I drove carefully down to New York with Christmas music blaring through my speakers and a lightness I hadn’t felt in forever. I missed Jacob Parker so much that life seemed colorless, mixed with grays, whites and blacks, but I wasn't going to pull him into the middle of my madness.
I was nine weeks pregnant with his baby and though it was probably the wrong thing to do, I was keeping the baby to myself. I'd move to Seattle or another coastal state after the first of the year. I just had to get through the holidays without my brother finding out. He'd eventually have to be told, but not right now. I wanted this gift to belong to me without drama for as long as possible.
Besides, I wasn't showing at all.
I pulled off the freeway and parked in front of Aiden's beautiful mansion. A smile played at the side of my mouth as I got out of the car. He always was one for show. I couldn't help but wonder if his fiancé, Elizabeth enjoyed the big house or if she wished for something smaller.
She came from deep poverty, which left me respecting her perseverance all the more.
I walked to the door and knocked before glancing up at the beautiful Christmas lights that decorated the house. I would have to come out later with Aiden to see them. No way I was slipping and busting my ass though. Putting the baby at risk of anything was out.
This was my one and only chance to have a child. I wasn't messing it up.
Aiden opened the door and laughed. "Ansley. Don't you look beautiful." He reached out and pulled me into a warm hug, kissing my cheek.
"Aiden. It's good to see you, brother. Thanks for inviting me down for the holiday."
"You're warm." He moved back as his eyes rolled over me. "Are you running a fever."
"Oh Lord." Elizabeth walked up beside him and opened her arms to me. "He's hyper sensitive for some reason. Give me a hug."
I hugged the young woman, glad to see her. She had as much spirit as me and Aiden put together. She was the perfect wife for my brother, and I couldn't wait to see them finally have their wedding. He was dragging his heels more because of having to take several days off from the hospital. Funny enough, she was laid back about it and seemed to be in no hurry.
"Good to see you, Lizzy." I kissed her cheek and walked into the house, taking it all in. "It's beautiful in here."
"Come on. Let me show you the tree." Elizabeth took my hand and tugged me toward the living room. "Aiden, grab her bags from the car."
"I can get them," I yelled over my shoulder as I followed her. The house was decorated to the nines, and I fell in love with it all over again. "Christmas is my favorite time of the year. My parents used to go all out like this. Yours too?" I let the question slip from my lips before I could pull it back. She'd been dirt-floor poor. There was no way her mother could afford to decorate the house.
"No. Not at all." She stopped beside the tree and let out a contented sigh. "This was all Aiden's doing. I think it helps him get through the holidays without missing your folks too much."
"I'm sure." I reached out and ran my fingers over the tinsel. "I'm moving to Seattle in January." I hadn't meant to blurt it out, but something about Lizzy made me feel at home, relaxed.
"Oh yeah?" She turned to face me, and I shifted a little to look her in the eye. "Does Aiden know that you're pregnant?"
"What?" I put my hands on my stomach as shock rolled through me.
"Does Aiden know that you're pregnant?" She reached out and brushed my hair off my shoulder. "I can see the perfect roundness of your stomach, and you are running fever. Most women do in the first trimester. It's the reason you took a sabbatical, right?"
I nodded, not sure how to feel about her digging into my life so deeply. "Yes, and no, he doesn't know. I was going to tell him in a few months."
"No, don't do that. You guys are close. Tell him now. He'll support you. You know that." She smiled warmly. "I'm so excited for you. I know how badly you wanted this."
"So bad." I rubbed my stomach and glanced down.
Aiden made a sound of surprise from the other side of the room. "Ansley."
I glanced over and nodded. "I'm pregnant. I wasn't going to tell you, but your woman here pinned me down."
"Oh, my God." He walked across the room and drew me into his arms. The feel of them wrapped around me caused me to choke up. How badly I wanted Parks there, his arms around me, his heart belonging to me, but it was silly. He wasn't the type of man to settle down, and I wasn't imposing myself on anyone ever again.
