by Hannah Gray
Leaning against my truck, I leave yet another message. “Baby, it’s me. Look, why the fuck aren’t you answering? I’m about to call Lenny or Sloane. Shit, maybe even Carla. Pick up. I’m getting worried. Love you.”
“Who you leaving those sweet messages for, big boy?” I hear her smooth voice from behind me.
Walking toward me, she tries to play it cool for a moment before she starts running. She leaps into my arms and straddles my waist with her legs.
“Wh-what the fuck is going on?” I smile, confused. “How—what are you doing here?”
She kisses my cheek and shrugs. “Turns out, I can get the same degree at a few colleges around here. And after I did some soul-searching, I figured out singing as a career isn’t even what I want. I just want to help people, Cole. I want to volunteer at shelters. I want to help teenagers who have no one. I don’t give a damn about being on a stage in front of thousands of people. A music teacher? Maybe. But not a singer or songwriter. That’s why I want to stick with a degree in music because I can totally see myself teaching it. And besides, I already have so many of my credits.”
I’m not surprised that she’s decided on a different career path. I could tell during the past year, she was starting to second-guess it. She already had a few people approach her to sign with them after seeing her at open mic nights, yet she turned them all down.
What I am blown away by is the fact that she’s here, with me, right now.
Setting her down, I look down at her, holding her by her sides.
“You sure, baby? I mean, I’d love to have you here, but a big part of you not moving here at least for the summer before your senior year was that you wanted to work for Lenny the last few months he owns the restaurant. And Sloane—you felt bad about leaving her since she wasn’t going home for the summer.”
“I’m sure.” She nods. “I’ll miss the crap out of Sloane and Lenny too. But Lenny had been considering selling that joint for a while, and he did.” She sighs. “I would have loved to buy it. I would have turned it into a place to feed those in need. With his permission, of course.”
I keep my face straight. “That’s what you wanted to do with it? You always told me you never wanted him to sell it, but you never said what your plans might be if you bought it.”
“I guess it doesn’t matter that much now anyway. I’m moving here, and it’s already sold.”
“True,” I say before scratching my chin. “But wait a second. What if … your fiancé bought it?”
Scrunching her nose up, she looks puzzled. “I don’t have a fiancé. My asshole boyfriend won’t give me a ring, remember?”
“Ah, yes. This is true. Let’s fix that, shall we?”
Opening my truck door, I reach in the center console before pulling out a box.
When I get down on one knee, she covers her mouth with her hands as tears well up in her eyes. “Oh my fucking gosh, Cole.”
I chuckle. Even during the most romantic moment, that damn potty mouth comes out.
“I prayed for an angel in my darkest times. Times when it would have been so easy to give up, I closed my eyes and somehow felt your touch. I just knew you were out there. I only had to be patient, and I knew that, one day, you’d find me. And you did.”
I recall the first time I saw her. Everything about her told me she was who I’d been waiting for my entire life.
“Ally, I’ve loved you since I was twelve years old. And even before then, I knew you were a part of me. I could live a million different lives, and I’m willing to bet money that I’d find my way to you in each and every one of them.”
Taking her hands in mine, I gaze up into my future. “You know me better than I know myself. When I hurt, you hurt. When I’m happy, you’re happy. We live to keep each other alive, Ally. And we also live in each other’s sorrows. If that isn’t the realest, rawest form of love, I don’t know what is. Because I promise you, baby, I’d take a hundred hard days with you over a thousand perfect days with anybody else.
“I’ve always said you belong to me and that you’re mine. But I hope you know that I belong to you too. Every single part of me does. And that’s how I want it to be for the rest of our lives—and all of the other lives we’re granted.”
Wiping my own eyes with my sleeve, I open the box. “A ring and a piece of paper don’t mean jack shit to me. Because you and I? We’re already a family. But I want to call you my wife. I want to see you walk to me in a white dress. I want us to share the same last name. So, my question to you is, will you please make me the happiest son of a bitch in the world, Ally Lee James? Will you marry me?”
