by Sienna Blake
She didn’t text back. That was invitation enough. I grabbed my jacket and threw open the door. I froze at the sight of the man standing in my doorway.
He lowered his fist from where he was obviously about to knock.
“Hey, son.”
63
____________
Ailis
Danny: I’m coming over.
An hour later and Danny still hadn’t shown up. He should have been here fifty damn minutes ago. It only took ten minutes to walk from his to mine.
I wasn’t about to text him asking where he was. I had more pride than that.
I growled at myself in frustration. I couldn’t believe I was sitting around here waiting on that asshole to show up.
That was all I was doing with him, wasn’t it? Waiting. Waiting and waiting for him. Waiting for things to change. Waiting for him to realise what we had and to stop wasting it.
I was tired of waiting.
I walked out of my apartment down to the floor below, stopping at the apartment marked “4”. I fluffed my hair and licked my lips before I knocked.
Kieran opened the door. He smiled when he saw it was me.
“Ailis. What a lovely surprise.”
I smiled back, ignoring the thread of guilt weaving through me over Danny. Screw Danny. He fucking stood me up. He didn’t want a relationship from me. He told me I should see other people. I wasn’t doing anything wrong by going out with Kieran—cute, charming Kieran who seemed actually interested in me.
“Hey, so my night actually just freed up,” I said. “Is that invitation for a dinner still open?”
Kieran took me to Bunsen on Wexford Street, which turned out to be the best burger place in Dublin. They literally only did burgers and chips, but they did them so well.
Dinner with Kieran was fun and lighthearted. I found myself laughing and smiling without it being forced. I even forgot about Danny for a few moments.
It was just what I needed. I needed to be reminded that this was what a good man looked like. I needed to be reminded that this was what it looked like when a man was actually interested in you as a person, in maybe seeing where it went, as opposed to fucking you and locking you out of his heart.
So when Kieran asked me if I wanted to grab a drink after dinner, I said yes.
We went to The Long Hall, a Dublin institution on George’s Street. A pub with a slender book spine-like façade and pretty candy cane striped awnings over the windows.
I stepped inside, the warm air hitting me in the face a contrast to the cold outside, a comfortable chatter among the small groups of people scattered through the long, dim, wood-paneled bar.
We walked partway in and found a spot at the bar. I was about to answer Kieran’s question of what I wanted to drink when a familiar deep voice slurred at me.
“Theresh s-s-she ishhh.”
I turned towards the voice, my heart in my throat. It couldn’t be. It was. There, slumped on a barstool, was Danny.
I cursed internally.
Of all the damn bars he could be in, he had to be here. And what the fuck was he doing here when he was supposed to be at my place?
I shoved down my anger. I was here with Kieran. I was not going to get into an argument with Danny. In fact, I was not going to give Danny any more of my attention.
I turned to Kieran with a smile on my face. “Do you mind if we go somewhere else?”
Kieran glanced between Danny and me with a frown on his face, a question in his eyes. Luckily I’d established earlier that Kieran wasn’t really a music fan so he’d likely not recognise Danny.
“Sure thing,” Kieran said after a beat.
We turned to leave. I didn’t bother saying goodbye to Danny, even though it made me feel guilty as hell.
“Me da ssshowed up,” Danny called after me, the pain in his voice unmistakable.
Oh. Fuck.
I spun and stared at this broken rock god, slumped in the seat, half sliding off, a nearly empty glass of amber liquid at his elbow.
His da showed up? He and his da hadn’t spoken in years. Whatever happened, it was bad. Bad enough to forget to text me that he wasn’t coming over after all. Bad enough for him to head straight to a bar for some liquid amnesia.
Danny drank occasionally but he didn’t get drunk. Alcohol ruined his creativity, cut him off from the muse, he always said. Now he was three sheets to the damn wind.
Danny fumbled with his glass and raised it to his face, his whole body swaying. “Cheerssssh to deadbeat fassthers.”
I let out a sigh. Angry at him as I was, I couldn’t just leave him. Not like this.
What if someone recognised him? Took shots of him like this for the magazines? I was surprised no one had already, probably because he looked like a hobo, a large grey hoodie over his head and half-closed, bloodshot eyes.
I turned back to Kieran. “I’m really sorry, but I’m going to have to take a raincheck on that drink. I have to get him home.”
“Who is he?” Kieran studied the drunken rising star.
My professor.
My tormentor.
My ex-best friend.
The man I think I’m a little in love with. The man who is going to break my heart.
“Just…someone in my class at college.” It wasn’t exactly a lie.
After a pause, Kieran nodded. He knew it wasn’t the whole story. He deserved an explanation. But not right now.
“I’ll help you get a cab,” he said.
With Kieran’s help, we half carried, half walked Danny out of the pub and into the backseat of a taxi.
I stood with my back to the open door, facing Kieran, who was standing beside me.
“I can go with you,” he said.
I shook my head. “Thanks, but I got it from here. You’ve helped enough.”
Kieran nodded but didn’t say anything. He glanced over to the man who was sprawled across the cab backseat.
