by Morris, SJ
“I love you, Abigail. Nothing could ever change that. I don’t care what experiments that crackpot doctor did on you. Those babies are ours. Yours and mine. I’m going to do everything I possibly can to keep all three of you safe. Jack can rot in hell for everything he’s done to you. I don’t care what his motives were or if he was blackmailed. He hurt you and caused your family so much pain. As for Dr. Brigantine, let her come for you. I’ll murder her and everyone that works with her if they try to hurt any of us.”
His eyes were fiercely bright as he spoke calmly, and I knew in my heart he was telling me the truth. He’d do anything to protect me and everyone here. I just didn’t want him to have to.
“Well, according to Jack, Dr. Brigantine is looking for the cabin, but she hasn’t found it yet. With him blowing up part of her lab, I assume it’s going to take her and her men a while to recover, but they will, and I can only think she’ll be looking for us with a newfound fervor. Especially if me being pregnant is of her doing. She’s going to want these babies and me back,” I said rubbing my belly for the first time.
“Well, she isn’t going to get them. The only thing she’s going to find here is a fight and her long overdue death.”
I felt a sense of relief hearing those words from Chris. It was then that I realized I’d possibly found the love I thought I had with Jack. My mind was telling me to be skeptical since Jack had me fooled for over seventeen years, but my heart told me Chris was the real thing. He loved me, and I knew without a doubt that I loved him. In the middle of this disaster with crap being thrown at us from every direction, I felt safe. I felt like everything might just turn out to be okay. Then, I began to wonder how long this sense of security was going to last.
Chapter 11
Chris and I decided it was best if no one knew about the pregnancy yet. There were also many other things we had to worry about for the time being. We needed to have services for Allycia, Chester, Tori, and Christian. After being in the middle of the zombie apocalypse for about seven months now, we were all very fortunate to not have lost many people here at the cabin yet. That didn’t make losing four in one day any easier though, especially with all four being so young.
Chris and I found Troy and told him we were keeping the pregnancy quiet for now, and he understood. When I asked him how his research had been going with whatever he was working on to kill the infected before I left, he stopped suddenly before answering, like a light bulb went off in his head. He quickly said, “Great!” and was off running to his lab. Good to see the same old Troy had returned.
As we turned to go upstairs, Chris gently supported my elbow and my hand to escort me up.
“You know you can’t dote over me like this when people are watching right? They’re going to know something’s up and start asking questions,” I said smiling shyly at him.
“I know, but no one’s looking, so I can dote all I want,” he replied and stuck his tongue out at me playfully.
I was glad to see after everything that had happened he could still be silly. It made me feel positive about our future. I knew that sometimes things got so bad you just had to laugh at them, or all you would do was cry.
“So, Abby, you may want to find Dana and apologize to her for practically running her over earlier. She said you were crying, so she knows something’s up. You might want to have a conversation with her to let her know you’re okay.”
“Sure, I’ll find her now and talk to her. Thank you for everything, Chris. I mean it. You’ve stood by all of us through this whole mess. I don’t know where I’d be without you. I love you,” I said to him looking down at his hands.
He brought my face up to his gently and looked me in the eyes, “I love you too, Abbigail.” He kissed me softly on the cheek and walked me through the door to the upstairs pantry.
I could hear the sounds of people making food, eating, and speaking softly to one another. Chris let me enter the kitchen first, and I was greeted with the sorrowful eyes of my family and friends. Kristen walked right up to me and hugged me softly telling me how sorry she was about Allycia. Chris stayed back, but I walked right into the kitchen where it seemed most everyone was congregating. This was my chance to talk to everyone, and it lifted my heart to see them all together after a day like today.
“Everyone, if I could have a moment. I want to first and foremost thank all of you for everything you do every day to keep each other safe and keep our community going. Today was a terrible day for all of us. We lost four very young members of our family, and I know each of you is hurting. The devastation will last forever in our hearts, and we will all grieve in our own ways. However, I do know that each of us will be here for one other just as we have been before. I consider every one of you family, and I love you all dearly. I wanted to let all of you know how much you mean to me,” I said barely choking back tears. Lance and Tyler both slowly walked up to me and hugged me tightly. Christine, Chris’s daughter, and Allycia’s best friend, also joined us, and we cried together for a good long while.
We decided to have a cremation ceremony the next afternoon. Chuck, Jasmine, and Tony would build a funeral pyre at the very back of the property out by the lake. I was grateful. Everyone else got something to eat and would soon be headed off to bed. We were all exhausted, physically as well as emotionally. I knew I was.
There’s something to be said about grieving with others. I usually wanted to be alone when I’m sad, but I learned that night that I don’t have to bear all of the sorrow myself. There were others around me who loved and cared for me enough to want to help me through anything. The loss of a child was especially painful, and the ache in my heart for Allycia would never truly leave me. The new feeling of two lives growing inside me didn’t fill me with despair as I expected it to. Seeing how happy the news made Chris was all it took to remind me that no matter how terrible things get, life does have to go on. If you were stuck mourning the past, you’d never have a future. I was choosing to have a future with my now growing family.
