“I,” I begin, “never thought it would.” I look at Emi and smile.
“I’m very happy,” Emi says and leans in to kiss me.
“We can tell,” Anna comments. “I have never seen you so… smiley. You’re practically glowing.”
“And the PDA’s are almost nauseating,” Chris adds.
“Shut up,” Emi says playfully.
“I saw you two against the wall before you were seated,” Chris says. “I almost thought you’d just leave.”
“I suggested it,” I tell him, secretly putting my hand on Emi’s leg. She blushes.
“She’s my sister,” he warns, but smiles. “Too much information.”
“Sorry,” I apologize, looking at Chris, but really speaking to Emi. “I can’t help myself.” I move my hand further up her thigh.
“I think it’s sweet,” Anna says. “It’s all still so new for them. It’s cute.”
“New after thirteen years… that’s pretty amazing,” Chris says.
Emi reaches her hand under the table and grabs mine, stopping it from sojourning further, squeezing so tightly that my knuckles pop.
I smile, defeated, and pick up the champagne glass with my free hand. “Like ya, Em.”
“Like you, too, Nate.” She smiles with a certain self-satisfied look as we clink our glasses and drink together.
“You’re still saying that?” Chris says, rolling his eyes.
“It’s still true,” Emi defends our exchange.
“I think Emi’s afraid of the word L-O-V-E,” he says to Anna. He knows his sister as well as I do.
“Chris, leave her alone,” she says. “In her own time.”
I kiss her on the cheek. “Yeah, Chris, leave her alone,” I repeat. The look I give him lets him know to not continue with this line of conversation. He nods, letting me know that he understands. Again, Emi is staring into the fire, appearing to be deep in thought. I move my chair closer to hers and run my fingers up and down her back slowly. She is quiet for a few minutes, then excuses herself from the table.
“Is she okay?” Anna asks.
“I’ll go check.” I place the napkin on my empty plate and follow her toward the ladies room. Before she reaches the door, she turns around abruptly to face me, obviously knowing that I was right behind her.
“I’m sorry,” she says. “I’m sorry I won’t say it yet.”
“It’s okay, Em,” I soothe her, hugging her into my chest. “It doesn’t bother me.”
“It kind of bothers me that you have said it.”
“What do you mean?”
“You do know you’ve said it… ”
“Yes.” I catch her suspicion immediately as she tilts her head to the floor. “Hey,” I say, lifting her chin. “Emi, when I said it, I meant it.”
“You’ve never said it when we weren’t being intimate, though. I’ve always felt like you really didn’t know what real love was like. I’m still not sure you do.”
“I do,” I assure her. “I know now. No, I didn’t, Emi, but I do now. I could tell you right now.”
“I’m not asking you to. That’s not what I meant. It’s just… you have a track record of confusing sex and love.”
“This is different. You are different.” She stares at me with questioning eyes. “I love you.” One side of her lip curls into a smile. “If you’re not ready to tell me, that’s fine. Don’t let Chris make you feel bad about it. He’s just messing with you anyway,” I explain.
“Am I right to even question you? I just don’t want to put myself out there if you’re confused.”
“I guess you have every right to doubt me. I have a fucking terrible track record. I can’t change that. You’re just going to have to trust me here… and not be afraid to feel something for me in return. We’ve been over this, fear versus love, remember?”
“Yeah, I remember.”
“I’m not going to rush you. I want you to feel confident in us. If it makes you feel any better… I see something in your eyes, something that says that you love me, too.”
“Do you?”
“Yes. I like to think you’re warming up to the idea.”
“I think I am.”
“Good,” I say, walking toward her until she is forced back against the wall, tucked out of view from the rest of the restaurant. My hand caresses her shoulder, then travels down her side and stops at her waist. I lift her shirt just enough to slide my hand in to touch her bare skin. I move my hand up her back and quickly pull her body into mine, leaning down to steal yet another kiss from her generous lips. Again, she is breathless, as am I. “Are you ready to leave?” I ask, again kissing her earlobe, then her neck.
“If you’re really asking whether or not I’m turned on… ”
“Yes,” I whisper in her other ear and kiss her neck.
“I am and I’d like to do something about that,” she says quickly, touching me, discovering my arousal. “Wow,” she adds.
“Wow,” I say, shocked at her brazen gesture, still surprised at her sexual nature since it’s been hidden from me for so long. “Let’s get out of here.”
I button my jacket before we walk back over to the table, and before I can tell Chris and Anna good night, Emi says, “Guys, I’m really sorry, I’m not feeling well.”
“Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry,” Anna says. “Are you going to be okay?”
“Yeah, I’m sure I’ll be fine,” she smiles. “It’s just my head hurts so bad all of a sudden… I think it’s a migraine. I just need to go to bed.”
“Do you want us to drive you guys home?” Chris asks.
“No,” Emi cuts in, “the fresh air might do me some good.”
“Here, Chris,” I say, offering him my credit card.
“No, it’s on me, Nate.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, thank you, and congratulations to you both,” I tell them. “I’m so happy you shared this occasion with us.”
