by Hannah Gray
“Cole, there’s no easy way to tell you this.” He looks at Ally and Jenn before his eyes land back on me. “Your dad … was my dad. I’m your … brother.”
The only word I can think of right now for how I’m feeling in this moment is numb.
I have no idea how to feel or what to think. So, I just sit here. Completely emotionless and unable to form a thought, much less a sentence.
“Cole?” Ally’s sweet voice pulls me from my trance. “Baby?”
Turning toward her, I’m greeted by worried eyes. “Huh?”
“I asked if you were all right.” Her eyes dance between mine, no doubt searching for something, anything, to let her know I’m okay. “Are you?”
“I, uh …” I drag my free hand over my face before pushing the picture away. “I don’t … I don’t know what the fuck I am right now.”
“Cole,” Jenn speaks now. “We are so sorry we didn’t tell you sooner. We just didn’t want to compromise anything.”
“Compromise what?!” I stand abruptly, causing my chair to topple over backward. Finally able to feel something as the reality of what I just heard hits me. “What the fuck are you even saying? Because nothing is adding up. You apparently paid to adopt me, but now, Matt is my fucking brother? Are you serious?”
“Just listen, would you? Damn it, Cole, hear us out,” Matt says through gritted teeth. A handful of his own hair in his hand as he tries to explain this shitshow to me.
And as I look at Matt, I see something that I never noticed before. He has my dad’s eyes. Actually, he looks a lot like my dad. I don’t know how I missed it before.
“Okay, he will listen,” Ally says, leveling them with a look only she can give. “But you will not—and I repeat, not—swear or raise your voice at him again, or we will leave this house so damn fast that your head will spin. You two are the ones who created this situation, not Cole. Understood?”
They both look at each other and nod.
“Yeah, fair enough,” Matt mumbles.
“Why offer money for me if I was your family? Why not just say so? The payment seems unnecessary,” I say, looking at Matt.
Matt’s forehead creases. “First off, I didn’t even know I had a little brother until a few years ago. My mother, she slipped up about it, and I had to find you.”
“How did I not know about you?” I ask him.
“Because our dad was a very dark part of my mother’s life. Mine too. Our time there was hell on earth. Both of us fell victim to his disgusting ways, the physical and emotional abuse. When I was ten, we left. She changed my last name and never spoke of the man again. To anyone. And our dad, well, he hated me, so it’s not surprising that he never spoke of me either.”
He pauses, nervously fidgeting with the napkin in front of him.
“Our dad had me when he was young. I’m thirty-eight; you’re eighteen. By the time you came along, he had probably done so many drugs that he didn’t even remember he had another son. Besides, he’d spent most of his time pretending I didn’t exist when I did live there.” I can hear the pain behind Matt’s voice. “That man, our father, was a piece of shit. I hated him with every cell in my being.”
“How’d you know where to find me?” I question him.
“That wasn’t hard to do. My wife is a private investigator.” He jerks his thumb toward Jenn. “She found out everything we needed to know within an hour.”
“I thought you were a schoolteacher?” I ask Jenn.
She sadly shakes her head. “No, I’m not. But we had to spin a perfect story for Dave and Marion. A private investigator wouldn’t have exactly worked.”
“So, why offer money for him then? It doesn’t make sense,” Ally states the obvious. “I mean, you are brothers, for Christ’s sake.”
“Because Dave and Marion had been under investigation for a while, without even realizing it. Once we found that out, we knew we could be a final piece to locking them up,” Jenn says, her eyes moving between Ally and mine before locking on Ally. “You being thrown out to live in Sisters Safe Place was just another red flag.”
“How so?” Ally continues to ask what I want to, and I’m so thankful she’s here right now. Dealing with this bullshit with me.
“Because you were their responsibility and they failed you along with many other children they’d once fostered. We’d been watching over the two of you after finding out about Cole. We knew you wouldn’t leave Cole, not unless you were forced out.” She reaches across the table, patting Ally’s hand. “We are going to take them down.”