I lay in bed that night with Chris by my side sleeping soundly. I couldn’t help but remember the times Allycia lay with me in this same bed. My pillows still smelled of her, and I could only assume that while I was missing for the last two months, she probably slept here to feel closer to me. The thought made me furious again with Brigantine. She stole two whole months of my life, and my family feared each day while I was gone that I was dead. It’s true, you never know what you have until it’s gone.
Chapter 12
The next day I awoke to breakfast in bed with enough food to feed three people. Chris was going to spoil the hell out of me as long as I let him. There was no way I was eating everything he brought me, but I made sure to let him know I was very appreciative. He helped me eat most of it anyway, he said something sarcastic about helping me eat for three.
I showered and did an account of my current injuries. My ribs were still healing, and the bruises all over me were now a gross shade of mustard yellow. I couldn’t help but place my hand on my lower stomach and cradle the two lives I was now responsible for. I didn’t let myself sit idle too long though. There was a lot to do today.
I didn’t have any dresses with me. Dresses aren’t very apocalypse appropriate clothing, so I found a black long sleeve shirt and jeans, which were going to have to do as proper funeral attire.
Chris set off to do his daily security checks with Dan and Tom while I went to find Dana, Kamil, and Chuck to see how they were doing. We’d been through a lot together, and I wanted to make sure they were doing okay, them being the newest members of our group. I brought them and Bernice back with me when I escaped from being kidnapped months ago. It felt like just yesterday for me though.
I found Dana in the kitchen with Kristen prepping food for the day. Kristen said they were having spaghetti tacos for dinner in Allycia’s honor since it was her favorite.
I had to be careful around others with these pregnancy hormones kicking into overdrive, I cried at every lit
tle thing it seemed, and them talking about my daughter set me off instantly. I was a blubbering mess, but both of them genuinely understood. Or at least they thought they did.
Keeping this pregnancy a secret from those whom I cared about was proving to be more difficult than I anticipated and I had only known for a short while.
During our conversation I found out that Kamil had started training with Tom and Chris, and he was becoming quite the marksman with the rifle. Dana kept herself inside with Kristen mostly. She said she’d her fill of being outside the gates before I got them to the cabin. Chuck, I was told, stuck to his inner farmer and helped Tom take care of the animals, plant, and keep up the maintenance on the vehicles and other machinery we had. He was taking his time familiarizing himself with solar and wind energy powered items though. He said his procrastination was because things worked just fine using the old ways. He was a stubborn old man, but he was like family now.
Chuck was still Chuck, and I was glad they all seemed to be finding a place here, finding a new home. We had been through so much together outside the relative safety of our gates at the cabin. I can only imagine what they had been through before I met them. I heard their stories, but I knew that hearing what they told me couldn’t even come close to actually experiencing it. I knew firsthand how horrible life could be out there, and the infected were not always the worst thing you came into contact with.
I decided to find Troy and pick up where our conversation left off yesterday when I asked about his recent progress with the antivirus. I found him eyeballs deep in his microscope scribbling furiously in his notebook.
“Troy, sorry to bother you, but I wanted to see how everything was going with the antivirus work you were doing. You left abruptly yesterday, and that normally means you have something,” I said quietly so as not to startle him.
“This is amazing, Abby. I think we did it!” he said without looking up from the microscope.
“What do you mean? What did we do?”
“It! We did it! The antivirus from your blood along with a few modifications of my own destroys the Z-Strain!” he exclaimed looking up at me with bags under his eyes and a huge smile on his face.
“That’s amazing Troy! So, what does this mean for the infected and the uninfected?”
“Well, for now, my serum only destroys the virus within infected hosts. It doesn’t work if I use it as a vaccination against the virus yet. I stress the yet part because it’s now just a matter of time for me to create a true vaccination we can give to the uninfected. I can’t believe I figured it out! I have to show you, though. Come with me!” Troy said grabbing my hand pulling me along.
“Slow down, Troy. I’m excited to see what your concoction can do, but I’m still a little busted up. Can we power walk instead of sprinting, please?” I asked, already huffing and puffing painfully.
“Yeah, sure. Sorry, I forgot. I’m just so excited! I can’t wait to see it work on an actual zombie,” he giggled, practically dancing like a kid with a new toy.
In no time at all, we made it to the end of the property by the back fences where Troy had four blindfolded infected tied to trees with their bottom jaws removed. It was a gruesome sight, but the smell was more than I could handle. The wonderful breakfast Chris had made for me came out in a rush. Troy just kind of looked at me like I was crazy until I reminded him I was pregnant.
“Are you done, Abby? Can I start?” Troy asked holding up a syringe full of bright orange liquid in his hand.
“Yes, you may proceed... doctor,” I replied smirking as I wiped my mouth.
I couldn’t believe my eyes, but Troy actually made a silly face at me. By George, I thought, this may just work! Especially if the all-serious Troy was making funny faces. It was as if hell had frozen over! I laughed at him and watched closely as he injected one of the restrained infected in the neck. It looked like he was trying for the jugular, but with the decomposition who could tell where he was placing the needle?