"I don't know what it is yet. It's only been nine weeks."
"Is it Nolan's?" He lifted his eyebrow as a hint of disgust played along his lips.
"No." I glanced down and took a shaky breath. "Parks." I looked up as Aiden stepped back. "But you have to swear to me that you won't say anything."
"What? You slept with him?" He ran his hand down his face and turned to walk to the fireplace. "This is my fault."
"No, it's not." I joined him and notice that Lizzy slipped out of the room. "He's everything I wanted in a lover, Aiden. Hell, he's everything any woman would want." I forced a laugh, but the sound fell flat. "I knew better than to let him into my heart though. He's just a playboy."
"No, he's not. He's so much more than that, Ans." He turned to face me. "He lost his father about five weeks ago and it almost killed him. He should have known that you were pregnant. It would have helped."
"Wait." I smirked. "You're not mad that we slept together?"
"You're grown ass adults, and I had some inkling that you did when you both called in a panic about each other." He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "You can't ask me to keep this from him. He's like a brother to me."
"I am asking that." I swatted at his hand. "I don't want him feeling obligated to be with me. I don't need a man in my life. I've wanted a baby my whole life. Parks gave me one, Aiden. Let's just leave it at that."
"That should be his decision, Sis."
"What should?" Gwen walked into the room and walked over to us.
"Your sister is nine weeks pregnant and didn't want any of us to know." Aiden stuck out his tongue and moved back. The look on his face said that he was waiting for Gwen to tear into me. Her reaction shocked both of us.
"What? Oh my God! I'm going to be an Aunt?" She danced around and moved over to me, pulling me into a hug that felt more than an uncomfortable junior high dance.
I laughed and wrapped my arms around her. "Yeah, and I'm going to need a little bit of help raising this little guy."
"It's a boy?" Gwen hollered as her eyes widened farther.
"I'm not sure yet, but I think it's a boy." I glanced over at Aiden who rolled his eyes and turned back toward the fire.
"It's not definitive until twenty weeks. You know this, Ans." He leaned down and picked up a glass of wine. "Tell her whose baby it is."
"Mine." I smiled at Gwen, wondering why the hell I thought I would be judged by my brother and sister. They were the most accepting people I knew, especially when it came to family matters. They had always stood on either side of me, holding me up, talking me off the ledge, loving me through all of it.
"And?" She smiled wickedly. "Oh, please tell me it's Parks."
"Really? You too?" Aiden turned and gave Gwen a look. "What is it about this guy."
"You don't want us to go there," Gwen informed him and turned back to me. "You really think it's his."
"Yeah. It's his." I glanced down as my sister ran her hands over my slightly swollen stomach. "He's going to be beautiful then. Can we call him Doctor Feelgood Junior when he's older and a lady killer."
"No!" Aiden yelled before his tight expression faded into a smile. He looked over at me lovingly. "Ansley, we're all three here for you. If you don't want to tell Jacob, then that's your business. I'd highly advise against it because it's not fair to him, but I'll leave that guilt for you to swallow."
"Aiden's right. Were here for you. We'll help raise the baby."
"Good. I hope he's rotten as hell." I smiled and walked
over to drop down on the couch as Aiden and Gwen started to talk through the delivery options. Elizabeth joined them, and my eyes grew heavy as I laid back and let my mind wonder.
What would reality look like if I told Parks that I had his baby inside of me? Would he step up or run away? Would we try to make things work or raise the baby as friends living along two different coastlines from one another?
Or would we try to work things out together? Could we fall in love? Have more kids?
I stopped myself. I wasn't a dreamer. I was the pragmatic one in the family.
Telling him was more damning than keeping it to myself.
I worked hard to convince myself of that, not truly believing it for a minute.
23
Parks
Two Weeks Later
"Lunch. On me." Jackson wasn't going to relent until I agreed to get my ass out of the house. It had been a long two months and losing my father around the holidays had me in a funk.
"Fine, but I'm going to eat my fucking weight in lobster."