“How can you be so sure?” I question her.
“Because I have connections. I was able to show proof that they were doing shady things. I turned my evidence over a while back. The investigators are just closing some loose ends, and they’ll be getting arrested.”
My eyes find Ally’s. Jail will never be enough for that scumbag. I want his blood on my hands.
She nods once, her eyes filled with fear before she looks at Jenn. “What if I have something else on them?” She flicks a tear that escapes from her eye. “Something … really bad.”
“Well then, I’ll pass that along as well. These two are crappy people. They need to go down.”
“I agree,” Ally whispers before looking at me. “And this way, Dave can be punished without you getting involved.”
I don’t say anything. Instead, I just hold her hand and let her believe I’ll stay out of it. As much as I want to respect her wishes, I also still really want to kill that piece of shit.
Nobody hurts my angel.
thirty-six
Ally
Jenn gives me one final hug good-bye before we leave to head back to Georgia. I told them my truth about Dave, and the rest is in their hands. I know I’ll have to make a statement, but other than that, she promised she’d take care of it. Apparently, she’s a hotshot private investigator, and Dave and Marion aren’t going to know what hit them by the time she gets done with them.
When Matt approaches Cole, he simply tucks his hands into his pockets and dips his chin down. He isn’t ready for hugs, handshakes, or anything of the sort. And I don’t blame him. He needs to do everything on his own time. He just found out that the man he’d thought was just an adoptive father is actually his brother. It’s a lot to wrap my head around, never mind his.
Releasing me, Jenn moves to Cole. “Y’all let us know when you make it back, please.” She wraps her arms around him. “I know you need space, and I know you have boundaries, but damn it, we’ve grown to love you in the short time we’ve had together. You are a part of this family”—she moves her eyes to mine—“both of you.”
“Thank you.” I smile. “Cole will text you when we make it back.” When she watches me, I widen my eyes and laugh. “I promise.”
Hand in hand, Cole and I walk to his truck.
I don’t know what the next few days, weeks or months will hold. But I know I’ll be here, by his side, through it all.
They say love makes you do crazy things. Well, I’d have to disagree. Cole’s love, though it might make me act insane at times, has calmed my soul. Bringing me to a place of self-acceptance and security.
I only hope that I can bring that to him too.
Cole
The drive home is going good for the sole reason that Ally’s next to me. Chatting endlessly about things like football, singing, college life, and everything in between. She’s trying to keep my mind from wandering off to the fact that I have a damn brother. It’s hard for me to wrap my brain around my old man treating another person the way he treated me. In a way, it’s comforting. It wasn’t just me. It wasn’t my fault.
“You sure you’re ready to share your story with the judge when it comes time? I know that’s going to be so hard.”
She’s quiet for a moment before answering, “For a long time, I thought letting it out would make it worse. Make me feel dirtier than I already felt. But I’m beginning to realize that somewhere out there, there’s a girl wh
o is scared to share her story. She probably feels alone and helpless. Maybe people like me, who choose to share their story, can help them.”
I take her hand in mine and press it to my lips. “Baby, you’re so damn brave. I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks.” She smiles. “Thank you for making everything better in life. You don’t know how good you are, Cole Storms.”
I think back to the first time I met Matt. How the hell did I not know that he resembled our dad? They say I look like my mother. But him? He’s a more rugged, cleaner-cut version of my father. Minus the drugs and booze, of course.
“What’s going on in here?” Ally says softly, pulling her hand from mine and touching the side of my head. “I’m right here if you need me.”
“Do you think Matt and I look alike?”
She frowns. “Honestly, aside from the eyes, not really.”
“I’d never tell him this, but he looks like my dad did. Or our dad, I should say. I can’t believe I didn’t notice it before.”
“Your brain probably tried to hide it from you. Your father is a painful memory for you. The mind has an amazing way of doing that.”
