“Because being selfless is the equivalent of ignoring that tiny warning bell in your head that makes you protect yourself. It’s putting yourself last. Only the strongest can do it.”
I blink through the blur in my eyes as the door opens beside me.
It’s Mack. He says, “We’re ready for you.”
I follow him back into the room and stand across from him on opposite sides of the table, wiping my eyes and pulling myself back together as best as I can.
“Jaxen and Jezibelle?”
An anchor of pain has tied itself around my heart, sinking it fast.
“They left,” Weldon says. He gives a look to Mack that says don’t ask.
Mack claps his hands together and inhales. “Well then, we have considered your proposal and have decided we will work with your request so long as you follow a few stipulations we’ve set in place.”
I glance over at Weldon, who nods at me. “And they are?” I ask for the both of us.
“First, we’ve sent for General Sterling and your father. We’d like for them to head your mission. Next, we ask that you keep open communication with us. We have gear that will allow this so long as you wear it and follow proper protocol.”
“Is that it?” I ask.
“No,” he says, which is exactly what I thought he’d say. “You will not go through this alone. We need you too much to make it to that machine. You’ll be sent with a small team that will head in directly behind our armies. They’ll plant the volation bombs that will release the spell my team of witches has been working on, as well as trap any and every paranormal being within its radius.”
I chew on my lip, thinking about Jaxen and Jezi, and having to go through this with them after what just happened.
“Okay,” Weldon answers for us, taking the lead when I need him to. “Is that all?”
“Yes,” Mack says, seeming as if he’s come to terms with what must happen.
The door opens as I ask, “When can we start?”
“Now sounds about right,” I hear Sterling say from behind me.
STERLING AND MY FATHER WORK together like they were born to.
After Seamus leaves for the meeting with the United Nations, Mack fills them in on everything we’ve discussed. It’s like a bolt of energy strikes the room, rejuvenating our sense of hope.
It’s just the distraction I need.
An hour goes by as we all toss around ideas for the best way to attack. Sterling has the marker for the board in his hand, writing out all the ideas for infiltration and extraction. I haven’t seen him this animated since before the incident at the manor, and it’s like a breath of fresh air watching the light make its way back to his eyes. Watching him emerge from the shell of pain he’s been living inside of.
My dad, clean-shaven for the first time in a long time, pins to a corkboard the maps of the Underground logged by the Elites who’ve put the effort into discovering the network of tunnels, some have even sacrificed themselves in the process.
It’s obvious they’ve been waiting for this exact moment. They have been craving it, and a small part of me wonders if this is because of the similarities they share. Both hunters who have lost their power.
Both recently widowed by the same murderer.
This is their reckoning. This is their way of taking back control and getting the vengeance they’ve so desperately needed.
I have to keep telling myself to focus, because my thoughts are like ants disturbed. They’re all over the place, jumping from the anguish on Jaxen’s face when I broke our bond, to my mother’s death, and constantly circling back to all the chances I had to kill Clara and Bael.
Weldon nudges me with his elbow a couple of times, telling me with his eyes to get with the program. I clear my throat and sit straighter in the chair next to him, focusing my mind on the words Sterling is saying.
“We’ve studied all the data brought back from the soldiers you’ve sent into the tunnel of the Underground, and we think we’ve found the safest route for our team,” Sterling says as he finishes circling the routes on the printed graphs my father pinned up. “If our team sticks to this route, following after our army invades, they should have no issues getting to the Exanimator. At least, nothing they can’t handle.”
“We don’t want to get too far ahead of ourselves in thinking Clara and Bael don’t have back-up plans for something like this. There’s always a countermove to every move made, which is where the Darkyn comes in, should she have the information she says she has,” Mack says, studying all of Sterling’s ideas as he rubs his chin. After a moment of thoughtful silence, he adds, “But I do think your ideas are well rounded, which is the exact reason I put you two together. I knew we would eventually need a strong set of minds to help run this mission.”
“How many men will be assigned to our team?” my father asks. It’s weird being here with him, knowing he’s my father, but seeing him as another soldier I’ll soon be working alongside.
Mack picks up his pipe and lights it. After taking in a long drag, he says, “Seamus left that up to me. I want fifteen Elites. All the very best.”
“I can recommend them,” Sterling says, his posture strong.
I know then that Jaxen and Jezi will be a part of our team. He specifically trained us, and the Gramm brothers are always sought after.
Knowing this is like a punch to my gut.
“Good.” Mack sets his pipe down. “Then round them up for me. We’ll meet in the artillery in an hour where we can begin debriefing. In the meantime, I’ll send word to General Tillman that his day has finally come. We’ll send our armies out at first light. You two, along with your team, will leave to meet with the Darkyn. But you will not proceed with her until we are satisfied that she can be trusted.”
I bite my tongue. No matter what, I need Meredith. With her, I will find the amulet.
I think Weldon senses my unease because he grabs my shoulder and squeezes as he slaps a smile on his face and says for the both of us. “Sounds good, brother.”
Mack studies me for a moment. “Good,” he says, and I force myself to nod and smile as if I agree as well.
I think he buys it.