"Good. I wouldn't expect anything less of a street rat like you." He snorted and hung up on me.
I smiled, unable to help myself. The guy was such a prick, and yet, I loved him like a brother. He was the only one from my childhood that I kept in contact with. He needed a strong woman to come into his life, grab him by the balls and sling him around a little.
He needed an Ansley.
"I need an Ansley." I walked to the bathroom and checked my complexion in the mirror before sliding my hand down into my sleeping pants. The only action my dick had seen in the better part of two months was my own hand. I couldn't seem to find the desire to hit on one of the women at the hospital that I knew would put out.
My body ached with the need to feel soft skin pressed against me, to hear the soft whimper of a woman in ecstasy, and yet, all I could think about was Aiden's bitchy older sister.
Anger replaced need, and I walked to the bedroom, cursing under my breath. I was going to have to ask about her later that day when I saw Aiden. Even if it meant giving myself away a little. He knew something happened between us. The bastard was too smart to really pull anything over on him.
I didn't care. I needed to know what she was up to. Her fucking picture was off the website for Boston General, which meant she quit or lost her damn job. I prayed like hell it was the first of those two. If I were at fault for her losing her job, I'd be sick with myself.
After dressing in a few layers, I walked out of the house and made my way to my Mustang. The snow was too thick to drive the bike, and I'd freeze my ass off if I tried. From what I understood, my backside was one of my best assets. No reason to further fuck myself in this game of companionship.
I got in the car and turned it on, flipping the heater on high and shaking until the damn thing warmed up.
"A new year." I backed up and turned on the radio to the classic metal station. Motley Crew's Doctor Feelgood filled up the space around me, and I had to laugh. It was as if the Universe was slapping me in the face.
I drove to the restaurant, singing the song and enjoying myself as best I could. I would talk to Aiden, go find Ansley and make amends, and then come back home and get on with my life. She wasn't the woman for me, and I sure as fuck wasn't the type of guy she wanted long-term. It was better this way, or so I'd told myself three million times.
I pulled up to the valet at the fancy-ass restaurant Jackson wanted to meet at and got out, thanking the guy and walking to the door.
The hostess glanced up as I walked toward her stand. "Morning. How can I help you?"
"I'm meeting Jackson Barto." I slipped my hands into the pockets and glanced around her. She knew Jackson. Everyone did. He was the youngest billionaire in all of New York.
"Of course. He's already here." She gave me the once over as her cheeks burned pink. Normally, I'd have flirted a little to see if there was room for a mid-morning fuck in the broom closet, but something had shifted inside of me. It was terrifying. I was growing up.
"Hey, buddy." Jackson stood and offered his hand. He looked like a million bucks. Fucker.
"Hey, man. What gives?" I sat down and glanced around the five-star restaurant. "We couldn't do pizza and beer?"
"It's the first day of the New Year, asshat. I wanted to keep the tradition. We've been doing this for as long as I can remember. What's the matter with you?" He gave me a stern look. "You're not sleeping. You always get loopy without sleep."
I rubbed at my eyes as they burned. "Yeah. I don't know what's going on."
"Talk to me." He leaned back and picked up a glass of some dark liquid.
"Are you charging me for it?" I smirked and ordered a whisky on the rocks when the waitress came over.
"Not unless you cry. Then, yes, and you'll be paying for lunch too." He took a drink of his whisky and set the glass down. "You haven't been yourself since Boston. It's getting old. What the fuck is going on with you? This about your dad?"
I shrugged and leaned back in my seat. "I don't know. I think part of it is losing my dad, but most of it is about Ansley."
"Aiden's sister?" He lifted an eyebrow. I'd kept my problems to myself like I always did. Me talking about a woman who was almost three months in the past was probably a bit stupid, but she was the reason for my sleepless nights.
"Yeah." I thanked the server and drank half my liquor before growling and setting the glass down. "I don't know, man. Something about her."