“Maybe. Ally?”
“Yeah?” she says, watching me closely.
“Thanks for always being here. You’re the most loyal person I know.”
“Through the grit, baby.”
I grin at her. “And the good.”
“And the good,” she mimics me softly. “And I promise, we will have a lot of good. We just need to sort all of this shit out first. Deal?”
“Deal.”
She’s right. In order to get through our problems, first, we need to face them. Head-fucking-on.
I’m so damn proud of her for sharing her past with Matt and Jenn. I know that wasn’t easy, yet she did it. That’s another reason to add to why she’s the strongest person that I know. I’ll never understand how I was so damn lucky to have her delivered to me the way that she was.
I love the way that she loves me. Hard and fierce. She sees the ugly, and she knows my insecurities. Yet she holds on, clinging to me when I need her most. When I hurt, she feels it—ten times harder. She’s my ride or die. If I robbed a bank, she wouldn’t just be driving the getaway car. Hell no, she’d be right next to me the entire way. If I killed someone, she wouldn’t just help me hide it. She’d dig the fucking hole. A kind of love like that doesn’t come around often. And when it does, I’ve learned to hang the hell on.
Hang the hell on and never, ever let go.
thirty-seven
Ally
“So, things seem to be going good?” Sloane pauses. “Between you and Cole?”
She must be picking up on my I am happy as fuck vibes. I’m as giddy as a damn grandma in a nursing home who’s hitting on the male nurses. I just can’t help myself.
“Yeah … they really are.” I smile. “I guess I just needed to let go of some stuff before we could get to a good place.”
“I think y’all are sure good for each other,” she gushes. “He’d move mountains for you, that boy.”
“I know.” I smile. “I know he would.”
Her phone rings just as I back Cole’s truck out of its parking spot and drive toward the mall. I don’t miss the uneasy expression on her face when I glance over.
After a few rings, she slides her thumb across the screen and answers it. “Hello, Mom.” Her voice is slightly shaky. “I’m good. I’m headed to the mall with Ally.”
Her mom talks for a minute while I watch as Sloane’s free hand clenches into a fist, her nails digging into her skin.
“It isn’t a big deal. It’s just Ally.” She listens to her mom’s voice again before her head finally droops. “Yes, I know. All right, bye. Love you too.”
“Is everything all right?” I ask her.
When I first met her, she tried to make it seem like her life was completely normal. Yet the more time goes on, the more I can sense that it isn’t.
She forces a smile, and that makes me sad. I hate that she feels like she has to smile just for my benefit. “Yeah, my mom, she can be … difficult.”
I can tell part of her wants to open up and part of her doesn’t. I decide maybe it’ll help her out if I open up about myself too.
“My mom was too.” I’ve never told her what happened to my mother. She just knows she’s dead. “She sucked as a mom. What does your mom do that drives you nuts?”
“Well, she just doesn’t let me have much say in my future. My parents want it to be a certain way, and they think I should just go with it.” She sighs. “I really don’t want to go with it. I want to make my own life. And choose my own happiness.”
“Then, do it,” I challenge her. “Say fuck everyone else. Those who want what’s best for you will stand by you.”
Clasping her hands together on her lap, she shakes her head. “It’s not that easy. My family is very powerful. And extremely intimidating. Telling them no is hard.”
Cole’s at an away game this weekend. I was sort of bummed he was going and that I had to work tomorrow morning, so I couldn’t. But maybe it’s a good thing. It gives me some time with Sloane.
One thing I suck at is opening up. And Sloane is someone who takes a little bit of time to get comfortable with sharing. But I feel like we’re at the point of our friendship where we start to trust each other.
Things about Cole or Cole and me will stay between us. Because first and foremost, I will always protect his secrets. But as far as my life is concerned, I’ll tell her whatever she needs to hear.
“How about this?” Sloane says thoughtfully. “How about I ask you something and you ask me something? We could use it to get to know each other.”