While my father and Sterling gather the men for our team, Mack takes us to the artillery where he finds small earpieces we can use that will communicate back and forth between us all. We stock up on weapons, putting them in banshee bags that will hide them once they’re placed on our backs, and then change into our Elite uniforms that hug every part of our bodies.
“Snug enough?” Mack asks, poking at Weldon. “I think I can see your insides through that suit.”
Weldon glances at himself. “You know, I didn’t wake up thinking I was going to look this damn amazing, but it just keeps happening. I guess I snagged all the redeeming genes in the womb. And you,” he continues, pointing to me with his chin and pulling me in on his sarcasm, “I just have to be totally honest here and say that together, visually, we make one hell of an attractive team.”
I roll my eyes, laughing, and find myself reaching out to Jaxen as I habitually do when I want to share something with him, but then I remember he’s no longer there.
My heart shrivels a little more.
A little while later, the sliding doors part and the group of fifteen or so soldiers who will accompany us into the Underground walks in. Some I know, and some I don’t. I have to grip the edges of the table to keep from protesting because pulling together everyone who I love and assigning them to a mission that may involve death is not something I ever wanted for them.
Sterling has not only rounded up what’s left of Evangeline’s pack, except for Chrissa and Harper, but also those left from the Rebellion who still have their powers, including Jaxen and Jezi.
But what catches my breath in my throat… what I never expected… was for Gavin and Katie to walk in behind them. His eyes are cold and closed off. She looks almost confused that she’s joining us.
Sterling shoots a look over to Mack, ques
tioning him, and I know right then that this was Mack’s twisted idea.
Fear and outrage quake through my being.
I immediately cut across the room after Mack and pull him to the side, uncaring of his stature in this Coven. “Why the hell is Katie and Gavin here? You know they don’t have their powers. Are you trying to get them killed?”
His temper flares in his eyes as he looks at my hand and waits for me to remove it. When I finally do, he straightens his vest and clears his throat. “I asked her here because the Darkyn is her aunt, and I offered Gavin the chance to come along because I don’t think he’d want to sit this one out. It was his choice to come.”
I don’t know how to swallow this information, so I focus on Katie. “Katie has never met her aunt. I don’t know why you think she’d be able to help. She hasn’t trained with the rest of us.”
Everyone in the room is watching us now, and it feels like pinpricks all over my skin.
“Family is family.” He leans in close enough so only I can hear him. “You might be the Everlasting, but do not forget your place in this Coven. When this war is over and your part is played, I’m sure you’d like to return to comfort.”
I jerk back. “Are you threatening me?”
His face is masked in diplomacy. “I’m simply telling you I’m the one running this ship, and you’d do well to understand that. Katie may not have her powers or know her aunt, but she is vital to this mission. That’s the end of it.”
He walks away before I can get another word in, and I think I might burst from the overflow of emotions coursing through my blood.
Weldon makes his way over to me and whispers, “Keep it together, mouse. There’s a time and a place, and today is neither.”
I do as he says and swallow it down. It tastes bitter.
Katie makes her way over to me, her brown hair pulled back. “I was working on some spells in my Grimoire when he called. I don’t know why I’m here. Do you?”
My eyes are on Mack, who’s talking with Sterling, my father, Jaxen, and Gavin. “Because Mack’s an asshole.”
Weldon snickers. “Finally! Someone sees it other than me.” He leans over my shoulder to say to Katie, “Here’s a news flash for you. My brother likes to collect pawn pieces, and you’re the latest in his collection.”
Katie’s forehead creases as she looks to me for answers.
I clear my features. “He wants you to go with us to meet with your aunt.” I meet her brown eyes and feel pieces of my childhood clicking back into place. This is my best friend, despite everything that has happened… that has put a dent in our relationship… I still want her safe and happy, and this will be the exact opposite of that.
Her eyes widen when she realizes what this means. “But, Faye, I don’t have my powers. And I don’t know her. How am I even suppo—?”
I grab her hands that frantically move through the air. “I know, Kat. Don’t worry. We’ll get through this.”
This seems to calm her a little.
Jaxen looks over Mack’s shoulder at me, and I feel like I’m being pinned to the wall by his dark green eyes. Ignoring my desire to tell him how sorry I am is like trying to ignore a bee sting. No matter what, the pain is there as a constant reminder that I have hurt him in a way I never wanted to.
I take a seat on an ottoman near the back of the room as Sterling, Mack, and my father gather everyone around and begin the process of explaining all that’s about to happen, giving out the orders we are to follow.
I barely hear them. All I hear is the pounding of my heart in my chest. All I feel is the need to make my way across the room and fix what I’ve broken between Jaxen and myself.
“You okay?” Weldon asks, his hand on my shoulder as he sits next to me.
It takes me a second’s worth of painful swallowing, but I eventually nod.
“You know Jaxen has a flare for the dramatics. Angry one minute and swooning the next.”
“Sure,” I say, staring at my feet. Dropping pennies into the wishing well in my heart in hopes that there will be a day when he’ll look at me the way he used to—when all of this is over. If I’m even alive then.