Tears stream down her beautiful skin. “Yes! Yes times a million!” After I slide the ring onto her finger, she hauls me up onto my feet before barreling into me. “I love you, Cole. I love you so much.”
Ten minutes later, we’re in my truck and on the way to my temporary apartment. Ally’s gazing down at her ring. I’m so happy in this moment right now. All of my dreams have come true. And the look on her face, it’s priceless.
“So, what is this about Lenny’s place? What were you saying before you gave me this gorgeous rock?” She grins, staring down at it.
“You always said you hated the thought of him selling it to some ‘douchey schmuck.’ ” I laugh at her choice of words. “You knew how much that place meant to him, and it meant a lot to you too.”
“And?” Her eyes stay trained on mine.
“And a few months ago, he mentioned he was ready to sell it, but he thought he’d never find anyone he felt comfortable with to take it over. So, I offered him money.”
“But how will I take it over? We’re here.”
“Because Carla wants to manage it the months we’re here. And in the off-season, we’ll go back.”
“To Georgia?” she asks softly.
I nod. “To Georgia. Lenny is there. Sloane is there—for now. So, it makes sense.”
When she doesn’t say anything, I start to panic. “If you don’t want this, we can—”
She throws her arms around me and begins crying harder. “I don’t know what I ever did to deserve someone like you.” She sniffles. “You don’t know what you mean to me.”
She doesn’t know it, but saving her saves me. I’d walk a thousand miles, fight a hundred battles, just to put that smile on her face.
Nobody should ever have to go through what she has, but I plan to spend my life making sure she never feels any of those things again. For as long as I’m living, she won’t ever feel alone or unwanted. I’ll make it my mission to brighten all of her days. Because that’s exactly what she does to mine.
Lenny and Carla have become family to her, and I wanted to do this for her. She deserves it.
Now, she’s switching schools to make my life in the NFL easier. She’s leaving behind friends and her job. All for me. But I know it’ll make her happy too. Being apart isn’t meant for us. Could we do it? Sure. But why should we have to? We spent the first twelve years of our lives separated and were ripped apart all those years ago. I don’t ever want to be apart from her. Next to my side is where she belongs. It’s where she’s always belonged.
Looking at Ally, I know she’s all I will ever need. In the good and in the grit, she’ll be here. Always.
forty-one
Cole
Four Years Later
“You nervous or what?” I joke with my teammate Link, punching him in the shoulder.
“Fucking right I am. This is the Super Bowl,” he says, gazing around the locker room.
I grin. “I remember my first time too, big guy.”
“Fuck off,” he grunts, but it’s all in good humor. “This is, like, what … your fourth?”
“Yep, this time, I get to face off with one of my best friends though. Can’t let that fucker win. He’d never let me live that shit down.”
“Knox Carter?”
I nod.
“Fuck, he’s as fast as lightning. Gonna be hard to shut that fucker down.”
“Not helping,” I growl.
Once he’s gone, I reach in my duffel. Oftentimes, during away games, Ally finds a way to sneak a new note into my bag. She knows her words are the calm I need before a game. I find a fresh, crisp, folded-up paper. Unlike the one I still carry everywhere with me to this day. That one is worn and tattered and basically falling apart.
Sitting on the bench, I think of how fucking blessed I am. From a kid in dirty clothes and shoes two sizes too small … all the way to Super Bowl champion and co-owner of a chain of facilities that feeds those in need. Lenny’s Place now has twelve different locations across the United States. Ally had a dream, and she made it happen. And I’m so damn proud to be a small part of it.
On the side, she teaches music lessons and has even started a program that gives less fortunate kids access to it. She is very attentive to each and every one of them. She says she never wants them to feel alone or like they’re not enough.