“Yes, congratulations,” Emi says impatiently, taking my hand, beginning to pull me away from the table.
“Take care of her,” Chris says, nodding.
“Oh, I will.” Don’t worry, I will.
“Call me tomorrow, Em,” Anna says loudly.
“Okay,” she responds.
As soon as we hit the sidewalk, Emi pulls me by my shirt collar and kisses me once more.
“I guess I succeeded at my mission,” I laugh, taking her into my arms. It has gotten considerably colder since we arrived at the restaurant.
“Let’s go,” she says, pulling me toward the subway station. Once we’re on the train, she sits in my lap for the short ride to the next stop.
When we get to Emi’s apartment, we are both pleasantly surprised to find it empty.
“I’m going to change into something more comfortable,” Emi announces as she makes her way to the restroom. While she’s in there, I decide to do the same. I brought sweatpants, but I debate keeping them off, opting just for a t-shirt and boxers… yes, I’ll keep them off.
She comes out of the bathroom wearing tight pink shorts and a grey tank top, revealing every subtle curve. “I’m cold,” she laughs.
“I suspect you might be, wearing that,” I tease her. “Come here, I’ll warm you up.” She practically runs across the apartment in her fuzzy socks, right into my
waiting arms. We hug, and I rub her back, trying to create some friction to warm her up.
“Better?” I ask.
“No,” she says, her teeth beginning to chatter.
“Let’s turn the heater on, then, silly,” I suggest, crossing to the thermostat on the other side of the apartment. I turn off her lamp, as well. Lit only by the moonlight streaming through the window, Emi turns back the sheets on her bed, then grabs some extra blankets and throws them on top. She climbs into bed, and holds the sheets up for me to lie down next to her. We’re facing each other under the blankets, and I take her leg and put it on top of mine, making it easier to warm up her bare leg. “You can put on something warmer, you know.”
“I want to feel your skin on mine,” she tells me. “Plus, doesn’t heat transfer better that way than through clothes?”
“I guess maybe it does,” I answer. After feeling her leg getting warmer, I slowly ease my hand further up her leg to her behind. “Nice,” I tell her, exploring the soft skin of her backside. She laughs quietly.
“Whatever,” she says. I lean in to kiss her, pulling her body toward mine and putting one of my legs between hers.
“You are a little turned on,” I observe, whispering in her ear again, my arm now caressing her back with no space between our bodies. Our kisses are soft, controlled, but I can feel her heart beginning to race, just as mine is.
“So are you,” she whispers back to me, looking me directly in the eyes. I still think I see a little doubt. She seems a little unsure.
“You do that to me,” I tell her. I put my hand up the back of her shirt, beginning to massage deeply. I pull my leg up higher, and her lips find mine again, this time her kisses are much deeper. I pull her shirt up over her head and run my hands down the side of her body. After she throws her shirt on the floor, she pulls at mine, and I gladly take it off for her. My hand travels up her torso, my lips travel down her neck, chest, until they both meet at her small but ample breast. She turns on her back, and I kneel, my legs still straddling one of hers. She lifts her knee and begins to move it back and forth.
“Emi,” I sigh before putting my lips around her nipple. I slowly move my hand back down to her navel, then under the waistline of her shorts, then lower still.
“Nate,” she whispers, her hand reaching to stop mine.
“Guys?” Teresa’s voice breaks through the haze of my mind.
“Shit!” Emi exclaims quietly. I try to analyze the way she was stopping me from proceeding. Was it because she heard Teresa, or because she didn’t want to go any further?
“Uh, hey, guys,” Teresa continues. “Just wanted to let you know I’m back.”
“Got it,” Emi says. When I hear the bathroom door close, I emerge from under the blankets. I kiss Emi, touching her cheek, which is now warm to the touch. “My shirt,” she says to me. I lean over the bed and grab it off the floor. She sits up in the bed to put it back on, her silhouette visible in the moonlight. Before she pulls the shirt down, I kiss her breast one last time. I decide to leave my t-shirt off, still wanting to feel her against my skin. She lies back down and I drag the covers back on top of us. I lie down on my back and stare up at the ceiling, far more frustrated than I was earlier. Emi props herself up on her elbow and runs her fingers up and down my chest.
“I kind of wish we were at your apartment,” she whispers to me.
“We can get a cab,” I suggest quickly, feeling suddenly hopeful.
“No,” she says. “Let’s just hold off a little longer. It might make a good birthday present. What do you think?”
“Oh, god, Em,” I inhale deeply, my frustration seeping out in the words. I swiftly pull her on top of me, our eyes even. I sigh heavily. “Do you promise?” I really don’t mean to pressure her, but I’m desperate to savor those intimate moments with her again, and I don’t know how much longer I can wait. It’s been a month and a half. I mean, surely I can wait– and will, for her– but I just don’t want to any longer.
“Yes,” she says, giving me a kiss. “I promise.”
I pull her lips to mine, and we kiss softly. Emi moves next to me, putting her head on my shoulder. Her hand continues to explore my chest, but before long, she stops moving it and her breathing becomes steady, deep.