“All right,” I agree reluctantly. “Shoot.”
“What is your biggest regret?”
“Being cold to Cole when we reunited at Brooks. Hands down,” I answer quickly. “He was hurting, and that’s why he lashed out. I should have pulled the stick out of my ass and been the person he needed me to be. The person he always believed me to be.”
“Why is that?”
“Because I’m not the only one with scars. His cut just as deep as mine. I needed to be there for him, like he always was for me, and I failed.”
I did fail him. I was so caught up in my own problems and my own pain that I forgot about his. When you love someone, you can’t do that. I see that now. Why I was so set on facing my problems alone, I don’t know. When you have a soul mate, the beauty is that you can face your problems together, hand in hand. I took that for granted. I took him for granted.
“My turn.” I wag a finger at her. “Are you a virgin?”
“Wow, Ally. Out of all the things you could have asked me”—she shakes her head—“you chose that?”
“The game is young, my friend,” I say with an evil laugh.
“All right. Well, no, I’m not. I have been with two guys.” She stops talking. “Not at the same time. Separately. Not like in the same night, but—”
Holding my free hand up to stop her, I laugh. “I wasn’t thinking you were just out there, having threesomes, Sloane.” I shrug. “Although no judgment if you ever decide to. YOLO, girl. Live yo’ life.”
“Ew, no. I would never.”
“All righty then. Well, tell me about these two lucky fellows then,” I say.
Tucking her long blonde hair behind her ear, she sighs. “Well, one was my first boyfriend. We dated from the time I was thirteen until I was seventeen. His name was Austin, and he had no damn clue what he was doing.” She shakes her head. “Talk about awful.”
I can’t contain my laughter. “And the other?”
“The other was a one-night stand at a party. I wanted to be a little rebellious. He was the captain of the football team and was hot. So hot.”
“Dayum, girl. Look at you, playa-playa.” I adjust my seatbelt and giggle.
“My turn,” she chimes. “What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you?”
&nb
sp; My stomach drops out of my ass. There are a lot of things that have happened to me that I could name. But I trust her enough to share my story with her. Besides, after she had to call Cole because she was so worried, I owe her the truth.
Taking a deep breath, I blow it out slowly. “My birthday was last week. I don’t celebrate it because on my twelfth birthday, I found my mom dead. It was an overdose.”
That isn’t the worst thing to happen to me. What happened with Dave was, but I’m not ready to talk about that with Sloane yet. Telling Cole was a huge step. Maybe one day, I’ll be ready to tell Sloane too. I’d like to think so anyway.
“Ally, I …” she stumbles over her words. “I’m so sorry.”
“I’m not telling you for sympathy or anything like that. I just … want you to know that I trust you.” A small, sad laugh escapes my mouth. “That’s a huge deal for me.”
Slowly nodding her head, she wipes her eyes with her sleeve. “Thank you for sharing that with me.” She reaches across the console and pats the top of my hand. “If you ever want to share more about it, I’ll always be here. I just don’t want to be pushy.”
“Thanks.” I lick my suddenly dry lips. “Now, your turn. What’s your deepest, darkest secret?”
I wait for her answer as the cab of the truck grows eerily quiet for a few moments. Maybe we’ve taken this game too far, or maybe I’ve made her feel uncomfortable. I’m new to this having a girlfriend thing, but I’m guessing shit like this isn’t the norm of what bitches like to discuss with each other.
“My parents are criminals,” she croaks. And I can tell she had to all but force the words out. “My life isn’t all cupcakes and rainbows.” She turns toward me and grimaces. “Even if that’s how I try to be perceived.”
I’m completely shocked. Not one part of me saw that coming. I always sensed something was up. I just didn’t think it was that.
Glancing at her, I nod to let her know I understand.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask softly.
Looking down, she clasps her hands together and gently shakes her head. “Not yet.”