We got married about two weeks after I proposed. On a beach in Hawaii, a place both of us had always wanted to go. We kept the ceremony small—only Matt, Jenn, Lenny, Sloane, Weston, and Knox in attendance. I’ve been trying to impregnate my wife since that night, but she just hasn’t been ready. She’s so afraid that she won’t be a good mom because her mom wasn’t. I don’t want to pressure her, but fuck, what I wouldn’t give to have a little mini Ally running around.
One day, she’ll be ready. I’m a patient man. I’ll wait forever if she made me.
Unfolding the letter, I see Ally’s handwriting.
To my Storm.
Another year, another Super Bowl. You the man, am I right?
Don’t be nervous. We all know you’ll go out there and kick ass. (But, really, you have to win. I sort of made bets with some loudmouths at the original Lenny’s Place when I went back to Brooks last month, and I can’t stand the thought of listening to them gloat if you lose.)
I can’t wait to cheer you on and to also watch your ass on the field—it’s a damn fine ass.
I only hope I can watch the game and gorge myself on as much junk food as possible. My worry is, I’ll end up getting sick.
Remember how I have been feeling under the weather lately?
Well, after you left yesterday, I went to the doctor to confirm my suspicions. It turns out … I’m pregnant!
Yep … you read that right. You’re going to be a daddy. Which I know has been your dream for a while now. I’m still nervous, but I’m also very excited. I might not know what the hell I’m doing, but I know you’ll be there, and something tells me you’ll be the best dad there ever was.
Go out there and kick some ass. Baby S and I will be cheering you on every step of the way.
Love you. In the good and in the grit. (This is definitely the good.)
Love,
Ally
xo
I grin down at the paper. I’m going to be a father. No, anyone can be a father. To me, a father is basically a sperm donor. I’m going to be a dad. And even though I don’t know jack shit about babies, I’ll be the best damn dad in the world.
After I tuck the paper into a safe place in my bag, I lace my cleats up. All I want to do is get this game over with, so I can hug my girl. The mother of my unborn child.
Red confetti rains down on us in the stadium as the clock runs out. Super Bowl champions once again.
“I’ll let you have this one, big fella. Next year’s mine,” Knox says from behind me.
I throw my arm around him, and he pulls my forehead against his.
“Good job, brother. Good fucking job,” he says.
“You too. You guys weren’t easy to beat.”
It sucks when I have to go head-to-head with my best friends’ teams. But it happens. And next year, if we play against each other again and he wins, I’ll be happy for him.
Slapping his back, I nod. “I gotta go find Ally. Good game, man.”
He grins. “I figured as much. Give her my best.”
I debate on telling him the news. All I want to do is shout it from the rooftops. But Ally and I haven’t even discussed it in person. It’s not just my news to share.
Gazing around the stadium, I spot Ally, Jenn, Matt, and Lenny coming down the stairs. Once she sees me, she breaks out in a sprint until she reaches me. The others stay back, letting us have our moment.
Hoisting her into the air, I spin us around.
“Well, hello, Daddy.”
“Hey, pretty Mama.” I’m aware we sound corny as fuck. But truthfully, I couldn’t care less. “Ally, we’re going to have a baby.”
“We sure are.” I feel her tears against my skin. “Are you happy?”
“I’m so fucking happy, Al. So fucking happy.” My voice cracks at the end. “We’ll do this right, baby. She’ll never feel alone. I’m going to make sure of it.”
“She?” She laughs. “Easy, killer. We don’t know what it is yet.”
“I’ll be happy as hell either way. But when I read your letter, the first thing I saw was you pushing a little girl on a swing, and she looked like you,” I tell her honestly. “And her name was Charlotte.”
“Charlotte,” she says softly. “Charlotte’s Falls does hold some painful memories. But … also some really good ones.”
“That it does,” I agree. “If there wasn’t pain, would we appreciate the good moments as much? Would times like this feel as significant if it was all rainbows, all the time?”
Somehow, I don’t think so. I think pain is there for a reason. We need it to exist.