~ * ~
Tuesday couldn’t come soon enough, after the weekend we had. We decided it was best to not see each other at all until my birthday, so the anticipation has been building exponentially. I have no idea what the plans are. Emi has made all the arrangements, and is keeping them to herself. All she has told me is to dress casually, and obeying her orders, I’m just wearing khakis and a long-sleeved polo shirt.
At four o’clock in the afternoon, she knocks on my door.
“Now?” I say jokingly as I answer the door.
“No, not now,” she says. “Get your jacket, I want to go for a walk.”
“Okay… ” I grab my jacket and keys and we head out the door, out of the building, making our way toward Central Park. The sun is already beginning to set, creating long shadows on the ground from the tall trees.
“I brought my photographer,” she says, stopping on the trail. I turn around to see Teresa trailing us.
“Hey, Teresa.”
“Nate,” she says, smiling.
“I wanted to take some pictures, if that’s okay,” Emi says. “It’s part of your present.”
“I think it’s a good idea,” I say, wanting to document this time for future generations to see, see how happy we are.
“The lighting’s perfect,” Teresa says. “Just ignore me, I want to get some candids first.” Emi and I walk hand-in-hand talking, stopping to kiss each other every now and then. We are both remembering when we were here a year ago, playing with her niece in the fall leaves. I admit to her that, on that day, I began to see myself as a father, and was imagining that we were a family.
“I was, too,” she says. “I just didn’t want to feel that way about you. I didn’t want things to change between us. They were perfect back then.”
“What made you finally change your mind, Emi?”
“When I realized that I was comparing every guy I dated to you,” she says. “When I saw how you doted on your girlfriends, and I felt a little jealous.” She pauses briefly. “And really, when I felt us drifting further and further apart.”
“Hmmm,” I say, pulling her to face me, moving a strand of hair from blocking the view of her beautiful green eyes.
“It was at that point that I thought we may never get back what we had… and I thought, if I’m ever going to take a chance on you, this is the time.”
“So the fear of losing ‘us’ drove you to me, but it also kept you away from me.”
“Kept me away when things were good between us; brought me to you when the loss was imminent.”
“You are ruled by fear.”
“I’m not anymore,” she declares. “I realize, of all the things in the world I should be sure of, it’s you. You’re the only constant in my life– besides my family. You’re honest, loyal, true… all the things a good boyfriend– a good lover– should be.”
“I will never hurt you, Emi,” I assure her. “And I will always treat you with respect, admiration… and love.”
“I know,” she says smiling, her eyes beginning to water.
“You don’t have to be afraid of losing me ever again, Emi. I’m here to stay.”
“I know,” she repeats, two tears now running down her cheeks. I take her into my arms and hold her close as she cries quietly. I stroke her hair to comfort her.
“Why are you crying, Em?” I ask with a soft laugh. I look at Teresa as she snaps a picture of this private moment. I wonder if Emi knew where this conversation would lead when she asked Teresa to join us. I take her to a park bench and we sit down, side by side. I wipe the tears from her face. “Em?”
“I’m just overwhelmed,” she said. “I’ve never known real happiness– until now. It’s sad to think we could have had this all
along.”
“I like to think it wouldn’t have been this way,” I tell her, not regretting a moment of the lives we’ve led up to this point. “All the relationships we’ve had, that’s what has made us who we are right now. And I think now, we are both in a place where this is… just… well, it’s just… right.
“We were different people ten years ago, even one year ago. Don’t live in the world of what-could’ve-been. Just live in the now, Em.”
She sits quietly next to me, as if trying to form the right words to respond with. She takes my hand in hers, sits up straight, her eyes capturing me in a trance. “Love ya, Nate,” she says, another tear falling swiftly down her face.
“Oh, Emi,” I say, overcome with my own emotions. I stand up and pick her up to hug her, kiss her. “I love you, too, Emi. God, do I love you.” I twirl her around, scattering the leaves under my feet. She wraps her legs around me as we embrace and kiss for a few more minutes. When the kisses become a little too passionate, Teresa clears her throat.
“Always you!” I joke with her. “Why do you always have to interrupt?”
“Sorry,” she says. “Not the right place. Let’s take some posed pictures. Go sit back on the bench.”
After posing for what seemed like a million pictures, Teresa tells us she got enough photos. “I’m going to head back to our apartment, Em,” she announces. “See you… ”
“Tomorrow,” Emi says, looking at me and smiling.
“That was a great idea, Em,” I tell her. “Our kids are going to love this story.”
“Let’s not think about kids right now,” she says. “I’m going to want a lot of time alone with you.”
“I can certainly live with that,” I assure her.
“Let’s walk a little more, watch the sunset.”
“Okay.” I put my arm around her since the air is getting cooler as the shadows begin to take over. After another half-hour, I suggest going to get some coffee. She looks at her watch and agrees.
“Are we on a schedule?”
“No,” she says, trying to hide a smile.
“I don’t believe you, but that’s okay.”
While we are at the cafe, she gets a few text messages, but is careful not to let me see. I don’t bother to ask, either.