“Thank you for dinner,” I said, forcing his attention back on me. “I had a really lovely time. Well, until, you know.” I let out a nervous laugh.
Kieran smiled and it looked genuine. “Me, too. We should do it again sometime.”
I nodded. “Definitely.”
Kieran leaned in to kiss me on the mouth. I heard a snort coming from my side, felt eyes raking over me.
Danny.
He was watching us.
I panicked and turned my head at the last minute so Kieran’s kiss landed on my cheek.
I felt Kieran tense, felt his disappointment, adding to my guilt.
Kieran stepped back and waited on the sidewalk as I climbed into the backseat and told the driver the address. He waved as the taxi pulled away from the curb.
I closed my eyes and rested my head on the seat. What a fucking night.
“Ye were on a date,” Danny said, his tone accusing.
When I opened my eyes to look sideways at him, he was sitting up, more alert than he’d been all night. Had he been pretending to be drunker than he was?
“I was. And you ruined it, thank you very much.”
Danny let out a snort. “I saved you the trouble. He’s not the guy for you.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“You don’t even know him,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.
“I know he’s not for ye.”
“Then who is?” I glared at Danny.
He glared back and said nothing.
Here we were again, fighting over the same shit. I let out a long sigh. I was suddenly so tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of caring.
I slumped back in my seat and closed my eyes against the moisture building up in them. “I don’t want to talk anymore,” I said quietly. Please.
Thankfully, Danny was silent for the rest of the way. Although I could feel his eyes on me.
I paid the driver and held the door open for Danny. He slid out, more gracefully than I’d expected.
The asshole wasn’t as drunk as I thought he was. He was hamming it
up in the bar. Probably to force me to take care of him and to ruin my date. Asshole. I bit down my annoyance. And stomped towards the front door of his building.
Danny grabbed me before I could get far and wound his arm around my shoulder.
“What are you doing?” I glared at him and tried to shove his arm off me.
He smiled sweetly at me. “So I don’t fall over?” he said, his voice as angelic as I’d ever heard it.
I let out a snort. But for the death of me, I let him keep his arm around me. I liked it there, dammit. Even though I knew it wouldn’t come to any good being this close to him.
I got him up to his apartment, dug around his pockets for his keys, ignoring the smirk on his face when my hand strayed too close to his crotch. I let us in and directed him to his room, pulling off his boots and socks before throwing his legs on the bed.
He let out a moan and waved his arms at me.
“What?” I asked.
“Take my hoodie off? I’ll get too hot.”
I sighed. I came up beside him on the bed and grabbed the hem of his hoodie, tugging it up.
“Shirt too?”
“Fine,” I said through gritted teeth.
I found the hem of his shirt and tugged that up too. Danny barely lifted his torso off the bed, being no help at all, almost causing me to fall across him as I yanked the clothes over his wide chest and up off his arms.
He had such a beautiful body. So muscular and firm and—
I dropped the clothing on the floor and stepped back, not wanting to remain this close to him. Not trusting myself to remain this close to him. I took another step back, and another just to be safe.
My eyes drifted down the angle of his torso, ending at those V muscles that disappeared into the band of his briefs poking up over his dark denim. Fucking hell, I wouldn’t be safe unless I was in another country from him.
“Jeans,” he said with a grunt, kicking his feet at me.
“What about them?”
“Uncomfy.”
I rolled my eyes.
I leaned over him and unbuckled his belt before undoing the jean buttons and shoving it down over his ass. At least, I tried to shove it down over his ass. Again, Danny was next to no help and I was left floundering. Out of frustration, I yanked so hard I slipped, falling across his body. The heat of his naked torso seared into me. Our faces were so close as he smirked up at me.
“Knew you’d fall for me,” he said, blowing whiskey all over me.
I wanted to smack him. But I restrained myself.
I shoved myself up using his chest as leverage. Fuck, that was a bad idea. The feel of his hard pecs under my hands sent a shot of heat to my core.
I stood and took a deep breath to steady myself.
“Lift your ass, you lazy shite,” I said to him,” or I’m leaving you like this.”
I must have had a serious enough look on my face because Danny did what I asked, allowing me to get the jeans over his round muscular ass—my hands brushed it as I undressed him, and dear God it felt good, so good I wanted to cop a feel but I restrained myself. Good girl, Ailis—before yanking the jeans down his muscular thighs. I was aware of Danny staring intently at me the whole time.
I got the jeans off the ends of his feet and dropped them to the floor. Danny lay there looking like a fucking god come to life, making my lower belly ache.
I couldn’t stand looking at his body anymore. I threw the covers over him.
He tucked the covers under his chin and gave me a drunken smile. “You’re taking care of me.”
I let out a snort. Like I had a choice.
“You actually like me.”
That earned him an eye roll. I turned and headed for the door.
“Where are you going?” he cried, scrambling to push the covers off him as if he was going to come after me.
“Relax. I’m going to the kitchen to get you water.”
“Promise?” He sank back onto the bed.
I let out a sigh. “Promise.”
He settled back into bed.
I went to the kitchen, poured him a large glass of water in a plastic tumbler, and grabbed a packet of pain pills. After a thought I also grabbed a bucket out of his closet and hung it over my arm. Just in case.