Weldon nudges into me. “He’s just an emotional fluff ball. I can tell him to take his tampon out if you want me too.”
I study his face, appreciating his weak attempt at humor. “That won’t be necessary,” I say, biting my lip to keep my tears in check.
He sighs loudly, and then leans his head back. I can tell he’s uncomfortable with this. With being a friend to a girl, and it makes me smile inwardly. “Look… I know I’m a little rusty when it comes to romantic advice, and I’m not claiming to be Casanova here, but why don’t you write to him, Faye? Tell him how you feel.”
“Is that really a good idea, Weldon? I’ve hurt him enough and I’m sure after breaking the link between us, no words could be enough for his forgiveness.”
He grabs my shoulder and squeezes, and it’s all the affection I need from him that makes everything a little bit easier to swallow. “I don’t think you’re giving him enough credit. Write to him. Trust me, you’ll regret it if you don’t.”
He hands me a notepad with a pen before walking away. I don’t know how many times I touch the pen to the pad, only to pull it away without ever writing a single word, but somewhere in that time, I finally find what I want to say.
Jaxen,
I’ve always hated the words I’m sorry because I don’t really believe in what they’re intended to mean. They’re only ever spoken after a bad deed is done. A deed that, more often than not, was methodically done with the hope that they’d find forgiveness on the other side. So I’m not going to tell you I’m sorry… because I’m not.
I’m not sorry I was given this gene.
I’m not sorry it’s on my shoulders to stop Mourdyn and the Exanimator.
I’m not sorry for all that’s happened in this short amount of time.
And I’m sure as hell not sorry that I met and fell in love with you.
Everything I’ve done, I did with a clear purpose in mind. And maybe you aren’t going to understand that right now. Maybe you’re going to hate me forever for not letting you all the way in and for breaking our bond, but I did it because it was necessary. I did it because I do love you. With every part of my soul. And I have moments where I want to be selfish. Where I want to scream at the sky and run away with you, but that’s not who I am, and I know that’s not who you want me to be.
If I don’t make it out of this alive, I want you to know you are my one, Jaxen. You helped mold me into the strong woman I am. You believed in me when others didn’t, and you never gave up on us.
That is what I’ll take with me when I venture into this mission.
I love you, Jaxen Reade Gramm. I loved you before, and I will love you after.
Yours,
Faye
When I’m done, I feel better. Not the kind of better one would hope to feel given the circumstances, but enough that I find my strength to stand and follow Sterling, Mack, my dad, and all the rest back to the war room.
Jaxen stays on the opposite side, refusing to look at me. I know because I find myself looking in his direction ever minute or so, even though I keep telling myself not to. Apparently, my body doesn’t feel like listening to my brain today.
Mack moves to the head of the room as Katie files in beside me, linking her arm through mine. I’m grateful for the small connection. For the unwavering friendship between us that doesn’t fall apart, no matter how many hits we take.
“After you reach the theater, we’ll be in the monitoring room watching through the pins on your uniforms,” Mack says to us. “We won’t communicate through the earpiece unless necessary. If something happens to break the connection, and you find you can’t get back in touch with us, then I want you to use these.” Mack hands us each a silver ring with a small turquoise gemstone in it that slides over our middle fingers, spelled to custom fit. “The gemstone is a button that will activate
a location device and alert us should you find yourself in trouble. When the beacon goes off—” He pushes the button of his ring and turns to point at the red light flashing from the corner of the room. “Then we’ll send a team in after you.”
“Did you invent this?” Weldon asks, looking over the ring.
“I did, yes,” Mack says with his chest out, hands gripping the edges of his vest. He looks so much like Weldon with his chest puffed out and his eyes glowing with pride that it’s almost scary.
Weldon smirks. For a split second, it’s as if none of the bad was ever shared between them. They’re just brothers, sharing a common childhood interest. He slaps Mack on the back, his grin rising like the morning sun. “Nice. Nothing like the threat of a frigid, conniving, heinous ex to get those creative juices flowing.”
“I bet that took a lot of brainpower,” Jezi mutters, the corner of her mouth hinting at a playful smile.
Weldon’s gaze flattens on Mack, who wears an all too familiar scowl. “Actually, Clara has a way of bringing out my profound knowledge of unscrupulous adjectives. How’s that for a big word?” His smirk turns dry. “In fact, I think that’s my favorite thing about Clara.” He slaps the side of Mack’s arm. “See, brother, I am able to look past our differences and find something good in your partner. I should get brownie points for that or maybe a get-out-of-jail-free card.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose.
“She’s no longer my partner,” Mack says, their brotherly moment long faded. He looks over at Sterling and my dad. “Is there anything else you two want to add before we dismiss them?”
Sterling and my dad look to each other, and then my dad extends his hand out, letting Sterling go first. Sterling takes his time to look at each of us. The shadows of Ava’s death are still buried deep in his black eyes, despite the rush of finally being able to do something with this war. His veins are protruding from his skin from his lack of feeding in the past twenty-four hours of planning and scheming, but this doesn’t keep him from being the iron force we’ve all looked to at one point or another.
Everdeep (The Night Watchmen Series Book 4) Page 16