After emptying the orange filled syringe into the neck of the closest infected, he pulled off its blindfold. Troy stepped back as the infected thrashed at the sight of us, but Troy looked at it as if admiring a masterpiece. We both stood silently waiting for any changes. The infected pulled against its restraints and shook its head violently side to side as if overwhelmingly excited by the sight of food, aka us. Then, slowly, the infected calmed down. About five minutes had passed, and the infected just kind of slumped over as if it fell asleep.
Troy walked up to the infected. So confident his killer concoction had done what he expected it to, he reached up to the infected’s face and lifted the eyelid. The once whitish milky film of the eye had turned black. As soon as Troy lifted its lid, black liquid started to slowly seep from the eyes and every other orifice of the infected’s body.
“Yes!” Troy screamed, scaring the shit out of me.
“What the hell Troy? I’m pretty sure I just peed myself! A little warning next time before you yell out like that!” I demanded smacking his shoulder as hard as I could.
Troy pulled me into a huge hug and started spinning me around as he laughed. Seeing Troy happy was beyond amazing. He was totally geeking out, and I was delighted to see he was pleased with the results, but I wanted to know what everything meant before I joined in the celebration.
“So, I get that this is good news, but what does it mean? What does your serum do exactly?” I asked.
“Well, I’m glad you asked, m’lady! The beautiful antivirus that you have so graciously provided in your blood has been modified by moi to destroy the Z-Strain cells. It hones in on the Z-Strain, then kills and liquefies the now inert virus cells, hence the black oozing plasma from our test subject.” Troy said proudly and dipped me as if we were dancing.
“I’m so proud of you, Troy! You did an amazing job, and I don’t want to burst your bubble or anything, but I need to ask the obvious question. How do we inject millions of ferocious killer zombies with the serum? The test subject here is tied to a tree. I can’t see us being able to walk up to every infected on the planet and sticking a needle in their neck. Well maybe me since they think I’m one of them, but I’m only one person, and there are possibly billions of undead roaming the planet right now.”
Troy’s smile turned to a frown.
“You know... I didn’t think about that yet,” Troy said, letting me go and pulling his little notebook from his shirt pocket and the pencil from his glasses. He immediately started walking back to the house muttering to himself and jotting notes down. The regular Troy was back, our own Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
I decided to walk around the back walls on my way to the cabin instead of heading right in. I knew the perimeter was checked daily, but it made me feel better to see them all intact myself. Plus, the fresh air felt so good when you didn’t have to worry about running from something.
I thought about everything I had been though as I walked. It frustrated me that I could live through being kidnapped multiple times among other brutal trials and my little girl who only wanted to help a grieving boy was dead. That one act of compassion ended up costing her, her life. It just didn’t make any sense.
As I stewed in my frustrations, I took in a deep breath of fresh, crisp autumn air. The sky was clear, and the wind blew through my hair, calming me.
I found four purple flowers, which I picked from the almost barren ground. As I plucked them, the memories of Allycia’s first steps, her first word, which was Mom, by the way, burst into my thoughts. She said “Mom” once, and then everything out of her mouth was, Mom, Mom, Mom all day long. I remembered wishing at the time that she would say anything except Mom because she used the word so frequently. Now, all I could think about was wanting to hear her call me Mom just once more. What I wouldn’t give to hear her voice one last time, to feel her hug me, even to see her for a single second, no matter how brief. Before I knew it, I was back to the house by the picnic tables, and my face was damp with fresh tears.
Kamil was si
tting at the table, so I sat next to him. He didn’t look at me; he just put his arm around me as a big brother would. We had been through some crappy situations together in a relatively short amount of time, and I guess that kind of stuff bonded people because I instantly felt comforted. He finally looked down at me with tears in his eyes as well. He blinked, and they fell to his jacket and disappeared.
“I never told you, but right before I met Dana and the other group, I was with my older brother and my niece, Clara. She was only twelve, and she watched her mother get torn to pieces right in front of her at the drugstore. She had diabetes, so my brother and his wife had gone to get her medication when they heard all of the crazy stories on the news. My brother called me after it all happened, and I picked them up. They were hiding in an alleyway. Clara was completely frozen by fear, but when I pulled up, and she saw my face, she ran to me. When she was little, I used to watch her overnight, and she was always afraid of the boogey man under her bed. I’d go under the bed with the flashlight and show her there was nothing there. I guess she remembered me telling her that I would always keep her safe from the boogieman. She counted on me for protection, Abby, but I couldn’t save her or my brother.”
He paused as more tears slowly fell. “I guess what I’m trying to say, Abby, is that no matter how hard we try, we can’t keep everyone safe. In this world, there’s no guaranteed tomorrow. Hell, there’s no guaranteed next five minutes. I saw what happened yesterday, and I want you to hear it from someone else who battled for a very long time with feeling like they didn’t do enough. You did everything you could to save her. It took me watching you lose Allycia to understand that I did too with Clara and my brother. So, I wanted you to know that you don’t have to carry that guilt. Sometimes, there’s nothing we can do, and we are going to lose the ones we love. You just have to make the most of every moment, of every day and carry the good memories with you when they’re gone.” Kamil said squeezing me ever so slightly before standing up to leave.