"You fell in love." He laughed and leaned forward. "The great Doctor Parks fell in love? With an older woman? Shit. She must have been incredible."
"She was." I glanced down at my drink. "I can't shake her."
"Then go get her." He tapped the table near my hand, forcing me to look up. "She's probably not with anyone yet if she's the dominate female you said she is. Men are terrified of that shit."
"Men like you?" I smiled, giving him a little bit of grief.
"Fuck that and you. I'd take her down to the ground in an afternoon. No woman will conquer me. Not ever."
"You'll be pussy-whipped by the summer."
"Hundred bucks says I won't, but you will."
"Hundred on each. I'll take that bet." I extended my hand, and we shook on it before laughing.
"You're going down." He shook his head. "Actually, you look like you're already down. If this chick means so much to you, go after her. You're not twenty-two with ten dollars in your pocket, Parks. You're a grown ass man. Go get what you want."
"Right. I wish it were that easy." I finished up my drink and asked for another one. "She's not interested in me, dude."
"So the fuck what? Make her interested."
He had a point. Why was I giving up so damn easily? She pushed back a little, and I decided to walk away from something brewing inside of me that felt like forever? No. It was about watching my dad give up his life for my mom. That shit left me cold toward wanting to persevere through anything related to love.
"Next subject." I picked up my menu and ignored his jabs. He just wanted to talk about me and my shit to stay off the subject of him and his.
We were bachelors, and though we both hated it, we pretended we loved it.
It was sick and old, but it was us.
"Happy New Years, man." Terrance's voice was a welcomed sound on the other end of the phone as I drove up to St. Marks. A quick visit with Aiden and I was headed back home to enjoy the rest of my day off before starting back to the grind the following day.
"You too." I pulled into the oversized parking lot at the hospital. Snow was piled up everywhere. "How are things there since I left?"
"Good. Weird without Ansley, but good." He cleared his throat.
"Where did she head off to? I never followed up with her."
"She's in Seattle now, which has Nolan stir crazy. He's been a bastard to deal with since she left, and it only got worse a few weeks ago."
"Why is that?" I got out of the car and pulled my jacket closer as the snow picked up. It wa
s fucking freezing out there.
"She's pregnant, or so everyone thinks."
I stopped dead in my tracks. "What? Why would anyone think that? Was she showing?"
"Yeah. Unless she's taken to drinking beer in massive quantities. Otherwise, everyone thinks she has a baby bump."
"And Nolan thinks it's his?"
"Oh yeah." He laughed. "Who else would it belong to? She's a good girl. She's only been with him, or so everyone says. I swear I try to stay out of all of this drama bullshit. I'm not interested in getting involved in anyone’s lives here. Too messy."
"I hear that." I wrapped up the call with him and slipped my phone in my pocket as I walked into the hospital. A few people called out to me, welcoming me. I waved and continued my trek to Aiden's office.
Was Ansley pregnant, and if so... was the baby mine? A warmth I didn't expect swelled in my chest, the emotion of it almost enough to cripple me. I'd been through so much shit with my dad passing that any little thing seemed to bend me over. I had to go see a counselor soon or something. I was losing my grip and my mojo.
I knocked on the door and poked my head into Aiden's office to see him working furiously on something. "Hey, boss. You free?"
"Parks. Come on in, man." He stood up and lifted his hands toward the ceiling. "Good Christmas?"
"It was alright." I closed the door behind me. "I don't have any family left, so it flew by unnoticed if I'm being honest."
His face fell. "Oh, shit. I'm sorry. You should have come over to my place. We would have loved to have had you there."
"Aiden." I walked to the desk and pressed my fists against the top of it, leaning toward him a little. "Is Ansley pregnant?"
All color drained from his face. My heart contracted painfully. She was, and he hadn't said a fucking word to me. I was torn. On the one hand, this was his little sister. If she didn't want him to say anything, it was honestly respectful for him not to, but on the other hand... he was one of my closest friends, my mentor.
Captain Hotness: A Single Father Bad Boy Novel Page 29