“Very true. But … if it ends up being a boy, he’ll probably be pretty weirded out that you called him Charlotte when he was in the womb.”
“I’m so confident that it’s a girl … I’ll even paint the nursery. Her nursery.”
“So cocky.” She giggles, her forehead pressing against mine. “I’m so proud of you. I’m so proud to be your wife. Your determination never ceases to amaze me. It is a gift to watch you play, and I can’t wait for our baby to watch you too.”
I set her down on her feet before putting my palms on her stomach. “I can’t wait for your belly to grow big. Or to watch you waddle around the house like a duck.” Reaching up, I wipe my eyes. “I’m even excited for you to crave weird shit, like pickles on top of ice cream. Or gummy bears and mashed potatoes.”
She cringes. “Gummy bears and mashed potatoes? That’s gross.” She pauses. “My body is going to change, you know … a lot.”
I shrug. “All I know is, I want it all when it comes to you. And no matter how much your body changes, you’ll still be just as beautiful to me.”
I always wanted to be as close to Ally as humanly possible. Yet it never seemed close enough. But this baby? It’s a piece of her and a piece of me, all wrapped into one. Something we created together.
“I hope she or he has your selflessness.” She smiles. “And your hunger to achieve anything you set your mind to.”
“I hope she has your dark hair and your baby-blue eyes. But mostly, I hope she has your feistiness.”
She laughs. “Careful what you wish for. You’ll have to live with us, you know?”
Sometimes, she’s so feisty that she’s intimidating. But she takes no shit from anyone, and I wouldn’t have her any other way. That’s what makes her Ally. That’s what makes her mine.
When I first saw her, back when I was twelve, it felt like I’d found my beginning. Like I could finally breathe without pain. But now? Well, now, I know that when it comes to Ally, she’s my beginning, my middle, and my end. She’s where my life began and where it will end.
She’s my forever and always.
epilogue
Ally
Eight Months Later
“Charlotte Ellis Storms.” I smile down at my beautiful daughter before glancing up at Lenny. “I’m sad I never got the chance to meet Ellis, but from what I’ve heard about your wife, she was truly an angel.”
“She was.” Lenny nods, wiping his eyes. “We all nee
d an angel in our life sometimes.”
Cole pulls his eyes off of our daughter and glances up at me. “We do.”
My husband was right about us bringing a baby girl into the world. A dark-haired, blue-eyed, sweet-angel baby. And if I thought I loved Cole before, I think that love tripled when I saw him snuggle her against his chest as he whispered to always love and protect her. He told her she was the luckiest baby in the world to have me as her mom.
Truth is, she’s lucky to have him as her fierce guardian.
I have no idea how someone like Cole could exist. But I’m so damn thankful to call him mine. And I feel like the luckiest person in the world to belong to him. I spent a good portion of my life wondering where the heck I belonged, and now, I know I wouldn’t want to belong anywhere else than right here, next to him.
I told you our story wasn’t pretty. But I wouldn’t trade this story for anyone else’s. Because … it’s ours. And our story, flawed and gritty as it might be, is so much more than I could have ever imagined.
It’s perfectly imperfect. And perfectly us.
OTHER BOOKS BY HANNAH GRAY
NE UNIVERSITY SERIES
Chasing Sunshine
Seeing Red
Losing Memphis
BROOKS UNIVERSITY SERIES
Love, Ally
Forget Me, Sloane
playlist
This playlist can also be found on Spotify.
“Chasing After You” by Ryan Hurd and Maren Morris
“Broken” by Seether, featuring Amy Lee
“forget me too” by Machine Gun Kelly, featuring Halsey
“All We Know” by The Chainsmokers, featuring Phoebe Ryan
“Monsters” by All Time Low, featuring Blackbear
“Sorry Not Sorry” by Demi Lovato
“Nightmare” by Halsey
“Never Forget You” by Zara Larsson, featuring MNEK
“Astronaut in the Ocean” by Masked Wolf