Back in the bedroom I placed the bucket by the side of the bed.
I ordered Danny to sit. I handed him the water and popped two pain pills in his hand. “Drink.”
When he was finished I took the glass off him and placed it on his side table.
“Okay, you should be set.” I turned to leave.
“My da showed up tonight. Here,” Danny’s voice spoke into the dim room.
I wasn’t going to ask, but it seemed he wanted to talk about it. Who was I to deny him a chance to get it off his chest?
I turned around and walked back to his bedside, sitting beside him on the mattress. It wasn’t lost on me that roles had now been reversed from the very first time we met in that hospital room.
“What did he want?” I asked.
Even in the dim, I could see his eyes fill with pain. “He’s dying.”
I let out a gasp. I found Danny’s hand on top of the covers and laced my fingers through them. He clung to me as if I were a life raft.
“He needs a kidney transplant.”
The pieces clicked into place. A person was more likely to be a suitable donor if they were family. “And he wants you to see if your kidney matches.”
Danny didn’t speak. He just nodded.
I let out a long breath.
“What are you going to do?” I asked.
“Does it make me a bad person if…” he trailed off.
If he refused his father.
I didn’t know exactly what had transpired between them, but I could only imagine if Danny hadn’t spoken to him in years, it had to have been bad.
“No,” I said, “he’s not entitled to have parts of your body, no matter who he is.”
“They won’t see it that way.”
They. As in, the world. The world who loved his father. The world who saw his father as one of Ireland’s granddaddies of rock.
They would crucify Danny in the media. He’d become a pariah. It would impact his career.
What a difficult decision to make. I didn’t envy him.
“I won’t think any less of you,” I said, “for what little it’s worth.”
His hand squeezed mine. “It’s worth a lot, thank you.”
I squeezed his hand back.
We sat there for what felt like hours, joined only by our fingers and this secret he just revealed. Any anger I still held onto for him not showing up earlier tonight faded away in the brevity of what he’d confessed had happened.
Without the anger, I was reminded of how much he made me feel being near him. It felt…right.
The intimacy in the room became thick, him almost naked and us touching like this.
Don’t do this to yourself, Ailis, I reminded myself. Don’t read too deeply into things. This was a man who still didn’t want anything from me except sex.
I tugged my hand from his suddenly as if it burned me. In a way, it did. I thought I saw a flash of disappointment across his face but it was too dark for me to be sure.
I stood, brushing my skirt down. “I should go.”
“Please…stay with me tonight?”
His voice was so quiet, so small, that it reminded me of when Danny was a boy, a sweet boy who captured my heart with the first words he ever spoke to me. A boy who saved me when I was sinking under the surface of the sea.
He stayed with me when I was in hospital all those years ago. How could I say no to him now? How could I walk away when he was drowning?
I let out a sigh. This would not be good for my poor heart. But just for tonight, his pain was more important than mine.
I walked over to the only armchair in his room and flopped down into it. Danny watched me from his position on the bed.
“You going to stay?�
� he asked.
“Yeah.”
“All night?”
Against my better judgement. “Yes.”
“You’ll be uncomfortable sleeping in that chair.”
I shuffled in the seat, hating that he was probably right. Definitely right. “I’ll be fine.”
“It’s not like we haven’t slept next to each other.”
My skin heated. We’d slept next to each other, alright. After we’d gotten naked and screwed the brains out of each other. We’d never just slept next to each other.
“I promise I won’t grope you in your sleep.”
I let out a snort. Then a sigh. “Okay.”
I stood up and walked to the other side of the bed, pulling back the covers.
“You’re going to sleep in your clothes?”
Goddammit. “Yeah.”
“You’ll be uncomfortable.”
“No skin off your nose.”
“You won’t sleep well. You’ll toss and turn and keep me up.”
I let out a sigh. “Fine.”
I quickly slid my skirt and my jumper off and slid under the covers in my shirt and panties. I jiggled around under my shirt, slipping off my bra and dropping that on the floor too.
Danny shifted in the bed, turning towards me.
His chuckle came through in the dark. “It’s not like I haven’t seen everything up close and personal.”
My body flared with heat at the reminder. I lay there stiffly, the inch left between us burning me like I was standing too close to a fire. Dear God, this was a mistake. I wasn’t going to get any sleep.
“Relax,” he said, his voice growing quiet.
Relax? Relax? He could talk.
Before I could say anything, he flung an arm around me and tugged me against the side of his body, slipping an arm under my neck and securing his other arm around my shoulders, pressing me flush against him.
Okay, heart, I told myself. You get this one night to enjoy him. Then tomorrow, you have to go back to being guarded.
I let go of the tension in my body and sank further against him.
“My da…” he began, “never wanted me.”
I sucked in a breath. But said nothing, allowing him the space to fill the silence. Or not.
“He told me so. Often. When I lived with him.”
My heart filled with pain for young Danny. It would have hurt so much after just losing his mother and being forced to live with a man who didn’t want him. I’d been so lucky with my family. I don’t know what I’d do without them.